Home 2 Chapter 073
Copyright 2014 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia
Present – Ben - leaving the cabin
As I continue to get the hell
out of Dodge I now have some freedom for some quiet thought. Because of what
Ivan said and because I amazingly saw an actual wolf, I contemplate the
possibility that Destiny is a Shaman as she claims or perhaps she is one of the
'Spirit Helpers' my Grandfather told me about. At least the feeling of someone
watching me has left because that feeling gives me the heebie-jeebies and the
hair stands up on the back of my neck – just like the hair on the back of the
fucking wolf.
I had shared my plans with
Destiny, however I was sure with the change of direction and the chemical suit
and booties I wore, it would make her job of finding me harder...
Present – Destiny – Searching for Ben
After I was interrupted by
the dog and fox, and then running away when Ben saw me, I headed back to the
clearing to pick up Ben's scent and begin following him again. However, there
was one problem: With the chemical contamination equipment he wore, I couldn't
pick up his scent. I knew the direction he traveled in when he first left the
cabin, so I left in the same direction in hopes that I could find him.
As I continue to run it soon
becomes obvious, because of the time that has elapsed, that Ben isn't heading
in the same direction as before our encounter (I once more underestimated Ben
and vowed to never do it again). I was wasting time so I realize the need to
change my tactics. Sure of my course of action I stop and begin my search for
Ben...
Present – Ben - leaving the cabin
Now what the hell is going on!
I don't feel like someone is watching me - I feel like every damn animal in the
world is fucking watching me! Hell, the damn squirrels are running through the
trees behind (it feels like they are actually chasing me) me cussing up a
storm. With all their fucking chattering, I can't hear anything else. I stop,
turn, glare at the fuckers and yell, "What the hell is wrong with you! Leave
me the hell alone or I will shoot your asses and eat you for lunch!"
They cuss at me as they run
away and then it starts with the fucking crows! A mob of them fly up into an
aspen tree and begin their infernal cawing. While squirrels are cute and serve
a purpose (food), I never did have much love for crows: They are annoying as
hell whose sole activity is that of fucking nest robbers. I raise my rifle to
my shoulder but the fuckers take off. What the hell is next...
Damn, I shouldn't have asked.
A pair of owls silently fly up (strange as hell because it's in the fucking
daytime!), land on a branch in the same aspen tree and begin to stare at me
with those huge, virtually unblinking eyes. I look to the sky and demand,
"What the hell did I do to deserve this???"
Present – Destiny – Searching for Ben
Calling on the animals to
show me Ben's location is too much fun because they annoy him and make him act
crazy. Plus, it gives me great insight into Ben, how he feels about the animals
and how advanced his Shamanic skills have progressed. His ability to sense when
anyone or anything is watching him is highly advanced which I am sure has
greatly helped him in his previous life in the Marines. I understand his
feelings toward the squirrels (they are excellent food) however his feelings
toward the crows is incorrect and is something I will certainly try to fix. His
spooky feeling toward the owls is also a bit warped and I will need to do
something about that as well.
Now that I know where Ben is,
it's time for me to catch up and trail him. However, I am not sure how to keep
him from sensing me watching him. I begin running toward Ben and the
tranquility of the physical exercise allows my mind to finally work it out.
Present – Ben - leaving the cabin
The owls leave after looking
me over and finally I lose the feeling that the entire fucking world is
watching me. With my senses again at ease I take off running. I want to get as
much distance between Destiny and me as I can. Hell, I even wish that Bo had
shown up (by himself because the last thing I wanted was to be together with
Stacy again) because he would have helped me put the miles between us even more
quickly…
Present – Stacy – Going after
Ben
With the COF taking care of
the trailers, I stop by my camp, meet with Bill and ask, "I'm going to see
if I can find Ben, do you have any ideas on where he might have gone?"
Bill smiles and answers,
"Since the electronic warfare conveniently ended, the satellite you
purchased for this mission has come back on line and we've been tracking two
targets that have left the area. The first has to be Ben and the second is most
likely the woman who helped him. He followed a circuitous route initially but
has now settled down and is headed north of here."
I question, "Has
everything else been prepared?"
He hands me my weapons (the
two revolvers and the rifle that Ben gave me), then he hands me a GPS tracker
connected to the satellites and says, "Yes, it's all ready for you, just
pick up the saddle bags for Bo and Patches and you are ready to leave. However,
are you sure you want to do this on your own? We could have a small team travel
with you."
I smile and answer,
"With the horses and Wojtek I have the best team possible for this
mission. Anymore would jeopardize it. What did you find out about the mystery
woman helping Ben?"
Bill shakes his head and frowns,
"We didn't find out anything."
I look at him in shock and
question, "Nothing at all?"
He affirms, "That's
correct, it's like she's never existed. This is one more reason I feel you
should bring a team."
I once again refuse,
"Bill, that's not going to happen. I have my phone and you have the
helicopters standing by so if I have an emergency you can respond to it. Too
many people will scare Ben away and that's the last thing I want."
When I load the saddle bags
on Bo, he gives me a dirty look and I scold him, "Hey, if you're coming
with me you need to pull your own weight."
I begin to load Patches and
once again she shows her dislike of carrying a burden by trying to bite me. I
move just in time and tell her, "Sorry about this, but you also need to
carry some gear."
I climb up in the saddle and
practically fall off laughing when she lets loose a huge fart to show her
disgust at carrying saddle bags.
I begin to ride away and
remember one more thing. I ride back to Bill, stop and ask, "One more thing,
what has happened to the man in the exploding port-a-potty?"
Bill answers, "He's
pretty messed up but our medic has stabilized him until he can be transported
to a hospital…"
Present – Masha - at the cabin
with Jack
I cannot believe it! Even
after I warned my husband, he chose to endanger his life by trying to disarm
the traps in the portable toilets. He could not leave well enough alone until
we had an expert here to take care of the situation.
I arrive at the practically
destroyed portable toilet where a medic is already working on my husband and my
Jack looks terrible. I ask the medic, "How is my husband?"
He answered, "He's lucky
as hell that only half the trap triggered or there would have been nothing left
of him but tiny pieces. Now the problem is I have to treat him while being
careful to not trigger the other half of the trap and blowing all of us to
hell."
I begin to bargain with him
on how I will disable the trap when fortune smiles upon me…
Present – Inga - at the cabin
with Masha
I run up, stop beside Masha
and look at her husband Jack in the half-destroyed portable toilet (he looks
very bad). Masha smiles at me and says (in Russian), "Inga I am happy you
are here, Jack is in grave danger because half of the portable toilet trap did
not explode."
I understand what Masha is
asking so I volunteer, "Masha, I will gladly disarm the remaining trap in
the portable toilet."
She cautions, "Inga
please make certain not to trigger it or my husband will die never seeing his
daughter."
I inform the medic, "I
am a bomb disposal expert and would like your permission to disarm the
bomb."
He answers, "That would
be great because I'm not sure how much time it will take to stabilize this
man."
I move into the
half-destroyed toilet (it is a stinking a mess of feces and urine!). I notice the
foul mixture has covered most of Masha's husband Jack including his wounds. Then
I continue my discussion with Masha to keep her distracted, "How have you
been feeling during this pregnancy?"
Masha answers, "Not as
bad as the last one, I think it is because she's a girl."
I continue my work, the
detonation mechanism is deceptively devious, and reply, "You might enjoy
it now but remember she will become a teenager. With your boy Ivan you only
need to be concerned with his хуи (dick) with a teenage daughter you will have
to worry about all the other boy's хуиs."
Masha laughs and answers,
"You are incorrect: With a boy as cute as Ivan and the crazy teenage girls
now days, I have to worry about all the teenage girl's влагалищеs (vaginas) and
their ability to become беременна (pregnant)! And I won't have to worry about such
things with our daughter."
I do not understand so I
question, "Why not? Don't tell me you are going to start her on the
pill."
Masha laughs and answers,
"You forgot about Jack, I am sure he will put the fear of God into any boy
that comes close to our daughter."
Then we hear some good
news...
Present – Jack –
in the half-destroyed Port-a-potty
I begin to wake up and feel
like shit! The bastard Mike had a secondary trigger circuit on the Port-a-potty
bomb I missed and it blew me to hell and back. I hear Masha telling someone
that I would 'put the fear of God into any boy that comes close to our
daughter' and correct her, "Masha that's not correct: I will put the fear
of hell and me into any boy that
comes close to our daughter."
I hear Masha's voice crack as
she answers, "Jack, my Jack, you are alive."
I fight back the pain and
answer, "Of course I'm alive. It takes more than that little popgun of a
charge to kill me."
I hear a woman's voice which I
don't recognize as she orders, "Jack, keep perfectly still. You only
detonated half the charge that was placed inside the portable toilet."
I quickly remark, "I
don't know who the fuck you are but be careful. That bastard Mike has a
secondary trigger circuit..."
She interrupts me, "My
name in Inga, I am a friend of Masha and do not worry. I have already found the
second and third trigger circuits and disabled them. All that is left is the
primary trigger circuit."
I swore, "Hells bells a
third trigger circuit, I totally missed that."
Masha scolds me, "Jack I
asked you not to do anything crazy and you didn't listen to me and almost died.
Will you promise me to listen to me the next time?"
I cross my fingers and
answer, "Of course my love."
Then Inga spoils my plans
when she announces, "Masha, Jack had his fingers crossed during his answer
to you."
Masha questions, "What
does that mean?"
Inga explains to her,
"Masha, Americans cross their fingers when they tell a lie to ward off
evil spirits."
Masha starts to berate me
when thank God a familiar voice intervenes...
Present – Byron - at the
half-destroyed port-a-potty
I make it to the Port-a-potty
disaster site, see Jack is awake and tease, "Hey you crusty old fart, what
are you doing - lying down on the job?"
Jack laughs at my insult,
begins to cough, and Inga complains, "Jack, I told you to remain
motionless."
Jack insults both of us,
"Hell, how many women do I have telling me what I can and cannot do and
Byron you're older than dirt so I don't know what the fuck you're doing calling
me a crusty old fart."
Inga looks up at me, shakes
her head and I wonder what the hell is going on. The medic announces,
"Well I need to transport this man to the hospital."
I hear a familiar sound, look
to the sky and answer, "No you don't, the hospital is coming here to
us."
Jack questions, "Don't
tell me, are we finally getting a medical plane back here?"
Inga gives me a bad look but
I hide my emotions as I answer, "That's right, it's setting up for a
landing as we speak." Then I address the medic, "Do you need some
help hauling his sorry old ass out of the Port-a-potty?"
Masha joyfully answers for
Jack (and I understand the statement about women telling him what to do),
"Byron, your help would be greatly appreciated."
Inga adds her comments,
"I have the primary trigger circuit stable so now is a good time to move
him."
I look at a few of the
Marines that are watching the spectacle and order, "Once we get Jack out
of the port-a-potty, I need two of you to help take him to the medical
plane."
Inga shows the route by
pointing with one hand, "Byron, you can step here and there but do not
step any other places."
I follow her instructions,
grab the lower half of the back board the medic put under Jack as the medic
says, "On three. One, Two, Three."
As we lift Jack I complain,
"Damn Masha must be feeding you too well, you've put on some weight."
Jack counters, "Like
hell I have!"
We get him free from the Port-a-potty,
the two Marines come over and relieve us of the back board and Masha asks,
"Byron aren't you coming to the medical plane?"
I look at Inga and answer, "Not right
now, I need to do a couple of things first."
Jack and Masha leave and once
they are out of earshot I look at Inga and she says...
Present – Inga – problems with
the porta-a-potty bomb
Once Jack and Masha are gone
Byron looks at me and I say, "Byron, I have a real problem here."
Byron gives me a concerned
look and questions, "Inga what's wrong."
I very slowly shake my head
and answer, "I have tripped the primary trigger mechanism on this bomb and
the only thing keeping it from detonating is my hand which is trapped between
the triggering points."
Byron looks around at the
other Marines watching us and orders, "We need everyone to move back a
substantial distance while we continue to disarm this bomb."
They move back and Byron
questions, "What can I do to help you?"
I reply, "Give me a few
minutes to think about this problem."
Present – Thom – at the
porta-a-potty bomb
I finish setting up the damn
trailers to my liking and decide to check on the old fart Jack. I head toward
the fucked up port-a-potty, get close and one of the Marines warns, "I'm
not sure what's going on, but we were told to stand back from the
port-a-potty."
I observe and see Byron looks
like a worried mother hen, pacing back and forth so I decide I need to see what
the hell is going on. I ignore the warning, walk up to Byron and ask,
"Byron you look like you're going to have kittens, what the hell is wrong?"
I hear Inga's voice from the
depths of the stinking ripped to hell port-a-potty announce, "Thom, I am
happy you are here, I have a problem and hope you can help me."
I take one look at the shitty
stinking mess, hope I don't have to get into it myself and ask, "Uhhh,
what do you need?" Then I chuckle and tease a little, "A huge bucket
of wet wipes and some deodorant?"
Byron punches me in the
shoulder and scolds me, "Thom stop goofing off! Inga's in serious trouble,
she's activated the main trigger and is keeping the bomb from detonating with
her hand."
Inga adds, "Byron is
correct, I need something to put between the contacts then I can slip my hand
from between them. Do you have any idea as to what I could use?"
Shit (literally)! I hate to
do this but I say, "I need to come down and look at this problem."
Inga commands and points with
her free hand, "Thom, you can step there and there as those are the only
spots which I know are safe."
I carefully wade into the
shitty port-a-potty and worry because this is going to ruin my cowboy boots.
The fucking smell is so bad my eyes begin to water and I question, "How
the hell do you see anything in here?"
Inga answers, "I only
breathe through my mouth but even then it doesn't always work. My lack of
accurate vision is why I accidentally triggered the primary circuit."
I try breathing through my
mouth. It helps some but I can understand how she still had problems. I stop
and ask Byron, "Byron, do you have any gum and can I borrow your
shemagh?"
Byron yells in reply and
scares the fuck out of me, "Hell yes, I have both of those!"
I complain, "Will you
please stop yelling, you scared the hell out of me. Now pass me a couple sticks
of gum and your shemagh."
Byron complains, "Thom I
don't think I should get in the port-a-potty with the two of you already being
in it. You need someone to haul your asses out if it blows up."
I shake my head and answer,
"Byron it's not going to blow the hell up or my name isn't Thom. But since
you're being such a big baby, I’ll come out and get the gum and shemagh."
I hike back out of the foul
fetid Port-a-potty and walk up to him. He holds out the pack of gum so I decide
to take the whole damn pack and pop two sticks in my mouth. Then I take his
shemagh, wrap it around my face in hopes it will keep some of the fucking smell
from getting to my nose. I take a breath and complain, "Byron this smells
almost as bad as the port-a-potty, when was the last time you washed it?"
Byron whines, "Well if
you don't want to use it then you can use your own shemagh."
I inform Byron, "I need
yours because I'm giving mine to Inga so shut your yap."
I ask Inga for a reminder,
"Where is it that I can step?"
Inga points again with her
free arm and again I descend into the port-a-potty. The gum is helping as is
Byron's nasty shemagh, I get close to Inga and say, "I have some gum for
you to chew that will help keep your eyes from watering." I take two
sticks and Inga answers, "Thom, please place them in my mouth because I
don't want to move from my current position."
I am going to complain, but I
look into her eyes and for the first time ever I can see fear. So I unwrap two
sticks of gum, place them in her mouth, she begins to chew them and I tell her,
"Now I'm going to take my shemagh and cover your nose and mouth."
She shocks me when she
offers, "If Byron's shemagh is so bad, I can use it."
I answer, "No, my
amnosia has already kicked in." Then I move into position where I can see
what Inga is doing with her other hand. Hells fucking bells! I see what she's
doing and I almost add to the shit in the port-a-potty. Now I understand why
she's so damn scared.
Inga asks, "What is
amnosia?"
I keep looking at the mess
she's in, trying to figure out a way to keep the three of us from blowing
ourselves to hell and answer, "Amnosia is how your nose becomes used to a
smell after smelling it for a long period of time."
Even as fucked as we are, she
still manages a giggle and says, "I like that; it is sort of like amnesia
of the nose."
I continue contemplating what
the hell we should do and absently reply, "Yeah, I guess so."
I keep thinking of the
problem as she says something else which I ignore and again answer, "Yeah
I guess so."
Byron begins to laugh and
Inga begins to giggle and says, "Thom, you didn't hear what I just
said."
Byron adds his two fucking
cents, "That's right Thom! Inga said that if you saved her from this mess,
she would sleep with you."
I sputter, "Like hell!
Inga I might have figured out a way out of this mess, but only if you promise
me you won't sleep with me."
Even in the midst of the
mess, Inga gives me pouty eyes and answers, "Okay Thom, have it your way. Now
what are you going to do?"
Present – Jens, Liz, Bernie, Ivan and Samantha - At
the cabin
The TSIFFTS medical plane
lands and Liz says, "Jens, it's time for you to be checked by a real
doctor who doesn't have suspect motives."
The last thing I want is to
spend more time on my back because I have more important things to do. As my
best alternative I complain, "Like hell I need to go to the fucking
medical plane!"
Ivan yells a complaint and
scares me, "Ms. Donaldduckson lady use too many bad words."
Liz looks at me and says,
"Jens, Masha is heading to the medical plane with Jack. Why don't we take
you there, let the doctors check you over and if they give you a clean bill of
health then you can do whatever you want to do."
I look at everyone and order,
"What I would really like is if someone got a team together to go after
Ben."
I am pissed as hell when
Samantha answers, "Don't worry Jennifer, Stacy just left to find Ben. I'm
sure when she finds him she will notify us."
I rise up off the gurney and
yell, "The last thing I want is for her to find Ben before we do. Stacy
fooled me once about Ben and I'm sure as hell not going to let her fool me
again. Liz with Jack out of the equation can't you get a team together to look
for Ben?"
Liz looks at me and says,
"Jens it's more important for me to get you to the medical plane to be
checked. Bernie honey, would you mind taking care of this."
Bernie gives us a shocked
look and then we finally get some help from someone else…
I hear a chorus of voices,
"We are here and would love to get a team together to capture Ben."
I question, "Maria,
Linus where have you two been?"
Maria laughs and answers,
"Jens if I told you I would have to kill you. We stopped by the medical
plane on the way over here and Jack is really messed up. But don't worry, we're
here now and I'm going to take you to the medical plane while Linus gathers a
crew to go after Ben."
I don't like this all and
complain, "I don't get a saying in this?"
Maria laughs and agrees,
"That's right you don't."
I don't like being ordered
about by my girl Friday one bit because I want to get up, find Ben and kick his
ass…
Present – Mira – Heading to the cabin
I silently swear at myself
for not accommodating Alexi's suggestion to play that disreputable game titled
Auto Grand Theft. Had I gathered more experience, possibly I would not be
experiencing the problems I currently am having operating this confounded four
wheeled motor vehicle.
Oh hades carillons! My lack
of operator skill has attracted the attention of the constabulary…
Present – Todd, Ira and Alexi – Heading to the cabin
I feel that Alexi plays too
much Grand Theft Auto (he spent much of his time in the room while we were at
the Broadmoor playing the game) and lost some contact with reality. He was in
favor of 'borrowing' a car to take the three of us to the cabin when I sign and
interject a problem with his approach, "Alexi, while you and your sisters
have diplomatic passports I am not that fortunate. If we 'borrow' a vehicle as
you desire and are stopped by the police you and Ira will be released but I
will be taken to jail."
Ira comes to my defense,
"Alexi, Todd is accurate in his analysis of the situation. We cannot
'borrow' a vehicle."
Alexi complains, "Well
if we cannot borrow a vehicle how are we supposed to transverse to the
cabin."
I smile at both of them and
sign, "We rent a vehicle using my credit card."
The next questions surprise
me…
Present - Zarika and Yasmeen –
In Juvenile detention
Another day just like the
last except this time Ms. Hornyhog doesn't come in to see me even though I was
looking forward to talking with her since I had a new plan…
I wonder what Zarika is doing?
I also wonder if Ms. Hornhead went to see her today because she didn't bother
to see me.