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Chapter 05

Home Chapter 05

Copyright 2012 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia


Present – Ira – At the cabin


It truly is a gleeful day: My sister Mira is on my right side, my brother Alexi is on my left side and I am the attention of center so I begin.


"I calculated that the troops which pursued our aircraft would not cease and desist without extreme measures. Measures which meant one person must stay behind and delay their attack, so I took that upon my corporeal self."


Mira scolds, "Irinka, you should have allowed me to assist!"


I sagely respond, "Mirinka, your presence was required elsewhere. That reminds me, I gathered intelligence of your airplane crashing, did my gift to you survive?"


Mira smiles and responds, "Yes my sister it did. I will expand your information about it later."


Terrible Thom interrupts, "Yeah that's enough of this girly talk - get on with the story. I just love a good story."


I give him an unkempt look and continue, "Therefore, I armed three grenades, aimed the vehicle directly at their oncoming phalanx and extricated myself from the vehicle."


Mira astutely questions, "My sister is that how your leg was injured?"


 I squeeze her hand and reply, "Oh my sister Mirinka, that is only partially half of the story. Not only was my leg damaged, I was additionally rendered unconscious."


Byron questions, "Did your truck destroy all the troops?"


I reply, "Unfortunately not even a majority of them were terminated."


Thom again interrupts, "Then how did you escape?"


I smile and state, "I owe my life to the wonderful dog prince, Sharik."


Present – Jens – At the cabin


Ira just mentions Sharik's name and he begins to bark. Ira continues, "Yes when I regained my senses, he had pulled me, utilizing the reverse of my tactical vest, into a ditch and was bravely attacking the oncoming troops."


I look down at him in amazement, but he puts his paw over his face as if he was embarrassed and I chuckle lightly.


Ivan expounds, "Goog goggie." We all laugh and Sharik begins to bark and dance.


Ira smiles at us and continues, "Then I regained the fight and the two of us delivered unto them a varnishing."


Alexi interjects, "I think you mean a shellacking my sister."


Mira explains, "Yes Ira, Alexi has taken the burden upon himself to correct our misuse of euphemisms."


Linus tries to return to the story, "Okay you gave them a shellacking, but I want to know where the hell the damn…" Sharik growls and Linus corrects, "I'd like to know where Sharik came from?"


Ira replies, "That is the sixty-four dollar question and one which I have no hope of ever answering. Perhaps it was God or perhaps it was fate but I owe my life to Sharik."


Alexi corrects, "My sister Ira, you mean the sixty-four million dollar question."


Present – Yasmeen and Zarika – At the cabin



I am sitting between Zarika and Alexi trying to figure out what has gone on. The mean/good lady's sister is back after we had what Alexi told me was a funeral service for her. I keep watching her closely because I am concerned she is a ghost or a demon who is here to hinder my plans with my husband Ben.


I ask Zarika, "Do you think the missing sister is a ghost?"


Alexi leans over and rudely interrupts, "Be quiet you noisy and annoying girl. I cannot hear my sister's story above your whines."


I reply, "Up yours!"


When I look at Zarika, she motions me closer and whispers, "Yes I think she might be a ghost but I do not know what her plans are."



Yasmeen is such a silly villager! She thinks the other nice lady is a ghost because of the old-wives' tales she has heard. So I will let her continue to think about that while I observe the Jennifer lady because she is the real threat.


Present – Mira – At the cabin


I have ascertained much more happened during the battle than my sister Ira exposed in her brief discourse. I can still perceive some fear emanating from her as she discusses it. Later in private I will acquire the full facts because it is peculiar for my sister to display fear of anything.


My living sister Ira continues, "The value of the question is irrelevant - the matter of the fact is Sharik appeared and saved my life."


I see Alexi begin to correct Ira and I wave him off as Ira continues, "Unfortunately all the opposing vehicles were terminated so once the battle was over Sharik and I had to locomotivate by foot."


I look at former Sgt. Reynolds, grin and tease, "It would have been nice my sister if you had a vehicle which resembled the once feared Baskerville."


She looks at Sgt. Reynolds, grins and continues, "Why yes Mira that would have been very apropos."


Present – Masha – At the cabin


Very interesting! My husband just crimsoned slightly at Miranda's and Irina's remark about the secret vehicle Baskerville they pursued in the Iraqi desert. Unfortunately the vehicle disappeared without a trace and no one knows what happened to it.


His reaction helps me recall his reaction to Miranda when we first met again, he was obviously uncomfortable. I know that he and Miranda had some altercations at the American spy school, but perhaps more went on than was reported. I will need to find a way to ascertain the truth.


Thom questions, "Just what the hell is a Baskerville and what does it have to do with this story?"


Irina grins and teases, "Why Thom, you should know Baskerville was the name of the hound from hell in a Sherlock Holmes novel."


Byron laughs and states, "She got you there Thom! Please continue Ira."


Irina smiles, "Yes Baskerville would have been nice but Sharik and I were forced to use bus number 11."


Maria opens her fat mouth, "Wait, I thought you said you walked."


I correct the female dog, "Bus number eleven is slang in Russia for walking as the two ones together look like two legs. Now please let her continue."


Linus gives me a nasty look and I remind myself that with the information he has, I can not afford to be on his bad side.


Present – Linus – At the cabin


I can tell there's still some bad blood between Masha and Maria and wonder how in the hell I can fix it. Liz and Jens interrupt the story by loading up the huge table with mounds of food. Thom starts to reach for a plate but Jens smacks the hell out of his hand with a spoon and states, "No one eats until we pray first. Now let's all stand and pray."


We stand and face a religious painting on the wall and Jens begins then Masha, Mira, Ira and Alexi join right in and the rest of us get the hang of it.


"In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amin. 

Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. 

Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amin." 

She loses everyone except the aforementioned four when she continues,

"Lord, have mercy. Lord have mercy. Lord have mercy.


"Through the Prayers of Our Holy and God Bearing Fathers, O Lord Jesus Christ Have Mercy on us and save us!  Amin!

Christ God bless the food and drink of your servants for you are holy, now and ever and unto Ages of Ages.  Amin!"


Then she crosses herself the wrong way and sits down.


Alexi questions, "Ms. Donaldson when did you become Orthodox?"


Jens smiles and answers, "A number of years back. I found out Ben became Orthodox in Russia and began to look into it and I liked what I saw."


Present – Liz – At the cabin


Well Jens is still full of surprises! I question, "So are you planning on having an Orthodox wedding."


Jens grins, "Hell yes I am, once I catch Ben."


Masha adds, "Yes that would be wise." Then she hugs Jack and continues, "Because the Orthodox church only recognizes divorce in extreme cases."


I get ready to find out more about this interesting subject when Thom says, "Can we keep from going off on all these rabbit trails and get back to Ira's story of her escape."


Ira smiles, puts down her fork and continues, "We traversed on foot posthaste away from the air center road. I was still a bit befuddled from my injuries encountered when I ejected from the vehicle. However, the dog prince Sharik seemed to know the proper direction to travel. If I tried to deviate, he would come up to me and ever so gently take my hand and return me to his path."


Sharik begins to bark, Thom gives him a dirty look and questions, "Are you telling me that damn beast…" He never finishes because all hell breaks loose.


Present – Thom – At the cabin


That damn sneaky assed beast, slipped under the table and has a hold of my crotch and grabs in a way in which I don't like my crotch being grabbed. I fight to get away and he fights to hang on, so I yell, "Someone get this damn beast off my crotch."


But no one helps because they all start laughing their asses off as he bears down even harder…


Present – Jens – At the cabin


Thom begins thrashing around. He looks like a fish that's out of water and no one knows what's wrong with him until he announces Sharik has him by the crotch. It's just too funny so we all start to laugh. I see Thom fighting to get his knife so I call out, "Sharik, leave Thom alone. And Thom, you need to apologize again to Sharik."


Sharik comes next to me, Thom gives me the evil eye and threatens, "Jennifer if Sharik ever does that to me again, I'm going to shoot him."


I jump up from my chair and counter, "Dammit Thom, you had it coming! He hates to be called names. How would you like being called a damn beast?"


I'm surprised when Ira also stands, stares at Thom and adds, "Yes Thom I must insist that you no longer call Sharik a damn beast but refer to him by his name. And also should you attempt to terminate Sharik I will be forced to use extreme measures to protect him."


Sharik begins to bark and dance as I giggle because it's almost like a victory dance.


Present – Thom – At the cabin


What the hell! I just stared cold hard death in the face and the face was Ira's. There is no doubt in my mind what Ira means by 'extreme measures' - she means my death. And I know for certain my intel is correct, that these two don't play around when they deliver such a threat.


But what the hell is wrong with me anyway! I love dogs and I have always gotten along with every dog I ever met. In fact I don't know why the hell I called him a damn beast in the first place. I smack my head because I realize this is Maria's damn fault! Yeah I'm still pissed off at her and I'm reacting right now instead of acting. I need to find some way to pay her back and get over this.


I look up and apologize, "I'm sorry you guys, I don't know what the hell came over me. And Sharik I even apologize to you."


Then Sharik comes over (at first I worry he's going to bite my crotch again) but he surprises me when he puts his paw on my leg. I shake his paw, scratch him behind the ear and say, "Yes you're a good uh - Sharik."


Present – Byron – At the cabin


I've continued eating while this drama has played out. Even though I'm Thom's second I know he's going to either smooth talk or lie his way out of this problem. Then I start choking on my food when Thom apologizes and even to a dog? This is too much to believe!


Linus slaps me on the back, Thom glares at me and questions, "What's your problem Byron, are you upset that you're not sitting by your wife Mira?"


Present – Ira – At the cabin


I give my sister a shocked face and question in our private language, "Mirinka you did not inform me of your nuptials to Byron. What about your consuming desire to entwine your future with your former paramour?"


Mira jumps up from the table and shouts, "Thomas I did not and never will betroth Byron."


Thom laughs, Byron applies his hand to his forehead, leaps from the table and states, "Thom this joke has gone far enough."


Then I am amazed when Ms. Donaldson pulls a gun…


Present – Jens – At the cabin


I've had my fricken fill of the fighting and go on the offensive. I fire at Thom, Byron and Mira (was this possibly a mistake)?


Thom yells, "Dammit that hurt!"


Byron states, "What the hell?"


And Mira says, "Ms. Donaldson for what reason did you accost me with a round rubber projectile."


I calmly state, "Listen the three of you! I'm the boss here and I'm tired of all the fighting." I twirl my gun and say, "Anyone else care to fight and I will gladly shoot them with my rubber band gun. Plus I have a new rule: Anyone that elicits a fight will now be forced to put five bucks into the kitty."


Mira looks exasperated and questions, "Ms. Donaldson how can five grown deer be put into a korscha?"


Alexi corrects, "My sister Mira, Ms. Donaldson says that you, Thom, and Byron need to each pay five dollars into a jar."


Byron throws a five on the table, Mira looks at me and states, "Ms. Donaldson I currently am embarrassed by a condition of depleted funds."


Liz tosses a five on the table and says, "Here, this is for Mira."


Thom argues, "There's no way…"


I aim the rubber band gun at him and impersonate, "I know what you're thinking. 'Did she fire six shots or only five?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is the most powerful rubber band gun in the world, and would raise a hell of a welt, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?'"


The table except for Mira and Ira erupts in laughter, Thom tosses a five on the table and states, "Damn that was worth five bucks."


Alexi, leans over and I assume he tells his sisters why it was so funny. They both get peculiar smiles on their faces and Ira asks, "Ms. Donaldson, are you personal friends with the Dirty Harry person because I would like to meet such a man?"


I get ready to answer when Yasmeen yells something at Ira and then all hell breaks loose!