Chapter 022

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Copyright 2013 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia

 

Flashback – Ben – At the hospital - Earlier

 

I was pissed about the new fucking car bomb! We were lucky as hell it exploded prematurely and didn't destroy more of the hospital. I decided to once again take the fight to the cowardly Chechens. I began to get ready when Elena demanded, "Ben what do you think you are doing?"

 

I replied, "I'm fed up with the fucking Chechen bastards blowing this town to hell and I'm going to go back out and kick their asses again."

 

She got a funny look on her face, paused for a few moments then she suggested, "Ben if you do that you will be playing right into their hands. I might have a better idea."

 

I scoffed, "I doubt that! My plan is that the bastards need to die a slow and lingering death."

 

Elena stated, "That is an obvious fact. However, if you attempt to fight them right now and die then it creates two problems: First, who will kill them if not you; and second, once you are gone they will lay waste to this whole village in retribution."

 

I thought for a moment, fully considered her objection, and dammit, she was right! I then asked, "Okay, what's this better plan of yours?"

 

She smiled and detailed her plan, "The problem is the Chechens know where you are. So, if we hide you from them, then they will be occupied hunting for you and not trying to destroy the hospital."

 

I thought about it, liked the hell out of the idea but questioned, "Okay, if I agree to this plan how do you get me out of the hospital without being seen and then how do we tell the Chechens I'm no longer in the hospital?"

 

She grinned, "That is my contribution to the solution. Now you wait right here and please do not do something stupid! I will return in less than five minutes."

 

I decided this time I would trust her and true to her word she came back into the room right on time. But I couldn't believe what she brought with her. I began to complain…

 

Flashback – Jack – At the hospital

 

The Spetsnaz squad gathered, we joined them and they reported, "Sergeant Blaine is still missing."

 

The Spetsnaz Captain complained, "Where the hell did he go? My superiors will have my head if we do not find him. Sgt. Reynolds do you have any idea where he might have gone?"

 

I thought for a minute then I suggested, "You don't suppose that his new personal nurse has anything to do with this?"

 

I was shocked when Tatiana boldly exclaimed, "If she did something to him I will kill her and then kick his ass!"

 

The captain looked at Tatiana and questioned, "I thought you were Sgt. Blaine's personal nurse."

 

I stated (and later realized, stated unwisely), "She was until Banzai fired her…"

 

Flashback – Masha – At the hospital

 

Sometimes my husband to be… Well, he said the wrong thing or said it the wrong way (a typical problem with men). When he reminded Tatiana that Ben fired her, it was not a prudent thing to do and Tatiana naturally reacted explosively, "Firing me and hiring that lesbian reporter and supposed nurse were two of the biggest and possibly the last mistakes Ben ever made."

 

Before I could stop him, Jack countered (with typical male inattention to wisdom) with a chuckle and obvious sarcasm, "Like a little woman your size could do anything to him. Hell, he's kicked the shit out of our whole Spetsnaz squad!"

 

I grabbed Tatiana's arm and steered her out of the room and away from my Jack before I had to protect him from her.

 

She swore as we left, "Заткнись, иди на хуй! Долбо еб!!!"

 

Zat-knees, ee-dee na khuy! Dolbo yeb - Shut up and fuck you! Dumb fuck!!!

 

Flashback – Jack – At the hospital

 

Damn! I'm not sure what pissed off Tatiana, but as Masha guided her away from me, she yelled something in Russian that had the Spetsnaz laughing like crazy.

 

I asked, "Yuri, what did she say?"

 

Yuri still chuckled and answered, "She told you to shut up and fuck you and then called you a dumb fuck."

 

I shook my head and questioned, "What the hell pissed her off?"

 

The captain stated what I now realized was obvious, "Sgt. Reynolds, you did. You should know better than to mention to any Russian woman about getting fired - they take it very personally."

 

I defended myself, "What the hell! I was just answering your question."

 

Yuri pulled me to the side and tried to explain…

 

Flashback – Masha – At the hospital

 

I pulled Tatiana to the side and ordered, "Tatiana control your emotions!"

 

She yanked her arm away from me and countered, "Like hell I will! Your boyfriend insulted me and I am going to kick his ass!"

 

I decided sterner words were needed so I swore, "Завали ебало!"

 

Zavali yebalo – Shut the fuck up!

 

Then I slapped her and reminded her, "Just which one of us is the agent in charge???"

 

Flashback – Tatiana – At the hospital

 

I looked down at the ground and replied, "You are in charge Masha, and I am sorry… But… But… But I am frustrated that Ben won't let me be both his nurse and his girlfriend like before… And now he's missing and I feel it's my fault. I bet that little reporter сука (bitch) took him somewhere."

 

Masha smiled and strangely advised, "Then you should thank her profusely."

 

I complained, "Like hell I will! I will kick her ass and then make him dread the day he was birthed!"

 

Masha clucked like a mother hen and continued, "Tatiana what happened the last time Ben felt like the town was under continual danger from the Chechen сволоч (bastard)?"

 

I replied, "He made himself a target…" I stopped when suddenly it made sense to me… If Ben wasn't here then the hospital wasn't a target… And if the hospital wasn't a target then Ben wouldn't do something crazy again.

 

I looked at Masha and began to cry…

 

Flashback – Masha – At the hospital

 

Tatiana had been properly chastised for her outburst and she finally realized that if Ben was moved it was for the best. She began to cry and hugged me.

 

Jack walked over and I worried he might again say something to upset her but instead he surprised me when he said, "Tatiana, I want to apologize to you for the things I said. I didn't mean that you weren't an excellent nurse, I really was just answering the Captain's question."

 

I smiled at him and suggested, "Why don't you see if the Spetsnaz can find out in which hotel Ben's new personal nurse is staying? Because if you find her you will most likely find Ben."

 

One of the Spetsnaz ran outside and exclaimed, "You will not believe what is on the television!"

 

We all rush inside the hospital and…

 

Flashback – Jens – At the military hospital

 

This was embarrassing as heck! Rats! It was even more embarrassing than the fireman seeing me without clothes. They had me in a bath of water and it seemed like a hundred people gathered around as they slowly pulled away the rest clothes that had stuck to my skin. It hurt like heck and some tears rolled down my face.

 

Daddy asked, "Jennifer, does it hurt much?"

 

I made a lame attempt to act like a Marine and lied, "It's not that bad Daddy. I'm just embarrassed."

 

Then the nurse snitched on me, "Sir, your daughter is trying to be brave. She is experiencing great pain right now. Because burns, even ones as minor as these, are some of the most excruciating pain you can experience."

 

Daddy questioned, "Well, can't you give her something for the pain?"

 

The doctor informed us, "Sir! Until we do a very thorough assessment of the extent of her burns and ascertain that she hasn't injured her lungs, which could cause breathing difficulties, we do not want to administer an analgesic which might further depress her breathing capability."

 

Daddy instantly became upset and made me blush, "Listen you pencil dicked, pencil pushing moron, there's no way my daughter was exposed to anything which would cause her breathing difficulties. She accidentally picked up some hot clothes to cover herself with, so give her something for pain immediately or I will send your sorry ass to Thule."

 

As Daddy liked to say, 'that lite a fire under the doctor's rear'! He quickly ordered the nurse to give me an injection. The nurse said as she provided the relief, "This is morphine. In about fifteen minutes you should feel fine."

 

The doctor added, "We're not going to do anything more until the morphine begins to work."

 

Most of the people left, the morphine began to work, I was relaxed and felt quite good, and then she walked into my room…

 

Flashback – Alexi – At home some time later

 

The solution to the cryptex evaded me. I looked at the word list on the computer and realized it was going to take me a very long time to solve. I tried to access my files on the computer, however they were now password protected. I searched in the typical places that passwords were hidden but didn't locate the file password.

 

The change in the status of my files occupied my mind as I whirled the disks on the cryptex. Then I realized something: My assumption of a word being needed to solve the cryptex was not valid. Yes, my 'parents' never told me it was a word which meant it could be any representation of letters (this greatly depressed me because it added greatly to the number of possible solutions).

 

I heard a noise, turned and noticed a slight movement behind the curtain which covered the wall. I was being observed… If this was the case then this cryptex was more than just a puzzle for me to solve… Ah, now I understood. It was another test.

 

I calmly set the cryptex back into its box and carried it to my room with me. As I drifted off to sleep, I had an excellent idea! Yes, it was time for me to…

 

Flashback – Ira, Mira and Naomi – in Israel

 

Mira inadvertently inebriated the behemoth man and we realized why Naomi restricted his alcoholic consumption as the behemoth man stood up from the bed and boldly brayed, "I think it is time for a three way encounter with Naomi and my new twin employees. Take your damn clothes off bitches and prepare yourselves for my manhood!"

 

Mira counter informed the braying behemoth, "Sir, once again I will elucidate that we are not your employees."

 

He counter brayed, "Like hell you aren't! You are in my house and I own the two of you sassy little bitches. Now strip for me or I will spank your asses until they are beet red!"

 

After his threat I decided a more direct approach was required…

 

After the behemoth man unwisely threatened and insulted us several times, my sister Ira decided to directly rectify the situation. She acquired a vase from the table adjacent to the bed and forcefully applied it to the behemoth man's cranial carapace. The application of force incapacitated the behemoth man's corporeal self.

 

Naomi now brayed, "What the hell did you do that for? I should kick your ass!"

 

Now it was my turn to perform an act of direct assistance – in words of other – I kicked Naomi's ass which rendered her corporeal self additionally incapacitated.

 

Irinka declared, "Perhaps Safia's original assessment of the formerly behemoth man, and now once again your Stay Puft man, was more accurate than previous perceptions indicated."

 

I complained at the perception of ownership, "Irinka, he is now and has always been your Stay Puft man." Then I occulated Irinka's katana and proposed a creative and bold suggestion…

 

Flashback – Todd – On the island – In 'The Cave'

 

Yeah, I was totally restrained and thoroughly fucked! The largest damn Komodo Dragon I had ever seen, it was easily 12 feet long, entered the cave. I froze knowing its night vision was limited but was fucked when it began to sample the air with its tongue (yeah, just like a fucking snake). They had an excellent sense of smell and I was sure it would detect me because of my still seeping neck wound.

 

I considered distracting it by throwing a rock in a different area of the cave, but then remembered that they had almost non-existent hearing. I decided instead to hit it with the fucking rock. Unfortunately, my first rock missed its head and bounced off its body which only pissed it off! It hissed, snapped at the rock and lumbered toward me.

 

My second rock was better as it nailed it on the nose. The fucking over-grown lizard shook its head but then continued sampling the air and again headed toward me. I frantically looked for a weapon and decided that an available sharp rock was about my best choice. I kept my selected defensive weapon but kept raining rocks on the fucking lizard as it continued toward me.

 

It stopped just out of reach of my rock weapon, sampled the air, raised up on its hind legs to attack and then…

 

 

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