Chapter 058

Home 2 Chapter 058

Copyright 2014 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia


Flashback – Ben – In the Moscow hospital about a week later


Tatiana just finished giving me one of her 'special' sponge baths and we were basking together in the afterglow. I metaphorically shook my head and laughed to myself - damn what a hell of a week it had been. Yes, a hell of a week so let me explain all that had transpired.


If you remember back a week ago Tatiana had fired me as her boyfriend, the Krokodil had landed to refuel, Elena had just kissed the hell out of me and Tatiana charged towards us in a fit of rage (I was sure Tatiana was going to kill Elena). Elena surprised the hell out of all of us when she slipped her hand up under her skirt, pulled out a pistol and announced (in Russian) that she worked for the FSB and was going to put Masha and Tatiana under arrest for illegally posing as FSB agents.


Tatiana stopped so fast I thought she was going to tear the soles off the bottom of her shoes. I had never seen two more surprised and scared women in my life (Tatiana and Masha); they both looked like the proverbial cat that swallowed the canary except this canary caused digestive distress. Masha began to talk, Elena pointed her pistol at her and told her to shut up. Jack didn't know what the fuck was going on because he didn't speak Russian so he began to head toward Elena. She pointed her pistol at Jack, cocked it - and that was the final straw! There was no way in hell I was going to let Elena shoot Jack (or anyone else). With all the other excitement I guess Elena forgot about me, so I rose up and clocked the hell out of her. The unintended consequence was that it hurt like hell and I passed out.


I woke up again with the Krokodil in flight. I looked around and asked where Elena was but Jack told me not to worry about it so I didn't. Besides, Tatiana had apparently hired me as her boyfriend again and was doing interesting things with her hand under the sheet that covered me.


We made it to Moscow without further incident however there was a hell of another reception for me (which was embarrassing as hell) when we arrived. I guess my exploits in the gordoc (tiny village) had once again made me a hero. Thank God they didn't give me another medal!


With Elena gone, Tatiana once again assumed the role of my personal nurse just like before and things were back to being as smooth as a baby's (or Tatiana's) butt. I know I sure enjoyed the sponge baths and extra-curricular activities from her loving ministrations.


However what Elena said still bothered me, so I once again asked the question I had asked many times before, "Tatiana, what did Elena mean when she said you and Masha had posed as FSB agents?"


Tatiana pulled away from me and complained, "Ben, are you trying to ruin the good feelings we just made?"


I smiled at her and explained, "Tatiana, sooner or later you will tell me what Elena meant and what the hell happened to her..."


Flashback – Tatiana – In Moscow about a week later


Ben had troubled me about what Elena said and where Elena was before we arrived in Moscow, yes even on the helicopter. At first I did not tell him anything but finally Masha and I invented a suitable lie which we hoped would silence Ben because that had been the only problem with our relationship since we arrived back in Moscow. The whole matter was extremely troubling since it threatened to ruin our relationship.


I smiled at Ben and attempted to relate the lie, "Ben, many times in Russia the only way to accomplish what needs to be done is for people to pose as something they are not – I know you have seen this before and understand. So yes, Masha and I have in the past posed as FSB agents."


Ben gave me and interesting look and then questioned, "That almost seems believable. Now, what happened to Elena?"


I hoped to further the tale that Masha and I had concocted, "Ben, you know how rampant bribery is in Russia - we paid her many Rubles to forget about our small transgressions."


Then Ben surprised me when he asked a different question, one which Masha and I had not anticipated…


Flashback – Ben – In Moscow about a week later


I was not 100% sure that Tatiana didn't just lie to me since I could tell she was a little nervous when I questioned her as her pulse increased and the pupils of her eyes narrowed. So I figured I would dig a little deeper, "That must have taken many Rubles. Where did you and Masha get that many Rubles?"


I realized I'd hit a nerve when Tatiana complained, "Ben, you act like you don't you believe me?"


I knew when it was time to fish or cut bait so I lied, "Why wouldn't I believe you? You did tell the truth, right?"


She became even more nervous when she stated, "Of course I told the truth. Since you have chosen to totally ruin our time this morning, I am going to get up and see what time your PT is scheduled for today."


She got out of the bed (which was by itself a wondrous sight) and began to dress. Now it was my turn so I complained, "I don't need fucking PT! I can do what needs to be done myself."


Tatiana fell back on a typical nurse's response, "Sorry, but it is doctor's orders."


I decided since she was a little pissed already, I would add some more fuel to her simmering fire (because I had a plan), "Don't give me that typical nurse bullshit or I will fire you again as my personal nurse."


She stopped midway in putting on her pantyhose, turned, glared at me and threatened, "Don't start on that again."


I began to laugh and declared, "I got you!"


She apparently didn't care much for my joke and stormed out of the room. Now that she was gone, it was time for me to do my own fucking PT. I hauled my ass out of bed and began to do some pushups…


Flashback – Tatiana and Masha – In Moscow about a week later


I could not believe that Ben was being so stubborn about the situation with Elena. He could never know the truth that Masha called some associates and they made Elena 'disappear'. I did my best to lie to Ben but it was becoming harder all the time to effectively continue the deception. For example right now, instead of checking on Ben's PT, I was meeting with Masha to give her my report.


Masha anxiously waited for me at the table in the cafeteria. As I sat down and she almost immediately asked…


I could tell that Tatiana was struggling and needed support so I asked, "Tatiana, did Ben once again ask about Elena?"


Tatiana looked at me and confirmed his behavior but then caused more concern, "Yes Masha he did and I delivered the stories we concocted. However, I am not sure he believed them. In addition, he asked a new question which we didn't anticipate."


I analyzed her appearance and realized that her feelings for Ben were seriously interfering with her ability to complete this mission. I decided to shock her, "Tatiana, if Ben or Jack discover the truth about Elena we will both end up living in a Siberian gulag."


Tatiana complained, "Masha you have it easy, Jack does not speak Russian and does not ask you any questions. However Ben speaks excellent Russian and constantly questions me."


That was the truth, I did have it easier with Jack and I didn't want to admit it but it was easier because he didn't understand Russian, however we still had some cultural problems needing resolution. So I countered, "Tatiana, I know you are capable and ready for this. Now what new question did Ben ask?"


She told me and I wanted to swear but held my tongue, thought for a few moments about pretending I sold the engagement ring Jack bought me and decided that would cause greater problems than it would solve. Besides it was a beautiful ring which Jack paid too many Rubles for! I thought for several more moments and finally suggested, "Let us tell Ben that I sold my car."


Tatiana continued her complaints, "But you never had a car and I know Ben. He will commence asking about what type of car you owned."


I wanted to tell Tatiana to make love to Ben until he forgot everything else, after all it worked like a charm with Jack. However she did have a valid point: Knowing Ben he would ask about the car. I mentioned the first car which came into my head, "Tatiana, we need to tell him it was a Lada Niva."


Tatiana irritated me when she argued, "Masha, that is a car that Ben would like and would want to know what year it was, what color it was and if you ever took the Niva off road."


I thought for a moment and confirmed her objection: Ben would like that car and those were things that Ben would want to know. So I decided to make a change and thought of the ugliest car I could. I suggested, "Let us tell Ben it was a Citroen DS."


Tatiana laughed, "Masha, that is a great idea because that car is so strange and ugly he will never ask about that car."


Tatiana looked at her watch and continued, "I need to check on Ben's PT schedule and then get back to his room. If I am not there to monitor his behavior, there is no telling what he will do."


I laughed internally - yes I certainly had a much easier time with my Jack while Ben was similar to a child who demanded almost constant attention...


Flashback – Ben and Jack – In Moscow


I was well into doing my own damn PT because the fuckers that gave me PT in the hospital were much too easy on me. Shit, I never even worked up a sweat with the baby exercises they gave me. I was surprised as shit that I hadn't gotten fat but I guess the horizontal exercises that Tatiana gave me helped to burn of some of the fat I was trying to gain – yeah, that plus seriously restricting my food intake because exercise alone wouldn't burn enough calories to keep me fit. Hell, even if could run a marathon I would only burn about 3500 calories or one pound of fat if I didn't eat anything. Damn, a Big Mac and large order of fries (not including the ketchup) was over 1000 calories. Speaking of a Big Mac, Jack walked into the room with a big smile, carrying a bag and said…


I bet Banzai was tired of the damn hospital food, so I stopped off on the way to the hospital and picked him up something I knew he'd like. I walked into his room and caught him doing pull ups by holding onto the door frame. As usual I confronted him, "Hey are you supposed to be doing pull ups?"


Banzai slid down the doorframe, hit the floor, stood for a brief moment, then his legs buckled and he slipped into a sitting position. He reached back, pulled the wheelchair close to him and climbed into it. Then he smiled and asked, "Is that what I think it is?"


I nodded and answered, "Hell yes! I figured you'd be tired of the damn food this hospital had been feeding you. Plus, I heard from reliable sources you were hardly eating."


Banzai grinned, rolled to the bed, slid into it and held out his hand. I handed him the bag and he informed and insulted me at the same time, "Jack, your sources have it all wrong: It's not that the food is that bad but I really don't want to get fat. So I am limiting my calorie intake so I don’t begin to look as fat as you."


I glared at him and countered, "Like hell I'm getting fat!"


Banzai laughed and pointed, "Like hell you are not! I don't ever remember that uniform being so tight. Look in the fucking mirror and tell me I'm lying."


I looked in the mirror and Banzai was right - I had gained some weight. He took the hamburger out of the bag and then groaned, "Jack, thanks for the burger, but I'm sure as hell not going to eat the fries."


I gladly offered, "Hell, I will eat them for you."


Banzai shot down that offer and threatened, "Like hell you will Jack! Masha feeds you too damn well as it is and you don't need any more damn calories. Just remember when I get the feeling back in my legs I'm going to have to work all that fat off you!"


I thought Banzai was bad, but Tatiana walked into the room and…


Flashback – Tatiana – In Moscow


When I walked into the room Jack was there and Ben was eating… I couldn't believe it and complained, "Ben, what the hell are you eating?"


He gave me that crazy grin of his and taunted me, "A Big Mac and it's delicious! Would you like a bite of it or prefer something else?"


With the emphasis Ben added to the last sentence Jack understood the sexual connotation and began to laugh. I was sure I turned fifty shades of red and commanded, "Give me that gamburger (this is how Russians pronounce hamburger) immediately."


Ben stuffed the rest of the damn gamburger into his mouth which almost caused him to choke but he somehow chewed and swallowed the gamburger. Then he grinned and added insult, "Don't worry, I will give you the hamburger in about a day or so after I'm through with it."


Oh -- one of these days Ben would go too far. Jack laughed even harder than before, I turned away and threatened, "I will be back to take you to PT in about an hour, I hear they are going to really make you work hard today."


Ben answered in his usual teasing manner which infuriated me, "No harder than I was working earlier!"


I knew better than to continue to fight with those two. As I left the room they both laughed like hyenas…


Flashback – Jack and Ben – In Moscow


Damn Banzai gave Tatiana so much shit (and soon some of it promised to be literal) I was amazed she hadn't left him or at least tried to beat the shit out of him. After she left I cautioned, "Banzai don't you think you should take it a bit easier on Tatiana?"


Banzai laughed and answered, "Hell no Jack, I guess you don't understand what I'm doing, but I have a plan!"


I scratched my head and questioned, "Hell, you've lost me on this one."


Banzai gave me his almost patented silly grin and informed me, "Hell Jack, I'm getting her pissed at me now so when I apologize later I will get some awesome makeup sex."


That reminded me of makeup sex I had in the past and gave me an idea.  I also remembered why I'd come and said, "Banzai, I have some bad news. The old man is sending Major M back here."


Banzai looked angry as hell and swore, "Son of a bitch! Well, all I know is that fucker better stay the fuck out of my way or I'll frag his ass."


I gave him a peculiar look and asked, "Banzai what the hell do you have planned?"


He shocked me when he told me…


Flashback – Jens – At the military hospital


Mother was in the emergency room and they wouldn't let me see her. I didn't think things could get any worse when two MPs walked in. They saw Daddy, went over to him and one of them said, "Sir, we need to have a talk with you about the accident."


I moved over closer so I could hear what was being said and was shocked when I heard the MP, "Sir, we hate to inform you but your wife crashed into a minivan which contained a family. There might be some serious injuries to the family."


I gasped, Daddy heard it, looked at me and commanded, "Jennifer, you need to go back to your room while I deal with this."


There was no way in heck that was going to happen so I put on my Prima Bitcherina attitude and told Daddy, "Listen, there is no way I am leaving here right now since both you and mother need me."


Daddy gave me the 'father' look so I stamped my foot and put both my hands on my waist. He finally consented, "Okay Jennifer, you can stay but if you interfere I will send you back to your room."


Just then two more ambulances came in and the MP said, "Here comes the family now."


Once again it seemed to take for-fricken-ever for the ambulance to unload its patients. When they rolled the gurneys into the ER I was shocked: They looked worse than my mother did, especially the twin girls.


The military lawyer walked up and stated, "Sir, we need to have a serious discussion about this."


I piped in, "I want to be included in this too!"


Daddy looked sad and ordered, "Jennifer, you need to go back to your room for right now and don't you dare give me any of your Prima Ballerina lip!"


I knew when Daddy was serious and this was one of those times, so I didn't fight him. I headed back to my room, opened the door and… What in the heck!!!


Flashback – Alexi – In the laboratory sometime later


Yes, I might 'be cured' but it still did not mean that I might not have some peculiar behaviors. Just minor ones which would only annoy my 'parents' because if I agitated them too greatly 'mother' would force me to endure electric shock therapy. I had heard painful stories about that torture and wanted no suggestion that it might be applied to me. After my 'dog' move when going to the toilet, father closed the door. I immediately jumped up and placed my ear against the door. Unfortunately, I could not hear what my 'parents' discussed with the psychologist.


I decided to continue my dog ruse so I scratched on the door like a dog does when he wants out. The door opened, 'mother' glared at me and demanded, "Alexi, what is your problem?"


I smiled at her, scratched at myself and replied, "'Mother', thank you for opening the door; I do believe I have fleas which are causing some discomfort."


She gave me a disbelieving look and stated, "Alexi, you are a boy and cannot have fleas!"


'Father' countered, "Excuse me my dear, but your assumption on this is incorrect: Sometimes humans do have flea infestations."


They began an animated discussion, which included the psychologist, on whether I had fleas, or even could have fleas.


I was bored so I walked over to the bed, turned around three times, climbed up on the bed, scratched at myself a few times and pretended to fall asleep…


Flashback – Safia – in Israel


Now this was great fun: Getting to make sure Akhmed performed his punishment laps around the house! Yes, I was fortunate my punishment was not on the same level as his. But it also made me question why? I decided that I had become a favorite of the twins and that they cut me greater slack than the others.


Akhmed began to slow up, so I pulled up the bb-gun and shot him in the ass. He screamed, "Please quit it; that leaves bruises on my bottom."


I gave him my best evil laugh and ordered, "If the twins see me letting you take it easy, then they will make me run your laps. So move it or you're going to have so many bruises when you're done you won't be able to sit down."


Akhmed made a terrible mistake when he replied, "Listen, if you tell the twins I finished my laps, I will give you money."


I shot him in the ass again, he screamed like a little girl and I cautioned him, "There is no way that I'm going to fall for that trap! If I allowed you to bribe me then you would use it against me whenever you did not want to do something. Now move it!"


We finished the five laps and Akhmed turned toward me and said, "Good, now you can put away that infernal gun."


I pointed the bb-gun at his chest and answered, "Oh no, I need this because we are going to march into the library and tell the twins what you tried to do. And if you whine at me or give me any other problems I will shoot you someplace that will hurt much worse than your ass." I lowered the bb-gun until it pointed at his crotch and stifled a laugh when he covered the area with both hands.


I marched him into the library while wondering if I had made a major mistake...


Flashback – Mira, Ira and Safia – in Israel


Ira and I were mired in an argument about a case in the current Sherlock Holmes book we studied. Ira confronted me, "Mira, if Stapleton came into the succession, how could he explain the fact that he, the true heir, had been living unannounced under another name so close to the property?"


I prepared my reasoned reply, which was superior that stated by Sherlock Holmes, when we were interrupted by Akhmed and Safia.


I stood and demanded, "What is the meaning of this? You know we are to never be interrupted during our time of reading."


Ira joined…


I was furious that we were interrupted because they both knew better. I rose with Mira and also confronted them, "Yes, you do realize there is a punishment for this interruption…"


Yes, I knew that interrupting the twin's reading time was dangerous. However I had come up with a plan. I meekly answered, "Sorry Sherlock and Dr. Watson, we have local mystery which might require your learned attention."


Mira raised the magnifying glass in front of her face (it was all I could do to keep from laughing) and stated, "Dr. Watson, perhaps we should forgive the interference of this Baker Street Irregular (that is what they liked to call me)."


Dr. Watson replied, "Yes Sherlock, perhaps we should withhold punishment until we are given the facts of this mythical case."


Yes! It felt like my plan might actually work. I smiled, curtsied and informed them, "Sherlock, while I performed the task assigned to me, that of making sure that Akhmed completed the assigned five laps around the house, he offered me money to let him quit early. He also proposed that I lie to you and assert he had completed the punishment. This action makes me question who else he might have bribed or attempted to bribe."


Mira focused her magnifying glass on Akhmed, moved it vertically then horizontally across his body (I knew he was in big trouble) and exclaimed…


I studied Akhmed with my magnifying optic and remarked, "Safia, once again you have proven yourself a valuable ally as my primary Baker Street Irregular. Dr. Watson, in light of the previous information provided by Safia, please provide me your medical opinion as to the reason Akhmed's girth has not decreased at a greater rate."


Akhmed began to complain, I motioned to Safia and she shot him in the derriere with the bb-gun, he wailed and jumped around the room…


Once again I was thankful Holmes (Mira) asked my opinion. I studied Akhmed and was not pleased at all with his lack of weight loss. I thoughtfully applied my digits to my jawbone and surmised, "Sherlock, I know that you have perfectly rectified his hormonal imbalance, placed him on an exercise program and strict diet. I concur that his weight should be more reduced. You know the most important part of weight loss is caloric restriction. Therefore, I assume you have already surmised that Akhmed has bribed the cook to provide him with a greater quantity of food than what was allotted on the diet."


Sherlock (Mira) remarked, "Dr. Watson, once again you are partially correct. I think not only has Akhmed bribed the cook, he has probably bribed some of his future wives. Come, Watson, come Baker Street Irregular, bring your weapon as it might be needed for the interrogations! The game is finally afoot!"


Akhmed began to blubber as we proceeded from the room with haste of post…


Flashback – Todd – On the island


As the masked troops marched me toward the compound, I heard a familiar sound - it was the sound of a bow firing an arrow. Yes, Liu had come to free me however I was not ready for what happened next. The masked man that Liu fired at quickly reacted and deflected the arrow with what appeared to be an armored forearm.


Then they all fired in unison toward the incoming arrow. I saw my chance, ran into the closest masked marauder, knocked him on his ass and took off running.