Chapter 026

Home 2 Chapter 026

Copyright 2013 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia


Flashback – Ben – Out of the frying pan! – Earlier before the others arrived


If Elena was my type, I could have kissed the hell out of her! Not only did she find more than enough AK mags to fight a small war (which it looked like we were in!), she found a crap load of F1 Russian hand grenades1.


1 F1 hand grenade – nicknamed limonka (lemon like) because of its shape. Old as hell but still potent and in use in many countries.


I said, "This is great, did you find anything else?"


She replied, "Just more magazines and grenades."


I ordered, "Keep bringing as many as you can up here."


I grabbed two handfuls of grenades, rolled up to the window and - hell yes the stupid fuckers had advanced too close! I pulled the pin on one, let he handle flip and threw with all my might. It blew the fuck out of one of the bastards. I continued with the rest until the bastards beat a hasty retreat out of range of my hand grenade fusillade (which then gave me the opportunity to shoot the fuckers with the AK). They annoyingly kept up the fire on the church. I sure as hell didn't know why because these walls were so thick a round wouldn't penetrate.


I picked up a grenade, tossed it in my hand a few times and came up with a hell of an idea.


Elena ran up with more supplies and I asked, "Do you know what a baseball bat is?"


She replied, "Yes, it is a special stick used for playing baseball. Why do you ask?"


I ordered, "See if you can find something that looks like a baseball bat."


I watched out the window, waited until one of the bastards rose up then I fired at them with the AK. This wasn't the most accurate weapon so many of my shots were misses but it held them off. Then they decided to charge all at once! I picked them off with the AK and when they got in range opened up a can of real whoop ass on them with the hand grenades. The charge was short-lived as they skulked back out of range.


Elena ran up with stick that looked like a tree branch. The weight and length were close enough so I grasped it, swung it and liked the way it felt.


Elena asked, "What are you going to do with that branch?"


I answered, "I once watched a movie called "The Punisher" where he used a baseball bat to send a grenade back at the person who threw it at him. I think by using this stick I can extend the range of the hand grenades."


She looked scared and expressed some concern, "Don't you think the grenade might blow up if you hit it with the stick?"


I laughed and said, "Hell, you live everyday but you only die once." Authors note: The world likes to say YOLO (You Only Live Once) but that's not true: You should live every day and YODO (You Only Die Once).


I pulled the pin on the grenade, chucked it up into the air and swung for the proverbial fence. The makeshift bat connected with the grenade. It didn't detonate on contact (thank God) but it sailed past the position of the bastards. I looked at Elena and remarked, "This would go a hell of a lot faster if you pitched these to me."


She asked, "How do I do that?"


I had her practice a few times with rocks until she got the hang of it. Then we were on the attack again and it was a hell of a lot faster than I could do it myself. I pulled back a bit on the power and watched with satisfaction as the grenades bounced around the bastards. They jumped up to retreat and I ordered, "Fall to the floor and cover your ears." She complied and I fired at the backs of the cowardly bastards with my AK.


When I stopped firing, she jumped up and questioned, "What now?"


I ordered, "More of the same!" And we kept it up until they were out of the range of my improvised baseball bat grenade chucker…


Flashback – Jack – At the old Orthodox Church


Whoever the fucker was throwing the grenades had a hell of an arm but terrible fucking aim. They should have only been able to throw the grenades about thirty to forty meters and hell we were back close to a hundred meters and we were still too close. But the grenades were falling all over the fucking place. Oh they would get lucky once and awhile and blow up some fucking terrorist, but most of the time they just blew the hell out of everything but the terrorists. I looked over at the grandmother and she was kicking ass… Ah, I figured out she was keeping the Chechen bastards from flanking the church. I decided that sounded like a good plan so I helped her out. Then the grenades started but with a different effect this time, all I could do was duck and hope they missed me.


Then I was shocked when the grenades stopped because the old grandmother jumped up and ran (better than any grandmother I had ever seen!) toward us. The Chechen bastards fired at her, so I gave her covering fire and even took out a couple of them.


Flashback – Masha – At the old Orthodox Church


I arrived at the church in the middle of a huge battle. I was not sure who was in the church but they were using hand grenades to their ultimate advantage, to hold off the attacking forces. In fact it was almost text book however one thing bothered me, they were able to launch the grenades an extreme distance, I say launch because before the first grenade hit the ground, there was some sort of funny sounding crack.


I noticed Jack and Tatiana had arrived but I wondered where the rest of the Spetsnaz were. I had been busy making sure that none of the Chechens flanked the church and then removed the ones who foolishly exposed themselves to me.


Then… Then… Then the tactics of the grenade launcher changed! In response I hugged the ground and prayed! When I looked up… NO! Tatiana had been injured! I must get to her!!!


Flashback – Ben – Out of the frying pan!


I decided to try something different and ordered, "Elena, hold the grenades for a count of one before you pitch them to me."


She asked, "Do you think it is wise?"


I answered, "Hell yes it's wise! These grenades all have about a four second fuse. If you hold them for one second and I hit them as hard as I can, then we will have airburst grenades. And no fucker can hide behind anything from them." You see the other grenades were hitting the ground and not doing much damage. Hell, if you lay on the ground a grenade can go off damn close to you and you won't be hit, especially if you happen to be in a little depression. My plan worked as the first one went off in the air and rained shrapnel down on the bastards…


Flashback – Jack – At the old Orthodox Church


The old grandmother ran past me to Tatiana and began to take care of her. I guessed she was wounded by one of the damn airburst grenades. I'm not sure how the hell they did it but it ripped everyone (including us) a new asshole. I ran to Tatiana and stated to the grandmother, "We need to move back further."


The grandmother said in a strange voice, "Yes, we are much too close to the church. She is stable enough for moving but I will continue to work on her after we reach a safe distance."


I grabbed Tatiana and we both hauled ass away from the church. The fuckers start firing at us, but only until the next round of airburst grenades started going off.


I finally heard the obscenely noisy BTR 80 coming….


Flashback – Ben – Out of the frying pan!


Elena paused and asked, "What's that noise?"


I listened and answered, "Unless I am wrong that's the Spetsnaz BTR 80 finally arriving."


I launched one more round of air burst grenades and then something really bad happened…


Flashback – Jens – At the military hospital


They took a break from removing the clothes stuck on me because my pain was too great. The nurse gave me another injection and said, "We will be back in ten minutes to start again. Your parents are waiting outside to see you."


I questioned, "Will the burns I received leave many scars?"


The nurse looked around and answered, "I shouldn't tell you this since it should come from a doctor. Most of your burns are second degree and those should heal without scarring, especially if we apply some creams to them during a topical massage. Now do you want your parents to come into the room?"


I thought for a moment and said, "Cover me first and then you can send my parents into the room."


She covered the tank I was in with a sheet then left. My parents walked into the room and I ordered, "Okay mother let me see what clothes you brought me."


She held out the bag, I snatched it out of her hand, opened it, looked inside and swore, "What sort of fricken crap is this!" Then I dumped it all on the floor and demanded, "I want a new set of camo tights to wear, several changes of camo underwear and also a real set of BDU's not the bogus fake ones. I also need the makeup that I normally use not this bullshit that makes me look like some sort of wicked witch. You are dismissed to do as I have ordered…"


Flashback – Glen – At the military hospital


Jennifer was playing this prima ballerina roll to the max! After Jennifer's 'orders', I could tell Evelyn was ready to explode so I hauled her out into the hallway before she let loose, "That little bitch! Who does she think she is?"


I calmly answered, "Evelyn, you've received the prima ballerina you've always wished for so now we have to live with the monster you've created. I would suggest you get her the clothes she demanded while I head to the base and see if I can come up with some BDU's that will fit her."


Evelyn worried me when she said, "If she doesn't start showing me some respect then I will find some way to get even with her."


Jennifer's ballet teacher showed up and tearfully asked, "I heard Jennifer was injured, will she still be able to perform in Swan Lake?"


I replied, "Jennifer told us that she would dance no matter how bad the pain was."


She asked, "Would it be permissible if I went in to see her?"


Evelyn answered, "Feel free to go in but I warn you that she's acting like a real bitchy little prima ballerina."


The ballet teacher responded, "Oh, but she has every right to behave like that! If you had seen her dance it was… Well, the best Odette I have ever seen anywhere!"


As the teacher and a bunch of medical people entered her room, I looked at Evelyn and she grumped, "I will believe that when I see it."


I stated, "Well, I'm heading out to get the BDU's and I would suggest you go shopping for the list Jennifer gave you. And don't forget to stop by home and pickup her makeup."


Evelyn complained, "Now don't you start on me too or…"


I interrupted her, "Sorry my love, but we need to get going." And I left before she started on me! When I got around a few corners, I had to stop and laugh…


Flashback – Alexi – At home some time later


I finished my homework, took a shower and then went to bed to analyze today's occurrences. I was very happy with the results of my 'tests' today. My 'parents' were totally confused by the changes in my behavior so I was certain they would spend several hours tonight trying to uncover the reason for my actions today.


And it was simple for me! All I did was change my actions and responses to the tests performed on me. I feigned boredom, sadness and indifference. As I lay on my bed I devised some new reactions for tomorrow's series of tests. However, I still secretly wanted to work on the cryptex, but to do that would defeat the effect of today's tests on my 'parents.'


Flashback – Mira and Ira – in Israel


The removal of the behemoth man's alimentary canal plug was worse than words could express! It released massively noxious fumes into the air, geysered the room with a massive vodka feces slurry which explosively reached to the ceiling. I looked at Irinka and commanded, "Run!" However, she was already ahead of me…


Mira and I translocated into the hallway then slammed and locked the door. I looked at her and opined, "I feel as if I need a complete cleansing in robust antiseptics."


Mirinka replied, "I have never observed such a massive discharge in my life and if I never see such an occurrence again it will be too recent. I agreed heart wholly with her sentiment! In addition, I certified that we both need a complete cleansing to remove the noxious odors which still cling to our corporeal selves."


I questioned, "What about our clothes?"


Mirinka answered, "We will need to liberate some of Naomi's clothes while we cleanse ours…"


There was rapid banging on the door to the behemoth man's dormitory and we heard a frantic Naomi bray, "Let me out of here, it is a huge mess in here."


I informed her, "Naomi, we have performed our duty, now it is your duty to cleanse the mess."


She brayed, "But it is more than one person can clean! Please send in some of the others to help."


I questioned, "Others? We do not know of these others."


Naomi informed us, "They are in the harem bedroom of the house. However, be careful as it is guarded by eunuchs."


I looked at my sister and asserted, "Irinka, you are again correct, there is more here than the eye meets."


I answered Naomi, "We will locate this harem dormitory and send you assistance."


Then I whispered to Ira, "Ira, please locate the harem dormitory and interview the women to ascertain how they have been treated. I am going to use the computer to research alternate treatments for Safia."


Ira reminded me, "Don't forget that Masha's nasty e-mail requires a response."


I had indeed forgotten the matter so I questioned, "Ira, what did she say to upset you so?"


Ira's eyes flashed extreme anger when she related, "Masha ordered us to self-copulate!"


Upon receipt of that information I agreed, "Yes Irinka, that missive merits a response of the most extreme nature. And I think I have something which should repair her diminutive wheeled red vehicle for children."


We both left to perform our assignments…


Flashback – Todd – On the island – In 'The Cave'


After some time had passed, the woman returned. She sat just out of reach and began to speak but I couldn't understand her so I shrugged my shoulders. She pointed to herself and said, "Liu." I tried to croak a Liu but it ended up more like a grunt than anything else.


She repeated, "Liu." Then she slowly moved her hands and mouth and I realized she was using some sort of sign language.


I moved my hands to mimic her but she shook her head no, repeated "Liu" then pointed to her mouth as she used her hands.


I tried again and added the mouth movements and for the first time she smiled and nodded.


I pointed to the bed and looked back in her direction. She then appeared to draw a character in the air. As I tried to replicate the pattern, she actually laughed at my attempt. She took a stick, drew the character in the dirt, then drew it in the air. I tried again and must have done better this time.


We spent the next several hours with her trying to teach me her language.


Then she stood up, pointed to the IV and made a sign of slicing my neck. Now that I understood without needing to be told: If I attacked her again when she changed my IV she would kill me! She walked over changed my IV, moved back to her place and I tried to croak a thank you.


She said some words and moved her hands and mouth and I copied. It was very comforting to know my captor and to be able to communicate with her…