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Chapter 91

Home Chapter 91

Copyright 2012 - 2013 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia


Present – Jens – Traveling back to the cabin


We… Well, I stole the taxi, the taxi company disabled it and locked the doors (damn 'roadside assistance' that is really just another way to spy on you). I had just shot out my side window and Yasmeen shoots out her side window at the worst possible time - just as a sheriff deputy drives up. The bullet goes through the side window of the taxi and through the side window of the deputy's car.


He flies out of his car, crouches behind it and yells, "Throw down your weapon and hold up your hands."


Yasmeen is almost frantic and apologizes, "Sorry Ms. Donaldson, it was an accident and I do not want to be picked up by the fuzz."


I fight back laughter at her comment but ask, "Zarika are you fit enough to run?"


Zarika answers, "Yes Ms. Donaldson, my arm is stable enough to run."


So I order, "Shoot out the opposite side window. That will cause the deputy to duck behind his car for safety. When he does that we're taking off."


Yasmeen does as instructed, the deputy ducks, we bail out of the car and take off running.


I pull out my phone (there are more crazy messages on it from the security system) and try again to call Liz but I still don't get an answer. I try Jack and I don't get an answer there either. I hope the girls are in good shape because we have a long assed run ahead of us…


Present – Alexi – Heading to the cabin on foot


My sister Mira and I approach the disturbance in the firmament and the formication precipitated by the unfriendly ocular units has not abated, in fact it has increased in intensity. I ease my injured sister to the ground and she cautions, "Alexi, use utmost caution as this could be an improvised explosive device."


I sense that time is of the essence so I ignore my sister's admonition and leap right on top of the disturbance! My sister Mira yells and I receive a surprise…


The ground gives way slightly beneath my feet, so with haste I reach down and begin to remove the firmament and uncover the end of a large plastic cylindrical pod.


As the threatening formication increases, I remove the earth around the end of the pod, try to lift the end of the pod but it will not move. Mira maneuvers adjacent to the plastic cylinder, examines it and states, "Alexi, the luck of lady follows us! This is one of my future husband Ben Blaine's weapon storage caches. My studies of him revealed he prepared many caches like this on his property."


As the formication continues to grow, I question, "My sister, how do we gain access to the weapons within."


Her phalangeal units deftly touch the container, then she looks at me, smiles and states…


Present – Mira – Heading to the cabin on foot


The beast which is stalking us has gained courage and is approaching closer. I rely on the greatly increased intensity of my formication to gauge the relative distance. It is apropos that Alexi occulated the weapons cache of my Ben so now if we can determine how to access the cache, we might have a chance to combat the stalking beast.


We are hindered because the only light is from a mostly full moon so I use my phalangeal extremities  and finally feel a release mechanism on this cache. I smile at Alexi and state, "The release mechanism for this cache is located under my phalangeal units."


I operate the catch and the cache allows our access as we hear a slight growl and hiss from behind us. Alexi's and my phalangeal units quickly reach inside the cache and…


Present – Todd – Cabin death trap


We are like rats in a trap and the trap is the house (wait, that is a sinister metaphor for this situation). I take the flashlight out of my tactical vest, walk over to the terminal, remove my tools from my pack and attempt to pry off the bezel without success. I have a plan but it relies on gaining access to the inner workings of this security system and I have limited time - my backup oxygen only lasts 5 minutes – no make that 4 minutes now…


I knock on the wall adjacent to the terminal and as I assumed, it is hardened concrete. Jennifer knew what she was doing when she had the system installed, however I don't think she planned for this scenario. I think, the only weak point has to be the display, unless she had bullet proof displays installed. I'm thankful I saved some pistol rounds for this contingency. I draw my pistol and fire at the center of the display, it shatters and then something very bad happens…


Present – Jack and Ira – Cabin death trap


Ira is doing a hell of a job blocking the air vent and thank God because I'm a little light headed already. Then the damn fucking horn begins to blare again! I've had my fill of this damn security system and this fucking house death trap.


Since this house is already pissed at us, I figure I can't make things any worse, so I take the shovel and begin to beat the fuck out of the terminal and yell, "Take that you fucking computerized piece of shit!" Yeah, it's payback time for every computer that's given me problems in the past and that's a huge number of them. I finally hit something really good and sparks fly like crazy!


General Pain is suffering under the influence of the gas and has become aggressive. I am thankful it is focused upon the terminal and not my corporeal self. If that was the case I would be forced to slightly injure him to ensure my safety.


He displays extraordinary strength as he flails the terminal into submission. Then the most curious thing happens: A large amount of electrical discharge exits the terminal. This event should not have transpired!


Then something even more amazing occurs…


Present – Alexi – Heading to the cabin on foot


My sister Mira's and my phalangeal units fight to find the weapons within this weapons pod and we unfortunately acquire the same device. There is a slight growl and hiss behind us so I release the weapon and turn to face the stalking beast.


Even with the limited illumination, I occulate a large Puma concolor which is intent on attacking. I remember my studies and attempt to make myself larger by waving my phalangeal units away from my body and vocalizing at the bestial feline!


However my studies again prove to be inadequate in this situation. The Puma concolor begins to yowl and slink toward me. I must protect my infirm sister Mira, so I charge the beast.  My unexpected action initially works however…


Present – Mira – Heading to the cabin on foot


Alexi performs the most brave and foolish act of his short life!  If I can not with utmost haste acquire and load this weapon, his life will be further shortened. He is using his corporeal self as a human distraction and foolishly charges the Puma concolor, which action temporarily startles the beast…


The weapon and magazine are now within my phalangeal units so I begin the SPORTS1 of the weapon just as…


1 Defined in a previous book – Acronym for Slap, Pull, Observe, Release, Tap and Shoot All the steps to make sure a semi or fully auto weapon is ready for battle


Present – Todd – Cabin death trap


I gain access to the control circuits of the security system by shooting out the display however that triggers the klaxon again. I immediately realize this security system has a self-preservation feature which has been triggered and which I just triggered again.


There are always weaknesses in every system so I just need to find the one in this system. I find the circuitry behind the system and realize which system it is, and unless I can disable it then it will disable us.


I take my stun gun out of my pack, hold it close to the circuitry and hold down the trigger. I play the sparks across the circuit boards and integrated circuits and… Thank God it works! The gas stops and I hear the lock on the door deactivate…


Present – Ira and Jack – Cabin death trap


I alert Jack, "I am not sure what you did but it appears the security system is currently offline."


He crows like a rooster, "Yeah, I guess I showed that damn piece of shit who was boss!"


I was not certain of that but I knew not to look a gift equine in the mandibles. I jump down from the chair, grab the General's phalangeal unit and state, "Sir, we must depart this domicile haste of post."


Damn, I showed that fucking computer who was fucking boss! It felt good as hell beating the shit out of it. Ira wants to leave the house, however I have a responsibility to Masha and Ivan in the tunnels. She grabs my hand and I explain to her, "Ira you can leave if you want, but I'm going to the tunnels to see if Masha and Ivan are okay."


Ira states, "Then I will accompany you, otherwise it would appear as cowardess."


We head towards the basement and I worry like hell at what we will find.


Present – Alexi – Heading to the cabin on foot


I charge the large Puma concolor which temporarily shocks it, then it regains its composure and charges me. I know that when it is close enough it will attempt to leap and use its mass to knock me to the ground. Therefore, I will need to dodge this frontal attack and hope to grab the beast by the segmented backbone extension of its spinal column.


We draw closer and closer and I observe the Puma concolor tense its muscles and then it leaps. I react in time so that the Puma concolor passes over the top of me. I reach up with both hands and grasp its segmented backbone spinal extension. A malignant roar emanates from the Puma concolor as I hold on and pull with all my strength…


Present – Mira – Heading to the cabin on foot


I am impressed with Alexi's action dodging the Puma concolor's frontal attack and having the wherewithal to obtain a purchase on its segmented backbone extension. Now it is my turn to enter the fight! I raise the weapon to my shoulder knowing that my Ben must have this weapon sighted perfectly for one hundred meters. Therefore, I aim about two inches low and release a three shot burst into the thoracic cavity of the Puma concolor. While the Puma concolor slows, it still tries to turn and reach Alexi. I take careful aim once more and release another three round burst, this time the puma collapses to the firmament. However Alexi also collapses.


I slip down the shallow grade on my derriere toward my only brother and begin to pray…


Present – Todd – Cabin death trap


I haul ass outside of the cabin just in time! I correctly assumed the high voltage discharge from my stun gun would force the system to reboot. I just make it outside as the warning klaxon sounds again warning that the system has reactivated. 


I hoped Jack and Ira would join me outside the cabin, but since they're not here, I assume they have been incapacitated. I do have a mission to complete and make a few quick checks. I prepare my bow and slip toward the main gate…


Present – Jack and Ira – Cabin death trap


We reach the tunnels in the basement, I start to unlock the door when the damn horn goes off again. I get ready to beat the shit out of the terminal on the wall when Ira cautions, "General Sir! That would be very ill advised."


She takes my place at the terminal, enters her code and the damn horn shuts off. She then checks the system and declares, "It appears something forced a re-initialization of the security system and it is now performing optimally."


I brag, "Yeah, that something was me beating the shit out of it. Now let's get the hell into the tunnels."


We prepare to fight, I enter my code, the door opens up and I can't believe it…


Present – Ben – Austin Texas


Thank God we outran the herd of fat cows! The damn little dog stops in front of a Chinese restaurant where they have one of those golden good luck cats in the window - you know the one where the right paw moves up and down. The little dog's head rocks in time with the cat. The whole scenario is cute but I'm laughing my ass off because the name of the restaurant is Fuk Huy!


The door flies open, the little dog cowers behind me and a Chinese man runs out with a raised broom. I aim my rifle at him and warn, "Hold it right there Hop Sing, if you're thinking of hurting this dog, you will have to go through me first."


He says in broken English, "Dog bother us all time. She sit here and watch cat."


I question, "What is the bother if she is sitting here watching that damn cat?"


The man replies, "People think we use dog in food instead of chicken."


I taunt, "I thought Chinese restaurants used cats instead of chicken?"


He spouts a bunch of Chinese. From the tone I'm sure he is swearing at me then he says something I do understand, "I kick you ass for bother me too!"


I grin at him and say, "I'm your Huckleberry."


He says, "You take off weapons first."


I keep my eyes on him as I slip off my tactical vest, set my rifle on it, stand back up, motion to him and taunt, "Come on you cat eating bastard!"


Again the little dog barks but it sounds like laughter. The Chinese man is pissed and heads toward me using Wing Chun2.


2 Wing Chun – Chinese martial art style made famous by Bruce Lee.


Every martial art has its weakness and Wing Chun was designed for very close quarter combat. To stall all I needed to do was force him to keep his distance from me. I begin my Capoeira dance so he laughs and taunts, "That not martial art. That ballet."


I stop his laughter when I kick the shit out of him. He flies backwards and crashes through the window. Then things get really interesting as four of his buddies come flying out of the restaurant.


They begin what sounds like swearing in Chinese, then I hear the herd of fat cow women yell behind me, "There's that fucker and he brought friends."


I look at the little dog and declare, "It's time to get the hell out of Dodge!" I grab my gear, jump through the broken window, grab the fucking good luck cat as I pass, yanking the cord out of the wall. The first bastard starts to get up so I punch the shit out of him and yell (with a pretend Chinese accent), "I Fuk Huy up real good. I do."


The little dog barks her approval as we head through the back of the restaurant and I damn near puke when I see a couple of dead cats hung up – damn I guess sometimes they really do use cat to replace chicken…


Present – Stacy and Samantha – Escaping from the vets


We've gone as far as we can for the night because it's starting to get dark and I need to check Bo's wound and make sure it's not bleeding. I order, "Okay Sam, we're stopping for the night."


She replies, "Thank God! I don't know how you can ride like that, my ass feels like it's on fire."


I giggle, "Yeah that's the same way mine felt the first day Ben and I had the horses. Don't worry, it will be worse tomorrow."


Sam complains, "Worse than this! I don't think it could be any worse."


I begin checking Bo's wound and answer, "Well if you think that was bad, try riding after some bastard has raped the hell out of you."


She provides the question which floods me with sad memories, "You mean the man that the gorilla killed, right?"


I change the dressing on Bo making sure to apply some antibiotic and state, "Yeah, that wonderful George the gorilla who you fuckers killed! Now leave me the hell alone for the rest of the night."


Yeah I'm pissed as hell at Stacy and I just might dump her ass here in the morning…


Wow did I ever hit a sore spot with Stacy! I never knew she was so upset about the guys killing the rampaging gorilla.


I'm hungry so I bother her anyway, "Stacy, I hate to bother you, but what are we having for dinner?"


She barks, "MREs. Why don't you get two out of Patches pack and heat them up."


I rummage around in Patches pack but finally have to ask, "What does an MRE look like?"


Stacy sighs and comments, "Damn, don't you know anything? They are brown colored bags."


I find the bags and ask another question, "Okay, I have the bag, do you have something to start a fire with?"


Stacy grumbles, "You don't need a damn fire with MREs. Find two of the brown boxes, those are the heaters… Oh forget it! Come over here and finish curry combing Bo while I do fix our meals."


I take Stacy's place begin to brush Bo. Bo quickly turns his head and tries to bite me. I jump back and complain, "Bo tried to bite me."


Stacy says, "Let me see you comb him."


I begin to brush him, he makes a grunting noise and snaps at me again - but not as bad as Stacy snaps, "Sam, are you totally worthless? Of course he's going to bite you if you curry comb him against the grain of his hair."


I begin to cry. Stacy comes over, puts her arm around my shoulder and says…


Damn, Samantha really doesn't know shit so I laid into her! She starts crying and I feel bad because I remember all the mistakes I made with Ben and how patient he was with me. I walk over and apologize, "Sam I'm sorry for being a bitch. I just miss Ben and I'm worried about Bo. Please forgive me."


She replies, "Stacy, I'm sorry too. It's just that I'm young and I've never done half the things you have done. I can remember reading about the trips you took with your Grandmother and always wished I could be like you. And now I've failed in everything…"


I'm shocked because I never thought anyone would want to be like me! She sobs a little, I hold her hand and say, "Well let's teach you what you don't know. See, now this is how you curry comb a horse. Remember a horse will tell you how they feel if you just watch them. See his ears?  That means he's in a good mood, now watch this…"


I'm glad that Stacy is giving me a second chance. I watch her comb Bo then she combs him the direction I was combing him, his ears go down, he turns his head and I begin to giggle. I swear he glared at her like what the hell she was doing…


I take the brush and begin to comb Bo the same way as Stacy and Bo's ears go back to their normal position…


Stacy praises, "You're doing a good job Sam. Now I need to finish getting the camp ready for tonight."


I continue to comb Bo and watch Stacy; she is an amazing woman…


Present – Byron, Thom and Inga – Reconnaissance, otherwise known as terrestrial foreplay for successful ground warfare


We get back to the docks without further issues, grab all the gear, load up the dingy and make it back to the sailboat. We are almost there but I don't like the look of something so I crank the dingy motor fully sideways, speed away from the boat and Thom complains, "Byron what the hell is wrong now."


It doesn't take a rocket scientist to answer that question, not after…


Present – Maria – Recovering from the accident


Yeah, the pathetic fucker was going to rape me! No way in hell! I think I've seen bigger dicks on a mouse. That's okay since I took his gun, all his clothes and left him stark naked in the woods. If he was lucky something will kill and eat him quickly. If he isn't? Oh well it's not like he was a gift to womankind.


I try to call Linus to come and pick me up but his phone rings then the call stops. So, I call him again and he answers…


Present - Linus, Matt and Jim – Headed to Dallas


We're having our asses handed to us and Maria is calling! I answer the phone, "What the fuck do you want?"


She yells back, "Well fuck you too! I thought you might like to know I was almost raped." And the phone goes dead.


Present – Maria – Recovering from the accident


Well that was a fine hello! Fuck him and fuck all men! Just when you really need one they… Ohhh men!!! I angrily walk back to the road…


Present - Linus, Matt and Jim – Headed to Dallas


I feel like shit! We've finally found a safe place where the fuckers can't shoot us so I try to call Maria but her phone just rings.


Jim questions, "So what did you do to piss her off?"


Matt explains, "He answered her call and said, 'What the fuck do you want?'."


Jim clucks, "Damn, are you looking at getting your ass kicked by her. You need to damn apologize."


Matt adds, "No. This one is going to take more than an apology."


Jim concurs, "Yeah… what do you figure Matt - a dozen roses?"


Matt laughs, "Hell no! More like two dozen!"


I order, "Will you two shut the fuck up! Maria said something about almost being raped."


Jim laughs, "Hell after what she did to the Mossad fuckers, I'm sure she ripped the guys balls off."


I complain, "Come on guys I'm serious as a heart attack."


Matt states, "Linus, you're the one that needs to open their eyes. There's no way in hell someone would ever be able to rape Maria. Jim's right she'd rip their balls off."


Jim interjects, "And probably their dick!"


Matt continues, "What she was looking for was some love from you."


Jim chuckles, "She sure as hell didn't need to hear 'What the fuck do you want?'."


I look at the two of them and declare, "Fuck both of you! I'm going to get us a vehicle then we're going to go find her."


I'm pissed as hell and I don't fucking care if the truckers are the good guys. They fired at us first and I need to get a car to rescue Maria. But the guys did have one good idea that I just might use…


I look at Jim and say, "I guess we'd better help Linus."


Jim answers, "Yeah Matt. He might be a Seal but he's not Recon."


We both jump up and yell Ooorahhhhh!


Then something surprising as hell happens…