Chapter 047

Home 2 Chapter 047

Copyright 2013 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia


Present – Jens – In the equipment room


I am pissed as hell for not controlling my team better! And my condition is made all the worse because the old fart Jack was right! Liz got a bug in her butt about Maria, insulted her and now the two of them are fighting like – well like two women. And for those of you that haven't seen women really fight, it's not a pretty sight. There's hair pulling, clawing, biting, kicking and all the other non-marital arts bullshit that women do when they fight. Bernie is wise enough to stay out of the way (hell the biggest mistake a man can make is trying to break up a fight between two women as they invariably both turn on the man).


Unfortunately, it's my job to stop this bullshit. I begin to push myself up but it hurts like hell. The fucking wood clamp Maria put on my chest wound bothers the hell out of me so I pull it off, then I get a great idea and throw it, with all my imagined strength, at Liz and Maria who are rolling around on the floor. It smacks Maria upside the head and she swears, "What the fuck!" But it doesn't even slow down the fight.


I begin my yoga breathing and meditation to push the pain (which is so severe I want to puke) to the back of my mind. I force myself to my feet and stumble toward them. I get close enough to reach down, grab the wood clamp and begin to beat the shit out of them… 


Present – Maria – In the equipment room


Son of a bitch, Liz fights better than I thought she would! Oh, it's not like my earlier fight with my Princess Boss which was a martial arts contest – this is a real knockdown, drag out fight between women – which means it isn't a fair fight because this is about winning, not being fair. I've lost hell - I don't know how much hair, but I've done my best and given Liz a few fucking bald spots too.


Something clocks me upside the head and really pisses me off. I'm getting ready to give this royal pain in the ass bitch a beating she will never forget when someone starts beating the hell out of my back. If it's that damn fiancé of hers I will rip off his balls.


I turn and I'm totally shocked when I recognize that it's Jens and the self-inflicted shame at making our situation worse finally gets me to quit fighting, then…


Present – Liz – In the equipment room


I'm teaching this princess a thing or two about fighting – yeah, she might be on top of me, but that was my plan. Suddenly she stops fighting, I see my chance and punch her with my hardest blow right under the chin. She falls on top of me and I began to whoop, "Yeah that will teach you who the fucking princess is around here!"


Then I hear Jens softly ask, "Are you two about done with your stupidity?"


I move Maria and see Jens teetering over us with the wood clamp in her hand. She begins to sway and I yell, "Bernie catch Jens, she's going to fall!"


He runs over, grabs her by the arms and helps lower her to the floor.


I push Maria's fat fucking ass off me, crawl over to Jens and ask, "Are you okay?"


She coughs up some blood and complains, "Hell no I'm not okay! My BFF and my girl Friday just had a knockdown drag out fight. What the hell were you two thinking?"


Jen is right, I begin to swallow my pride and say, "Sorry Jens, we weren't…"


Jens sighs, her eyes roll back in her head and she becomes limp. I yell at Bernie, "I think that was Jens last breath and she's dying. Help me get her to the table."


He carries her to the table, I run over behind him and notice that Jens has undone all the work Maria did to her. The wood clamp is missing and blood has covered her shirt. Jens pulled out her IV and there's blood everywhere from it and the chest tube thing is lying on the table. I feel for a pulse - thank God there is a pulse. I look at Bernie and say, "We need Maria, please wake her up."


Bernie waffles, "Liz, after your fight I'm not sure that is such a wise idea."


I counter, "Bernie, if we can't wake up Maria then Jens might die."


I watch as Bernie grabs a pitcher, fills it full of water, walks over and dumps in on Maria.


Maria wakes up and yells…


Present – Maria – In the equipment room


Hells bells! Someone throws a pitcher of cold damn water on me and I'm mad as a wet hen. Wait – what the hell happened? Fuck! I remember: I stopped fighting because Jens was beating the shit out of me with the wood clamp and that damn bitch Liz landed a lucky punch! I jump up and announce, "Liz fucking Morgan, your ass is grass."


I notice she's at the table by Jens and she announces, "Maria, we can settle this later if we still need to, Jens desperately needs our help."


I run over to the table and fuck no! Jens has undone everything I did. Hell, her chest wound is bleeding like the horsehead scene from The Godfather, the blood transfusion is spilling all over the floor and she even pulled out her chest tube and her lung has collapsed again. No this actually looks worse than the horsehead scene from The Godfather.


I realize how fucking stupid it was to fight with Liz – hell, it might cost me my Princess Boss's life. I begin working on her again and order, "Get me some more blood and warm it like before…


Present – Mike (formerly Major and then Captain M) – At the cabin.


What a hell of a fucking night! I am frustrated as hell since nothing has gone as planned: Not only has Ben, and whoever the fuck his accomplice is, avoided the drone and the Apaches; he pranked the hell out of me; blew the shit out of the PortaPotties (literally); and made me look and smell like shit in front of the Special Forces. All I want to do is get back to my hotel, clean up and regroup for tomorrow. I plan on commandeering one of the Chinooks to take me back to my hotel since Ben put a fifty caliber hole into the engine on my chopper. I'm finally settled in the Chinook, the pilot fires up the engine, there's a loud bang, the indicator lights on the control panel go fucking crazy and the pilot yells, "Fuck! We need to get out of here now before she blows!"


The bastard pilot opens his door and takes off like his ass is on fire leaving me to fend for myself inside the ticking time bomb Chinook. I roll to the side door, open it and suddenly face a hell of a drop off! I can't wait for help so I push the wheels on my fucking wheelchair and launch myself out of the Chinook. I hit the fucking ground hard, hear my backup wheelchair go crack, and tumble ass over elbows.


The Captain runs up and questions, "Sir, are you okay?"


I order, "Get me away from here before the chopper blows up."


The Captain and a couple of helpers haul my ass away from the Chinook before it explodes. After a few minutes a grunt comes up and reports to the Captain, "Sir, Mike's wheelchair is broken and the Chinook isn't going to blow up. Apparently our tango put flashbangs into the air intakes on the engines. When the pilot started the engines on this Chinook, they detonated and made him believe the engines were going to explode. This was determined when we did an immediate search of the other Chinooks."


I swear, "Captain! Where the hell were your men when this happened?"


He defends his actions (and his ass), "Sir, they were guarding the prisoner tent as you ordered earlier."


I plead in the hope that something went right, "Please tell me some of the prisoners tried to escape and are now not counted among the living."


The Captain deflates my wishes, "Sorry Sir, it appears that they are obeying Jack Reynolds. He ordered them not to attempt escape or to even remove their shackles."


Son of a fucking bitch, I was flanked again…


Present – Ben – At the cabin


I am quite pleased with the opening battles of this mission. I'm not sure of all the results yet, but just seeing the PortaPotty explode with the son of a fucking bitch Mike in it was worth all my effort. I begin to make my MRE and ask, "Destiny, would you like an MRE?"


She states, "Yes Ben, but I am ashamed to tell you I do not know how to prepare them."


I consider for a moment checking if I have either a Captain Upchuck Chicken or Hotdog MRE, but reconsider because she was a hell of a help earlier with her bow. I rummage through the MRE's and continue, "You have your choice of Thai Chicken or Beef Stew."


She asks, "Is the Thai Chicken spicy?"


I reply, "It's not bad by itself, but if you trust me to work on it, then it's pretty damn good and spicy. For dessert I will show you how to make Recon cookies from what's left."


She totally blows me away when she asks, "Would it be similar to the way you fixed Jennifer's, Jack's and Ivan's MREs?"


I am baffled, shake my head trying to fathom how she asked what she asked, stand up as best I can in this cramped bunker and demand, "How the fucking hell do you know about my MREs I made for them?"


She calms me, "Ben, sit back down. Ivan made your special MREs for Liz, Bernie, Maria and a little for Jens, all of whom are trapped in the tunnels. Jack and the others had to eat cold MREs in the prisoner tent because the greenie slaves said the heaters could be used to create bombs and so withheld any means to heat the MREs. Jack was especially upset because he gave his roast beef MRE to Mabel and ate her hotdog MRE."


What the fuck! How in the hell does she know all this? I confront and deliver an timely ultimatum, "Destiny, you need to tell me how the fuck you know all this information immediately! Otherwise, I'm kicking you the hell out of this bunker and you will be on your own!"


Destiny smiles and assures me, "Ben, when the hell will you believe me? As I have told you before I am a shaman and I see what other's see and feel what they feel. By the way, your flashbangs worked on the first Chinook Mike tried to take. Your surprise scared, as you would say, 'the hell out of him' and he broke his last wheelchair escaping from the helicopter when he felt it was going to explode. However, they found the flashbangs in the other Chinooks and Mike is now heading back to his hotel in Denver in one of those Chinooks."


I begin to prepare our MREs and swear, "Son of a bitch, I should have known they would have found the other flashbangs - I hate wasting ordinance on faulty planning."


Destiny one again tries to calm me, "Ben, don't worry. They haven't found your 'bear traps' yet."


That comment makes me feel better because those are going to temporarily take troops out of the patrols.


I hand Destiny her 'improved' Thai chicken and she questions, "Ben, I sense you have plans for the little tabasco bottles you saved?"


I smile and explain, "I learned a little trick in Iraq with these bottles that I don't think the greenies have learned. But first I need to give the greenies some music to listen to tonight."


Destiny smiles and confirms my feelings, "Yes, music can be a powerful psychological weapon."


I continue, "Then this song should really fix their asses…"


I hook up my music player to my comm station, which happens to have all the security keys for their comm stations, fire it up, lean back and comment, "Well I don't know about you, but I need to get some sleep to get ready for tomorrow night's missions."


Destiny asks, "Which song are you playing for them."


I laugh, "It's by Wednesday 13 and it called Bad Things Happen to you1."


1 Only listen if you can handle metal music -


Destiny states, "I don't know that song."


I roll over, laugh and promise, "You will by tomorrow, and unless I'm wrong the prisoners will all be singing it."



Present – Jack – In prison at the cabin.


We are all laughing about the joke that was better than Linus' lame joke when I ask, "What the hell is that song? It sounds like someone put a fucking cat in a blender. I fucking hate death metal music."


Linus answers, "Fuck if I know, I've never hear it before."


Many of the older guys agree, "Hell you can't call that music – Damn fucking greenies are using psychological warfare on us – Does someone have some fucking earplugs?"


From the back one on the younger guys pops up, "Fuck yeah, this is a great song called Bad Things Happen to you by Wednesday 13. We played it all the time in the Sandbox to get ready for missions."


They begin to sing and I immediately know it's Banzai's work, the sneaky bastard has begun psychological warfare:


"A bullet in your head is how I want it

Your body on the floor -- a Kodak moment

You're a waste of air and a waste of space

I want sharp objects to fly into your face

I hate you now more than I ever did

I wanna kill you, dig you up and do it again

I want a car to run over your head

Put it in reverse and do it again


And I would be lying if I said that it wasn't true

I only want bad things to happen to you

I want bad things to happen to you

I want bad things to happen to you

I want very bad things to happen to you


It would be really great if you drowned in a lake

Or put a bag over your face and watched you suffocate

I'd celebrate at your wake, I'd bake myself a cake

'Cause you're my favorite person that I love to hate

And you're the reason that murder should be legalized

If it was, you'd be dead and in the ground by five

Just in case I forgot to say --

I hate you motherfucker in the very worst way


And I would be lying if I said that it wasn't true

I only want bad things to happen to you

I want bad things to happen to you

I want bad things to happen to you

I want very bad things to happen to you


I want bad things to happen to you

I want bad things to happen to you

I want bad things to happen to you

I want very bad things to happen to you

I want bad things to happen to you

I want bad things to happen to you

I want bad things to happen to you

I want very bad things to happen to you


Hell, once I understand the words and figure out Banzai is doing this I tell everyone, "This isn't the Greenies using this music, it's Banzai." Once they heard it the older guys started to like the song and begin to sing it with the younger guys, especially the chorus until the fucking grunt with a target on his chest walks in and yells, "Shut the fucking hell up! This damn song is on all the comm units and is driving us fucking crazy."


We quiet down, he leaves and I proudly state, "Now that's my Banzai." Then I command…


Present – Mira, Ira and Alex – At the cash


My emotions are still slightly agitated, so with Alexi on his mission I confront Ira, "I am not certain it is wise to encourage Alexi to mate with Samantha Stevens."


She grins at me and confounds my complacency with her reply, "Mirinka, do I detect an overabundance of maternal instincts toward Alexi?"


I pose an alternate juxtaposition, "Irinka, Ben is here and is waging guerilla warfare with the Special Forces."


She sits upright and comments, "Ah, now I fully comprehend your amassed maternal instincts. And this was to be comprehended and indeed anticipated - they have invaded his property."


Alexi breathlessly returns and informs us, "My sisters, I have news."


I command, "Alexi, calm yourself and recite the news."


He takes several calming breaths and begins,



"I reconnoitered and discovered that Ben Blaine is indeed here with an unknown accomplice. They have already performed numerous attacks against the Special Forces. But the greatest of all was against an individual called Mike. He exploded the toilet while Mike was resting upon it."


Ira interrupts, "Alexi tell me, is this individual incapacitated and uses a wheelchair."


Alexi confirms, "Yes, he does."


Ira cautions, "Alexi, this man, even though he appears incapacitated is an incredibly formidable adversary. You must never battle him alone or perform anything which would incur his wrath."


 I supply additional information, "Yes Alexi, Mike is an expert of the highest degree in Kali1 sticks, his weapons will be hidden in his wheelchair."


1 Kali is an umbrella term for the traditional martial arts of the Philippines ("Filipino Martial Arts," or FMA) that emphasize weapon-based fighting with sticks, knives and other bladed weapons, and various improvised weapons. It also includes hand-to-hand combat, joint locks, grappling and weapon disarming techniques.


Alexi questions, "Have you two ever confronted him in battle?"


I look at Ira, she nods and I confirm, "When I was training with Ben at a CIA sponsored encampment I did have an occasion to fight him. Unfortunately, the fight was to a draw. Please provide more information on Ben's toilet surprise."


Alexi continues his report, "I do have a few questions. Ben used flashbangs in the toilet when it might have been more advisable to use C4 or other charges. They exploded while Mike was in the toilet and covered him with fecal matter."


Ira explains the seeming inconsistency, "Alexi, it would appear that Ben is using psychological warfare against Mike."


Alexi becomes animated when he adds more information, "Then that would explain the comm channels all being jammed with this terrible song."


Ira requests, "Let our tympanic units experience this melody."


Alexi plays it and I laugh, "Yes, that would be a song which Ben would utilize since it sends an unequivocal message of threat to Mike and his minions."


We begin to discuss further information when something occurs…


Present –  Stacy and Samantha – On the way back to the camp


With Bill properly motivated on who he really works for, we head to the drilling site where they are trying to enter the tunnels. I order, "Bill, we need to have an armed contingent here at all times and we need better access control for this area."


Bill questions, "Ms. Summers, to do that will require twice the number of men we currently are using."


I explain my feeling, "Bill, I have a concern that Jennifer Donaldson could still be a target in the tunnels. I don't care how many more men it takes, I want this site secured. And while you're at it, I want four of our best men to accompany me and Samantha whenever we leave our compound."


Bill gives me a troubled look and further questions, "Stacy, do you have concerns about your own safety?"


I reply, "Yes Bill, there could be a serious threat to my safety. We just talked with Miranda Sedankina in the CSH. She doesn't appear at this time to know of my previous relationship with Ben, however I am sure she will eventually obtain that information. When she does, I might be seen as a possible threat to her supposed love for Ben."


Bill interrogated, "Were there others with her?"

I grimly reply, "Her twin sister Irina who is recovering from wounds, their brother Alexi who has taken an interest in Samantha and a man who was still unconscious."


Bill reinforced my concerns, "Stacy, if they want you dead, I don't think there is any way to protect you while you remain here."


I look at Bill and suggest, "Ben taught me a few tricks that we can use to minimize the danger."


He questioned, "And those are?"


We arrive at the tunnel excavation and I answer, "The less that you know of our plans, in this case, the better."


We talk to the engineer who reports, "Ms. Summers, good news! With our current rate of operation we should break into the tunnel about mid-morning. Of course we won't know exactly until we enter the tunnel as to how stable it will be."


I pat him on the back and congratulate him, "Good job!" Then I look around, motion to Bill and order, "Bill, after what we saw in the CSH I want our own team of medical people standing by. In fact let's get Lake County SAR involved. Make sure we have flight surgeons available for our choppers."


I motion to Samantha and say, "I don't know about you, but I'm tired as hell..."


We head back to our compound and I ask, "Stacy, do you remember to get the code word?"


Stacy responds, "Hell no, I was too shaken up and thinking about other things."


I laugh and say, "Well I sure remember, it's 'stick rifle.'"


Stacy laughs and I question, "Do you really feel we are in danger from Alexi's sisters?"


Stacy gives me a firm look and answers, "Hell yes we are! If Miranda thinks I am a possible threat to her and Ben then I will become a major target. She fell deeply in love with him many years ago and from what I've understood it's only grown deeper over the years."


We get to our tents and I remark, "It will sure be good to turn that cot into a 'dreamland express'."


Then Stacy shocks me by saying…


Present – Zarika and Yasmeen – Escape


Yasmeen angrily replies, "Who ya callin' cracka ho, teacher's pet!"


He counters, " Who ya' callin' teacher's pet, de only teachin' here be when ah' teach ya' white cracka ass t'rap."


Yasmeen listens to the beat of their music, starts to sway, gyrate and move her hands, which to me look like gang signs, then she begins…


Present – Byron, Thom and Inga – It's raining hell on the drug lord


It does me good to see Thom working with someone besides our old TSIFFTS team or me. I notice Thom's hand signals, then Inga's hand signals and I know they have another plan that doesn't include the Recons and frankly I don't blame them. They move in a different direction as the Recons begin to move toward the building and I caution over the comm, "Hey you guys, I wouldn't be too quick on getting into a burning building."


The team leader states, "We can't let the Drug Lord escape."


I try to talk some sense into them, "Do you really think the Drug Lord would still be in a burning building that's half blown to hell."


The team leader foolishly removes all doubt about his leadership ability, "It doesn't matter… We still need to check the building…"


I have to admit, working with Inga has been better than I thought it would be. Hell, there have been several times, like with the land mine, that she's saved my bacon! Perhaps I need to reconsider this 'lone wolf' penchant of mine. We leave the burning building to the Recons as Inga and I head down a wharf and toward a dock.


We're at the edge of the wharf when all hell breaks loose with weapons fire…


I was concerned about this once I saw the wharf. The Drug Lord had most likely used one of his fast boats (that he smuggles drugs with) to escape the compound. We reach the edge of the wharf when his security forces begin to fire on us again.


I give Thom some hand signals and then I…