Chapter 012

Home 2 Chapter 12

Copyright 2013 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia


Flashback – Ben – At the hospital


Tatiana was busy on the phone with the wedding planner (you know how it is when women get to talking on the phone) and I decided if I was going to be Jack and Masha's best man I needed to see if I could stand.



I flipped my feet over the side of the bed, planted them both firmly on the floor, pressed down and… Oh my God!!!


Flashback – Mira, Ira, Safia and Naomi – in Israel


After our declaration of multiple threats using the word ass, the 'ass' sisters belayed their braying. However, Safia still refused to push the cart of food burdened with the formerly Stay Puft (but still behemoth) man toward his domicile.


He requested, "I have finished the furnished kebob, might I have another?"


Safia once again brayed, "No! You may not because you are too fat already!"


Naomi glared at her sister, handed the behemoth man a kebob and stated, "Yes master, you may eat as many kebobs as you like."


He massaged his mobile mass of muscular tissue covered with mucous membrane located in his oral cavity over his obscenely gross digits and remarked, "I do like this mode of transportation. Perhaps I need to purchase something similar to this or even have a kebob cart added to my limousine?"


Safia started to bray but I grabbed her and ordered, "Young girl, we have had quite enough of your braying! If you continue to vocalize like an ass then you will also endeavor like one."


I placed her hands against the cart but she snatched them away and counter-brayed, "I will not push this cart!"


I giggled at the ensuing performance completed by Ira…


We were both fatigued by the constant braying. Mira attempted to force Safia to push the cart of food. Safia refused so I extracted my gun of stun, placed it behind her and activated the button. Sparks flew from it with resounding snaps. Safia turned in preparation of retaliation. I simply smiled and threatened, "Perform the role of an ass or prepare your ass for an electric assault!"


Safia complied while Mira and I partook of a well-deserved rest…


I do not understand why the twins are being so mean to me! Can't they see how terrible Naomi's master is? Instead they seem to have taken the side of my sister and him! He is… He is… He is… A gross old fat man and I hate the idea that we are going to his house. But I do not dislike his house as much as I hate the fact that I am being forced to push his fat ass like an ass of burden.


The road started slightly downhill and I got an idea...


Pushing my master and serving him kebobs was fun. It was good to see him enjoying himself after the terrible ordeal he had been through. I could not believe my sister talked the two twin girls into turning my master in an ass, forcing him to pull the cart and then torturing him for the address to his house. I am not sure I can ever forgive her. The worst was when they left him in the street and the terrible men did unspeakable things to him. The girls were obviously deceived by Safia's lies but I am thankful they brought her to me since now we can finally get her off the street and back on her medicine.


The cart got easier to push because it started down a small hill, then Safia pushed like crazy. The kebob cart accelerated at a tremendous rate! I held on to it, tried to stop it however I couldn't…


Safia had performed the act of a most belligerent ass! The terrain sloped downward and Safia applied all her mass to the cart of food. It accelerated at a tremendous rate due to the extreme mass of the behemoth man. Her sister Naomi attempted to halt the acceleration of the cart of food without success and was being swept away with the cart. Safia brayed with laughter, Ira ran up and applied the gun of stun to Safia's derriere which unfortunately rendered her ass unconscious. I pursued the cart of food, however my ass was grass because it traversed at a greater velocity than I could muster…


My sister Mirinka foolishly attempted to capture the cart of food, which was impossible because of its great velocity. I rendered Safia's ass unconscious, tossed her over my shoulder and dashed after my sister and the errant cart of food. I contemplated our association with Safia and realized she had duped both of us! It's not nice to dupe us and when we regained control of the cart of food, Safia would realize the benefits of her poor judgment…


My poor master was being jostled about in a terrible manner by the speeding cart of food. I kept my hold on the cart even though it dragged me across the road and took the skin off my knees. Finally the road changed, the food cart slowed and my master laughed, "Now that was fun! I need to thank your sister for that enjoyable ride."


The twins ran up, one of them carrying Safia. I questioned, "What happened to Safia."


The twin stated, "I applied the gun of stun to her ass…"


The other twin finished, "…which rendered her ass unconscious."


Then they started doing something unusual to my sister…


I woke up and what the hell! I was tied to the cart of food like an ass! I tried to talk but someone had covered my mouth with tape. Mira explained to me, "Safia, you were a very belligerent little ass and caused injury to your sister. We have decided you should personally experience some of the events which you regarded with great mirth when they happened to the formerly Stay Puft (but still behemoth) man."


Ira added, "Yes, you are now the cart of food ass and need to perform your duty in a proper manner. If you ass this up, I have the gun of stun taped to your ass…"


Mira finished, "…and we will not hesitate to use it."


The evil man stated, "Oh goodie, she can feel what I felt." Then he ordered, "Pull the cart, little ass."


Tears trickled down my cheeks as I began to pull the cart. It was even worse when little children came out and teased me. One of them threw a stone at me but thank God Mira caught it and threw it back at the little street boy. I tried to laugh when it knocked his ass out, but the tape kept me from it. Will this ordeal never end?


I finally heard, "Ass, you may stop here as this is my house…"


While Safia performed admirably as the ass for the cart of food, I had a long discussion with her sister Naomi who enlightened me on Safia's conditions. We arrived at the behemoth man's domicile, he commanded her to stop and I requested, "Ira, please make sure our little Safia ass does not escape. Her sister informed me she has a slight mental disturbance which requires attention. I will assist Naomi in the translocation of the behemoth man into his domicile."


Ira kept the Safia ass bound and disconnected her from the cart of food. Then they walked toward the domicile while Naomi and I assisted the behemoth man from where he was ensconced in the cart of food. With much trouble he regained his feet, then he declared, "That was a most pleasant trip, thank you young lady for your assistance. Now will you please join us in our home?"


We translocated to his domicile and I was shocked: It looked like a palace! I could understand how Naomi loved this place after living on the street. My sister Ira arrived and stated, "Safia has been secured to a bed in an extra room."


The behemoth man ordered, "Naomi, please call the doctor to tend to our wounds."


Naomi left and I asked, "Sir, might you have a computer which we could use."


He answered, "Of course, you may use Naomi's."


We followed him to a very nice business office where he pointed to a large desk and stated, "That's Naomi's desk with her computer on it. I will send her in with the required password."


Ira questioned, "Just what role does Naomi serve for you?"


The behemoth man positively gushed, "Oh my! I guess you don't know. She does everything for me from managing my many businesses to cooking for me. I really couldn't live without her."


Ira gave me a questioning look, the behemoth man left the room and I informed Ira of the factoids Naomi presented me.


Naomi came in and apologized, "Sorry girls but I had to get the doctor to look at Safia and my master and then drew a bath for him. He really can't do anything for himself."


She logged us into her computer, we safely connected to our network and read Masha's irate email to us. Ira smiled and stated, "I perceive we can develop an appropriate response to this defecation of bull…"


Flashback – Masha – At the apartment


Jack and I had a wonderful afternoon and I guess I wore him out because he was now sleeping. The computer dinged, which announced and incoming e-mail. I slowly and carefully extricated myself from Jack's limbs, slipped on a robe and went to the computer. I checked and finally received a reply from the twins. I opened it and loudly swore, "Tвойу мат!"


Jack woke up and questioned, "Masha what's wrong."


I smiled at him and stated, "Sorry my Jack, it's just problems at work. Go back to sleep."


He questioned, "Will you be coming back to bed soon?"


I stated, "Yes my love, but first I need to deal with this and then make us some dinner."


I was incensed! Never before had the twins dared to address anyone in this manner. Their e-mail said:




Your previous correspondence with us was totally assed up and we question how much of an ass (and we do not mean donkey) you are! Yes we did terminate the Mossad headquarters, which we perceive was totally justified, because they freely distributed the attached movie on the internet. However, because of the aforementioned movie, our mission is now not complete and we will not exfiltrate Israel until we have completed our new primary mission which is to teach the Mossad many more grave lessons.


If you do not like this you can shove it up your ass – sideways until it rips you a new asshole and then further kiss our asses. We are going to kick more Mossad ass because that is what we do, we kick ass. Do not bother to send your assed up minions here to forcefully remove us from Israel unless you want us to kick their asses too!


So stop being an ass (and we do not mean donkey) and support us. Otherwise we will kick your ass when we do decide to exfiltrate Israel!




Tвойу мат! Where and when did those two learn to swear? I opened the video discovering it was of Irina. She was nude and tied to a table while the Mossad men paraded around and threatened her - they were also in the nude. She displayed some degree of fear which was uncharacteristic for her.


I did a quick internet search and wasn't surprised when I found the video had already been uploaded to many pornographic sites. No wonder Irina and Miranda were upset! However I was still certain this didn't justify the destruction they had already heaped upon the Mossad.


I sent a message to the relief team instructing them to return because I wasn't going to have them directly confront the twins (because the twins would probably fulfill their threat and 'kick their asses'). I sent a less angry e-mail to the twins and told them I still didn't feel they were justified in what they did and planned to continue to do. I also threatened if they didn't return immediately, then we would not provide further assistance to them…


Flashback – Tatiana – At the hospital


I was on the telephone with the best wedding planner in Moscow informing her of what Ben wanted. She questioned the anticipated expense and I replied, "I was told that expense was not a concern."


She began to describe some plans, then I heard a huge noise behind me! I turned around and Ben wasn't in his bed! I stated, "I am sorry I have to go, my patient is missing."


I hung up the phone ran over to the bed and heard moaning from the other side. I ran around and saw Ben unconscious on the floor. I pressed the call button multiple times, finally some aides came into the room and I instructed, "We need to carefully move him back into the bed."


He was still unconscious so I made a decision…


Flashback – Glen and Jens


I was still in shock! Jennifer, my tomboy Jennifer, won the lead role in Swan Lake? Jennifer was upset and most of the other girls were adulating her. I excused myself, "Jennifer, I need to go outside for a few minutes then I will be right back and we can go home."


Jennifer frowned, "Yes Daddy, and I am ready to take my punishment for what I said to Evel… I mean mother."


I went outside, pulled out my cell phone and called Evelyn. After way too many rings she answered with a slurred voice, "Glen, what the hell do you want?"


Shit she was three sheets to the wind again. I said, "You will never guess what Jennifer did today."


Evelyn screeched into the phone, "I don't give a fuck about what that ungrateful little bitch did today."


I smiled as I dropped the bombshell, "Okay if you don't want to know that's just fine, but she has the part of Odette in Swan Lake." I hung up the damn phone and thought, that will teach you bitch!


My phone instantly rang again, but it was Evelyn and I fucking ignored it. I have better things to do than to talk to a fucking drunk. I shook my head; how did I ever get into the mess I was in. I walked back into the ballet school and was practically accosted by Ellen (the woman I paid to drive Jennifer from school to the ballet lessons), she stated, "Glen, I'm sorry I'm busy and won't be able to take Jennifer to ballet lessons anymore."


I thought, when it fucking rains it pours - how the hell was Jennifer going to get to ballet?


I glared at her, thought for a moment and then stated, "That's fine. However I do expect a refund for the rest of the month."


I watched her carefully as she contemplated then answered, "Well, I guess I can drive her for the rest of the month."


Yeah I figured it was something other than being 'busy.'


Jennifer ran up and demanded, "Daddy, will you please get me out of here?"


I teased, "What's wrong princess, I thought you'd love all the praise the other girls are giving you???"


She stamped her foot and complained...


Ohhh! I hated that!!!! I complained, "Daddy, you know I H-A-T-E being called a P-R-I-N-C-E-S-S. And if these other girls had half a brain, I would love the praise but all they want is to figure out how I danced so well today."


 Daddy smiled at me and stated, "Well Jennifer, that's a question for which I would like to hear an answer."


I looked at the floor and stated, "I had a verbal fight with Tammy, Ellen's daughter. She insulted me and told me I couldn't dance. So I decided to show her…"


Ah, now I understood why Ellen suddenly couldn't take Jennifer to ballet practice. Hell why didn't we have a boy - it would have been much easier.


I reminded, "Jennifer, you do know what's waiting for you at home don't you?"


Jennifer continued to look down, then kicked at something mythical on the floor and admitted, "Yes Daddy, I know I messed up and I need to take my punishment." Then she looked up, smiled and added, "But if mother hurts me then perhaps I couldn't dance and someone else would have to take my place."


I said, "Well come on, let's get out of here."


I humored Jennifer and let her listen to her favorite station on the way home. I couldn't believe they called that shit music!


We pulled into the garage and had a hell of a surprise!!!


Flashback – Todd – On the island


I noticed the flow had stopped to the IV tube into my arm so I figured it was time to change the coconut. Whoever set this up for me was kind enough to leave some extra coconuts. Hell, if I felt this good from one coconut, I was sure I would feel even better from two.


I drew my survival knife, poked a hole into the coconut similar to the one now hooked up to the IV, switched the tubing and saw a big air bubble in the IV. I quickly disconnected the tube from the catheter in my arm, bled out the bubble, then reconnected it and was satisfied with the flow.


The whole time I felt like I was being watched, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't see anyone.


I packed all the extra coconuts in my survival pack even though there were many coconut palms on the island. My next step was to explore since I didn't know how long I was going to be on this God forsaken island.


I hadn't gone far when I walked into a little clearing and was surprised at what I saw…


Flashback – Alexi – At school


I couldn't solve what should have been an easy (for me) deductive reasoning problem because my mind was clouded due to the poor nutrition provided by my lunch. I tried and struggled as hard as I could but the solution evaded me.


Father came in and said, "Son, let me help you. Roll up your sleeve."


I obeyed then he took out an alcohol swab and a syringe which he used to inject me. He then pulled out a stopwatch and clicked the start button. Fifteen minutes later, I could easily see the solution, solved the puzzle and smiled at my father and questioned, "Father what sort of injection did you give me?"


He smiled at me and stated, "Alexi it was just a vitamin injection. Now, we should give you some more deductive reasoning puzzles."


However I could tell he lied to me, it was not a vitamin. Once again I mentally questioned if I was just one of their laboratory experiments?


I asked, "Father, might I work on the cryptex?"


He laughed, "No son, the cryptex is an extracurricular activity. Now here's a new deductive reasoning problem you haven't seen before. Use all your mental facilities to solve it and when you are finished we will go home."


I was excited at being allowed to get home, solve the cryptex and obtain the surprise inside. I looked at the deductive reasoning problem, it was a large scrambled puzzle… Then the solution was clear. I reached over, moved all the pieces into place and father remarked, "Son, that was remarkable. Tell me how you solved it so quickly?"


I answered, "I am not sure. It was as if I could see all the pieces fitting together in my mind. Now might we go home so I can work on the cryptex?"


He laughed, "Yes son, let's go home. It is still your birthday so would you tell me what you like for dinner?"


I answered, "Father, you and mother know best what I should eat for dinner."


He teased me, "Are you sure you wouldn't like a repeat of lunch?"


I stated, "Yes father I'm sure I don't want a repeat of lunch. I would like for my mind to be sharp while I work on the cryptex."


Mother came in and stated, "Well tonight we will have fish."


I smiled, "Goodie, brain food."


We walked to our car together but in silence… I thought of the cryptex and tried to visualize the solution like I had done with the deductive reasoning problem…


Flashback – Ben – At the hospital


I woke up and what the fucking hell! I'd been restrained to the bed!!! I thrashed around, yanked against the restraints and yelled, "You sons of a bitches better let me go immediately."


A nude Tatiana walked out of the bathroom, smiled and calmly stated, "It was about time you woke up, I was thinking of starting without you."


I yanked against the restraints and demanded, "Tatiana let me go immediately!"


She laughed, "Ben, you broke a promise to me and because of that you now have to pay."


She slinked toward me with an evil smile on her face while I complained, "What the hell do you mean?"


She showed me what she meant with her mouth and whole body and I decided if this was what punishment was from her, it wasn't bad at all.


When we were finished, she jumped out of bed and stated, "Ben, if you ever break a promise to me again it will be the last time we ever enjoy each other."


I smiled and said, "I understand, now how about releasing the restraints."


She laughed, "Oh no, I'm not done with you yet! Let me get dressed because you've had the carrot, now you're going to get the stick."


She slinked into the bathroom and I wondered what the hell she meant…


Flashback – Ira, Mira and Naomi – in Israel


After our e-mail to Masha I sat back and admired my katana and decided that even though I lost a small portion of my sister to Ben Blaine, it was almost worth the cost to possess this wonderful sword. My sister Mira continued on the computer and I questioned, "Mirinka what computer processes are you performing?"


She looked at me and responded, "Because Naomi logged us in with her personal password, I have access to all the files she has created on the hard drive."


That piqued my interest so I arose, went behind her and observed. Mirinka pulled up a document and stated, "Look, the behemoth man was not telling falsehoods. Naomi does manage all of his businesses."


I remarked, "It looks as if he has many substantial businesses…"


I walked into the room and heard the twins as they discussed my master's businesses; I purposely logged them in as Naomi because I knew they would examine the files. I wanted them to have no doubt as to the truth of what I told them.


They both blushed and I stated, "Do not worry, I wanted you to see the files so you would know that I and my master told you both the truth."


One of the twins stated, "Thank you. After Safia's deception we were not sure whom to believe."


I questioned, "I am sorry too because I have not even asked your names."


The one sitting at the computer said, "I am Miranda however you may call me Mira."


The one standing stated, "I am Irina and wish to be called Ira."


I smiled, "So you two are reverse asymmetric twins."


They both smiled and Ira started, "You are most observant and correct, I am right handed…"


Mira finished, "…and I am left handed."


I said, "Well I want to thank you for returning my sister to me. The doctor is here and is examining her, would you like to observe?"


They simultaneously replied, "Thank you, yes."


We proceeded upstairs. I was excited to have a chance to observe them because approximately 25% of twins were reverse asymmetric twins. Plus, I had a great interest in discovering where they developed their very peculiar and distinctive method of speaking.


We entered the room where Safia was restrained, the doctor turned and said, "Good, you're here. I wanted you to observe me because I do not like to remain alone with female patients."


He began to examine her while Safia vociferously complained, "Help me! He's going to kill me…"