Chapter 004

Home 2 Chapter 004

Copyright 2013 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia 


Flashback – Tatiana – At the hospital


Thank God Ben behaved himself the rest of the way to the hospital. I suppose I had that old Colonel lady to thank for that. While it excited me that Ben felt 'frisky', there was a time and a place for everything and this was neither the time nor the place for that!


We approached the hospital and the driver announced, "Sir, you need to see what's going on."


The lieutenant laughed and said, "I have already heard about it so do not worry."


Ben demanded, "What the hell is going on?"


I kissed him on the cheek and said, "I do not know."


The BTR-80 stopped, the doors opened and I could not believe it…


Flashback – Masha – Waiting at the hospital


Yes it was unfathomable what was going on at the hospital! This occurrence was normally reserved for the 9th of May or Victory day. To see how this happened now, with such short notice and almost no planning was extremely touching…


Flashback – Glen


Hot damn! Now this was great! I was watching the Russian report on Sgt. Blaine and the coverage we were getting was priceless. I was not sure who organized this but if it was the Colonel, I owed her big time.


Then my aide interrupted, "Sir, it's your wife on line one - she says it's important."


Even though I knew it would cost me, I ordered, "Tell her I’ll call her back later."


Flashback – Ben – At the hospital


The doors opened on the BTR-80, there was a huge amount of cheering and then I heard a fucking band as they tried to play… Hell no… They attempted (and not very well) to play… Fuck me! That's It's A Long Road, the theme song from Rambo.


I looked at Tatiana and asked, "What the fuck is going on?"


She smiled and said, "I would say they are welcoming the 'new Rambo' back to the hospital."


I whined, "Lieutenant, get us the hell out of here!"


Flashback – Colonel Maggie and Jack – At the hospital


I needed to nip this in the bud so I ordered, "Lieutenant, belay that order."


I moved so Sgt. Blaine could see me and ordered, "Sgt. Blaine! Stop being a selfish prick! The people of this town have decided to honor you…"


Tatiana interrupted, "Greatly honor you…"


I continued, "So suck it up Marine! You will attend this celebration, and not only that you will enjoy this celebration. Have I made myself clear?"


Sgt. Blaine looked at Jack and questioned, "Jack?"


I glared at Jack. His face broke out in a wide grin, he laughed at Banzai and said, "Banzai, unless you want the Old Man to send you to Thule, I suggest you follow Maggie's orders. Hell, it's your own damn fault."


Sgt. Blaine again whined, "How the fuck do you figure?"


I answered for him, "Well Sgt., this time you saved the whole damn town from the Chechen terrorists and it looks like it's a spontaneous celebration to honor you. So have I made myself clear?"


If looks could kill, the look I got from Sgt. Blaine would have killed me, but then he said…


Flashback – Ben – At the hospital


I sure as hell didn't like this, not one bit! But I sure as hell didn't want to end up in Thule. So I grumbled, "Yeah, okay."


The Colonel quickly rebuked me, "Excuse me Sgt. Blaine? Is that how you speak to your commanding officer?"


I smartly replied, "Sorry Sir! Yes Sir, I will follow orders!"


Jack and Tatiana carried me out of the BTR-80 and placed me into a new wheelchair while the crowd cheered and waved Russian flags. I got a hell of an idea for later but pretended to enjoy the celebration. Actually there were parts of it I enjoyed quite a bit.


They had a receiving line of dignitaries and some old as hell WWII veterans. Shit, the veterans wore their dress uniforms with all the medals - some of them had a whole side of their uniform covered. But the fucking dignitaries were there just hoping to get votes. I politely shook the dignitaries' hands but spent most of my time talking with the veterans...


Flashback – Glen


This was fucking priceless advertising for the Corps! Sgt. Blaine behaved himself (I was sure Maggie had something to do with that) and he actually seemed to enjoy himself when he talked to the old Russian veterans, spending an extended time with each one of them.


I watched him as he laughed and joked with the veterans then my aide interrupted, "Sir, it's your wife again."


There was no way I was going to miss seeing this so I ordered, "I don't care what the fuck sort of lie you have to tell her, but tell her I can't come to the phone right now."


Then I added, "And make sure to tell me what lie you come up with."


Oh yeah, I was going to pay at home. But then, what else was new?


Flashback – Jens


When I turned around with the big box, mom went on the warpath! "Jennifer, who the hell sent you flowers?"


I truly didn't know so I answered, "Mother, I have no idea."


She ordered, "Bring them over here."


I was scared because the last time mother was this angry at me, she beat me and locked me in the basement until Daddy came home. I shuffled over to her, she snatched the box out of my hands, opened it and I saw the most beautiful bunch of roses I had ever seen.


Who in the heck sent me roses?


Mother picked up a card and read, "All my love, Bennie Blaine."


My heart fluttered! MY BEN had actually and finally sent me roses! And more importantly, he said he loved me!!!


Mother yelled, "That fucking worthless son of a bitch Sergeant is still in love with my daughter! Jennifer you are too fucking good for a lowly Sergeant."


I bravely challenged, "But mother, the roses are for me."


She laughed, "Hell no, the roses are for the trash!"


I was horrified as she took them to the sink, turned on the garbage disposal and fed each rose individually into the disposer.


She gave me an evil grin with each one and declared, "You are too damn good for a lowly Sgt. Don't worry, when the time is right we will find you an up and coming officer who will take your father's place."


I fought back the tears but while mother was busy destroying my beautiful roses, I was at least able to save the card by tucking it into my underwear right next to my most private place.


Mother was finished with the roses then she demanded, "Where the hell is that card?"


I lied, "I don't know. Didn't you already throw it into the disposer?"


She laughed, grabbed a bottle from the refrigerator, took a long drink of alcohol and stated, "Perhaps I did. Now Jennifer what lesson did you learn today."


I replied with what she wanted to hear, "Thank you mother for showing me that my infatuation with Sgt. Blaine is ill advised. I will be happy when you find an officer for me."


She ordered, "Jennifer, I am too tired to take you to school today, so go to your room and study."


I replied, "Yes mother and thank you."


I began to leave and she questioned, "What no kiss for your mother?"


I walked over and gave her a kiss on the cheek.


Then she announced, "I'm going to call your father and have him send Sgt. Blaine to Thule forever."


I questioned, "Now may I return to my room?"


She answered, "Oh hell yes, I'm too tired to take you to school. Go to your room and study…"


I left the living room mostly happy, but with mixed emotions. I really missed the roses MY BEN sent me and which my mother destroyed. However, I still had the card which said he loved me.


I entered my room, locked the door, took the card out of my underwear, read it many times before I opened my special hiding place and put it on top of everything else… I took a moment, picked up the special pencil of ours, kissed it then closed my secret hiding place…


Flashback – Tatiana and Masha – At the hospital


Ben was busy getting the hero's welcome he so deserved. Masha walked up to me and said, "Tatiana I have a package for you."


She hands me what is obviously a flower box, I start to get excited but Masha cautions, "Tatiana I don't think this is from Ben."


I question, "Why not?"


Masha laughs, "Tatiana, you are worse than I am when you are in love. You have thrown all logic out with the baby's bathwater. When did Ben have time to order flowers for you?"


I looked at her and realized she was correct then I worried, "Masha should I open this?"


Masha replied…


I quelled Tatiana's fears, "Tatiana, someone has been sending you terrible packages." Then I informed her about the fecal dog matter bomb and added, "I did have this one x-rayed and it is really flowers."


Tatiana opened the box and swore…


I carefully opened the box of flowers but it was full of dead roses and a big note which said, 'From Ben's real girlfriend! Leave him alone or you will be as dead as these flowers."


I swore, "Tвойу мат!"


Masha looked in the box, read the note and stated, "Tatiana, my Jack has assured me that Ben has no girlfriend in America or any other country. Someone is playing a cruel joke on you."


I looked at Masha and asked, "How would you recommend I react to this threat?"


Masha laughed and stated, "Tatiana, you are one of my best students and if this was a real threat I am sure you could eliminate the threat. If this happened to me I would make sure that I spent even more time with my love."


I liked that idea…


Flashback – Jens


Thank God I made it to my room without getting a beating or being locked in the basement and was able to save the card from my roses. I searched and found a video feed of MY BEN in Russia. He was talking to a lot of old WWII veterans and looked like he was having a good time….


I smiled and remembered the roses and the card that stated that HE LOVED ME! I even took it out of my secret hiding place, looked at it a few more times, kissed it and put it back.


Then it happened!!!


The fricken-fracken Russian female fricken dog walked up and gave MY BEN a huge kiss on the lips! It was even worse when the camera zoomed in and I could tell!!! Yes, it even involved tongue! How… How… How could MY BEN give her such a kiss if he loved me?


The news began to interview her about 'their' love but I couldn't stand anymore so I turned off the computer, went to my bed and cried as I fell asleep. How could MY BEN do this to me???


Flashback – Glen


I watched as the nurse that took care of Sgt. Blaine at the battle with the Chechens came up and played a hell of a game of tonsil hockey with him. My first thought, of course, was 'what a lucky damn bastard because she looked like a supermodel'. Then I daydreamed about what it would be like to actually have a woman like that?


My aide interrupted, "Sir, it's your wife again."


I looked at him and questioned, "So what story did you create for my being unable to come to the phone?"


He informed me of his lie and I smiled - a good aide was worth their weight in gold.


I answered the phone and Evelyn screeched, "Glen, I want that fucking Sgt. Blaine sent to Thule!"


I thought, 'like hell that's going to happen'. So I attempted to get a handle on the problem, "Evelyn what is wrong?"


She stated, "That bastard sent our Jennifer a dozen roses with a note that said 'All my love, Bennie Blaine'."


What the fuck! This didn't sound right! When the hell did Sgt. Blaine have the time to send Jennifer roses… And to be truthful even if he did it wasn't that big a deal – to me. He was a hell of a Marine!


I thought for a moment and asked, "Evelyn, have you been watching the news?"


She answered, "Hell no! I just woke up." And I realized she'd been hitting the bottle already.


I informed her, "Well, Sgt. Blaine is in Russia and was in a firefight with Chechen terrorists so I don't think it was him that sent the roses."


She ordered (and I hated it), "Well then, you find out who it was and send them to Thule or send Sgt. Blaine to Thule. Better yet send all of them to Thule"


She slammed the phone down. I thought about how I would like to send her the hell to Thule forever - then I thought for a bit more and decided what to do…


Flashback – Colonel Maggie – At the hospital


Sgt. Blaine was doing a 'bang up' job. Oh, it was obvious he didn't care for the fucking politicians, but then that was normal since no one else did. But the old veterans loved him! They hugged the hell out of him and gave him the typical Orthodox three kisses, on the cheeks. Hell some of them pulled their own medals off and handed them to him.


With Sgt. Blaine toeing the line, I needed to find the fucking Major and kick his fucking ass for being so stupid. How in the hell could he let himself be captured! He was too fucking good to let that happen… The problem was where the fuck was he?


I checked Sgt. Blaine's room which smelled like shit and was told by the Spetsnaz guards the Major had been here, stole two bottles of Sgt. Blaine's vodka and left for 'some place quieter'.


When I found him he was going to wish for someplace quieter and less painful


Flashback – Major M – In the chapel


I heard the fucking witch when she shrieked, "Major, what the fuck are you doing in here?"


Yeah, the wicked witch of the Marines had found me! I had a hell of a fucking headache so I turned over and ordered, "Colonel. I've had my fill of you. You can fucking kiss my ass!"


In hindsight that probably wasn't the wisest thing to say…


Flashback – Colonel Maggie – At the hospital


I found the Major drunker than a fucking skunk in of all places, the chapel. Didn't he realize if the Russians had found him it would have been seen as a huge insult? When I confronted him he became belligerent so I grabbed him by the fucking ear, yanked the hell out of it and ordered, "Follow me you worthless bastard."


He continued, "So, should I pull down my pants so you can kiss my ass?"


I changed my hold from his ear to his balls, I squeezed and demanded, "Major, do I now have your attention?"


He squirmed but complained, "Get your hand off my balls you fucking dyke!"


I was fed up with his mouth, so I knocked his ass out, drug him out into the hallway, loaded him onto a gurney, put him in restraints and wheeled him toward Sgt. Blaine's room. And I also decided I needed to call the Old Man and get the fucking Major's worthless ass out of here…


Flashback – Glen


My aide informed me, "Sir it's Colonel Maggie on line two."


I smiled because the timing was perfect. I answered line two and stated, "Colonel, you and the Major need to pack your bags."


Maggie questioned, "Sir? What did I do wrong?"


I laughed, "Oh not much, but I've decided that you and the Major need to be redeployed so you can further train the Major."


She paused and stated, "Sir, please don't tell me…"


Flashback – Colonel Maggie – At the hospital


I pleaded, "Sir, please don't tell me you're sending me and the Major to Thule."


Glen replied, "Listen, someone sent a bunch of roses to my daughter in Sgt. Blaine's name. Either you or the Major are the likely culprits so I might as well give the two of you a co-habitable vacation."


I almost begged, "Sir, if I discover it was the Major, will you only send him?"


Glen replied, "Colonel, the clock is ticking down and you don't have that much time."


Hells bells I was sure as hell not going to spend any amount of time with the Major in Thule, -especially in the same damn room! I slapped the hell out of his face, he woke up, struggled and said, "What the fuck am I restrained for?"


I demanded, "Major, did you send some flowers to the Old Man's daughter."


He lied, "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about."


More drastic measures were needed so I…


Flashback – Major M – At the hospital


Son of a bitch the fucking witch grabbed my balls, squeezed and threatened, "Major, I want the truth about the flowers."


I pushed the pain out of my mind and stated, "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about! However Colonel, I plan on filing a sexual abuse report against you."


She yelled, "You fucking fool! If you don't admit to this the Old Man is going to send both of us to Thule and assign us the same room."


I thought about it for a few moments, decided this could really work for me so I laughed and said, "Hell, that's fine with me…"


Flashback – Safia, Ira and Mira– in Israel


I walked up to the door at the address the Stay Puft man gave us and rang the doorbell. My sister came to the door and with shock on her face she asked, "Safia, what are you doing here?"


It was good to see her so I hugged her and stated, "We are here to rescue you."


She pulled away and questioned, "Rescue me from what?"


I blurted out an answer, "The evil man who bought you!"


My sister laughed, "Safia, my misinformed sister! I do not want to be rescued. Living here is the best thing that has ever happened to me. If you are nice, perhaps my master will let you live here too?"


Ira stated, "Unfortunately, I do not think your master will be returning."


My sister yelled, "What the hell do you mean?"


Mira replied, "He is currently performing the role of an ass."


My sister sputtered, "Well, he was always sort of an ass but what do you mean."


I went on to explain the whole situation to my sister. When I was done she sunk to the floor and cried, "But he was very good to me."


I questioned, "But didn't he force you to have sex with him?"


She laughed, "He did at first but when he became fatter he was no longer interested in sex. What he wanted was for me to massage him with oils before he fell asleep…"


Mira changed the subject…


I questioned, "Safia's sister, would you explain the hor mone joke to us?"


She replied, "My name is Naomi and I'm not going to answer anything until my master returns."


Ira looked at me and stated in our private language, "Mira, if we ever hope to have the hor mone conundrum resolved we must go back and recover your Stay Puft ass."


I replied in kind, "Ira, you are correct but he is actually your Stay Puft ass."


I looked at Safia and said, "Safia, you stay here and become acquainted with your sister and we will endeavor to recover the Stay Puft ass."


Naomi questioned, "Who is the Stay Puft ass?"


Ira answered, "Your master of course."


She threatened, "You better not have hurt him or I will kill you."


Mira laughed and argued, "Naomi, we both kick ass so we doubt you could even touch us let alone exterminate us."


She threatened, "I have a gun!"


I answered, "And we have numerous guns and have exterminated numerous personnel. Now, we could continue this counterproductive posturing or we could retrieve your Stay Puft master."


Naomi pleaded, "Yes please, find him for me."


I requested, "We will need Safia to drive the vehicle for us."


Safia questioned, "I thought you wanted me to stay here and didn't you complain about how poorly I drove the fire truck?"


I looked at Naomi and said, "Even though Safia's operation of the truck of fire is substandard, without her help we might not reach your Stay Puft ass in time to save his life."


We were surprised with what transpired next…