Home 2 Chapter 073                                        

Copyright 2014 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia

 

Present – Ben - leaving the cabin

 

As I continue to get the hell out of Dodge I now have some freedom for some quiet thought. Because of what Ivan said and because I amazingly saw an actual wolf, I contemplate the possibility that Destiny is a Shaman as she claims or perhaps she is one of the 'Spirit Helpers' my Grandfather told me about. At least the feeling of someone watching me has left because that feeling gives me the heebie-jeebies and the hair stands up on the back of my neck – just like the hair on the back of the fucking wolf.

 

I had shared my plans with Destiny, however I was sure with the change of direction and the chemical suit and booties I wore, it would make her job of finding me harder...

 

Present – Destiny – Searching for Ben

 

After I was interrupted by the dog and fox, and then running away when Ben saw me, I headed back to the clearing to pick up Ben's scent and begin following him again. However, there was one problem: With the chemical contamination equipment he wore, I couldn't pick up his scent. I knew the direction he traveled in when he first left the cabin, so I left in the same direction in hopes that I could find him.

 

As I continue to run it soon becomes obvious, because of the time that has elapsed, that Ben isn't heading in the same direction as before our encounter (I once more underestimated Ben and vowed to never do it again). I was wasting time so I realize the need to change my tactics. Sure of my course of action I stop and begin my search for Ben...

 

Present – Ben - leaving the cabin

 

Now what the hell is going on! I don't feel like someone is watching me - I feel like every damn animal in the world is fucking watching me! Hell, the damn squirrels are running through the trees behind (it feels like they are actually chasing me) me cussing up a storm. With all their fucking chattering, I can't hear anything else. I stop, turn, glare at the fuckers and yell, "What the hell is wrong with you! Leave me the hell alone or I will shoot your asses and eat you for lunch!"

 

They cuss at me as they run away and then it starts with the fucking crows! A mob of them fly up into an aspen tree and begin their infernal cawing. While squirrels are cute and serve a purpose (food), I never did have much love for crows: They are annoying as hell whose sole activity is that of fucking nest robbers. I raise my rifle to my shoulder but the fuckers take off. What the hell is next...

 

Damn, I shouldn't have asked. A pair of owls silently fly up (strange as hell because it's in the fucking daytime!), land on a branch in the same aspen tree and begin to stare at me with those huge, virtually unblinking eyes. I look to the sky and demand, "What the hell did I do to deserve this???"

 

Present – Destiny – Searching for Ben

 

Calling on the animals to show me Ben's location is too much fun because they annoy him and make him act crazy. Plus, it gives me great insight into Ben, how he feels about the animals and how advanced his Shamanic skills have progressed. His ability to sense when anyone or anything is watching him is highly advanced which I am sure has greatly helped him in his previous life in the Marines. I understand his feelings toward the squirrels (they are excellent food) however his feelings toward the crows is incorrect and is something I will certainly try to fix. His spooky feeling toward the owls is also a bit warped and I will need to do something about that as well.

 

Now that I know where Ben is, it's time for me to catch up and trail him. However, I am not sure how to keep him from sensing me watching him. I begin running toward Ben and the tranquility of the physical exercise allows my mind to finally work it out.

 

Present – Ben - leaving the cabin

 

The owls leave after looking me over and finally I lose the feeling that the entire fucking world is watching me. With my senses again at ease I take off running. I want to get as much distance between Destiny and me as I can. Hell, I even wish that Bo had shown up (by himself because the last thing I wanted was to be together with Stacy again) because he would have helped me put the miles between us even more quickly…

 

Present – Stacy – Going after Ben

 

With the COF taking care of the trailers, I stop by my camp, meet with Bill and ask, "I'm going to see if I can find Ben, do you have any ideas on where he might have gone?"

 

Bill smiles and answers, "Since the electronic warfare conveniently ended, the satellite you purchased for this mission has come back on line and we've been tracking two targets that have left the area. The first has to be Ben and the second is most likely the woman who helped him. He followed a circuitous route initially but has now settled down and is headed north of here."

 

I question, "Has everything else been prepared?"

 

He hands me my weapons (the two revolvers and the rifle that Ben gave me), then he hands me a GPS tracker connected to the satellites and says, "Yes, it's all ready for you, just pick up the saddle bags for Bo and Patches and you are ready to leave. However, are you sure you want to do this on your own? We could have a small team travel with you."

 

I smile and answer, "With the horses and Wojtek I have the best team possible for this mission. Anymore would jeopardize it. What did you find out about the mystery woman helping Ben?"

 

Bill shakes his head and frowns, "We didn't find out anything."

 

I look at him in shock and question, "Nothing at all?"

 

He affirms, "That's correct, it's like she's never existed. This is one more reason I feel you should bring a team."

 

I once again refuse, "Bill, that's not going to happen. I have my phone and you have the helicopters standing by so if I have an emergency you can respond to it. Too many people will scare Ben away and that's the last thing I want."

 

When I load the saddle bags on Bo, he gives me a dirty look and I scold him, "Hey, if you're coming with me you need to pull your own weight."

 

I begin to load Patches and once again she shows her dislike of carrying a burden by trying to bite me. I move just in time and tell her, "Sorry about this, but you also need to carry some gear."

 

I climb up in the saddle and practically fall off laughing when she lets loose a huge fart to show her disgust at carrying saddle bags.

 

I begin to ride away and remember one more thing. I ride back to Bill, stop and ask, "One more thing, what has happened to the man in the exploding port-a-potty?"

 

Bill answers, "He's pretty messed up but our medic has stabilized him until he can be transported to a hospital…"

 

Present – Masha - at the cabin with Jack

 

I cannot believe it! Even after I warned my husband, he chose to endanger his life by trying to disarm the traps in the portable toilets. He could not leave well enough alone until we had an expert here to take care of the situation.

 

I arrive at the practically destroyed portable toilet where a medic is already working on my husband and my Jack looks terrible. I ask the medic, "How is my husband?"

 

He answered, "He's lucky as hell that only half the trap triggered or there would have been nothing left of him but tiny pieces. Now the problem is I have to treat him while being careful to not trigger the other half of the trap and blowing all of us to hell."

 

I begin to bargain with him on how I will disable the trap when fortune smiles upon me…

 

Present – Inga - at the cabin with Masha

 

I run up, stop beside Masha and look at her husband Jack in the half-destroyed portable toilet (he looks very bad). Masha smiles at me and says (in Russian), "Inga I am happy you are here, Jack is in grave danger because half of the portable toilet trap did not explode."

 

I understand what Masha is asking so I volunteer, "Masha, I will gladly disarm the remaining trap in the portable toilet."

 

She cautions, "Inga please make certain not to trigger it or my husband will die never seeing his daughter."

 

I inform the medic, "I am a bomb disposal expert and would like your permission to disarm the bomb."

 

He answers, "That would be great because I'm not sure how much time it will take to stabilize this man."

 

I move into the half-destroyed toilet (it is a stinking a mess of feces and urine!). I notice the foul mixture has covered most of Masha's husband Jack including his wounds. Then I continue my discussion with Masha to keep her distracted, "How have you been feeling during this pregnancy?"

 

Masha answers, "Not as bad as the last one, I think it is because she's a girl."

 

I continue my work, the detonation mechanism is deceptively devious, and reply, "You might enjoy it now but remember she will become a teenager. With your boy Ivan you only need to be concerned with his хуи (dick) with a teenage daughter you will have to worry about all the other boy's хуиs."

 

Masha laughs and answers, "You are incorrect: With a boy as cute as Ivan and the crazy teenage girls now days, I have to worry about all the teenage girl's влагалищеs (vaginas) and their ability to become беременна (pregnant)! And I won't have to worry about such things with our daughter."

 

I do not understand so I question, "Why not? Don't tell me you are going to start her on the pill."

 

Masha laughs and answers, "You forgot about Jack, I am sure he will put the fear of God into any boy that comes close to our daughter."

 

Then we hear some good news...

 

Present – Jack – in the half-destroyed Port-a-potty

 

I begin to wake up and feel like shit! The bastard Mike had a secondary trigger circuit on the Port-a-potty bomb I missed and it blew me to hell and back. I hear Masha telling someone that I would 'put the fear of God into any boy that comes close to our daughter' and correct her, "Masha that's not correct: I will put the fear of hell and me into any boy that comes close to our daughter."

 

I hear Masha's voice crack as she answers, "Jack, my Jack, you are alive."

 

I fight back the pain and answer, "Of course I'm alive. It takes more than that little popgun of a charge to kill me."

 

I hear a woman's voice which I don't recognize as she orders, "Jack, keep perfectly still. You only detonated half the charge that was placed inside the portable toilet."

 

I quickly remark, "I don't know who the fuck you are but be careful. That bastard Mike has a secondary trigger circuit..."

 

She interrupts me, "My name in Inga, I am a friend of Masha and do not worry. I have already found the second and third trigger circuits and disabled them. All that is left is the primary trigger circuit."

 

I swore, "Hells bells a third trigger circuit, I totally missed that."

 

Masha scolds me, "Jack I asked you not to do anything crazy and you didn't listen to me and almost died. Will you promise me to listen to me the next time?"

 

I cross my fingers and answer, "Of course my love."

 

Then Inga spoils my plans when she announces, "Masha, Jack had his fingers crossed during his answer to you."

 

Masha questions, "What does that mean?"

 

Inga explains to her, "Masha, Americans cross their fingers when they tell a lie to ward off evil spirits."

 

Masha starts to berate me when thank God a familiar voice intervenes...

 

Present – Byron - at the half-destroyed port-a-potty

 

I make it to the Port-a-potty disaster site, see Jack is awake and tease, "Hey you crusty old fart, what are you doing - lying down on the job?"

 

Jack laughs at my insult, begins to cough, and Inga complains, "Jack, I told you to remain motionless."

 

Jack insults both of us, "Hell, how many women do I have telling me what I can and cannot do and Byron you're older than dirt so I don't know what the fuck you're doing calling me a crusty old fart."

 

Inga looks up at me, shakes her head and I wonder what the hell is going on. The medic announces, "Well I need to transport this man to the hospital."

 

I hear a familiar sound, look to the sky and answer, "No you don't, the hospital is coming here to us."

 

Jack questions, "Don't tell me, are we finally getting a medical plane back here?"

 

Inga gives me a bad look but I hide my emotions as I answer, "That's right, it's setting up for a landing as we speak." Then I address the medic, "Do you need some help hauling his sorry old ass out of the Port-a-potty?"

 

Masha joyfully answers for Jack (and I understand the statement about women telling him what to do), "Byron, your help would be greatly appreciated."

 

Inga adds her comments, "I have the primary trigger circuit stable so now is a good time to move him."

 

I look at a few of the Marines that are watching the spectacle and order, "Once we get Jack out of the port-a-potty, I need two of you to help take him to the medical plane."

 

Inga shows the route by pointing with one hand, "Byron, you can step here and there but do not step any other places."

 

I follow her instructions, grab the lower half of the back board the medic put under Jack as the medic says, "On three. One, Two, Three."

 

As we lift Jack I complain, "Damn Masha must be feeding you too well, you've put on some weight."

 

Jack counters, "Like hell I have!"

 

We get him free from the Port-a-potty, the two Marines come over and relieve us of the back board and Masha asks, "Byron aren't you coming to the medical plane?"

 

 I look at Inga and answer, "Not right now, I need to do a couple of things first."

 

Jack and Masha leave and once they are out of earshot I look at Inga and she says...

 

Present – Inga – problems with the porta-a-potty bomb

 

Once Jack and Masha are gone Byron looks at me and I say, "Byron, I have a real problem here."

 

Byron gives me a concerned look and questions, "Inga what's wrong."

 

I very slowly shake my head and answer, "I have tripped the primary trigger mechanism on this bomb and the only thing keeping it from detonating is my hand which is trapped between the triggering points."

 

Byron looks around at the other Marines watching us and orders, "We need everyone to move back a substantial distance while we continue to disarm this bomb."

 

They move back and Byron questions, "What can I do to help you?"

 

I reply, "Give me a few minutes to think about this problem."

 

Present – Thom – at the porta-a-potty bomb

 

I finish setting up the damn trailers to my liking and decide to check on the old fart Jack. I head toward the fucked up port-a-potty, get close and one of the Marines warns, "I'm not sure what's going on, but we were told to stand back from the port-a-potty."

 

I observe and see Byron looks like a worried mother hen, pacing back and forth so I decide I need to see what the hell is going on. I ignore the warning, walk up to Byron and ask, "Byron you look like you're going to have kittens, what the hell is wrong?"

 

I hear Inga's voice from the depths of the stinking ripped to hell port-a-potty announce, "Thom, I am happy you are here, I have a problem and hope you can help me."

 

I take one look at the shitty stinking mess, hope I don't have to get into it myself and ask, "Uhhh, what do you need?" Then I chuckle and tease a little, "A huge bucket of wet wipes and some deodorant?"

 

Byron punches me in the shoulder and scolds me, "Thom stop goofing off! Inga's in serious trouble, she's activated the main trigger and is keeping the bomb from detonating with her hand."

 

Inga adds, "Byron is correct, I need something to put between the contacts then I can slip my hand from between them. Do you have any idea as to what I could use?"

 

Shit (literally)! I hate to do this but I say, "I need to come down and look at this problem."

 

Inga commands and points with her free hand, "Thom, you can step there and there as those are the only spots which I know are safe."

 

I carefully wade into the shitty port-a-potty and worry because this is going to ruin my cowboy boots. The fucking smell is so bad my eyes begin to water and I question, "How the hell do you see anything in here?"

 

Inga answers, "I only breathe through my mouth but even then it doesn't always work. My lack of accurate vision is why I accidentally triggered the primary circuit."

 

I try breathing through my mouth. It helps some but I can understand how she still had problems. I stop and ask Byron, "Byron, do you have any gum and can I borrow your shemagh?"

 

Byron yells in reply and scares the fuck out of me, "Hell yes, I have both of those!"

 

I complain, "Will you please stop yelling, you scared the hell out of me. Now pass me a couple sticks of gum and your shemagh."

 

Byron complains, "Thom I don't think I should get in the port-a-potty with the two of you already being in it. You need someone to haul your asses out if it blows up."

 

I shake my head and answer, "Byron it's not going to blow the hell up or my name isn't Thom. But since you're being such a big baby, I’ll come out and get the gum and shemagh."

 

I hike back out of the foul fetid Port-a-potty and walk up to him. He holds out the pack of gum so I decide to take the whole damn pack and pop two sticks in my mouth. Then I take his shemagh, wrap it around my face in hopes it will keep some of the fucking smell from getting to my nose. I take a breath and complain, "Byron this smells almost as bad as the port-a-potty, when was the last time you washed it?"

 

Byron whines, "Well if you don't want to use it then you can use your own shemagh."

 

I inform Byron, "I need yours because I'm giving mine to Inga so shut your yap."

 

I ask Inga for a reminder, "Where is it that I can step?"

 

Inga points again with her free arm and again I descend into the port-a-potty. The gum is helping as is Byron's nasty shemagh, I get close to Inga and say, "I have some gum for you to chew that will help keep your eyes from watering." I take two sticks and Inga answers, "Thom, please place them in my mouth because I don't want to move from my current position."

 

I am going to complain, but I look into her eyes and for the first time ever I can see fear. So I unwrap two sticks of gum, place them in her mouth, she begins to chew them and I tell her, "Now I'm going to take my shemagh and cover your nose and mouth."

 

She shocks me when she offers, "If Byron's shemagh is so bad, I can use it."

 

I answer, "No, my amnosia has already kicked in." Then I move into position where I can see what Inga is doing with her other hand. Hells fucking bells! I see what she's doing and I almost add to the shit in the port-a-potty. Now I understand why she's so damn scared.

 

Inga asks, "What is amnosia?"

 

I keep looking at the mess she's in, trying to figure out a way to keep the three of us from blowing ourselves to hell and answer, "Amnosia is how your nose becomes used to a smell after smelling it for a long period of time."

 

Even as fucked as we are, she still manages a giggle and says, "I like that; it is sort of like amnesia of the nose."

 

I continue contemplating what the hell we should do and absently reply, "Yeah, I guess so."

 

I keep thinking of the problem as she says something else which I ignore and again answer, "Yeah I guess so."

 

Byron begins to laugh and Inga begins to giggle and says, "Thom, you didn't hear what I just said."

 

Byron adds his two fucking cents, "That's right Thom! Inga said that if you saved her from this mess, she would sleep with you."

 

I sputter, "Like hell! Inga I might have figured out a way out of this mess, but only if you promise me you won't sleep with me."

 

Even in the midst of the mess, Inga gives me pouty eyes and answers, "Okay Thom, have it your way. Now what are you going to do?"

 

Present – Jens, Liz, Bernie, Ivan and Samantha - At the cabin

 

The TSIFFTS medical plane lands and Liz says, "Jens, it's time for you to be checked by a real doctor who doesn't have suspect motives."

 

The last thing I want is to spend more time on my back because I have more important things to do. As my best alternative I complain, "Like hell I need to go to the fucking medical plane!"

 

Ivan yells a complaint and scares me, "Ms. Donaldduckson lady use too many bad words."

 

Liz looks at me and says, "Jens, Masha is heading to the medical plane with Jack. Why don't we take you there, let the doctors check you over and if they give you a clean bill of health then you can do whatever you want to do."

 

I look at everyone and order, "What I would really like is if someone got a team together to go after Ben."

 

I am pissed as hell when Samantha answers, "Don't worry Jennifer, Stacy just left to find Ben. I'm sure when she finds him she will notify us."

 

I rise up off the gurney and yell, "The last thing I want is for her to find Ben before we do. Stacy fooled me once about Ben and I'm sure as hell not going to let her fool me again. Liz with Jack out of the equation can't you get a team together to look for Ben?"

 

Liz looks at me and says, "Jens it's more important for me to get you to the medical plane to be checked. Bernie honey, would you mind taking care of this."

 

Bernie gives us a shocked look and then we finally get some help from someone else…

 

I hear a chorus of voices, "We are here and would love to get a team together to capture Ben."

 

I question, "Maria, Linus where have you two been?"

 

Maria laughs and answers, "Jens if I told you I would have to kill you. We stopped by the medical plane on the way over here and Jack is really messed up. But don't worry, we're here now and I'm going to take you to the medical plane while Linus gathers a crew to go after Ben."

 

I don't like this all and complain, "I don't get a saying in this?"

 

Maria laughs and agrees, "That's right you don't."

 

I don't like being ordered about by my girl Friday one bit because I want to get up, find Ben and kick his ass…

 

Present – Mira – Heading to the cabin

 

I silently swear at myself for not accommodating Alexi's suggestion to play that disreputable game titled Auto Grand Theft. Had I gathered more experience, possibly I would not be experiencing the problems I currently am having operating this confounded four wheeled motor vehicle.

 

Oh hades carillons! My lack of operator skill has attracted the attention of the constabulary…  

 

Present – Todd, Ira and Alexi – Heading to the cabin

 

I feel that Alexi plays too much Grand Theft Auto (he spent much of his time in the room while we were at the Broadmoor playing the game) and lost some contact with reality. He was in favor of 'borrowing' a car to take the three of us to the cabin when I sign and interject a problem with his approach, "Alexi, while you and your sisters have diplomatic passports I am not that fortunate. If we 'borrow' a vehicle as you desire and are stopped by the police you and Ira will be released but I will be taken to jail."

 

Ira comes to my defense, "Alexi, Todd is accurate in his analysis of the situation. We cannot 'borrow' a vehicle."

 

Alexi complains, "Well if we cannot borrow a vehicle how are we supposed to transverse to the cabin."

 

I smile at both of them and sign, "We rent a vehicle using my credit card."

 

The next questions surprise me…

 

Present - Zarika and Yasmeen – In Juvenile detention

 

Another day just like the last except this time Ms. Hornyhog doesn't come in to see me even though I was looking forward to talking with her since I had a new plan…

 

I wonder what Zarika is doing? I also wonder if Ms. Hornhead went to see her today because she didn't bother to see me.