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Chapter 89

Home Chapter 89

Copyright 2012 - 2013 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia


Present – Jens – Traveling back to the cabin


I can't fucking believe it: We steal the cab, exit at Leadville then the damn cab dies. I strong arm it to the side of the road, put on the parking brake, go to open the door to see what the hell is wrong and the damn driver's door is locked and won't open. I ask the girls, "See if your doors open."


I hear them fumbling in the back seat then Zarika replies, "My door will not open."


Yasmeen helpfully answers, "My door is also locked. Ms. Donaldson, this reminds me of a television show I used to watch called Bait Car. The police would leave a car like it was abandoned then when the thieves took it they would dis… come… bobulate… able… uh… damn what is that word Zarika?"


Zarika adds, "Disable the car and lock the doors. I agree Ms. Donaldson, I think this car has become a trap."


I look up and notice the damn symbol on the rear view mirror and silently swear (I don't want to set a bad example for the girls (wait now this is funny as hell)). Then I say, "I agree. I bet the cabbie called his company and they disabled the cab and locked us in. However unless this cab has bullet proof windows we're getting out of here."


I pull out my pistol (hell yes I have a pistol with me after all that's been going on), aim at the side window, fire, it explodes into tiny little squares and damn near makes me deaf! I barely hear Yasmeen as she asks, "Ms. Donaldson, might I borrow your gat to do the same."


I almost giggle. Yeah, Yasmeen still has some gangsta in her! I hand her my pistol and admonish, "Be careful, don't hurt yourself and make sure to cover your ears."


She fires through the back side glass at what's probably the worst possible time…


Present – Alexi – Heading to the cabin on foot


I am silently self-flagellating for all the mistakes I have precipitated on my sister Mira. First the ill-timed use of the forty millimeter grenade to terminate the Ursus arctos horribilis which made her lose Ben's progeny; then my second major mistake, trying to breach Ms. Donaldson's compound gate with the ambulance using a trick that worked in Grand Theft Auto which instead rendered the vehicle inoperable and required our locomotivation by foot.


We begin to locomotivate toward the cabin and Mira advises, "Alexi, I can not tolerate this miniscule velocity." She attempts to run but then she stumbles. I catch her and slowly lower her to the ground. I question, "Mira, are you not well?"


She holds the lower portion of her anterior abdomen and states, "Perhaps it was not advisable to run."


I question, "How might I render aid my sister?"


Her answer greatly surprises me, "Alexi, please inform me you have a weapon concealed on your corporeal self?"


I reply, "Sorry my sister, I did not think to acquire one before I gained entrance into the helicopter. Please confirm you are not considering suicide?"


Mira smiles and replies, "No Alexi, suicide is never an option for us. Do you not sense what I sense?"


I calm myself and realize I have committed two additional transgressions: First a lack of a weapon and the second not sensing we are being studied by unfriendly ocular units…


I scan the area, note an anomaly and inquire, "My sister, do you notice that slightly raised, disturbed portion of firmament?"


Mira praises me, "Alexi, yes I do occulate a disturbance in the firmament."


I help my sister and we slowly approach the disturbance. However I cannot terminate the formication given me by the unfriendly ocular units. Something wicked is observing us…


Present – Todd – Battle ground cabin


Ira is right to suggest that I take the mission to intercept the threat posed by the destroyed ambulance - she only has her Katana while I have my bow and many arrows. I work my way toward the front door, encounter a passageway door, attempt to open it but it is locked. I enter my code into the keypad by the door and the klaxon begins to sound again…


Present – Jack – Battle ground cabin


Son of a bitch! I thought Ira fixed that damn alarm. I order, "Ira can't you shut that damn alarm off?"


She accesses the panel many times and reports, "General Sir! It would appear the alarm system is non- functional or at least does not respond to my code. Perhaps you will attempt it with your code?"


I walk over to the damn panel, punch in my code and FUCK! The panel goes dark and the lights shut off.


I've had my fill of this fucking alarm system so I back up and beat the shit out of it with the shovel. It feels fucking great as smoke boils out of the fucker until Ira complains and then things get even worse…


Present – Ira – Battle ground cabin


General Pain makes a very ill-advised choice to terminate the terminal and now we will recompense the flautist.


I scold his brash behavior, "Sir! Perhaps you lacked the information that the security system is interactive. Now that you have terminated a terminal it will assume we are a direct threat and will attempt to terminate the threat."


He complains, "What the hell? Are you telling me this fucking security system is going to kill us?"


My tympanic units detect a sight hiss and I inform him, "Sir! The assaulted security system is releasing an airborne agent into the house."


He yells in frustration, "What the fuck! Ira we need to do something!"


I order, "Sir! Please transfer your M-25 weapon temporarily to my corporeal self so I can attempt to breach the door."


He states, "What good will that do? I am out of ammunition."


I then deliver a rendition of the obvious, "Sir, in that eventuality we are possibly located up an excrement rivulet without a scull. However, after surviving the ruthless Rattus rattus hoard I will not conceded defeat to a haunted house."


I locate the ventilation shaft, acquire some material and attempt a blockage of the gas…


Present – Todd – Battle ground cabin


Something very bad has happened to the security system since all the terminals are blank. I hear the gas entering the ventilation system, but the stench from the rats is such that I cannot smell what gas is being used. However I do I realize for some reason the entire house has become a threatening combatant. I reach into my pack, pull out my emergency oxygen supply, apply the nose clip, insert the mouthpiece in my mouth and activate the timer on my watch


I walk over to the terminal and attempt to operate it but it is non-responsive. There must be some way to shock this security system back into awareness… Wait that gives me an idea…


Present – Ben – Austin Texas


Thank God the construction chute starts to flatten out! My back presses against the bottom of the chute, I put my feet against the top of the chute, press upward and we finally stop!


The damn little dog begins to bark and then I hear one of the fat cows, "I think the bastard jumped in here. Do you think we should follow him?"


I tell the dog, "Stay here while I take care of this bullshit."


I crawl up the chute until it turns vertical, pull out my Ka-Bar and slice through most of the chute. I go to slide back down and find the damn little dog followed me so I yell, "Get the fuck out of the way." Then I hear from above, "Well, if he did it we can do it."


Another fat cow questions, "Do you think we will all fit?" I answer her question in my mind: Not as fat as some of you are, you won't.


The little dog takes off running, while I do my best to crawl down the tube as I hear a hell of a noise above me. It sounds like a whole damn herd of cows (which is what many of the women resembled) are in the construction chute at the same time.


I'm almost back to where we stopped when son of a bitch, the construction chute breaks where I cut it. I hear the herd of cows swearing up a storm, and about laugh my ass off when one of them whines, "Help, the chute must have gotten smaller because I'm stuck."


I taunt, "If you weren't such a fat fucking cow, you wouldn't be stuck!"


The fat cows begin to swear, "When we catch you we're going to kill you."


I can't resist so I taunt, "What are you fat asses going to do? Sit on me."


 Then I realize there's a problem: Where the chute was once horizontal, is now sloped downward toward the fat cows because of the lack of support where it broke. I lose purchase on the chute and start sliding back down the chute toward the stuck women. I now regret the taunts and know if I slide into them, they just might sit on me. I still have my Ka-Bar out so I jam it into the chute and it stops my slide. I wedge my feet against the side of the chute, pull the Ka-Bar out, reach up as high as I can and jam it in a new place.


I finally reach the end of the chute and fall into the dumpster. The damn little dog is waiting there. The surviving herd of cows sees us and they yell, "There's the fucking insulting bastard! Let's fry his balls!" The damn little dog takes off with me hot on her heels. We rush through the streets, she stops in front of a restaurant and begins to bark. I take a look at the name and laugh my ass off…


Present – Stacy and Samantha – Escaping from the vets


I really didn't want Samantha with me, what I really want is to be riding with Ben again. But even though she is a reporter I sure as hell couldn't leave her with that bastard, horse shooting, woman beating husband of hers. His words and actions proved to me that I was damn lucky to have found Ben! Hell there are no other men in the world like him and I need to find him again and this time I'm sure as hell not going to let him escape.


Samantha pleads, "Stacy, do you think we can rest a little."


I look at her and explain, "Sorry, but we need to keep moving. Why don't you ride for a bit while I walk?"


She says, "Thanks Stacy, you're sure different than I ever dreamed you would be. After what we did to you I'm surprised you don't hate me."


We switch places as I explain, "You really pissed me off when you tied me up. But I couldn't leave you with that sorry excuse of a husband of yours, especially not after he threatened to beat both of us. However I'd better get my golden rifle and pistols back or I will remember how mad I am and kick your ass."


Stacy seems fixated on her guns so I question, "I bet Ben gave those guns to you."


She replies, "He did and that's why they are so important to me. Besides right now all we have is a pistol and they are only good for fighting your way back to where you left your rifle."


I add an observation, "Well the Mossad guys really prefer their pistols."


Stacy laughs, "Oh yeah, they were right like how many times? Oh let me see, I remember… Ne-va-rrrr!"


I'm a little insulted so I demand, "What the hell do you mean?"


She laughs, "Hell Sam, you guys almost caught us how many times? Like about a million, but we were one step ahead of you all the time? You missed us at Bob's Country Bunker and I bet you were pissed as hell when I torched your news van at the bunker?"


Ah, so they were at Bob's Country Bunker! That lying bastard Bob, if I ever meet him again he's going to get the interview of his life! And she was the one that destroyed the first news van, I thought it was Ben. If I play my cards right I can have a hell of a report on her and her time with Ben so I continue, "Did Ben teach you the saying about pistols?"


She confirms it, "Yeah Sam, he did and I sure as hell know what you're doing. Now I was nice enough to let you tag along but if you keep it up I'm going to cut you loose."


I figure I can get one more answer out of her so I press a little more, "Stacy, what exactly are your plans?"


She states, "That's for me to fucking know and for you to shut the hell up."


I decide not to push any more, not for right now…


Present – Byron, Thom and Inga – Reconnaissance, otherwise known as terrestrial foreplay for successful ground warfare


Yes, it is time for this bullshit to end and I have a good as hell idea how to end it. Luck was with me as this roof overlooks the damn drug lord's operation but is a hell of a distance away. Now I sure as hell need more firepower than this piss-ant rifle - these mouse guns run out of pop at about 600 meters. I run back down to the car where Thom sees me, rolls down the window and complains, "Byron what the hell are you doing?"


I order, "Thom, shut the hell up! Inga if you can't keep him quiet then knock his ass out."


I open the trunk, grab Betsy, all my ammo for her and hightail it back to the roof. I set up carefully placing all my extra mags within reach. I take a bit of time with my laser range finder getting some known distances, spend a few minutes reading the wind, make some adjustments on the scope then it's time to rock and roll.


I snug her up against my shoulder, touch off my first round and laugh like hell! That was like throwing a rock through a hornet's nest. Yeah Betsy's armor piercing, explosive, incendiary fifty caliber round punches a hole right through the damn wall and sets something on fire. Bad guys boil out the building and it's time to have some real fun. It's amazing what one of those rounds does to a human body, even at this distance. It's not long until the damn bastards don't dare show themselves so I begin to put rounds into the buildings hoping to hit something that is flammable. Now this is real fun and what I should have done in the first place. Hell running around with that damn fly swatter rifle was a waste of time…


Dammit, I recognize that sound! That crazy fool Byron must be up on the roof firing that damn Barrett fifty caliber shoulder cannon at the drug lord's compound. Inga finishes working on my ass so I state, "I'm going up on the roof to see what the hell Byron is doing. The damn fool is going to get us all killed."


Inga complains, "Byron ordered that I was to knock you out if you didn't obey him."


I give her a dirty look and start, "You just try it…"


I wake up sometime later, we're all in another car, Byron's driving and I ask, "What the hell happened?"


Byron laughs, "Inga clocked you like she was ordered to do."


I'm pissed and complain, "What the hell, it must have been a lucky punch. So what's going on with the damn drug lord?"


Byron laughs some more, "He seems to have some issues with building fires and is too busy putting them out to bother us."


I wonder, "What about our primary mission, capturing Megan."


Byron states, "Who the hell cares about her, I hope to hell she burnt up with some of the buildings."


I state, "Okay, but you're the one that's going to deal with a pissed off Jennifer…"


Byron laughs, "Hell if she gives me too much trouble I will put her over my knee."


I keep my thoughts to myself but I know Jennifer doesn't go for that sort of stuff so she'd probably kick his ass. After a little thought I decide I'd pay to watch that…


Present – Maria – Recovering from the accident


Fucking son of a bitch! I'm going to kill his ass twice I'm so pissed off. He continues taunting me, "Yeah, I can't wait to tap that ass of yours! You're going to be screaming for mercy and I'm not going to give you any."


I think to myself ‘keep it up bastard now that I've flanked the hell out of you’. I head toward him as he continues, "Yeah bitch, you're going to wish you never made me wreck the car when I'm done with you."


I sneak up on him but when I see him I'm totally disgusted with what I observe. Hell killing this bastard would be a kindness. I rush forward, surprise him, kick his ass and take his pistol. Then I decide to take his clothes so he can't pull this bullshit on anyone else.


I pull out my mobile phone and make a call…


Present - Linus, Matt and Jim – Headed to Dallas


We're trying to figure out a way to save one of the vehicles before the truckers shoot all of them to hell, when my damn phone rings, the truckers make our location and begin firing at us.


We duck and run like crazy but the rounds keep getting closer as my phone continues to ring…