Chapter 016

Home 2 Chapter 016

Copyright 2013 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia


Flashback – Tatiana – At the hospital


The orderlies arrived again to help get Ben back into the bed. As we moved him one of them remarked, "What did he do to his arms?"


I looked at his wrists which were a bloody, mangled mess and realized that Ben didn't cut the restraints, he somehow tore through them! But those restraints were designed to securely hold the largest man and I'd never heard of this before! I began to tend to the wounds on his arms and the orderly asked, "Should we restrain him again?"


I was tempted but I remembered how angry Ben was when I walked into the room after he escaped and stated, "No, we need to remove the restraints from his bed." We began to remove the restraints and I noticed that the leg and waist restraints were not torn. They were simply opened and that made me feel better. However his wrists were a huge mess; I could not understand how a man could inflict that much pain upon their own body? I finished with his wrists then looked at his hands and swore, "Tвойу мат!" They were filled with shards of the crushed baby monitor! This Ben of mine was a most mysterious man and then I could not believe what he said!!!


Flashback – Ben – At the hospital


I slowly awakened after Hard Ben took over and busted me out of the restraints and smashed the hell out of the fucking baby monitor. I heard Tatiana as she swore, "Tвойу мат!" My ornery self-decided to have some fun so I said, "Don't tell me you're going to kiss me with that mouth!"


Tatiana replied, "Ben you are awake! What do you mean about kissing with that mouth?"


I guess the joke didn't translate well so I countered, "Does your mother know you swear like a Russian sailor?"


I saw some fire in her eyes as she countered, "Ben, I do not swear like a sailor!"


I laughed, "Yeah, a Russian sailor might not have any chance against you."


She threatened, "Ben, if you do not take that back then we will never have coitus again."


I was suddenly tired of this bullshit and declared, "Tatiana, I'm fucking tired of your threats and your lame assed punishments. You're fired as my nurse now get the fuck out of my room!"


She questioned, "Ben, you can't be serious!"


I laughed, "Hell yes! I'm as serious as a heart attack! You're fired so get your ass out of my room!"


She sputtered, "But… but… but…"


I ordered, "You heard me, get the hell out of here!"


She began to cry and ran out of the room… Yes it was about time I put her in her place, now I could rest in peace…


Flashback – Mira, Ira, Safia and Naomi – in Israel


After exposing the 'doctor' as a charlatan, and after Ira's katana assisted his haste of post departure from the domicile, I checked his medical bag. I retrieved what I was looking for and said, "Safia, I would like for you to take this pill. It is Risperidone and I would like to observe how you react to the medicine."


She loudly brayed, "Now Mira is trying to kill me!"


I questioned, "Little one, you know that is not true so why do you continue with such falsehoods?"


She explained with warped logic, "Mira, if you give me that pill I will be a different person. Those pills will kill the person that's inside of me."


I finally comprehended Safia's statement and asked, "Safia, it is obvious you have some mental problems which we need to address."


Safia interrupted and pleaded, "But not with drugs! Mira is there anything else that we can try?"


I thought for a moment and answered, "Safia, I currently do not have an answer for that question. Therefore, we will not medicate you until I can further research your request."


Safia loquaciously brayed, "Mira, would you please release me from these cruel restraints?"


Naomi vigorously shook her head, I contemplated my response and stated, "Safia, your past history indicates that you are a risk of flight. Furthermore, the deceptive tactics you employed which caused us to injure the behemoth man, prove that at this juncture you are not to be trusted.  Logic dictates that you would use this paramount opportunity to escape. I will however, after serious consultation with my sister, determine a methodology to restrain you which is less cumbersome. Now, I must attend to your sister."


I motioned to Naomi and we left the room…


Flashback – Masha – At the apartment


I was teasing Jack with my bare foot as we ate dinner. It was most enjoyable and I looked forward to the promise of romantic behavior later in the evening. There was a frantic knock on the door that scared me so badly I dropped my wine glass right into my lap. With embarrassment I swore, "Tвойу мат!" I then began to wipe the wine off my robe.


Jack jumped up, grabbed his rifle, walked to the side of the door and questioned, "Who is it?"


We were shocked when we heard…


Flashback – Jens – At home


Daddy got enough food to choke four horses then mother set my plate in front of me. It had three little shrimp on it, two or three small spoonfuls of green bean casserole (you know the tasty one with the French fried onions on the top) and the rest of the plate was filled with lettuce without dressing.


I took one look at it and complained, "Mother, what the heck is this?"


She smiled and said, "Jennifer it's your favorite food."


I poked at the stupid lettuce with my fork and continued my complaints, "Mother, lettuce without Ranch dressing is not my favorite food, and why do I only have a miniscule amount of shrimp and green bean casserole?"


Mother actually smiled as she answered, "Why Jennifer, you know that since you're now a prima ballerina you have to watch your weight."


I sarcastically replied…


Flashback – Glen – At home


Hell, I thought I'd dodged the bullet when Jennifer came downstairs with the dress on: She did look good in dresses but hated wearing them.


However Evelyn came unglued when Jennifer sarcastically asked, "Are you saying I'm fat?"


Evelyn looked at me and whined, "Glen, I've tried my best but just look at how ungrateful your daughter is." She snatched the plate from in front of Jennifer and ran into the kitchen.


I glared at Jennifer and she declared, "That's right Daddy, I'm an ungrateful little beotch!" She then ran up to her room.


I looked at the kitchen, shifted my stare to the stairway, studied at my plate and started to eat – hey I was going to finally enjoy a meal in peace…


Flashback – Todd – On the island


Where the hell was I? Oh yeah, I was shot in the neck with a dart while exploring the camp. But now, as my vision cleared, it looked like I was in some sort of cave. I viewed my surroundings then realized that my arm was connected to another coconut along with another bag of something…


I stood up to look at the bag and determined my legs were in shackles and the damn shackles were attached to the floor. I sat back down, reached for my pack but it was fucking gone! In fact everything - my pistol, my knife, yes everything - was gone!


Fuck! I was going to use things in my pack to pick the lock on the shackles so I could explore this cave. As my vision cleared some more I could tell that someone, probably the person that helped me on the beach, and the person that kept shooting me with the damn sleeping darts, lived here. There was a damn comfortable looking bed, some sort of fire pit with a cooking tripod over it. But I wondered why the person didn't just stay at the compound I'd seen earlier, then it hit me, they had been a prisoner at the compound so of course they wouldn't stay there.


I heard a noise turned and couldn't believe what I saw…


Flashback – Alexi – At home


Yes it was as I expected, I was just an experiment to my 'parents.' Yes I say 'parents' because within the folder were the records that I was taken by cesarean section from my dead mother and given as a 'gift' to my 'parents,' which nurtured me through some difficult times brought about because of my traumatic early delivery.


I leaned back in the chair and contemplated the retrieved information. Then I heard a noise as my 'father' entered the room. He looked at me and said, "Son, I see you have finally uncovered the truth. Do you have any questions?" 


I smiled at him and inquired, "Would you tell me who my birth mother was?"


He replied, "Sorry my son, but that I can not do. If the authorities even discovered we exposed the truth to you they would remove you from our home."


I questioned, "So why did you reveal the truth to me?"


He answered, "We knew that you would discover it by yourself one day and we were tired of concealing the facts from you."


It made perfect sense so I promised, "Father, I will not expose this truth to anyone else. However, why have you performed the various experiments on me?"


He answered, "Son, you are a gift and have the potential of becoming much more than most people. We are making sure you fulfill that potential."


I smiled and said, "I think that I will work on the cryptex you presented me."


He smiled back and said, "Son, I knew you would react logically to this information. Do not stay up too late."


He left, I closed down my 'parents' computer and decided that I would never reveal to them that they were only my 'parents'. They had provided me a good home with many benefits and I would use all those benefits to better myself. I would also endeavor to determine if I had any other living relatives. I started to work on the cryptex…


Flashback – Jens – At home


After my fight with fricken Evelyn, I ran to my room, pulled off the stupid dress I was wearing, threw it and all the other dresses in my closet on the floor and stomped on them!


Then I decided more drastic measures were needed! But on second thought perhaps what I did wasn't so wise…


Flashback – Glen – At home


What the hell was going on - it interrupted my great dinner!!!


Flashback – Ben – At the hospital


Shit! I had a hell of a problem! I fired Tatiana before I got the information for the damn wedding planner from her and I wanted to give Jack and Masha the wedding of the century. I briefly thought about calling Tatiana, but that dog sure as hell didn't hunt so I decided to see if this damn hospital tracked phone calls. I called up the switchboard and asked in my nicest Russian, "Some phone calls were made from this room, do you possibly know the number that was called?"


She replied in a snotty voice, "This is Russia! Of course we have the phone number."


I questioned, "Well can you give the number to me?"


She answered, "No!"


I got frustrated and asked, "Well, how about if you connect me to the number?"


She really pissed me off when she said, "No, I will not do that either. It is outside of protocol! Now goodbye and stop wasting my time."


Well fuck this bullshit! If she wanted to be a pain in the ass, I could be the biggest fucking pain in the ass in the world. I pressed my call button but no one came. I pressed it again but still no one came and I realized another mistake: I had fired Tatiana before I hired a new private nurse. I saw my salvation in the form of a wheelchair that Tatiana had used to bring me into the room. Now to work my way to it...


I knew better than to try to stand again, so I once again used my old friend, the bedside table. I adjusted it to the perfect height, crawled on top, then lowered it until I could use my hands to pull myself toward the wheelchair. I reached the wheelchair, briefly thought about just using the bedside table as my means of transportation, but I didn't like the fact I couldn't see where I was going very well. I easily worked my way into the chair, rolled toward the door when son of a bitch!!!


Flashback – Masha, Jack and Tatiana – At the apartment


I was looking forward to some intimate times with Jack until someone loudly banged on the door. Jack assumed a defensive position by the door and asked, "Who is it." He said that in English so I wasn't sure the person that banged on the door would understand until I heard a very upset voice, "It is… It is… It is… Tatiana."


I jumped up from the table, ran to the door, threw it open and was amazed when I saw a totally disheveled Tatiana. She flew into my arms and began to cry.


I told Masha through my sobbing, "Masha! Ben fired me as his nurse?"


An immediately suspicious Masha questioned, "Tatiana, what did you do?"


I blubbered, "It is a long story."


Masha gave me a disbelieving look and declared, "Tatiana, it can't be that long."


I explained the whole mess to her ending with how I threatened to withhold coitus from Ben. Masha shook her head and responded, "Tatiana, with men like Ben and Jack, you can never use coercion of the stick or other threats. They will always accept the challenge."


I cried, "Then what should I do?"


Masha thought for a moment then said, "We need to ask Jack. He is Ben's closest friend and will know…"


Jack was busy. He watched the stupid child's program Bevis and Butthead but seemed to laugh at the appropriate parts. For a second I hoped he had learned some Russian, then I realized the program was so elementary that even a non-Russian speaker could understand it…


Hells Bells! What the fuck was wrong now? I looked forward to later activities with Masha, especially after she teased the hell out of me by running her foot up and down my leg and almost touched my crotch. But now Tatiana was here crying up a storm and she blurted out some Russian bullshit.


Knowing women as well as I did, I figured this would take a few hours and any hope of 'extra-curricular' activities was shot all to hell. So I turned on the TV, went back to the table and finished the excellent as hell meal that Masha made for me. I wasn't sure what it was (she told me but hell I didn't speak Russian) but it was good damn eating! Not only could Masha fuck like a minx, she could cook up a storm. I was engrossed as hell in the TV: It was Bevis and Butthead in Russian but made a hell of a lot more sense than when I watched in English. Then Masha said…


I said, "Jack we have a problem."


Jack emerged from his TV induced stupor and questioned, "Masha what's wrong?"


I looked at Tatiana and she questioned in Russian, "Masha, do I have to tell him everything?"


I replied, "If you desire his assistance you must. Besides, he already knows all about it."


In the interim Jack had become absorbed again in the idiotic show. I interrupted, "Jack, Tatiana has some problems with Ben."


Jack laughed, "Hell! Join the club."


I gave Jack the look, and Tatiana related everything to him. She finished, Jack laughed and exclaimed, "Hell, don't you know anything about Banzai? A direct challenge is the worst…"


We didn't hear anything else because a special report on the TV interrupted. Tatiana began to cry and I ordered, "Come on, we need to change and get to the hospital…"


Flashback – Ira – in Israel


Once again Masha sent us an insipid, idiotic e-mail and even included a threat. And illegitimate male offspring of a female saluki, she answered the hor-mone conundrum. I speculated that Mira and I were the only ones who did not comprehend the hor-mone conundrum. I decided I must find the master of all conundrums so I began to search the internet. Finally I came up with the perfect one for Masha so I composed my e-mail to her.




Your threats are almost as annoying as your person and remind me of a braying ass (and I mean donkey)! We will not exfiltrate Israel until I have had my dessert of justs so desist with your bloviation immediately or I will bitch slap and wreak havoc upon your ass!


Since you easily solved the first conundrum, provide the solution to this one: What occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment and never in one thousand years?




I grinned as I transmitted the communication. 


Flashback – Mira and Naomi – in Israel


I escorted Naomi into an adjacent room and ordered, "Let me examine your articulatio genus."


Naomi replied, "You mean my knees. Why do you insist on using the Latin terms for body parts?"


I replied, "Our terminology is consistent with the medical books which we used for training."


I examined both of Naomi's articulatio genus and remarked, "Many of the injuries are very deep. Several appear to have reached your patella. It was not wise to maintain your grasp of the cart of food."


Naomi stated, "I was not going to let my sister further injure my master."


I prepared a syringe of lidocaine and Naomi questioned, "Are you going to give me an injection?"


I answered, "Yes but this is not the treatment injection, this is a local anesthetic for minor surgery. The debridement of your injuries will not be without pain."


I manipulated the syringe, induced the fluid across her articulatio genus and watched as she winced in pain.


While we waited for the anesthetic to function, I prepared a second syringe of penicillin and questioned, "Do you have any allergies to drugs?"


Naomi answered, "Not that I am aware of."


I stated, "This needs to be injected into your ass and I do not mean donkey."


She laughed, bent over and exposed her ass. I wiped it with an alcohol swab and she jumped when I inserted the needle and swore, "That hurts like a son of a bitch."


I requested, "Please explain this euphemism."


She answered, "It is either an expression of being upset like 'damn' or an insult. It actually means the male offspring of a female dog."


I smiled and stated, "Ah, that is a good term to use - we frequently utilize male offspring of a female saluki. Now let me treat your articulatio genus."


Even though I was gentle and had the forethought to use anesthetic, the debridement still caused Naomi pain. I finished, dressed her injured knees with antibiotic cream and Telfa pads and ordered, "We will need to change these pads three times daily or when they become soiled."


I leaned back but Naomi unfortunately reminded me, "Now we need to treat my master."


I exclaimed, "Son of a bitch! I forgot about him."


Naomi laughed and commented, "That was excellent usage of that euphemism but why do you resent working on him?"


I replied, "The alimentary canal holds no fascination for me."


We headed into her master's bedroom and we heard him scream, "Help me!"


We translocated into the bathing domicile, he stood up in the tub of bath and complained, "Help me!"


Naomi questioned, "Master what is wrong?"


He pointed to his ass (and I don't mean donkey) and stated, "There is something alive in there."


Naomi ordered, "Mira prepare your instruments. I will dry my master and bring him to the bed."


I departed to the bed, prepared many instruments and contemplated how I could remove the vision of his naked behemoth mass from my mind…