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Chapter 92

Home Chapter 92

Copyright 2012 – 2013 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia 


Flashback – Ben – Sometime in the past


I wake up and… Where am I… It's dark but I'm warm and there's something soft lying against me… I… I… I'm in the fox's den, she's lying against me keeping me warm but where the hell is the bear? I begin to move and I… I… I didn't know I could be so sore and stiff. The fox gets up, goes outside, I follow her and about puke with what I see…  Something beat the bear to heck and back! I swear all the bones in its body must be broken, it looks like a black bag of bear! I look down and realize I have blood all over me and my hands are a mess!!! What the heck happened, could I have? No, I couldn't have! That was a bear and I'm just a boy.


I check and realize my Colt Frontier Scout revolver is missing! I search all over and finally see the grip of it sticking out of what is left of the bear's head. I walk over, pull it out of his mouth, check and find all six rounds had been fired. Well, the revolver almost looks worse than I do.


The fox is giving me a funny look so I put my hand down, she comes over and I pet her. Now that was a first! The first time she ever let me touch her. I say, "Well girl, I don't know what happened here, but I do know I have a revolver to clean then I have to figure out some way to clean myself up. I smell like nasty bear."


I decide the first thing I need to do is start a small fire at the mouth of the den. I worry I might scare away the fox, so I call her over as I start the fire. She doesn't seem afraid so I figure we're fine. I take my cleaning kit out of my possibles bag and begin to clean all the bear blood off the revolver. There is bear blood in places that I didn't know the revolver had so it takes me close to an hour…


That made me wonder what time it is so I look up at the sun and realize I must have slept a whole night and part of a day… I hate that when it happens.


Before I clean up I decide I have to do something about the beaten to death bear and the nasty smelly den, so I begin to drag the bear away from the den. It's easier than I thought it would be because the snow acts like a sled and the bear is frozen, the fox follows me and she begins to hunt…


Flashback – Tatiana – At the hospital


I made it to the MRI room and one of the doctors questioned me, "How long has he been unconscious?"


I checked my watch and answered, "Close to thirty minutes."


The doctor remarked, "This MRI is most unusual. It shows the brain activity of someone that's normally awake. He must be having a very vivid dream."


That made me curious, what could Ben be dreaming about so vividly? I must ask him when he wakes.


Flashback – Jack – At the hospital


Duhhhhhammmmnnnnnn! What a woman! Masha took me into the bathroom in Banzai's room and we had some on the best sex of my life, ever! Hell it was so damn good I was weak in the knees.


I figure the afterglow might be a good time to bring up a possible problem so I asked, "Masha, I'm concerned that Major M is going to be pissed off that you kicked his ass."


She lets loose a huge laugh and declared, "Jack my love, would you want the whole world to know if a woman beat you up like that?"


I think for a few moments, then I grinned and answered, "Hell no! I wouldn't want anyone to know about it."


Masha explained a bit more, "Jack, should your stupid Major give us any problems I will make sure the video of what I did to him is placed on the Internet."


I was confused so I asked, "What video?"


She smiled and cleared it up, "The video the FSB agents were taking of the whole situation. Did you not know we were being followed everywhere we went?"


Now it was my turn to be embarrassed – Hell, a Recon not seeing the FSB agents! I justified it as being distracted by Masha so I replied, "I thought I had seen them…"


Flashback – Masha – At the hospital


Jack just lied to me! Oh he is an excellent liar, but there are always subtle body expressions which reveal the lie. In this case his eyes dilated somewhat and he looked downward. I considered making an issue out of it, but decided it's better that he does not know that I can read his lies like a book. Besides, I am burdened by many more deceptions in this relationship than he is…


We adjusted our clothes and returned to Ben's room to await his return. I did take a moment to observe Ben's bed, and as I suspected, he and Tatiana made love. Oh if I wasn't in love with Jack this would be the perfect opportunity to use Tatiana to extract the information that my country so desperately wanted from Ben. But with both of us being in love there was no way I could force or even allow Tatiana to complete the mission that Miranda miserably failed.


That reminded me, I should check in with the twins to ascertain what they were doing.


I looked at Jack and questioned, "Jack, I need to find a computer to check the status of my work. However I do not want you to leave this room when I am gone."


He volunteered, "Well then, take me with you and then you won't have to worry."


I contemplated his suggestion and decided since his Russian was virtually non-existent it was probably the best choice.


I took his hand and said, "Come Jack, we must hurry."


Flashback – Tatiana – At the hospital


The MRI was finished, Ben was still unconscious and I examined the results with the radiologist. He questioned, "Are you telling me this man has feeling in his legs."


I didn't want to inform him of our sexual tryst so instead I confirmed, "He stood when President Putin delivered him the Hero Of the Russian Federation medal. We did assist him, but he also had some control over his legs."


The radiologist shook his head, "This man needs emergency back surgery or he will never walk again."


This produced great concern and I questioned, "Is Dr. Kaeoorov qualified to do this surgery?"


The radiologist scoffed, "I would not let that drunken whoring durok (fool) operate on a dead dog. No this man deserves someone special."


I asked, "Then who do you have in mind?"


He answers, "Mikael Voskoboynikov is the only man I would let operate on me."


I said a quick prayer and asked, "Would you please contact him. After all Ben is a Russian citizen and has the Hero Of the Russian Federation medal."


The radiologist laughed, "Mikael will do it for the challenge since medals don't mean anything to him. Take Sgt. Blaine back to his room and make sure he does not put any vertical weight on his back."


I wanted to ask about horizontal weight because I greatly desired to have another coitus session with Ben, but I bit my tongue and answered, "Yes Doctor."


I wheeled his gurney back to his room and received a surprise since Masha and Jack were missing. I went into the bathroom to freshen and apply my makeup and the smell of coitus was strong in the air…


Next time we met, Masha this time would crimson…


However I was still greatly concerned that Ben was still unconscious…


Flashback – Masha – Internet café


Jack and I practically ran to the Internet café we used before. The proprietor recognized me and immediately asked everyone to leave. A couple of young teens became belligerent then my Jack surprised me. He walked up to them and threatened, "Get the fuck out of here before I put my boot so far up your ass you'll be using boot polish as your toothpaste."


They turned many shades of white and left, even leaving their computers logged in to their social networking accounts. I was amazed when Jack sat down and began to mess with the computer so I questioned, "Jack my love, what are you doing?"


He grinned at me and stated, "I'm signing these little bastards up for every gay site on the Internet. Since they want to fuck with you, then they can pay the price."


I took the opportunity with Jack being distracted to contact Miranda and Irina… it was most troubling that I did not have a communique from them…


Flashback – Major M


Damn this was not how I expected tonight to go! I planned that by now I would have called on the Sgts., then Vika and I would have found a room and become horizontally acquainted.


Instead I'm in this damn holding cell with a bunch of other bastards. One walks up to me, starts to give me shit but I know what to do. I kick the hell out of his ass so the others will respect me. However, I guess Russian prisons don't work quite the same as American jails.


The guards come in with the damn nightsticks and use me for a fucking practice dummy. Once they're done they haul me into an even worse cell (if there is such a thing) than I was in before. At least there's no homo fuckers in here to give me shit…


Flashback – Colonel Maggie


I couldn't fucking wait to get to Russia and give fucking Major M a bunch of shit! Why was I angry with him? I’ll tell you! He thought he could use me to screw his way to becoming a General and that was a major mistake. The worst part was, he wasn't even that good. No problem, I bided my time and now his ass was mine…


Flashback – Glen


I felt damn good about the way I 'fixed' things! Yeah, sending Colonel Maggie to take care of the Major was a stroke of genius since those two got along like oil and water. Rumor had it he screwed her literally and physically and then dumped her ass. And we all know hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned.


I logged onto the computer, looked at Jennifer's credit card account and what the fuck was this charge!!!


Flashback – Jens


Darn it all! I forgot to change the transaction on my charge card from the flowers for my Ben to a Russian language course and I just received a message from the credit card company that Daddy logged into the account. Oh boy was I ever in trouble!


When I needed a world class lie, there was only one friend to turn to… I called Megan on my camo princess phone…


Flashback – Ben – Sometime in the past


As I dragged the bag of bear bones away from the den, I watched the fox hunt. She jumped at something and missed, the she turned again in the same direction as before and I suddenly realized something!!! I fumbled in my possibles bag for my compass…


Flashback – Mira, Ira and Safia – in Israel


Yes after the evil Stay Puft man broke Ira's ass which rendered the cart of ass inoperable, I came up with a diabolic plan. I postulated, "Since the evil Stay Puft man broke Ira's ass, I recommend we make him the ass."


Ira giggles, "Mira it is your ass and that is an evil plan."


Safia questioned, "How will we control which direction he pulls the ass cart and what are we going to do with the broken ass?"


I opine, "We will attach the reins to the piercings in his lobes of his auditory canal."


Ira giggles, "Mira what about your ass?"


I occulate the unfortunate damaged animal and have compassion in my heart so I decide, "Ira we will load your ass into the back of the cart of ass."


The evil man complained, "I will not pull an ass cart!"


I looked at Ira and questioned, "Ira, might you still possess your gun of stun?"


She giggled, "Yes Mira, I assume you want to affix it to his derriere???"


Yes, my sister Mira has once again deciphered my diabolical plan. We first get the Stay Puft man to help us load Mira's disabled ass into the back of the cart of ass, then we put the ass collar around the Stay Puft man's neck and finally attach the reins to the lobes of his external auditory canal.


He begins to complain and his complaints are worse than the braying of Mira's broken ass, so I apply tape of duct over his mouth. Then I Goldberg of Rube engineer the attachment of the gun of stun to his derriere with a trigger device leading to the seat.


We acquire our seats in the cart with Mira in the back attending to her broken ass. Safia slaps the reins and Mira's Stay Puft ass refuses to move and attempts to bray which the tape of duct effectively blocks.


I reach over and trigger the gun of stun and Mira's Stay Puft ass is properly motivated and accelerates at a tremendous velocity for him. Mira vocalizes, "Safia, control the velocity of Ira's Stay Puft ass, it is bothering your broken ass."


Safia complains, "That is not my ass, I am sitting on my ass."


I add, "Mira, your Stay Puft ass is more belligerent than Safia's broken ass."


Safia explained, "You two do not understand the difference between a donkey and an ass."


Mira elucidates, "Safia, they are one in the same beast."


Safia slaps her cranial carapace and states, "Ass can mean donkey but it also means derriere."


Suddenly Safia's mirth at our verbal exchanges makes sense… We both begin to giggle and then Safia's Stay Puft ass does something very bad…


Flashback – Ben – Sometime in the past – Back to the future


I fumbled in my possibles bag for my compass, pulled it out, noted the direction where she had all the success, then I heard, "My Ben, it's time to wake up."


I opened my eyes, and I was no longer in the Colorado woods, I was back in Russia. I was certain because I couldn't see shit! I smiled at in the direction I heard Tatiana's voice and she asked, "Ben what were you dreaming about?"


I got all excited and blurted out, "I finally figured it out after all these years!"


Tatiana questioned, "What are you talking about?"


I told her the whole dream only leaving out the really weird part about possibly killing the bear. I heard doubt in her voice as she examined me, "Ben, are you telling me this happened? Your… Your… Your father tried to kill you?"


Shit! I forgot that was weird too so I laughed, "Tatiana, I never call him a father since he was never was a father to me and having him try to kill me was not the weirdest thing he ever did. As for the rest of the dream, I feel you don't understand so let me explain it to you. The fox was almost one-hundred percent successful hunting when she pounced on hidden animals while facing exactly 20 degrees off from magnetic north."


I then realized she still had no idea what I was trying to say so I reloaded and tried again, "Listen, we know that lots of animals, from cows to bees, can sort of navigate using the Earth's invisible fields of energy, but no other animal, to our current knowledge, uses it to hunt."


She ignored me and turned into the serious nurse, "Ben, I must divulge something serious and you need to listen to me…"


Flashback – Tatiana – At the hospital


I must talk with Ben's doctors about the drugs they are giving him. I was certain the obviously gruesome nightmare he had was drug induced even though he tried to convince me it was a memory from reality. But before I did that, I had to tell him how crucial it was that he not try to sit or stand.


I used my most stern nurse's voice, which had terrified most men, and explained, "Ben the radiologist says that you must not put any vertical weight on your back or you may never walk again. He has also arranged for a very special surgeon to come and perform an emergency operation on your back."


I was shocked when Ben began to laugh…


Flashback – Ben – At the hospital


Tatiana pulled the crabby assed nurses voice on me. Oh it was good, but I had previously heard this from the best. I laughed and ordered, "Tatiana, cut the bitchy nurse act and get your ass over here and give me a kiss before I jump out of this bed and spank your ass!"


I could tell I shocked the hell out of her, but she flew to my side, pushed down on my shoulders and yelled, "Ben, you had better not try to get out of this bed!"


She didn't give me the kiss so I figured she wanted to be spanked and with her hands on my shoulders I estimated where her ass was and…


Flashback – Jack – At the hospital


We walked into Banzai's room right as he delivered a hell of a swat to Tatiana's butt. Tatiana jumped about five feet and began what I could only assume was swearing at Ben in Russian. I laughed (and needed to save that idea for later with Masha), Tatiana turned saw us, turned about fifty shades of red, ran over and started what I could only assume was bitching to Masha about what happened. The whole time Banzai laughed his ass off in the bed.


Masha turned to me and I braced myself but was shocked when she begged, "Jack, you need to control Ben!"


I interrupted, "Hell it was just a swat and it's not like anyone can control Banzai!"


Banzai piped up when he should have kept his mouth shut, "You got that right!"


Masha put her finger over my lips (I almost asked her about not touching my lips with her 'dirty' hands but wisely didn't) as she stated, "Jack, Ben's back injury is more severe than stupid Dr. Kaeoorov diagnosed. The radiologist says that any vertical force on Ben's back could totally prevent him from walking ever again."


I swore, "That fucking pervert, I need to kick his ass! Tatiana are you telling us the truth."


Tatiana began to sob and say more shit in Russian so I figured that was conformation enough. I grinned at Banzai and came up with a hell of an idea!!!


Flashback – Ben – At the hospital


I couldn't fucking believe it, but when I got well I was going to kick Jack's ass so hard that he was going to need a podiatrist instead of a dentist! I could hear the laughter in Jack's voice when he told Masha, "The only way I know to keep Banzai in bed is to put him in full restraints!"


Of course Masha translated that to Tatiana (which she didn't need to do). Tatiana sassed, "Yes, that can be arranged and I don't even need a doctor's order."


I swore at all of them, "I'm going to kick the ass of any man or woman that tries that shit with me. I don't like being tied down."


Jack was acted like even more of a bastard and declared, "Well, if you aren't going to follow orders then we would need to do this for your own good."


Tatiana added fuel to the raging inferno, "Yes, and then I could make sure your hands stayed where they belonged instead of spanking me!!!"


Flashback – Jack – At the hospital


I could tell Banzai was getting too worked up and was going to do something stupid (like try to get up) so I said, "Banzai, if you aren't going to follow your doctor's orders then this is the only solution I can think of."


He challenged, "Yeah, I'd sure as hell like to see one of you or hell all three of you try to put fucking restraints on me."


Tatiana walked close to him and said some more shit in Russian which seemed to calm Banzai down (damn I really needed to learn Russian). Masha smiled at me and said, "Tatiana just asked Ben nicely if he would listen to the doctor's orders."


Damn, even Russian women knew that trick! I filed that away for when Masha pulled that on me. The change in Banzai was immediate, but then he got excited about something else and motioned to me.


I walked over and noticed that Tatiana went to talk to Masha and whispered something to her that seriously embarrassed her.


Banzai told me this whole story about foxes having about one hundred percent success hunting when they were twenty degrees off magnetic north. He finished with, "Listen we know that lots of animals, from cows to bees, can sort of navigate using the Earth's invisible fields of energy, but no other animal, to our knowledge, uses it to hunt."


I questioned, "And that helps us how?"


Banzai's response made me wonder???


Flashback – Ben – At the hospital


At least Jack listened to my theory about foxes being able to not only judge the Earth's magnetic fields but use them in hunting. But, he didn't follow what I thought was a possible epiphany so I explained some more, "Well Jack, perhaps the foxes know something we don't. Perhaps we should try to line up our shots so they are about twenty degrees off magnetic north?"


He laughed and said, "Shit, Banzai, you never miss now! What the hell more could you want?"


It was my turn so I laughed, "Jack that was spoken like a man in love not, my spotter! You know that I sometimes miss."


He countered, "Yeah a miss to you is what, a quarter MOA1?"


1 Defined before MOA – Minute Of Angle - 1.047 inches at 100 yards – ¼ MOA is .26175 inches at 100 yards


I countered, "Fuck no, you know it's an eighth MOA! And what's an eighth MOA at 1000 yards?"


Jack got serious and said, "Almost one hundred thirty one inches and that's a hell of a miss."


I laughed, "With that I rest my case. Eighth MOA isn't good enough for a first shot kill."


Flashback – Tatiana – At the hospital


I provided pay back to Masha for embarrassing me earlier by asking why the bathroom reeked of coitus. Then we witnessed the most interesting conversation between Ben and Jack. Ben was able to explain the fox nightmare to Jack (which he interestingly didn't discount as a dream) and then integrated it into his profession. To be exact I was dumbfounded! They talked about killing people and first shot kills like… Well, like the killers we discovered they both were.


I looked at Masha and I knew we needed to have a talk about this soon because I wasn't going to divulge this (or any other critical) information to our superiors. Besides, if I talked about foxes and magnetic north they would assume I was crazy.


I stated, "Jack, please make sure Ben stays in his bed, I need to discuss things with Masha."


We walked out of the room and Masha stated, "Tatiana, do not worry. We both know we will not be giving any information to our superiors."


I was shocked so I continued, "Masha, how do you plan on keeping from getting in trouble?"


She explained, "Tatiana, I had to think long and hard about this, but I decided that since I have some incriminating information on many of our superiors, I will arrange for it to be released should anything happen to me or even to you."


I gasped, "Does this mean???"


Flashback – Major M


I decided I had my fill of this bullshit and if they were going to keep me here then I was going to kick some ass and break out of this bullshit prison. Shit, the guards didn't even carry guns and if that wasn't bogus I didn't know what was.


I waited until I heard them coming down the hallway, marked by the noise from their shoes and laughter. I steeled myself by the door, it opened, I sprung and fuck me NO!!!


Flashback – Colonel Maggie


I was having a good conversation with the guards as we headed toward the Major's cell. When they opened the door, the Major sprang toward me, but I knew better than to let that bastard ever get the jump on me. I kicked him square in the balls and he collapsed to the floor in a heap.


I stated, "Well Major, you can add trying to strike your commanding officer to your list of fuck ups over here."


He whimpered, "When did you become my commanding officer?"


I handed him the orders and laughed, "Since the Old Man decided you needed someone to teach you how to relate to the Russian people and since you blew the photo op that he wanted. Now, get your sorry ass up off the floor and greet me in a proper manner."


He stood at attention and I ordered, "Major you should be ashamed of yourself! You smell like shit! Now let's get you to a hotel and cleaned up before we go to the hospital to check on the Corps' new hero (I added that because I knew it would piss him off).


We left the cell as the guards laughed their asses off…


Flashback – Major M


Someday, I swore, I was going to find some way to get even with the fat Old Man! I couldn't believe he sent this bitch over here and made her my commanding officer. He knew how much she hated my guts and that was after I bonked the boney old bitch all one damn night, and it was the worst damn night of my life! Hell, I still had fucking nightmares about her! It was like screwing a drill Sgt. as she ordered, "Do it this way, do it that way, don't you know any fucking thing? Get the hell off me and hand me my vibrator!" I finally figured out she was a 'bi' and shit there was no pleasing them.


I questioned, "You have a hotel already?"


She barked, "Major, when I want you to speak I will order you to speak. Of course, you sorry excuse for a Marine that was the first thing I did."


I thought to myself, and you left me rotting in that damn prison while you did it. I wondered if there was someone to make this boney old bitch disappear over here.


We walked into the hotel, she got one key and stated, "Major, because of your hero Sgt., they only had one room free so we will be forced to share it. I will take the bed and you will sleep on the floor. There will be no unauthorized contact."


That was the best thing I had ever heard her say. We got to the room and she continued her orders, "Now here's your damn luggage, some Russian bimbo had it. Be a good little boy, get in the bathroom, get cleaned up and in uniform, we want to make a good impression in case the press is still around."


I swore I was going to kill this bitch and then find some way to get even with the Old Man… Then I had a hell of an idea! This revenge would be a dish served very cold…


Flashback – Glen


I called, "Jennifer I need to talk to you."


She opened her door and replied, "I'm on the phone and will be right down."


I wondered who she was talking to so I picked up the phone and heard, "Yebay e'llway alktay aterlay."


"Bye we'll talk later."


I didn't hear a reply so I'm not sure who the hell Jennifer was talking to.


She came downstairs and I ordered, "Young lady we need to have a talk."


She looked guilty and confessed…


Flashback – Jens


Megan gave me a great idea so I confessed, "Daddy, I need to confess something to you. I discovered there were many free resources online to study Russian so I decided to use the money you told me I could spend to send flowers in our name to the poor hurt Marine in Russia. I meant to tell you but I forgot about it because I've been sooooooo busy."


Daddy stared at me, then his eyes softened and I knew he'd bought it. He said, "Jennifer the next time you forget to tell me something like this I will take away your credit card for a month."


I gave him my best sad look and answered, "I will make sure to tell you if I ever do this again. Now was there anything else you needed to ask me?"


He asked, "Well, if you're not busy I could use a sandwich."


I looked at him and scolded, "Daddy, you don't need a sandwich this time of night. I would be happy to get you a rice cake."


He swore, "Shit! I hate those damn things that you and your mother torture me with. No I don't want a damn rice cake."


I smiled and said, "Well I need to get back to my studies."


He nodded and I ran back upstairs. However I knew better than to call Megan because I knew Daddy would be listening in on the phone so I sent her an e-mail and told her things worked perfectly…


Flashback – Glen


Damn fucking rice cakes! Eating one of those was like chewing on fucking Styrofoam. Hell I'm a Marine and I need real food not something the Chinese developed to destroy America. I wandered into the kitchen, opened up the fridge and damn, no lunch meat anywhere. I grabbed the bread, popped a couple slices in the toaster, grabbed the jelly out of the fridge and the peanut butter from the pantry… Imagine, a Marine General reduced to eating PB&Js…


Flashback – Safia, Mira and Ira – in Israel


I finally got the twins to understand that ass meant both donkey and derriere and they were overcome with laughter. Unfortunately the Stay Puft man used their mirth to his advantage. He rapidly changed direction down a side street which upset the ass cart and dumped all of us on the ground including Mira's broken ass.


The evil Stay Puft ass tipped the cart of ass over which deposited all of us including Ira's broken ass on the firmament. The cart of ass righted itself then the evil Stay Puft ass accelerated at a great rate. I yelled, "Ira your adipose Stay Puft ass is escaping!"


Ira complained, "Mira to which ass are you referring, the donkey or the derriere?"


I giggled and questioned, "Ira if we refer to the ass's derriere then is it not the ass's ass."


Safia interjected, "Will you two quit assing around, we need to catch the ass cart."


I occulated Ira and questioned, "Ira this seems to be a new application of the word ass which fits neither derriere or donkey."


Ira responded, "Yes Mira you are correct. Safia what new definition have you assigned to the word ass?"


Safia slapped her cranial carapace and yelled, "You two are all assed up, I'm going after the ass cart!" She began to give chase to the cart of ass.


Ira questioned, "Mira I think that is yet one more application of the word ass and I'm not certain however I believe it was an insult."


I postulated, "Ira we need to assist Safia and then acquire the lowest level of this ass mystery."


We both arose from our asses (this time I mean derrieres) and pursued the cart of ass (this time I mean donkey)


Ira corrected, "Perhaps this is an assed up mystery."


I giggled because I liked the sound of that…