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Chapter 35

Home Chapter 35

Copyright 2012 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia

 

Present – Samantha – Transporting Stacy

 

I impatiently tap my foot and wait for Stacy to finish her business in the bushes. She has been one annoying as hell bitch to interview. I thought by now I had learned all the tricks and had control of the interviews, but Stacy keeps throwing me curves and sending me off balance. My loving husband Frank takes my hand and whispers, "Honey, don't worry. You're doing fine and we can edit out the parts you don't like."

 

I complain back in a whisper, "Like hell I am fine! She's driving me crazy! It's almost like…" I stop and then a smile slowly creeps across my face.

 

Frank gives me a puzzled look, "Almost like what?"

 

I grin, "Honey, I can't believe I didn't see this the first time. Stacy is purposely delaying us."

 

Frank questions, "Why would she do that?"

 

I grin, "Because she's buying time for Ben to escape. I bet we just missed Ben at Bob's Country Bunker."

 

Frank returns my grin and offers, "Sam, I've got an idea…"

 

He just gets ready to describe his plan when all hell breaks loose in the bushes where Stacy is…

 

Present – Stacy – In the bushes

 

What a hell of a time for that damn fucking tiger to show up! I'm peeing and my pants are down around my ankles. Thank God Ben taught me about keeping my head on a swivel, about situational awareness, and keeping my weapons in my hand, otherwise I'd be this tiger's next meal. I stand up, raise Ben's golden rifle, cock the hammer, fire and yell, "AMF you sneaky bastard!" Then I operate the lever and continue to fire…

 

Present – Samantha – Transporting Stacy

 

We hear a gun fire and Stacy yells, "AMF you sneaky bastard." And it certainly lights a fire under everyone. We charge the bushes as the rifle fire continues. We break into a little clearing: There's Stacy with her pants down around her ankles and a beautiful tiger is… Dead, right at her feet.

 

She hears us approaching, turns her rifle toward us and Emanuel yells, "Stacy don't fire it's the news team."

 

She lowers the rifle then we hear a hell of a noise behind us!

 

Present – Ben – Somewhere in Texas

 

I take care of the ambushing bastards, move the vehicles and bodies to the side of the road, head back to the semi and the driver says, "Damn it sounded like a war out there. Hop in and I'll gladly take you to the next town."

 

I grimace and answer, "I need a minute or two so I don't bleed in your nice truck."

 

He looks concerned and says, "What the hell? Did they shoot you?"

 

I'm taking off my tactical rig to get to the wound and explain, "One of the bastards got in a lucky shot and hit my body armor. I'm not sure what the hell he was firing but it shattered the ceramic plate and some of the pieces cut me up a little."

 

He jumps out of the truck with a first aid kit in his hand and offers, "Let me help."

 

Taking off tactical gear is like peeling an onion - there's layer after layer after layer. We take off the body armor, I look at the ceramic plate and swear, "Son of a bitch! That's the last good plate I have."

 

I take off my shirt, then my t-shirt, the driver shines a light on me and says, "Damn that must hurt."

 

I start pulling out the slivers of ceramic plate and say, "I've had worse." Then I chuckle and add, "Besides, chicks dig the scars."

 

He laughs and says, "You really are one crazy mother. By the way my name is Stinky Pete."

 

I ask, "Stinky Pete? How did you get that name?"

 

He lets out a belly laugh, "Well when I first started driving I drove a pig hauler. Those are filthy damn animals! To this day I can't stand to eat pork."

 

I laugh, "Not even bacon?"

 

He shakes his head, "No not even bacon… And damn I miss it."

 

I'm done with the field dressing and start putting my gear back on. I leave off the carrier for the body armor so Stinky Pete asks, "You ain't gonna wear your carrier?"

 

I laugh, "There's no need to since that was my last plate. I guess I will need to just be more careful from now on."

He laughs and heads to the rear of the truck, "Well that might not be the case. Let me show you what I have in the back of my truck."

 

He has my curiosity up so I look at the truck as we walk past and it says 'Armored Mobility1.' That's a name I've never heard of…

 

          1 http://www.armoredmobility.com/ Check out the videos, this stuff is fantastic.

 

We get to the back of the truck and I question what he's doing, "You're allowed to open the truck?"

 

He answers, "Hell yes! They have some demo models and told me to hand them out. I can't think of any one better than you to give them to."

 

Stinky Pete opens up the back and states, "This is one hell-of-a company! They're on the cutting edge of body armor. I'm hauling this load to Dallas for their police force."

 

He jumps in the trailer, rummages around, and comes out with six pieces of what looks like black plastic. He closes up the trailer door and tosses me a plate. I fumble around with it, drop it and… It doesn't fucking break like a ceramic plate would!

 

I give him the evil eye and search for the truth, "You're telling me this fucking piece of plastic is better than a ceramic plate?"

 

He laughs, "Shit yes, it's polymer that's steel backed and will take multiple hits."

 

I don't know about this shit because it's so damn light; it must only weigh 6 or 7 pounds. I declare, "Well I'm going to shoot one of these to see what happens."

 

I lean one up against a rock, step back to fifty feet and fire twice, the damn plate is so light it takes off. I run over to where I thought it landed, finally find it, look at it and can see the bullet holes in the front but nothing in the back. Duh-ammmn! This shit just might make me invincible!

 

I slip one plate in the front of the carrier, one plate in the back and throw it back on as I walk toward Stinky Pete. He looks anxious so I question, "What's wrong."

 

He answers, "Well we really should get going before someone else shows up."

 

I agree and state, "I'm headed toward Austin so if you would drop me at a truck stop before Dallas I would appreciate it."

 

He answers, "Sure thing. How about I buy you dinner? There's a great truck stop at the exit just before Dallas."

 

I respond, "Pete, I did this for me and not for you…"

 

He interrupts, "That's Stinky Pete and we both know you saved my bacon." He chuckles and continues, "So the least I can do is buy you some bacon."

 

I wave my hand and say, "As you wish." We climb into the cab of the truck, I settle down and promptly fall asleep but they are back in my dreams…

 

Present – Maria – At the cabin

 

I dread telling my Princess Boss what has happened. I love working for her, but dammit she's as volatile as I am. I head to her room, knock on the door and ask, "Jens can I come in?"

 

I hear her reply, "Did you take care of the fricken situation?"

 

Damn her, she's in a bitchy mood again. I answer, "Well sort of."

 

She smart mouths, "Well then you can sort of come in."

 

Now what the hell does that mean? Can I come in or not? I decide two can be bitchy so I shout, "Well the hell with this, I'm going to catch some Z's."

 

Jens yells back, "Sounds damn fine to me!"

 

I start walking down the hallway and I'm met by Masha and she doesn't look happy. What the hell is her problem…

 

Present – Masha – At the cabin

 

I hear Maria yelling in the hallway and using profanity. With her sneaking into my purse and what she's doing now, it is the telephone pole that broke the camel's hump. I look at Jack and say, "Honey I will be right back. I need to deal with some trash."

 

He gives me a strange look and questions, "What trash, I will do it for you."

 

I kiss him and explain, "No this is personal trash that I have to take care of…" Then I enter the hallway and confront Maria.

 

I state, "Maria, what did I say would happen to the next person that used profanity around my son?"

 

She did not take me seriously and said, "Listen, I'm God damn tired and just want to go to sleep."

 

Her comment inflames me and I complain, "You would use the Lord's name in vain? You are nothing but a vulgar female dog."

 

Present – Maria – At the cabin

 

What the hell? Did Masha just call me a vulgar bitch? I order, "Sister, you had better get out of my fucking way. I'm not in any mood for your fucking bullshit!"

 

I'm shocked because her hand moves so fast I don't even see it! She slaps the crap out of my face and threatens, "Don't you ever use those words around me or I will kick your fat derriere you uncouth PUTA!"

 

That's the final fucking straw! No one calls me a puta and gets away with it. If she wants a fucking fight, I'm going to kick her damn Russian Princess ass!

 

I drop back into a defensive position and taunt, "Oh yeah! At least I didn't marry a wrinkled old fart just to get a green card!"

 

I am totally focused on her: She tenses her muscles for the attack and prepares to spring. I also get ready to spring when someone grabs me from behind and I notice that the Old fart Jack has grabbed Masha. 

 

I fight and yell, "Let me the hell go!"

 

Masha yells, "Jack let me go!"

 

My Princess boss orders, "Maria, get control of yourself! I will not have you fighting a pregnant woman in my house."

 

I stop fighting and question, "Masha is pregnant?"

 

Jack replies, "She sure as hell is and if you do anything to damage our baby I will kill you."

 

Damn, I feel like shit! I didn't know she was pregnant otherwise I would have cut her some slack. I look at Masha and apologize, "Hey, I'm sorry for being such a bitch. Please forgive me."

 

She replies, "Maria, I do not think that you and I can ever be friends. However I do not think we must be enemies."

 

I apologize, "I’m truly sorry. Look all I want to do is to get some sleep. I'm lonely and haven't slept well since Linus has been gone."

 

Jack takes Masha to their room, I head to my room and wish that Linus would at least call me. Men, they are so inconsiderate…

 

Present – Linus, Matt and Jim – Somewhere in Texas

 

We're driving like crazy, passing trucks and cars trying to catch Ben but I come to my senses and question, "How in the hell do we even know what sort of vehicle Ben is in?"

 

Matt and Jim think and Jim answers, "Shit, I don't have a clue."

 

Matt adds, "The hell if I know. I thought you were the brains of this outfit."

 

I order, "Pull over and let's think this through."

 

Jim pulls over and I start, "Okay, I think what Ben destroyed was the makings of a road block and ambush. Now the big question is, what they were trying to stop?"

 

Jim gives Matt a stupid look Matt gives Jim an even more stupid look. I slap my head and swear, "Damn, I guess I am the brains of this outfit. The way I figure this, they were going to stop a semi. What do you guys think?"

 

Jim agrees, "Hell yes that has to be it. Come on let's stop all the semi's and search them."

 

Matt finally says something smart, "Jim there's no way in hell we can stop the semis, they would run our asses over."

 

I add, "Okay Ben's probably on a semi. You two check the maps and find the closest town while I give Jens a call."

 

Present – Jens – At the cabin

 

Damn! This isn't how I dreamed living at our cabin would be. This place is a fricken three ring circus crossed with an insane asylum. I just get Maria calmed down during which I find out Daddy took Evelyn somewhere (why the hell Maria didn't find out where the somewhere was I don't know). I'm back in my warm bed petting Sharik when the damn phone rings. I look, see it's Linus, jump out of bed and answer, "Did you find Ben?"

 

There's a bit of a pause and he says, "Well not really."

 

I complain, "What sort of answer is that? Either you found him or you didn't."

 

He explains, "Well we came across what looked to be a hastily put together ambush roadblock and all the bad guys had been killed. It sure felt like it was Ben's doing."

 

I think for a moment and question, "Why exactly do you think it was Ben’s work."

 

He replies, "Well, the shots were sort of really well placed."

 

I am damn tired of his beating around the bush so I continue, "Did any of you take pictures with your cell phones?"

 

He responded, "Uh no, we didn't think about that."

 

I am frustrated as hell so I order, "Linus you're better than this! Stop thinking about Maria and get your head in this mission. Now close your eyes and describe to me, in detail, what you saw."

 

As he tells me what he saw, it gets me excited and I say, "Linus, I could give you a kiss."

 

He interrupts, "Jens, the main reason I called is we think Ben is on one of the semis but we're not sure what to do next."

 

I think and offer, "Well, why don't you head to the closest truck stop and see if you find him. I will wake up Jack and Liz. We will talk it over and check to see if Samantha has any news."

 

Linus answers, "Okay Jens that sounds like a plan."

 

I giggle as I head off to interrupt Jack, Liz and Maria… Yeah it's nice being the alpha bitch for this pack…

 

Present – Thom, Byron and Inga – on a chartered jet headed to Venezuela

 

Byron and Inga are flapping their gums like they’re old friends, then Byron asks, "You don't by any chance play chess? I was playing Thom earlier, but he's not much of a challenge."

 

She shot him one of those devastating grins and replies, "Yes I certainly play and I could sense that Thom wasn't much of a chess player."

 

I complain, "Oh yeah! I might not be able to beat you at chess but I could kick your ass all over this plane in poker."

 

She turns, grins and replies, "That sounds like a challenge and then all three of us could play."

 

Byron waffles, "Oh, no thank you. I sure don't want to play Thom in poker."

 

Inga gives him a quizzical look and questions, "So Byron, is Thom really that good at poker?"

 

Byron laughs, "Yeah I've lost my shirt to him a few times."

 

I challenge, "So missy, what do you say? You want to play some poker or are you afraid of losing your shirt?"

 

She gives me a grin and challenges me right back, "I am interested only if we could make it more interesting."

 

I suggest, "Okay, how about strip poker."

 

She licks her lips, grins and accepts, "That would be divine…"

 

Suddenly I feel like I am the only piece of meat in a tiger's cage…

 

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