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Chapter 85

Home Chapter 85

Copyright 2012 - 2013 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia


Present – Mira – At the hospital


I traverse to the frontal most desk and inquire, "Where is the sleeping domicile of Zarika and Yasmeen Blaine (yes the little female salukis were brazen enough to use my Ben's last name, an error that would certainly be rectified)."


The lady presiding at the frontal desk informed me, "I am sorry but visiting hours are over and you must leave the hospital."


I present her with further information, "But I am a patient here and would like to visit my friends."


The matron becomes intractable, "If you're a patient here then you need to be in your room. Visiting hours are over. Now I insist that you return to your room…"


Rendering aid to my sister Irinka is of primary concern not petty hospital rules so I negate her verbal assault with a physical assault of my design which renders her slightly damaged. Then I rotate and occulate her computer terminal, note the room number and depart haste of post…


Present – Alexi – At the hospital


I am slightly shocked that my sisters hold Leftentant Donaldson in such high esteem. To her fault, she does not even perceive the simplest of visible threats from Zarika and Yasmeen to her ill-wished matrimonial machinations concerning Ben Blaine. In addition, she is totally unaware of my sister's yet hidden designs on her betrothed (to say nothing of my potential assistance to my sister's plans). However, I hold such thoughts in check and delay any comment or action because my sisters are seldom incorrect regarding their evaluation of opponents.


Leftentant Donaldson continues her annoying verbiage, "So Alexi, what's it like finding out you weren't an only child and have two beautiful sisters?"


I did not wish to delve into this topic with her, so I counter, "Leftentant Donaldson, earlier you mentioned your perceived mistake with your actions toward Ben Blaine. You alluded to the fact that he might be mentally programmed. I find this fascinating and would appreciate it if you greatly expound on this subject."


Leftentant Donaldson smiles and begins to answer the question when my sister Mira bursts through the door and declares, "Alexi we must depart haste of post; our sister Ira has been damaged."


Being ever ready for impending action I leap from my chair as Leftentant Donaldson remarks…


Present – Jens – At the hospital


Mira flies into the room, tells us Ira has been injured and she wants to go to her. I remind her, "Mira, you can't leave the hospital right now because you are supposed to stay overnight."


Mira argues, "Leftentant Donaldson, my slight trauma is of minuscule concern compared to the welfare of my sister Ira. Alexi and I are departing haste of post without or with you. You would be foolish to attempt to detain us."


Zarika and Yasmeen add to the confusion, "Ms. Donaldson, can we return home too?"


Mira reminds us, "There is no time to delay; we must depart now. Leftentant Donaldson if you do not believe the graveness of the situation, use your mobile phone to contact the cabin. Come Alexi we must leave now!"


Alexi follows Mira out of the room as I look at the girls and admit, "I guess I need to call the cabin."


I take out my mobile phone, dial the number but no one answers. Perhaps Mira was on to something. I dial Jack's mobile phone and still receive nothing. I try Liz's phone but it goes right to voicemail so I leave a message, "Liz is something going on at the cabin? If so let me know when you get this call."


I look at the girls and order, "Let's get you two packed, we're headed back to the cabin."


The girls shock me when Yasmeen asks, "Ms. Donaldson, might Zarika and I share a room again?"


I agree with conditions, "We will give it a try again, but no fighting. Now let's get packed."


Present – Alexi – Leaving the hospital


Of all the ill-times for my sister Mira to interrupt, I was going to acquire a very important factoid for my upcoming mission – operation Mira's Matrimonial Bliss. However, I understand that current family safety takes precedence so I race out of the room with Mira. She pauses in the hallway, doubles over and says, "Alexi, I must latch my breath."


I correct her, "Mira that is 'catch your breath'. Can you expound on Ira's injury?"


Mira replies, "Unfortunately I can not. However I did feel extreme revulsion, fear and pain."


We acquire the elevators, descend to the first floor and I inquire, "How are we to acquire transportation?"


Mira directs her finger to the obvious choice and orders, "Alexi, you will operate that vehicle used for the conveyance of the infirm."


I smile with anticipation and question, "Am I authorized to operate the emergency lights and siren?"


Mira states, "Yes, this trip requires haste of post."


We liberate the ambulance and I acquire real life practice for my future gaming sessions of Grand Theft Auto…


Present – Masha – In the tunnels


Sometimes love is the most bitter pill to swallow! My greatest desire is to render aid to my one true love: Jack, who is my first and greatest responsibility. However I can not place our son in harm's way or chance exposing the remainder of the team to the rodent onslaught. The images I saw were more than troublesome. These were not ordinary Rattus rattus because they displayed no fear of man. Quite the opposite they seemed to be attracted… No, excited by the smell of humans.


I perform a quick prayer and we commence inspection of the subterranean tunnels. A problem that is compounded by my son Ivan squirming like a fish out of water.


Present – Ben – Austin Texas


The damn mongrel herd of fat cows with the cattle prods and Tasers chase me and the damn yippee little dog into the building. The dog runs up a red ramp on the inside of the building to the first landing where the ramp reverses direction, then she sits down and barks at me. Hell, I've followed the dog this far and I might as well keep going so I haul ass up the ramp and stop beside the damn yippee dog and question, "Okay what the fuck am I supposed to do now?"


As if the little dog knows what I'm asking, she starts barking then jumps against some barrels. What the fuck is she doing? I figure out what she's trying to tell me so I tip one of the barrels over, determine it's empty, then I push it down the red ramp. It creates a hell of a noise as the barrel accelerates at a tremendous rate of speed! Unfortunately the barrels don't stop the mongrel herd of fat cows; they run around them or jump over them and all it does is piss them off even more. Damn something about this seems familiar to me…


I've depleted the supply of empty barrels so I look at the dog and question, "Well that didn't work. Do you have any other great ideas?" The little dog barks, jumps on a box, then over to a higher box and finally up to the next red ramp where she hauls ass up the ramp. I see the hoard of women approaching and decide running seems like the best idea to me. But instead of using the boxes, I climb a blue iron ladder and take off after her. The ramp terminates at the other end of the building where we find more barrels. There's no need to ask the damn little dog what to do this time. I kick the barrels over and push them down the ramp. I get lucky this time and take out a couple of the fat cows, but that only further infuriates the rest of the herd. One of them yells, "I want his balls as a trophy on the wall of my den."


I taunt, "You are one sick fat cow bitch and you'll have to catch us first!"


Once again I run out of barrels. The little dog barks like crazy because she can't make the jump up to the next ramp - oh, she tries and it's comical as hell. But it's too damn high and there are no boxes to help her. So I pick her up, give her a little toss and she lands perfectly. Then she looks over the edge of the ramp and begins to bark. I grab the iron ladder and climb up to the next ramp. However, I about shit my pants when one of the women yells, "I'll get you my pretty boy and your little dog too."


I taunt again, "I don't think so! You didn't bring your flying monkeys you damn witch!"


The little dog barks like crazy, it almost sounds like she's laughing at my joke, but that couldn't be.


We haul ass up this red ramp and reach the opposite end of the building. The little dog doesn't get close to these barrels and I figure out why when I touch the first one. They are coated with something nasty and slimy so I tip the barrels over and push them down the ramp. As the first barrel bowls over the lead cow, she triggers her Taser, sparks fly everywhere which promptly sets whatever shit is on the outside of the barrel and her on fire. The next barrel rolls into her and catches fire then the damn fire starts following the trail of slimy sticky shit back toward me and each successive barrel catches on fire. The burning cow begins to scream bloody murder, the rest of the herd join her howling and the smoke and fire triggers the fire alarm. The noise from the rolling flaming barrels, the howling herd and now the fire alarm is almost deafening.


But the herd of fat cows doesn't stop - they keep coming. So the damn little dog and I keep retreating up the ramps until we reach the sixth floor and that's when the little dog and I run out of luck: We are at the top of the building. There are no more blue iron ladders to climb and no more red ramps. I kick over the last of the barrels, send them rolling down the ramp but the mongrel herd of fat cow women keep coming. I hear the little dog barking, look around and realize she's gone into a different room. I run into the room block the door with all the shit I can find just in time because the fat cows are beating the hell out of the door. Then I can't believe what the damn little dog has found - this might just save both of us. I grab the little dog and dive… But I keep getting a feeling I've seen this so many times before, but where?


Present – Stacy – At the vets


Samantha's pissed off horse shooting husband is rolling toward me in his wheelchair. He's going to 'beat the shit' out of me with a couple sticks for spilling some of the water we used to clean Wojtek on him while he was being an ass and sleeping.


I apologize, "Frank, I'm sorry I spilled the water on you, it was childish of me. Can't we just let bygones be bygones?"


He continues advancing and swears, "All you've done, you damn fucking gash is to come between me and my wife. I'm sick and damn tired of it and now you're going to pay. When I'm done with you, you won't be able to sit for a week."


Samantha screams at him, "Honey you'd better not lay a finger on her."


He laughs, "Keep talking Sam because you're next! I've been too kind to you and it's time you learn your place."


Samantha runs off crying, I'm backed into a corner, he begins to raise his one of the sticks when there's a huge growl behind him! He turns just in time to see Wojtek, jump on top of him. I egg him on, "Bite the hell out of him Wojtek!"


They're rolling around on the floor fighting, Wojtek is growling like crazy while the damn horse shooter is yelling bloody murder. The vet runs in and demands, "What the hell is going on this time?"


I laugh and answer, "The damn horse shooter was going to beat the shit out of me with a couple sticks but Wojtek came to my rescue."


The vet runs over, grabs Wojtek by the scruff of the neck and orders, "That's enough of that, leave that man alone."


Wojtek backs off but the damn horse shooter takes a swing at him with one of the sticks. Wojtek grabs it with his mouth and snaps the stick like it was a toothpick.


Then when we think it's all over, something terrible happens…


Present – Thom and Byron – Rescue Inga


Inga and I are shooting the shit out of the drug lord's army which seems to be everywhere. Byron's doing his usual great job of driving, we're almost out of trouble when Byron announces, "Shit, they hit the radiator."


I order, "Well drive the shit out of this car until it dies."


He mouths off, "Well, what the hell did you think I was going to do, stop and whistle Dixie for them?"


Inga suggests, "Perhaps we can find a parking structure to hide within?"


Byron mutters, "Finally, something that’s useful."


Sometimes Thom drives me crazy when he orders the obvious. Of course I'm going to drive this car until it dies. Inga however comes up with a great idea so I slide us around a corner and Inga yells, "Byron, turn right into there."


I crank the wheel as hard as I can, the back of the car breaks loose and we slide sideways through the entrance into a parking garage. I kill the lights and slowly move through the shadows.


Inga says from the back seat, "We need to find someplace so I can inspect Thom's wound."


Thom complains, "I don't need any woman looking at my ass."


I add to the discussion, "Well I'm sure as hell not going to look at that wrinkly old thing and you're not flexible enough to dress it yourself."


I see a nice parking place, without too much light, pull the car in and shut it off. It's time for me to take control of the situation so I order, "Thom, seeing as you're wounded, I am assuming command. Inga take care of Thom's ass and see if you can find some clothes to wear."


I get ready to leave and Thom complains, "Where the hell are you going?"


I answer, "Reconnaissance, otherwise known as terrestrial foreplay for successful ground warfare!"


Thom continues to complain, but I don't hear him because I've already taken my rifle and left the car.


I complain, "What the hell are you talking about! Don't tell me we're going back after that bastard!" But he doesn't hear me or he pretends to not hear me. What the hell is Byron doing, it sounds like that crazy old coot is going to launch another attack against the drug lord's compound. Damn Marines! You get one of them pissed off and they go off half-cocked…


Present – Maria – In the back of a State Troopers car


The stupid fake trooper loses control of the stolen car after I kick out the back window, now we're rolling end over end and I'm getting thrown around in the damn back seat getting the hell banged out of me. I try to brace myself between the seats but it still doesn't work. We finally come to a stop upside down, I crawl through the back window, slide out from under the trunk, and smell gas everywhere.


I'm pissed as hell and I'm going to kick some serious ass! I walk around to the driver's side door, look inside and the fucking bastard is gone! It's a good damn thing because I was going to rip his damn head off and shit down his neck! No bastard threatens to rape me and gets away with it.


I sit on a rock, begin to calm myself when – son of a bitch! Time to duck and run!


Present - Linus, Matt and Jim – Headed to Dallas


Jim's excellent driving avoids the roadblock, but then he must have hit a hell of a rock because the car immediately stops and the air bags deploy.


I yell, "Is everyone okay?"


Matt says, "My neck hurts like hell but I'll survive."


Jim answers, "I think the fucking airbag broke my arm but it's not displaced. How about you? Are you okay?"


I answer, "I have a broken nose but other than that I'm fine.


Matt complains, "Well this is one fine mess, we're stranded."


I think for a moment and say, "Like hell we are. It's time to nut up or shut up! We're going back to the roadblock and commandeer a vehicle. Grab your weapons - lock and load."