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Chapter 84

Home Chapter 84

Copyright 2012 – 2013 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia 


Flashback – Major M – At the hospital


After Vika assured the security detail who we were; they double checked Vika's documents made some phone calls. They triple checked my new documents, made more phone calls then we stepped inside and – son of a bitch - the Old Man was going to be pissed as hell at me. There stood President Vladimir Putin, the main Generals of the Russian military and only one damn news team (probably from the current news corporation Putin had in his back pocket) and of course the large contingent of body guards; yeah there wasn't going to be the huge photo-op the Old Man wanted - this was going to be controlled and released the way President Putin wanted. Yeah he might not still be KGB but he sure as hell knew what he was doing.


But the biggest surprise was Sgt. Blaine wasn't here, Vika sidled up to me and whispered, "Major where is your Sgt.?"


My first thought was 'how in the hell am I supposed to know' but I decided to play it safe because I still had hopes of getting some action later. I was prepared to reply in a less stupid manner when a doctor breathlessly ran into the room. He fixed his hair then walked over to Putin, they shook hands and Vika informed me, "That's President Putin's private physician who was taking care of your Sgt., this should prove interesting."


Vika started to translate the conversation when the next thing I knew the damn security guard's hands flashed up to their earpieces. Then the fuckers sprinted toward me and the next damn thing I knew I was tossed to the fucking floor - with about nine-hundred pounds of fucking body guard gorillas on top of me.


Vika began to complain and shortly after that she was on the floor beside me giving me a pissed as hell look that translated to 'I wasn't going to be getting anything tonight', at least not from her.


What the fuck has gone wrong now?


Flashback – Jens


I noticed someone had 'fixed' Ben's Major's documents, but like amateurs they hadn't bothered to figure out how I hacked in and changed them in the first place. Oh well! Go in through the same SQL backdoor, a few clicks here, a few changes there and once again Ben's Major's new passport is revoked and he's again on the terrorist watch list.


Hmmm, I wonder… I head over to Interpol's website, poke around some and discover they are using a SQL server for their database. After checking again I verify once again that ID10T's1 prevail. They never changed the default administrator's password! I giggle, this should be fun!


1 ID10T – Geek speak for idiot, "That Luser (user) is and ID10T."


I spend a few minutes figuring out the construct and table relationships. Then I make a couple of changes in the Major's information. Then I get an even better idea!!!


Flashback – Jack – At the hospital


I asked Masha, "Where do you think Tatiana would go?"


She smiled at me and answered my question with a question, "Jack, you need to tell me the truth! Does Ben have a secret lover waiting for him at home?"


I figured two could play this game so I answered her question with a question, "Masha, why would you even ask that? Don't you believe me or Banzai?"


She frowned and explained, "Well, most Russian women have heard, and accept as true, the statement that American men are too preoccupied with sex."


I laughed, "Masha, you know better than to believe all that you see or hear in the news. But I do understand there's more behind this question than your concern for Tatiana and Banzai. You're wondering about me and us aren't you?"


Flashback – Masha – At the hospital


Jack was more astute than I assumed and now I felt badly and I hoped I hadn't insulted him. I needed to discern his feelings toward me because I knew what I felt and if he didn't feel the same then it would… Well, I didn't even want to consider it!


I took a deep breath and answered, "Jack, I hope I didn't offend you but I indeed would like to understand your feelings toward me and us."


He smiled at me as I awaited his answer…


Flashback – Ben – At the hospital


Damn son of a bitch! Tatiana was pissed about the damn flower prank (I bet it was the damn Major PITA that did it) and I needed to find her! I figured out how to let the side rail of my bed down, but how the hell was I going to move since I couldn't walk (well just because my legs didn't work, it didn't mean I still wasn't a Marine)! I needed to improvise, adapt and overcome! I began to feel around for something that could support me and – damn now this might just work…


I determined how to lower it to the lowest setting, carefully crawled on top of my rolling bedside table and found my hands just barely touched the floor. First I needed to take care of those damn flowers and that was easy. I headed toward the smell, found the flowers and tossed them on the floor - it made a hell of a noise.


Then I pushed toward where I remembered the doorway was. Damn now this was great! I was fucking mobile until – son of a fucking bitch that hurt! I needed to remember to not run into damn walls with my head! I missed the doorway and the pain had me seeing stars (even though I couldn't see).


I adjusted my direction until I found the door and then turned to the right (the same direction all men start when they go grocery shopping). I had no fucking idea where the hell I was going, but I was now making some damn good time…


Flashback – Tatiana – At the hospital


I was heartbroken! I had wrongly assumed Ben was unattached and then he got this incredible bouquet of roses from his 'secret lover'! I had taken a chance and for once thought Ben might have been different than other men, especially Russian men, but…


An overhead page delivered me from my sadness! Ben was missing from his room and the whole hospital was placed on alert to locate him immediately! Oh great! What sort of new silly thing did he decide to do?


I immediately arose and flew up the stairs to help look for Ben…


Flashback – Jack – At the hospital


I had wondered when Masha would breach the subject of our relationship because all we had really done so far was screw our brains out! Now with the chicken shit flower prank someone pulled on Banzai (I wouldn't put it past the fucking Major), Masha was worried about my feelings toward her and wondered if I also had a 'secret lover' at home.


I didn't study much about Russia but I had read several reports that described how American men were only interested in sex. It was probably because of those damn Russian 'dating' sites on the Internet that arranged trips for horny America men (that were total losers) to come over and screw younger women. The bastards got their jollies and hurt the hell out of the women – yeah it was the typical 'love them and leave them'. Hell I'd been to the American Embassy and seen the women crying (some even pregnant) because the bastard that fucked them (and fucked up their lives) didn't have the proper paperwork or finances to get them fiancée visas.


I had already made up my mind with Masha so this was easy. I smiled at her, took her hand and proposed, "Masha you're the best damn women in the world and I know it's going to be work, but if you would have me, I would like to be your husband."


Flashback – Masha – At the hospital


Did Jack? Did he just? I couldn't believe it! He asked me to marry him!!! My knees became weak and Jack caught me as I fell toward the floor…


Flashback – Jack – At the hospital


Damn Masha fainted! That wasn't quite the response I expected from her. Thank God I caught her so she didn't get hurt. I moved us over to some chairs along the wall, barely got us seated when what the fucking hell is that!




I couldn't fucking believe Banzai somehow got on top of his damn bedside rolling table and was making a hell of a quick time down the hallway paddling with his hands. It looked funny as hell and I had to bite my lips to keep from laughing.


I yelled, "Banzai, what the fuck do you think you're doing!"


He spun the damn table toward me like he was an expert, laughed and said, "I'm looking for Tatiana. Does Masha know where she is?"


I laughed and explained, "I will ask her again when she wakes up."


Banzai questioned, "What the hell did you do to her now?"


I was too happy to be offended so I declared, "I proposed!"


He scooted the damn table right up to me, held out his hand, we shook and he said, "Jack that's the best damn news I've ever heard! I only hope I can be your best man."


I replied, "I wouldn't have it any other way."


He complained, "Well I'm not going to be your best man if I can't walk."


I argued, "Like hell, you can still be my best man if I have to carry you up to the altar."


He challenged, "Well, I will kick your ass over this later. I need to find Tatiana."


I questioned, "How are you going to do that? You don't know where the fuck you're going?"


He grinned and replied, "Her perfume smells different from the other women, besides I might not know where the hell I'm going but I'm making damn good time getting there."


With that statement he spun the damn table and I had to agree, he was making damn good time! I looked at Masha and my heart felt peace for possibly the first time. I gave her a little kiss and she began to stir…


Flashback – Ben – At the hospital


That was the best news I'd heard… Well, possibly ever! Masha was a hell of a woman and I knew she would do whatever she could to make Jack happy; yeah, he was one lucky as hell man. Now I needed to find Tatiana. No I wasn't going to propose to her; hell I was too young to get married. I was flying down the hallway (the bedside table had a nice squeak and I discovered if I listened carefully it was just like using the sonar on the submarine so I could tell where the walls were). This was almost as much fun as my Frankentruck (damn now that girl I would have married, I missed the hell out of her) when I heard…


Flashback – Tatiana – At the hospital


I arrived at the top of the stairs and I couldn't believe my eyes! That, that, that crazy Ben was going to kill me! Somehow he had crawled on top of his bedside table, he used his hands to propel himself and traveled at a tremendous rate right toward the stairs.


I yelled, "Ben stop or you will go down the stairs!" Then I sprinted up and stopped the bedside table and scolded, "What in the hell do you think you are doing?"


He laughed, "I am looking for you of course. Listen I don't have a fucking secret lover and I sure as hell don't know who sent me the flowers but I took care of those damn flowers. Now listen you're my girlfriend and we need to talk about things instead of you running off on me because in my condition it's too damn hard to find you."


A bunch of orderlies ran up and one of them declared, "Excellent, you found him! President Putin is waiting for him in his room."


I was nervous as a cat in a rocking chair store. What did the President want with Ben; we couldn't locate a gurney so we carefully transferred him to a wheelchair. This was made more difficult than we anticipated because we had to be careful of his back and spinal injuries. Then we escorted him toward his room.


Ben motioned me close to him as he reached into his pocket and slipped something into my hand. I looked at what he handed me and blushed profusely. Men!!!


Flashback – Mira, Ira and Safia – in Israel


Ira stopped the henchmen, however a new problem occurred: Safia appeared to suffer catatonia. I instructed, "Ira bring Safia with you."


As we departed the stage, the evil man foolishly offered fiscal gain for any person to render him aid.  I knew I needed to prohibit this action again so I placed him in the hold of sleeper until he was rendered unconscious. This produced a huge ovation from the crowd and precipitated even more wagers. I was thankful they now seemed more interested in the fall of his power than in rendering aid. Then I contemplated a new devious plan. I reached inside his mandress, acquired his currency pouch, removed all the currency and threw it above the hoard with the expected result. They swarmed over the currency like flies on equine excrement.


The unfortunate problem was that his girth was gigantic so I was forced to drag him by his follicle units, some of which separated from his cranial carapace. It was of no concern to me. His fate, once he informed us of Safia's sister's location, was inconsequential since he would not survive long enough to show concern regarding his newly found tonsorial problems.


Mira had her hands overburdened with the enormous evil man, particularly since she rendered him unconscious to prevent further useless fiscal offers to obtain assistance. She did create the distractive, fantastic fiscal ploy to which I added the currency I had already obtained from him. However Safia was a continuing problem. When I reached her and took her hand, she meekly followed me from the stage.


Mirika's plan was excellent. However, we did not provide for proper exfiltration which was compounded by the gigantic girth (which was a factor unknown at the onset of this mission) of our captive. We required a means of transport for our little band. Mira had full hands, I also had hands of fullness so it was going to fall on Safia's articulatio humeri. I drew back my hand, applied a resounding slap to the side of her cranial carapace and ordered, "Safia, make haste of post and acquire a means of transportation for us if you want to rescue your sister."


Safia, jumped with shock, looked around and I repeated, "We must obtain transportation haste of post or your sister is lost forever."


Safia promised, "Do not fear I will find us transportation."


She departed on her quest while I continued to provide a protective weapon umbrella for this dire situation. The fiduciary funds were almost depleted and the hoard might once again become an issue.


Then Safia arrived with transportation, but not the sort of transportation I hoped for…