Chapter 051

Home 2 Chapter 051

Copyright 2013 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia


Present – Mike – At the hotel


While I'm taking a long hot shower I hear my mobile phone ringing – shit, whoever they are can wait until I'm fucking done! That damn flashbang got shit in places on me I didn't even know I had. When I catch that bastard Ben, he will pay. I know methods of torture he's never even heard of.


I finally finish removing all the shit off me, dry off but still get the towels dirty as hell (I guess I missed some places), get into my new wheelchair, roll out into the suite and check my phone. Hot damn! The call was from the Creech Air Force base commander and perhaps that drone finally picked up Ben and his cohort's heat signature. I call him back and declare, "Commander, I hope you have some good news for me!"


He answers, "We're not sure yet Sir, but our drone did detect two unidentified tangos leaving the cabin area and we tracked them to some trees."


Because I’ve convinced myself that I might have to do everything by myself I question, "Commander, what else have you done about this?"


He answers, "Nothing as yet Sir since your last orders were to find the tangos."


I smack my head and ask, "So you didn't call the captain yet to inform him of the tangos?"


He covers his ass, "Certainly not, not until I talk to you. So what are your orders Sir?"


Once again I contemplate just blowing Ben's ass to hell but decide the time is not yet right so I order, "Commander, contact the Captain immediately and let him know the location of the tangos. Keep surveilling the tangos and if the tangos attempt to escape then terminate them."


There's a short pause and the commander clarifies the orders, "Sir, I want to make sure I understand your order. We are to continue surveillance on the tangos unless they attempt escape then we are weapons free. I need to remind you Sir that this is American soil."


I choose my words carefully to cover my ass, "Commander that is correct. These two tangos are a viable threat to America. Already tonight they have attacked the camp, destroyed military property and fired at me. They are enemy combatants and cannot be allowed to escape. Now you have your orders."


He replies, "Yes Sir." Then he hangs up the phone.


I call the Captain and have to wait because he's on another call (I assume it's the Commander). He comes on the line and I question him, "Captain, did you hear from the drone Commander at Creech."


The captain answers, "Yes Sir I did and he notified me that his drone finally picked up our tangos. We have their position and are preparing a squad to intercept them."


I think for a moment and advise caution, "Captain, do not underestimate these two tangos. I want your squad to go in hot and go in heavy."


The captain assures me, "Don't worry Sir, we're all pissed as hell at them and are ready for some retribution. They won't know what hit them."


Present – Stacy and Samantha – Hiding out


Yeah, the last place we are going to be is where we are expected to be. Ben taught me this in our time together - don't become predictable and never let your enemy know where you're going to be, especially where you're going to sleep. Samantha and I slip out of our camp, make it past our guards (who are going to catch some hell about this tomorrow) and head for some trees.


Thank God Samantha stops whining about this change in plans. I hadn't realized what a pain in the ass it was when someone whined so much. However, I did realize how incredibly patient Ben was with me, because every time Samantha whines she reminds me of myself when I was with Ben. No wonder he took the hell off and left me – hell, I drove him away with my whining.


We're all settled in for the night, I just begin to drift off to sleep when, talk about whining, Samantha whispers, "Stacy, are there bears up here?"


Her question reminds me of a joke Ben played on me and I decide it's time to use that bit of Ben's training so I respond, "Yeah, but they're the little cute black bears not the huge man eating grizzly bears."


I anxiously wait and just like me she asks, "You mean sort of like a teddy bear?"


I work to control my voice because if I laugh now it will give it away. I answer, "Not really, they are sort of like teddy bears on steroids. They can get as big as 500 pounds with huge teeth and claws. But unless you do one certain thing, you don't really have to worry about them."


Samantha stutters, "Sta…Sta…Stacy what is that one thing?"


I have her now so I spring the same trap on her that Ben used on me, "Well, Ben said because the bears love sweet things, you should never brush your teeth before going to sleep. He said that he did it once and woke up with a bear licking his mouth."


I can hear the amazement in her voice when she questions, "Stacy are you sure about this? A b- b-bear was frenching Ben?"


I fight back the giggles and reply, "Hey, I'm just repeating what Ben told me. Don't tell me you brushed your teeth before you came out here?"


Samantha’s voice shows extreme concern when she answers, "Of course I did - I brush my teeth every night. Shoot, what am I supposed to do now?"


I can't control it anymore and begin to giggle. Then Samantha figures it out and really whines, "Stacy, I can't believe you did that to me and even worse, I can't believe I fell for it."


If I ever hope to get some rest, I need to put her mind at ease so I relent, "Samantha there are a few bears in the Rocky Mountains but with all the people here and all the explosions tonight they are long gone."


I wonder if my joke backfired when Samantha asks, "Stacy, are you really sure about this because you've already lied to me once tonight?"


I yawn and confirm, "Yes Samantha, this is the truth, now go to sleep."


I'm almost asleep when I hear Samantha whine, "Oh shoot!"


I yawn and ask, "Samantha what the hell is wrong now?"


I can't believe it when she says…


I do not like this night at all! I really want to be back in my warm and safe tent, away from the bears and all the other animals that come out at night. I'm all settled into my bag, which is very warm then it happens and I complain. Stacy asks what's wrong and I respond to Stacy's question, "I need to make pee."


Stacy yawns and answers, "Well go make pee. I'm not stopping you but I'm not coming with you to hold your hand."


I grumble as I unzip my bag, slide out into the cold night air, pick up my boots and shake the hell out of them in case a snake or something crawled inside one of them, put my boots on and ask, "Stacy, where should I make pee?"


Stacy grumbles her answer, "I don't care just as long as it's far enough away that I don't have to smell it tonight or step in it tomorrow morning."


I remember something else and ask, "Stacy do you have any paper???"


I can't fucking believe it! Samantha came out here without toilet paper. Then I remember that I did that one time with Ben (the bastard made me use leaves to wipe with but at least he showed me some really soft leaves from what he called a toilet paper plant1). After that Ben told me to keep part of a roll in one of the many pockets on my BDU's.


1 Verbascum thapsus (great mullein or common mullein) is a species of mullein native to Europe, northern Africa and Asia, and introduced in the Americas and Australia. In western United States residents commonly refer to mullein as "cowboy toilet paper".


I want to swear but instead I patiently instruct her, "The first time I did this Ben made me wipe with leaves so you're lucky I don't make you do the same. Come over here, I have some in the lower right pants pocket on my BDUs. Tomorrow you need to make sure to put about half a roll in your lower right pants pocket because you never know when you're going to need it…


Samantha comes beside me and squats close to me, I hand her some TP then she says…


Stacy makes me feel bad for forgetting to bring TP, she gives me some of hers (instead of making me use nasty leaves) so I say, "Thank you so much Stacy and thank you for being so patient with me. Please let me know tomorrow what else I need to carry in my pockets."

I move to what I'm sure is far enough away, take down my pants and then it's like we're in the middle of a battle!!!


Present – Ben – At the cabin in the bunker


I wake up with a hell of a start after having a terrible dream: Buttercup, I mean Jens, was being forced to marry Prince Humperdink, I mean fucking Mike. I was trying to get to the chapel to stop it but it didn't look like I was going to make it in time.


Wait, where the fuck am I? Oh yeah now I remember, I'm at the cabin in one of my bunkers.


I fully remember everything when Destiny expresses her concern, "Ben are you okay? You kept repeating no, no, no while you were sleeping."


I look at my Luminox. Shit it's close to ten – hell, I slept about 4 hours which is good for me so I finally answer, "I'm fine I just had a bad dream."


Destiny surprises me when she apologizes, "I'm sorry that's my fault since I didn't hang the dream catchers this morning before we went to sleep."


I derisively snort, "Like those would have done any good!"


Destiny laughs her peculiar (but starting to sound familiar) laugh and counters, "You will see when I hang them tonight. You will not have a bad dream when we sleep here tonight."


I flip on the lights and inform her, "Well, we might not be sleeping here tonight anyway. Now it's time to get to work, but first are you hungry?"


Destiny unbraids her hair, begins to comb it out and I think to myself, great now there will be hair in here everywhere.


Destiny glares at me and states, "Yes I'm hungry, I'm almost always hungry. And that's not a nice thing to be thinking about me since it's the wrong time of the year for me to be shedding my hair."


I forgot that she somehow hears what I think. I unfortunately laugh and taunt, "What are you some sort of dog?"


I've never seen Destiny so upset when she complains, "Now that's just insulting! You apologize to me immediately."


I think for a moment and realize I really stuck my foot in my mouth this time: I did call her a dog. I profusely apologize, "Destiny, I'm sorry and I didn't mean you were a dog, it's just that – well damn – talking about shedding your hair – listen, just please forgive and forget what I said."


Destiny looks at me out of the corner of her eye and says, "Only if you will forgive me for not hanging the dream catchers this morning."


I make sure not to think about anything weird as I say, "It's a deal. Now let me start some MREs heating then I have plan B to work on for the drone and I need to prepare one other surprise for the greenies."


I pull out a couple MREs begin heating them, open up my pack and remove plan B. I move over to the work bench, take another device from underneath it and begin hooking things up.


Destiny comes over and asks, "Ben, what exactly are you doing? And by the way, did you forget about the song you had playing all night?"


I swear, "Son of a bitch, thank you for reminding me, I did forget it."


I switch off the transmission of the song and we begin to listen to the comm chatter.


Destiny laughs when the first thing we hear is, "Damn, I'm glad that fucking song ended - it's been on all night long."


Then it continues, "If that SOB does that tonight I'm going to kill him – I'd like to take that song of his and shove it up his ass. Hey speaking about ass, did you see the pictures of Samantha Stevens' ass from the raid last night? I can't believe we caught her with her pants down."


I look at Destiny and ask, "Do you know what the hell they are talking about?"


She seems to go into one of her trances as I continue to prepare the MREs. She comes out of it and answers, "Apparently Samantha and Stacy didn't sleep in their tents last night for some reason I don't understand. The drone picked them up leaving the area, the officers thought it was us and the greenies mounted an operation against them."


I smile at Destiny and proudly answer, "I totally understand what Stacy did because I trained her. Stacy must have felt a threat to her safety so she did exactly what I trained her to do - to make sure your adversary doesn't know where you're sleeping."


I finishing doctoring the MREs, hand Destiny her meal and apologize, "Sorry, I don't have any breakfast MREs so this will have to do."


She takes a bite of it, smiles and states, "This is really good, what is it?"


I smile and reply, "You're lucky you got the lemon pepper tuna, it's one of my favorites."


Destiny smiles and offers, "Then I will trade with you."


I shake my head and reply, "No, go ahead and enjoy it since mine is really good too, it's the Asian beef strips."


Watching her eat her MRE reminds me of how many damn times I'd made MREs for virtually everyone: Jack, Jens, Stacy and many others who we shared missions with. I finish my MRE and say, "Well there ain't no rest for the wicked - it's time to get these things setup and then raise some hell."


Destiny interrupts, "Ben, I'm still a little hungry, do you think you could make something called a Recon Cookie for us?"


I laugh and ask, "Sure, now where in the hell did you hear about Recon Cookies?"


She explains, "Ivan made them for Jen, Liz, Bernie and then he pranked someone called Maria by using salt and tabasco sauce in hers. By the way, Maria hates Ivan."


I begin making the Recon Cookies and smile knowing I had passed on my skills to at least one child. So even though I could never have children at least a little of my legacy would continue. I silently laugh about Ivan pranking Maria - that kid was a handful. I hand Destiny her Recon Cookie and say, "Abbondanza."


She smiles and replies, "Grazie."


I gulp down mine and go back to work.


Destiny looks over my shoulder and continues with the questions, "Ben, what are those devices???"


I hold up the smaller device, the one I took out of my pack and answer her, "This is plan B and if it works as advertised, it will jam the GPS signals which the drone uses. Without the GPS signals the drone will either crash, be forced to land, or leave the area. If it does work it will also play hell with the navigation of the helicopters."


I hook it up to a couple of wires, find the power lead that's required from my battery bank and connect it. The lights go through what appears to be a startup sequence then it settles down to a red light.


Destiny continues with the questions but I don't really mind since it's nice instructing someone again, "What are the wires you connected to the GPS jammer?"


I smile at her and answer, "Remember the perimeter warning system I told you about? Those are wires that connect to it. Even though it's not perfect, I'm using it as an antenna to transmit things, like the comm channel music last night. This way the greenies won't be able to localize the signal and find this bunker."


I cross my fingers (figuratively) and say, "Well, let's see if this works."


I press the button on the front panel and the red light turns green. I look at Destiny and say, "Well this should be working now, let's see what the comm channel chatter says."


We don't hear anything on the comm channel so I begin to work on the other device I pulled out from under the bench. Before she can ask I tell Destiny, "This is an electronic warfare module I purchased for over $10,000. We're going to use it for spectrum warfare."


Destiny looks at it and questions, "Ben, what's spectrum warfare?"


I begin to connect the device and define my terms, "Spectrum warfare is seizing control of all the electromagnetic radiation that makes wireless communication possible. Last night's ploy of using the music to jam the comm channels was a stopgap measure. When I turn this on all communication, even cellular phones, in this area will be stopped. But I want to make sure the GPS jammer is working first so that's why we're listening to the comm channel."


We finally hear what I hoped to hear, chatter from a Chinook coming in to land. The pilot complains, "I don't know what the hell's going on, but I lost all GPS on this area about a klick back."


The base responds, "We know about the problem. It started a few minutes ago and caused the drone to crash."


I look at Destiny and say, "Now that the drone is gone, we have some work to do."


Present – Maria – In the equipment room


After getting my Princess Boss stabilized again, Liz brings over some clean clothes, some warm water in a pan and some wash cloths. I tell Jens, "You're not going to like this be we're going to get you cleaned up."


My Princess Boss of course complains (like I knew she would), "Maria, what the hell is wrong with what I'm wearing now?"


I was ready so reply, "Jens you smell like a cheap whorehouse so even though it's going to be uncomfortable we need to do this." I look at Bernie and order, "You need to find something else to do and somewhere else to do it."


He takes off, walks over and occupies Ivan (thank God).


I look at Liz and question…


Present – Liz – In the equipment room


Maria asks me nicely (which after the fight we had is surprising), "Liz, will you help me clean Jens."


Jens further complains, "I'm fucking fine the way I am!"


I reinforce Maria's previous statement, "Jens, you are not fine! You really stink and you need to be cleaned up. So shut the hell up and stop giving us grief."


Thank God Bernie is keeping Ivan busy. Maria and Ivan are like oil and water, which I don't understand because he's such a good kid. Yeah, he's smart as hell which makes him a handful, but that doesn't mean Maria needs to be antagonistic toward him.


I begin taking Jens' boots off and she complains even more, "Hey, that hurts like hell!"


I look at Maria, she looks at me then asks, "Jens, what hurts like hell?"


Jen adds additional information…


Present – Jens – In the equipment room


As Liz takes my boots off I complain, "Hey, that hurts like hell!"


Maria questions, "What hurts like hell?"


I continue my complaining, "Something cut the hell out of my foot."


I look at Maria and she asks, "Jens, why didn't you tell us this before?"


I smile at them and answer, "Well until Liz removed my boot, my foot didn't hurt. What the hell is wrong with it anyway?"


Maria looks sad and says, "Jens, you got shot in the foot."


That pisses me off and I rant, "What the hell! That worthless fucker shot me in the foot? How in the hell did he do that and how bad is it?"


Maria gives me a concerned look and questions, "Jens, what the hell difference does it make, it's just one more injury we need to treat so you can heal."


I am pissed as hell as I inform, "Well it might only be one more injury to you! But for me this is much worse than my chest wound."


Liz looks at me, smiles and tries to calm me, "Jens come on, your chest wound could kill you and this wound in your foot is really nothing compared to it."


It's time I set these bitches straight so I yell, "Nothing compared to my chest wound? What the fricken-fracken hell have you been smoking because I want some of it! How in the holy fricken-fracking son of a bitching hell am I supposed to dance with Ben with a fucked up foot? Not only that, if this is a permanent injury I won't be able to run with Ben and he loves to run."


Maria and Liz look dumfounded at me and I hear…


Present – Jack – In prison at the cabin.


The greenies come into the tent and the same little fucking bastard yells, "Time to wake up you old farts!"


I slept like shit last night. I spent most of the night holding Masha close under both our blankets to keep her warm. To initiate our new strategy of passive resistance I answer, "Okay, we're waking up but give us some time because we're old fucks."


The soon to be dead shithead answers, "Yeah, I figured you old fucks would be easier to handle today after a night in the cold."


I remember more of our talk from last night and decided to fuck with his mind so I begin to hum the song Banzai played. I'm quickly joined by everyone else and the little fucking Hitler commands, "Stop humming that damn song! We had to listen to it all night long!"


With that the younger guys begin to sing"


And I would be lying if I said that it wasn't true

I only want bad things to happen to you

I want bad things to happen to you

I want bad things to happen to you

I want very bad things to happen to you.


After the first line, we all join in and the fucking little Hitler runs out of the tent holding his hands over his ears. We stop singing the song (which with our voices sounded really terrible) then the captain walks in and orders, "Fall out for morning inspection and PT."


I question, "Sir, what about breakfast and morning duties?"


He glares at us and laughs, "I'm not sure I'm going to give you anything for breakfast and as far as 'morning duties' Ben blew up the Porta-Potties last night and I'm not sure they are functional yet. You just might have to piss in your pants."


He leaves, the Marines begin to complain and I nip it in the bud, "Listen Marines, this is psychological warfare! Are we going to let this fucker beat us?"


Masha supports the hell out of me by volunteering, "Jack, you know I am pregnant and need to void frequently, however if you and the other men will shield me, I will void without the use of his portable potties."


That fires up the Marines, we march out of the tent singing:


And I would be lying if I said that it wasn't true

I only want bad things to happen to you

I want bad things to happen to you

I want bad things to happen to you

I want very bad things to happen to you.


I practically laugh my ass off when I see the greenies. I thought I slept badly, but they look like death warmed over…


Present – Alex – At the CSH


This has been an incredibly interesting night and morning and I almost awakened my sister Mira to acquire and extra set of eyes for analysis. First, I note during the night that Samantha and Stacy are lead back to camp after what appears to be an attack by the Special Forces. I question as to why they were not safely ensconced in their tents.


Next, the annoying drone which had been patrolling the area lost control, went into a dive and crashed. This is most peculiar and I am not sure if it is pilot error or a failure in the drone itself - or perhaps something which Mira's Ben Blaine has precipitated.


Then, one of the Chinook helicopter arrives carrying our adversary Mike. I watch as he is assisted in exiting the helicopter and note he now has two new wheelchairs.


However, the most interesting situation is when the Marine prisoners walk out of their prison tent, they are singing that song which Ben Blaine played through the comm channels all night long and which now seems to infuriate the guards.


I smile and understand: My sister Mira's boyfriend is waging a very effective psychological war. I hope to meet him someday and inquire about his tactics. I check on my sister Ira and her newly acquired boyfriend Todd and ascertain they both have strong pulses and steady deep breaths. I awaken Mira…


Present – Mira – At the CSH


Alexi awakens me with a kiss on the cheek and vocalizes, "Mira, would you please take the next shift?"


I occulate my watch and complain, "Alexi, your shift has been expanded to consume the entire nocturnal period."


He smiles and informs me, "Mira, there have been many occurrences which have facilitated my wakefulness. However, I feel that drudgery will fill today and would prefer to sleep rather than suffer."


I require a complete report, which he presents. Of greatest interest is the demise of the annoying drone - I am sure my Ben did something which forced the crash. Alexi takes the bed and falls soundly to sleep. I check again on my sister Ira and her boyfriend Todd. I am shocked because their medical condition seems to be much improved over when they both became unconscious after drinking the mysterious liquid.


I continue to occulate the Marines and realize they are not assisting the Special Forces. I determine they are waging their own conflict using passive-aggressive techniques. Then I occulate something which I do not care for… 


Present – Stacy – At their compound


I'm embarrassed as hell that we were attacked last night and then forced back to our compound. The only good thing was we weren't injured (other than our pride). I wake up as I hear a chopper arrive and decide it's Ben's nemesis Mike. We need breakfast and then we need to see the progress on the rescue – no fuck that – we need to see the progress on the rescue first!


It's time to wake up Samantha and get our asses moving.


Present – Zarika and Yasmeen – Escape


The store keeper gives us excellent directions then compliments Yasmeen, "Girl, you should really consider a career in rapping. Hell, you're better than most that I've heard."


Yasmeen informs him, "Sorry sir, but I am betrothed to the most wonderful man in the world and we need to return to his cabin in Leadville."


The store keeper hands her a card and says, "Well, if you ever decide differently I would love to help you make a demo tape."


I ask the man, "What exactly is a 'demo' tape?"


He laughs and explains, "Damn, where are you girls from? A demo tape is what you send to major record companies: If they like it then they sign you to a contract. And from what I heard and saw, your girl has all the moves to make in big."


Yasmeen excitedly says, "Thank you very much sir, but we need to get going."


We walk out to the stupid boxy car. The Nubian males are still there, they exit their car and ask, "So do ya' two need any help?"


I smile at them and answer, "No thank you, we have the directions we need and are leaving immediately."


Yasmeen and I get into the stupid boxy car, I begin to move it out of the parking lot and luckily again I do not hit anything. We head north on Quebec Avenue like the directions the man gave us tell us and I ask Yasmeen, "Please watch for the exit to Interstate 70."


We don't go very far when Yasmeen says, "Zarika, there's the exit you want."


Unfortunately I am in the wrong lane again so I quickly move across the other two lanes. Many cars honk their horns at me and we take the Interstate 70 exit. However once we are on Interstate 70 I have a new and unexpected problem to deal with.


Present – Thom, Inga and Byron – It's raining hell on the drug lord


I can't fucking believe I have to dive into this fucking cesspool! You can't really call it water, but I have to suffer this stuff to save Inga. Son of a bitch! I'd like to think I wouldn't have done this if she hadn’t saved my ass from that landmine, but truth be told (and I sure as hell don't plan on telling anyone) I've enjoyed having her fight with me. Shit, she's as capable as most men and sure as hell doesn't give me the macho bullshit that most of them me give me.


I strip off all my gear except my pistol, so I don't fucking sink to the bottom like an anchor, and dive in where I last saw her. I search like crazy for her but can't find her. Then I see something and swim toward it…