Home 2 Chapter 083                                        

Copyright 2014 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia

 

Present – Jens and others – about a month later at the cabin

 

The TSIFFTS command center phone rings, James answers it and after a brief pause to hear who is calling announces, "Jennifer, it's Linus for you."

 

My heart beats slightly faster as I rush over, answer the phone and query, "Linus, please tell me you have good news for a change?"

 

Linus sounds almost as dejected as I am when he answers, "Sorry Jennifer, the faint trail there had been of Ben has gone totally cold."

 

I have a little hope that one of our new plans might work when I ask, "Linus, is there anything else that you need to help in your search?" I then add one of our new ideas, "How about a helicopter?"

 

Linus shoots down the idea just like Ben had shot down the greenies helicopters when he says, "Sorry Jennifer, but even that won't help. We already have men stationed every ten miles on the Continental Divide Trail for the next hundred miles and somehow he avoids all of them."

 

I slam the phone down in anger and dejection, Thom comes over and advises, "Jennifer, don't get your panties in a bunch. Stacy isn't having any better luck than we are and she's using a fucking satellite."

 

I lie just to tease Thom, "I can't get my panties in a bunch because I'm not wearing any."

 

Thom gives me a dirty look but immediately counters, "Prove it!"

 

Inga laughs and interjects, "I am not wearing any panties either and would love to prove it."

 

Thom just as immediately backpedals, "Uh… No thank you Inga."

 

I laugh, then snap my fingers as I get a new idea and ask James, "James tell me, do we have access to satellite communications?"

 

James turns in his chair and answers, "Of course we do Jennifer, why are you wondering?"

 

I rush over beside James, grab a chair, sit down and answer, "Thom reminded me of Stacy's satellite and I'm betting I can hack into it and we can use it."

 

Thom again says, "Jennifer what good will that do? I told you that they can't find Ben with her satellite."

 

I laugh and answer, "Oh I'm not going to try to find Ben with it - I have other plans..."

 

I begin the hack into Stacy's satellite network as I fight back the tears about all that has happened this month: First Maria and Liz took me into the medical plane where they did a scan on me and found a GPS transponder that the fucking Mike hid inside me. We removed it, attached it to one of the Marines truck as they left to go home after telling them about it and hoped like hell Mike would follow them.

 

We next had a huge funeral for Byron – he will be greatly missed. However, Thom now has a new right hand man, or should I say woman... Inga - and they tease each other relentlessly.

 

Stacy returned and we fought like cats and dogs about her construction companies. I finally had my fill of it and threw her and them off my property, then hired my own construction companies. It didn't take them long to fix the tunnel entrances and once they did I made Stacy remove the fucking mobile homes she messed up my property with and we moved into the tunnels. The contractors are making good progress on fixing up the cabin and soon we can move back in. I have been busy when I'm not in the TSIFFTS command center designing the new security system for the cabin and the tunnels, and it won't have the problems the first one did.

 

But what has me the most upset is we tried our best, and failed, at finding Ben. Sharik must sense how upset I am as he come over, puts his head in my lap and I say, "Sorry Sharik, I can't pet you right now because I need to get this finished first."

 

He lets out a little whimper and I promise, "Don't worry. If you're a good dog I will take you for a run later today."

 

He spins around a couple times in joy and his antics, as usual, help to dispel my terrible mood...

 

Present – Stacy – about a month later on the Continental Divide Trail

 

Wojtek begins to yowl (once again) and takes off running backwards down the Continental Divide Trail. I yell at him, "Where the fuck are you going this time you coward?"

 

Patches and Bo's ears go back along their heads and they both begin to paw the earth. I reach down, stroke Patches and say, "Come on girl, I know you're spooked but don't fail me now."

 

I couldn't count the number of times this has happened, even if I used both my hands and feet. I'm sure it has something to do with that fucking woman who's helping Ben. If I ever see her again I'm not going to ask questions, I'm just going to going to shoot her. Unfortunately my attempts to calm Patches don't work this time since she turns tail and takes off with Bo right behind her. I'm left holding on for dear life!

 

I've had a hell of a terrible month. First was the problem with the 'Barney Fife' sheriff. If you thought he was angry for Wojtek ripping the door off his truck, he was even more angry after he pissed off Patches. She picked him up by the collar of his coat and shook him like a dog shakes a rat. It took three lawyers to get me out of the mess that the two of them got me in and by the time I did Ben was long gone.

 

I wasn't too worried because I thought finding Ben was going to be so easy using the satellite. However, while I was in 'Barney Fife's jail, Ben and his fucking friend did something and it stopped working. When I got out of jail, I went back to the cabin to talk with Bill to see what the hell was going on. We called in all the technicians we could but they couldn't figure it out. While I was there, I got in daily fights over almost everything with Jennifer until she finally got pissed enough to throw all of us off her property. We were able to form a tentative peace with 'Barney Fife' when we moved everyone into town, bought an abandoned warehouse and set up our command center. It was then he informed us that he had made Ben a deputy sheriff. I had Bill look into it and discovered that 'Barney Fife' and Ben were BFFs in high school so everything 'fell into place'.

 

Now I was holding on to Patches for dear life once again...

 

Present – Jack, Masha and Ivan – about a month later in the Tunnels

 

I sit on the bed beside Masha and ask, "Honey, is there anything that I can get for you before I leave for work?"

 

Masha frowns at me and complains, "Jack, you are being irrational by making me stay in bed."

 

I return the frown with a smile, give her a kiss, pull away, stand up and gently counter, "Masha, you know better than that. I'm just enforcing the doctor's orders that you need total bed rest."

 

She gives me the look that only a wife can give a husband after they have been married for many years - the look that says that I can't expect any 'fun' beginning now and continuing for a while then she replies, "Jack, since when do you listen to the doctors?"

 

I grin at her and answer, "I've become a much better listener when it concerns my wife and our unborn baby daughter."

 

I turn to Ivan and order, "Ivan, since I have to go to work I expect you to make sure mama stays in bed."

 

Ivan jumps to his feet, smartly salutes me and responds, "Yes Sir! Captain Sir!"

 

I once again complain, "Ivan, you know I'm not a Sir, I work for a living. So how about you cut it out."

 

He salutes again and counters, "Sorry Sir! Unca Ben teach me and give me orders that I should always call you Sir and Captain."

 

I silently swear to myself that I will find some fucking way to get even with Banzai for teaching Ivan this nasty little trick - but first we have to find the sneaky assed fucker which has proven harder than hell. I wonder if we will have any luck today as I head outside to greet my men as they do PT and hope for good news later when I go to the TSIFFTS command trailer.

 

I get outside, find my men are missing and there's a huge hullaballoo!!!

 

Present – Samantha – about a month later working on news stories at the cabin

 

I am shocked when I see two men walking towards me: They both look like Rob Roy because they are wearing kilts, have on blue face paint and have big swords in scabbards behind their backs. This has to be some sort of crazy news story - now to figure out what the hell it is! I walk toward them, vaguely recognize one of them in spite of the face paint and kilts and ask, "Is that you retired General Donaldson?"

 

His reply is in such a thick Scottish brogue that I can hardly understand it, "Ye be reit fair lassie, Ah be general Donaldson. Micht ye ken whaur mah dochter Jennifer be located?"

 

I pointed to the TSIFFTS trailer and answer, "I think she is in there. Would you mind if I come along and ask you some questions?"

 

Many of the Marines who are still here began to gather around as the newly defined General Donaldson answers...

 

Present – General Donaldson, Hammer and Samantha – about a month later at the cabin

 

Some bonnie as a bug news reporter asks if she can come wi' me An' ask me some questions while Ah fin' mah dochter Jennifer an' Ah answer, "Certainly ye can come wi' us, however Ah micht nae want ye reportin' things when Ah reach mah dochter."

 

'Er first question is a guid 'n body when she asks, "General Donaldson you have been missing now for over a month, what happened and where have you been?"

 

Ah hink fur a moment oan hoo much Ah wish tae reveal an' answer, "Ah was captured by th' drug lord's men until mah guid mukker Hammer haur rescued me."                                        

 

Mah guid mukker Hammer interjects, "Ah saw those bastards takin' th' general an' kent Ah hud tae dae somethin', it took two weeks tae fin' heem an' a body week tae free heem."

 

Th' bonnie reporter asks, "General why the change in clothing?"

 

We ur at th' TSIFFTS trailer an' Ah answer, "Hammer has shoon me it's guid tae embrace mah scottish heritage. Noo please excuse us we woods loch ot gab tae mah dochter."

 

Th' bonnie reporter smiles at me an' answers, "Of course, but I would like a chance later for a longer interview."

 

Ah nod mah heed in affirmation, we open th' duir, step intae th' TSIFFTS trailer an' Hammer says, "Ah woods loch tae gie 'at bonnie reporter a horizontal interview."

 

Ah glaur at heem an' 'en see mah dochter...

 

Wow this has been one crazy month, I have been so busy trying to keep up with all the news that I feel like I've done a terrible job reporting on it. But the station, Liz and most importantly the viewers have really shown their support.

 

First I did quite a few reports on Stacy's problems with the local sheriff. OMG he was ready to lock her up and throw away the key until most of America started to give him hell about the way he treated her. I even got him to call off the search and kill parties going after Wojtek by finding Stacy and Wojtek (after the sheriff released Stacy) and doing a report with both of them. Stacy informed America of how Wojtek helped to battle the Mexican's as they tried to destroy Bob's Country Bunker and he instantly became 'America's Pet'. Heck there was even a line of Wojtek teddy bears which the children started to sleep with (thanks to Stacy's marketing company). The protestors came from all over America and called themselves the 'Occupy Wojtek' protestors. They camped out in front of the sheriff's office and somehow (I think it was Stacy) found out where he lived and even harassed him and his family there. At first he tried to be tough with them by arresting them, but it just caused more of them to come until his jail was full, then he was forced to release them.

 

I did a bunch of reports on what Mike had done to Jennifer and the rest of the people here at the cabin, how he had his surgeons place a bomb inside of Jennifer and left bombs which injured Masha's husband Jack and killed Byron. OMG the funeral of Byron was one of the hardest reports I had ever done! I was shocked when I did his background and discovered he was a certified American hero. That report infuriated most of America and from what I understand there are more than a few teams out hunting for Mike.

 

I can't wait to do a report on General Donaldson…

 

Present – Thom and Inga – about a month later in the TSIFFTS command center

 

Hammer walks into the TSIFFTS command center trailer and I have to blink my eyes multiple times because there's someone with him - they both look like twin Rob Roys. Jennifer's dog, who she calls Sharik after some damn fictional Russian, dog begins to woof softly, Jennifer turns to see what's going on, jumps the hell up from her chair, runs toward the older Rob Roy impersonator and yells, "Daddy!"

 

WTF! The old impersonator is Glen! Hell you could have fooled me!

 

Inga comes over beside me, leans over and whispers, "Thom, if that is General Donaldson he shouldn't have access to the TSIFFTS assets until he explains where he's been for the past month."

 

She is fucking right but how in the hell do I broach this subject? Then I get a great idea: Since Inga wants to take Byron's place as my second in command, she can do the duties.

 

I smile and concur, "Inga you are correct. Since you want to be my second in command please ask him to leave the command center until he can be vetted."

 

Inga walks over to where Jennifer and Glen are having a happy reunion which she interrupts…

 

I cannot believe the task Thom just assigned me. However, I should be used to it by now since he has been giving me every terrible job he could think of since I have started acting as his second in command. What he doesn't realize is the harder he tries to make me quit, the more determined I become to not quit.

 

I interrupt Jennifer and her father, "Please excuse me, but it is a serious security breach for retired General Donaldson to be inside the TSIFFTS command center. We need to verify that he hasn't been brainwashed before we can give him access to the command center."

 

As they separate, I can tell I've hurt Jennifer from the anger I recognize in her eyes but then retired General Donaldson says (with a heavy Scottish accent), " Jennifer dinnae gie radge th' bonnie hen is correct. We need tae tak' thes homecomin' ootwith."

 

I was thankful that the former-General responded so favorably. I move back to Thom and he questions, "So when are you going to vet him?"

 

I answer, "As soon as he and Jennifer have a chance to say hello to each other."

 

Thom then orders, "You need to contact Jack, let him know Glen is back and have him put a guard detail on Glen until you can vet him."

 

I grin at Thom and reply, "Yes Sir! I will do that immediately Sir." Then I quickly leave before Thom can complain about being called 'Sir'. If he wants to act like an officer, then I will begin to treat him like one…

 

Present –Todd, Mira and Alexi – About a month later at the cabin

 

What a month we have had! The police tried to arrest us because of Mira's indiscretions with the first officer who stopped her, but once again their diplomatic passports got them off scot free. The police however were ready to haul me in, which made Irina very upset to the point of 'kicking their asses' until I had them contact an old friend of mine. Shortly after the call they were more than apologetic to me. Their actions piqued Irina's interest in me to a greater degree than ever. Yes, I realized she had some feelings - no that's not right - she had fallen in love with me. The problem was after what happened on the island I promised myself I would never become emotionally entangled with another woman!

 

I found out why Alexi was so concerned about 'things breaking' in his bag and it was funny as hell. The bastard Mike was going to have a hell of a time paying for all the shit Alexi stole from the Broadmoor. He must have had 20 ashtrays, 6 TV remotes, more than 10 glasses, a shitload of swim googles (new in the box), about a hundred key chains that were sold in the gift shop, 4 laptop computers and what had to be 5 complete resupplies for the room's minibar. He was a serious kleptomaniac and I made sure to lock up everything I owned whenever I wasn't watching it.

 

Oh yeah, we had appropriated our own trailer which we shared with Elizabeth Morgan and her fiancé Bernie. I also discovered Liz and Bernie were the twin's (and by adoption, Alexi's) main 'job' - they were her bodyguards.

 

The twins fought all the time. Miranda wanted to complete some mission that she had started but with Irina's feelings toward me, she wanted to stay here. I avoided them as much as possible by teaching Alexi the fine art of the bow, which is what we are doing now.

 

Alexi draws the bow but takes too much time in aiming, so I poke him in the side with an arrow which caused him to jump. He let the arrow fly and of course it completely misses the target. He looks at me and complains, "Todd, why did you do that? Now I have lost my arrow and it's going to take me an hour to find it."

 

I smile at Alexi and sign, "Alexi, you made many mistakes: You held the bow drawn for too long, and then you let me distract you."

 

Alexi challenges, "Oh yeah, I would like to see you do better!"

 

I surprise the hell out of him when I quickly nock an arrow, draw my bow and drill the target square in the middle.

 

Alexi continues his complaints, "Hey, that wasn't fair because I didn't get a chance to distract you."

 

I get ready to sign and tell him all is fair in love and war when I quickly duck as an arrow flies between us and Robin Hoods¹ my arrow."

 

¹Robin Hood - when you split an arrow with another arrow.

 

We both turn and I see a girl I have never seen before, standing beside Miranda holding a laminated yumi² and smiling. She curtseys and announces, "My name is Safia and that is seisha seichū."

 

² Yumi – a Japanese bow traditionally made of bamboo, wood and leather which are very tall, many times over 2 meters in length. The bamboo in the traditional yumi is vulnerable to weather changes so many practitioners also have newer laminated yumis.

 

I sure as hell understand seisha seichū from my time with Liu: It means 'correct shooting is correct hitting' but I hate the fact she fired the arrow between us so I decide to show her who is boss. I quickly nock another arrow, fire and promptly 'Robin Hood' her arrow.

 

Then I turn and sign in JSL, "You have offended me with your dangerous shot which could have struck Alexi or myself, so that was not seisha seichū - however my shot was."

 

Miranda states, "Todd, I did not comprehend your ASL, please repeat."

 

Shit! I forgot that Miranda probably doesn't know JSL so I sign in ASL, spelling out the Japanese word in letters, "You have offended me with your dangerous shot which could have struck Alexi or myself, so that was not seisha seichū - however my shot was."

 

Miranda translates and Safia bows and apologizes, "Sensei, I am sorry I offended you and bow to your wisdom and superior skills."

 

I sign, "I am not a sensei."

 

She looks puzzled so Miranda informs and translates, "Safia, Todd is unable to speak so he signed that 'he is not a sensei.'"

 

Then Miranda smiles at me…

 

I elucidate for Todd, "Please forgive Safia as she cannot yet comprehend sign language and has just arrived from Japan to assist us. She is still young and was excitedly demonstrating her yumi skills."

 

Todd is obviously not appeased when he angrily signs, "That was not demonstrating, that was showing off." Then he turns to Alexi and signs, "Today's lesson is finished." He then storms away.

 

Alexi walks over displaying a superior attitude and questions...

 

I find this girl standing beside Mira to be interesting because of the way she is clothed. She is wearing what appears to be a cross between a samurai outfit and anamie. In addition, the bow she is carrying appears much taller than she is. I realize that Todd was upset by her behavior, but I am not sure it was strictly because she fired between us. I think he was perturbed that she ruined one of his arrows - Todd has this thing about his arrows! I remember when he first started training me, I was using his bow and his arrows and I fired one arrow over the target like today - he made me search all day until I found it.

 

I walk up in front of them and state, "Since you were using old equipment like that, you were fortunate to even hit the target."

 

Mira glares at me and demands, "Alexi, why are you attempting to insult Safia?"

 

I grin at Mira and reply, "I am not attempting to insult Safia, I am stating an obvious fact. My compound bow is infinitely superior to her wooden abomination."

 

Safia smiles at me and counters, "If you feel your mechanical abortion is better than my quasi-traditional yumi then I would suggest we have a contest."

 

I accept with a condition, "Gladly, but only if we make it more interesting with a wager."

 

Safia questions, "What should we bet?"

 

I rub my hands together at the thought of what I will win and answer, "How about breakfast in bed for a week?"

 

Safia laughs and taunts, "You are not very sure of yourself. Would it be better if we make it for a month?" She holds out her hand in anticipation.

 

I shake her hand and answer, "You're on."

 

Present – Zarika and Yasmeen– about a month later

 

So many things had occurred over the past month. Yasmeen really came to our rescue: From the information Ms. Horneyhog accidentally gave her, she figured out my plan to contact the man at the 7 to 11 store. Then amazingly she contacted him, described to him where we were and told him about Mira, the twin, and having diplomatic passports. He contacted Mira who came to the juvenile detention center with our diplomatic passports and we were instantly released.

 

However I was shocked when I saw Yasmeen! She had not done any exercises while we were detained and had become a little fat. We were quickly rushed back to the cabin and discovered it had been totally destroyed by the Jennifer bitch that Ben loved. Oh that reminds me, Ben was here but unfortunately we just missed seeing him.

 

I have taken over helping with the cabin and continue to do my exercises, I refuse to become fat for my Ben. The Jennifer bitch is finally well enough to join me in the morning along with some of the other Marines and I can tell she's impressed with me. And Yasmeen, well she's not here right now…

 

I have had a great month after getting out of the terrible detention place. I went to the cabin for a short time however Zarika kept bothering me because I gained some weight – however I think she is just jealous because my body is developing wonderfully. So I left the cabin and came to Denver to pursue my recording career. Life is great! I get to sleep in all day, go to parties with my many new friends and then work some at night. Yes life is good when you are a rap star…