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Chapter 87

Home Chapter 87

Copyright 2012 - 2013 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia


Present – Ira – Battle ground cabin


Male offspring of a female saluki! The most vile and foulest of events has occurred. While I was busy exterminating the putrid pestilence at my anterior, one of the vile rodents violates my derriere with its gnashing incisors. I exclaim in pain and order, "We must collocate our posteriors adjacent to one another so our posterior positions are protected."


General Pain and Todd comply with my orders and we continue to decimate the monsters. My arms have not been this weary from wielding my Katana since the days of practice during my youth…


Present – Jack – Battle ground cabin


Thank God! I can finally see a light at the end of this fucking rat infested tunnel. We must be down to the last thirty or so rats, but they have taken their toll. I've been bit a couple times and from Ira's yell I can only assume one got her too. I simply don't know about Todd.


I worry like hell about the tunnels: If the fuckers came in through the septic system then that means they also got into the tunnels. I say a quick prayer that Masha and Ivan are okay but I'm concerned as hell because these fucking rats seem to only be interested in human flesh…


Present – Todd – Battle ground cabin


I let myself slip into the Zen state of a rat killing machine. Yes, my sole existence in this world is the termination of rats which now occurs automatically using my autonomous nervous system. This frees my mind to analyze the rat attack and I come to the horrific conclusion that these rats have been trained… Trained so that human flesh is their primary food… That is the only logical conclusion as to why they ignore every other food source and also why they have no fear of man… What sort of diabolical and twisted mind would perform such an abhorrent act? There is only one way to train rats that human flesh is their primary food source - that's by only feeding them human flesh… This fact requires restructuring of the approaching mission to capture Megan…


Present – Ira – Battle ground cabin


Слава Богу! (Thank God!) I slay the last of the vile vermin confronting my anterior position. I slightly occulate to both sides and view that General Pain and Todd have also eliminated their respective raging rodents.


Never have I participated in a battle against such a vile, detestable and despicable foe! Now that the battle is terminated, emotions whelm me over, and not pleasant emotions! The initiator of such a horrifically heinous Rattus rattus swarm must not just be castigated, they must be eliminated with utmost and extreme prejudice! Such a vile swarm can never be allowed to occur again.


I start to rest when General Pain orders…


Present – Jack – Battle ground cabin


Thank God we have survived the onslaught of the rat brigades! I check and both Ira and Todd have killed the last ones in front of them. I would love to rest right now because I'm tired as hell. Fuck! My arms feel like rubber from swinging this damn shovel. I bet I could have dug a trench a hundred miles long from all the work I've done.


But there's no time to rest! We need to make sure the cabin is free of live rats, then we need to get the hell into the tunnels and make sure everyone is still alive. I figure since Ira made me a fucking General I would act like one so I order, "I know we're all fucking tired, but we need to secure the cabin and then see if any rats got into the tunnels."


Ira adds, "Yes, I have had some concern about my duty to Ms. Morgan because I could not perform my primary mission as her body guard."


Todd signs, "I killed the men that introduced the rats into the septic system. If the tunnels are connected to the septic system then there will be rats in the tunnels."


I state, "First we will sweep the house. Once it's clear, we will approach the tunnels and carefully open the door."


We head back into the cabin and begin the sweep. It is all I can do to keep from puking my guts out: Between the rats and the sewage this place reeks! Jens is going to have fits when she sees and smells this mess…


Present – Mira – Trip to the cabin


We have traversed a great distance to the cabin in a very short time. I praise Alexi, "My brother, your skills of piloting a motor vehicle are exceptional, to what do you credit this?"


He replies, "Thank you my sister, my driving skills are the result of many hours of practice."


I am slightly confused so I query, "Alexi, I have not notated your many hours of driving vehicles."


He elucidates with considerable mirth, "My sister, my many hours were spent at the computer playing a video game called Grand Theft Auto."


I contemplate his response and pose a potential course of action, "Perhaps a few hours of Auto Grand Theft could improve my lack of skill in motor vehicle operation?"


Alexi offers, "I would be happy to teach both my sisters the intricacies of that superb game."


We arrive at the exterior gate to Ms. Donaldson's property. I traverse to the box of call, press a button but receive no response. I look at Alexi and opine, "Some problem must exist in the security system. We must gain entrance to the property by force."


Alexi grins and announces, "Watch this my sister Mira."


Then he performs something that sight of hind seems ill-advised!


Present – Alexi – At the cabin


My sister Mira orders me to gain entrance to Ms. Donaldson's compound so I perform a trick that works extremely well during my Grand Theft Auto sessions. I place the ambulance transmission in neutral, press the accelerator to the floor, slam the transmission into low and… crash into the barricade fence.


However, the barricade does not yield! Instead the airbags deploy on the ambulance, smoke and steam exit from under the frontal portion of the ambulance then the motor makes a terrible sound and explodes! I learn a very important lesson: Things which work in Grand Theft Auto do not always work in the real world. Mira rushes over, forces open the damaged door and questions with sisterly concern, "Alexi, I believe you have terminated the vehicle designed to convey infirm people. Has this poorly timed incident injured you?"


I laugh and explain, "My hands were in the optimal position when the airbags deployed so the only injury is to my pride. However we will be forced to use одиннадцать автобус номерto1 to complete our journey."


1 Bus number eleven – defined in a previous book. Russian slang for walking or running since the legs look like the number eleven.


Mira rushes, "Come Alexi, the essence is time is all-consuming."


We begin to run however my sister Mira experiences some difficulties…


Present – Jack – Battle ground cabin


We are well into clearing the cabin, have found a few more sick and half dead rats, when something triggers the damn fucking loud as hell horn! We are all so damn jumpy from the rats, it damn near scares us to death! Ira gains access to one of the control panels and states, "Someone has foolishly attempted to breach the frontal gate with a vehicle designed for the transportation of the infirm. The gate terminated the aforementioned vehicle effectively blocking entrance to Ms. Donaldson's compound."


I question, "What about the occupants? An ambulance could hold a hell of a lot of enemy forces."


Ira replies, "The cameras, even utilizing thermal detection do not detect any occupants. I assume the occupants have already exited the terminated vehicle and are in route to the cabin."


Fuck me! We are trapped between a fucking rock and a hard place. I look at Ira and order, "Ira, you need to get your ass up to the front gate and see what the hell is going on."


She counters, "General SIR! Todd with his current weapon selection is more suitably equipped to perform this mission."


I ignore the damn General (and SIR) comment, Todd signs that he agrees so I demand, "Well what the hell are you waiting around here for, get your ass moving." Then he seems to vanish into thin air.


I look at Ira and she states, "Yes, he is a truly formidable ninja."


The fucking horn is giving me a headache so I ask, "Ira do you think you can shut off that damn horn?"


She punches some buttons on the panel then all hell breaks loose!


Present – Jens – Traveling back to the cabin


Zarika, Yasmeen and I are in a taxi headed back to the cabin when my mobile phone begins to beep like crazy from multiple e-mails.


I unlock the phone, look at the first message and determine someone has tried to breach the front gate - this can't be good! I order the cabbie, "Something is going on at my cabin, do you think you could step on it?"


He glances over at me and says, "Sorry, but I don't speed for anyone."


Zarika questions, "Ms. Donaldson are there problems?"


I answer, "Yeah, we need to get to the cabin as soon as possible because something is going on but the cab driver isn't cooperating."


I look and see a slew of e-mail messages from the security system that don't make any sense. What the hell is going on at the cabin?


Then something amazing happens in the cab…


Present – Zarika and Yasmeen – Traveling back to the cabin


I lean over and whisper to Yasmeen, "We have an opportunity to assist Ms. Donaldson."


Yasmeen whispers back, "Yes, but what can we do?"


I giggle and say, "Do what I do."


I lean over begin to moan. Yasmeen understands and does the same until the driver asks, "What's going on with you two?"


I lie, "I think I am going to be sick."


Zarika has a good idea to pretend we are sick, so I add, "Yes it must have been the hospital food, my stomach is very upset."


The driver pulls to the side of the road and jumps out of the taxi. I look at Ms. Donaldson and yell, "Ms. Donaldson steal the taxi!"


She slides over to the driver's seat, takes control and we speed off as the driver yells some very bad words at us. Words that I used to frequently use…


Present – Jens – Traveling back to the cabin


I can't fricken believe it! When did the girls get so smart. They act sick so the cabbie pulls over. Once he gets out of the cab, they suggest I steal the cab and I figure why the hell not! I don't know what's going on at the cabin because of all the crazy e-mails so I need to get there yesterday! I can deal with the cab company later…


We are almost to the Leadville turnoff when… What the hell is going on now!!!


Present – Ben – Austin Texas


The damn little dog and I are barricaded in a room as the mongrel herd of fat cow women were doing their best to break down the door. Then the dog runs over to the window and barks. Damn this is one smart little dog! There's one of those construction chutes hooked up to the window. You know, the kind that are used when you are remodeling a building so when you throw shit in the tube, it ends up in a dumpster.


I grab the little dog, jump feet first into the chute and try my best to use my feet against the side of the tunnel to slow us down. It doesn't help much and we are accelerating at an amazing rate. I only hope this chute flairs from the building as it gets closer to the ground, otherwise the stop at the bottom is going to hurt like hell. But anything is better than letting those witches catch me…


Present – Stacy – At the vets


Wojtek kicks the damn horse shooter's ass for threatening me, the vet pulls Wojtek off him before he really rips him a new one and we just start to relax when all hell breaks loose…


Bo charges over and begins to stomp and bite the shit out of his nemesis. Frank begins to scream, I laugh like crazy and the vet complains, "You knot headed horse, you're going to hurt yourself."


I decide the vet's right so I order, "Bo, stop it! You're going to hurt yourself!"


Bo steps back, snorts and snaps at the damn horse shooter who looks like hell. Then he walks over beside me, I scratch him and praise him, "Good Bo! I know you wanted to kill him but if you did that then they might have to kill you."


The vet concurs, "That's right missy, we don't cotton to horses killing men in Texas."


 I defend Bo, "Well if he had not shot Bo in the first place, then think he was going to kick my ass, none of this would have happened."


The vet checks the damn horse shooter and announces, "Between the damn bear and the damn horse he's really fucked up. I think I'd better call an ambulance for him."


As he heads in the house, I look at Bo and Wojtek and advise, "I don't like what the vet said and I don't think we should be here when the ambulance arrives."


Wojtek moans and Bo nickers like they agree. I check Bo and decide if we take it easy we can probably leave. I stock up my pack with a bunch of veterinary supplies and food, write the vet an IOU for the expenses, take a pistol I find in the damn horse shooters stuff, grab Samantha's cell phone, saddle up Patches and we slip out of the barn…


Present – Samantha – At the vets


I cannot believe how Frank talked to me! I… I… I thought he loved me and I… I… I… was nothing but a possession to him and this woman isn't any man's possession! I'm now sitting on a hill a short distance from the barn just trying to put everything in perspective. I heard a bunch of yelling and screaming from the barn and could only assume the worst for Stacy. I hope that she sends that bastard husband of mine to jail for beating her and I hope he stays there forever!


I'm crying my eyes out when I can't believe what I see! It's Stacy riding her horse while being followed by Ben's horse (that my damn husband shot) and that smelly damn bear. Even in the midst of my grief, my reporter instinct kicks in - I need to know what's going on. They are moving really slow so I run over, Stacy sees me and asks, "Samantha, what the hell are you doing out here?"


Using one of my favorite reporter tricks I answer her question with a question of my own, "Stacy, I think the bigger question is what do you think you're doing? I heard all the screams and I thought my bastard husband beat you to death."


She grins and explains, "Well your husband found out the hard way not to mess with me because I have powerful friends. Wojtek almost ripped him a new one when he was going to attack me and then Bo nearly finished him off. The vet was upset with both Bo and Wojtek so I figured we needed to get the hell out of Dodge before they tried to do something to either of them."


I am sure Stacy picked up the 'Dodge' phrase from her time with Ben and I would sure like to know more about the time they spent together. Shoot!  I am torn! Should I go and take care of my husband (who was going to beat me) or should I see if I could stay with Stacy. I make the decision and ask, "Stacy, I really can't go back to my husband. Could I travel with you?"


She almost instantly replies, "Samantha, that might be the wisest thing you've ever done. No woman should ever be hit by a man! You're welcome to come with us but I'm sorry you're going to need to walk because Bo isn't well enough yet to carry a rider."


I reply, "That's fine with me as long as you don't move too fast. Anyway, I've put on some weight and need to work it off."


Stacy responds, "While I'd like to get the hell out of here as fast as possible, we need to move slowly for Bo."


I decide to push my luck so I ask, "Do you mind if I pick up a few things first, like my cell phone and my pistol?"


Stacy laughs and confesses, "Sam, I’m sorry to tell you, but I already took those things."


For a second I think about getting angry with her, then decide I would probably do the same thing if I was in her position. Stacy, nudges her horse and as we slowly walk away from the vet’s place I wonder how my life is going to change this time…


Present – Byron – Reconnaissance, otherwise known as terrestrial foreplay for successful ground warfare


I've had my fill of this bullshit and it's time to do something about it. No one hurts my friends and a woman and gets away with it. I leave Thom in Inga's hands because when he gets hurt he becomes a real pain in the ass and I don't want to listen to his whining. Besides I need to keep both of them occupied while I get busy!


I run up the stairs so I can get a better lay of the land and come up with a battle plan. Ooohrrrahhh!


Present – Maria – Recovering from the accident


I'm sitting on a rock trying to shake the cobwebs from the wreck out of my head when the fucking son of a bitch shoots at me! Thank God he was a bad shot and missed! This fucker's made one too many mistakes - it's one thing to try to rape me but a totally different thing trying to kill me. I jump up, dodge like crazy and run as I hear him laugh, "I'm going to just wound you so I can take my time and torture the hell out of you." I make his location and begin to flank him…


Present - Linus, Matt and Jim – Headed to Dallas


After Jim wrecked the car escaping from the roadblock we need new wheels. I order, "Grab your weapons and lock and load; bounding overwatch until we reach the roadblock."


There's only one problem - it's a hell of a lot further back to the roadblock than I remembered. But time compresses when you're in a fight or flight situation. We finally reach the roadblock, I look at the guys and say, "Damn it looks like they've reset the roadblock."


Matt agrees, "Yeah, but I don't see the chase vehicles."


Jim suggests, "You know we could head up the road. I bet commandeering the chase vehicles would be easier."


I make a decision, "Okay bounding overwatch up the side of the road."


As we head up the side of the road, a car and a semi drive by and Matt says, "Those are their next victims."


We haul ass back to the roadblock just in time to see the persons in the lead vehicle start shooting the shit out of the roadblock. We hear the chase vehicles coming, then the back of the semi opens and fuck me! There's a couple guys in the back with SAWs2. They open up on the chase vehicles which erupt into flames.


2 SAW -  M249 Squad Automatic Weapon (SAW), and formally written as Light Machine Gun, 5.56 mm. M249 is an American version of the Belgian FN Minimi, a light machine gun manufactured by the Belgian company FN Herstal (FN). The M249 is manufactured in the United States and is widely used by the U.S. Armed Forces.


Matt says, "This looks like something Ben would do."


Jim concurs, "Yeah, remember we heard about how he was the truckers angel, I bet this is his doing."


I reply, "Right now I don't fucking care! We need to do something before all the vehicles are shot to hell."