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Chapter 96

Home Chapter 96

Copyright 2012 – 2013 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia 

 

Flashback – Ben – At the hospital

 

I was in the middle of a damn fucking interview that was even worse than the last one with President Putin! And now I figured out why: Either the Colonel or the Major had prepared the news crew because they had all the right questions to ask. In the middle of a question I heard a hell of a noise in the hallway then they burst into my room…

 

Flashback – Tatiana – At the hospital

 

I was excited that Ben could see; it was better than I had hoped for. I helped to get him ready for his news interview and make him appear at his best and was very proud of the job he was doing. Things were wonderful until they rudely entered the room…

 

Flashback – Jack – At the hospital

 

Masha and Maggie had finished their talk and Masha was happy as ever. I watched Banzai squirm as the reporters asked him questions - then they flew into the room…

 

Flashback – Colonel Maggie – At the hospital

 

The interview was going better than I had hoped. I fed the press enough information and potential questions so they were making the Corps look better than ever. Oh, I could tell Sgt. Blaine didn't care one bit for it! And in hindsight I should have ordered him to cooperate in better spirit.

 

I heard a hell of a noise in the hallway, then a whole Spetsnaz team roared into the room. I looked at the Major and commanded, "Stop them! They're ruining our interview!"

 

Flashback – Ben – At the hospital

 

Hell yes! My Spetsnaz team has come to save me from this damn fucking interview. They burst into the room; the Colonel mistakenly commanded Major M to "Stop them! They're ruining our interview!" And then the fun started…

 

One Major, even Major M, against a team of Spetsnaz didn't stand a chance. He made a huge mistake when he grabbed Yuri but promptly found his own ass on the floor. He then did a leg sweep, took down two of my team and then the shit really hit the fan…

 

Flashback – Glen

 

What the hell is that fucking Major doing now? The interview was going great, Maggie did a hell of a job preparing the news crews, Sgt. Blaine was upset but obviously playing along. And then the most surprising thing happened - a Spetsnaz team flew into the room. It should have been great publicity but the Major decided to fight them? And even worse, he was getting his ass kicked!

 

Flashback – Jens

 

I'm watching the interview with Daddy and can even understand a little of the Russian and translate some for Daddy. Then a bunch of Russian soldiers come into the room and Ben's Major starts fighting them. I giggle because he was getting beat up on international television. Daddy got upset and started swearing so I innocently asked, "Daddy, what's wrong?"

 

He steamed his reply, "Jennifer, it's that damn Major! All he's done since he's been over there is get in fights. And now this one is on television and he's getting his ass kicked. This was supposed to show the Corps in a good light and now it's been ruined."

 

We continued to watch, then the most amazing thing happened…

 

Flashback – Tatiana – At the hospital

 

When the Spetsnaz team invaded Ben's room, his Major foolishly attacked them which unfortunately also greatly upset Ben. He tried to get off the bed and I knew I needed to do something so I laid on top of him, gave him a my best kiss while I simultaneously massaged Dim Mak1 pressure point ten on Ben's forearm. This produced a vasovagal response and Ben promptly fell unconscious.

 

1 Dim Mak - The Touch of Death (or Death-Point Striking) refers to any martial arts technique reputed to kill using seemingly less than lethal force targeted at specific areas of the body. The pressure can also be used in less lethal ways.

 

I caught Masha's eyes as she realized what I had done and we moved between Ben and the Spetsnaz team.

 

Flashback – Jack – At the hospital

 

What the fuck! Masha and Tatiana got between our Spetsnaz team and Ben? I looked and noticed Ben was passed out on the bed and I knew I needed to do something! They both looked like they were going to kick some ass and while I know Masha got lucky with the Major, she wasn't going to get lucky with the Spetsnaz team.

 

I suddenly knew what I needed to do!

 

Flashback – Glen

 

Dammit! This interview had become FUBAR! The Major was getting his ass kicked again, now a couple of women jumped between the Spetsnaz team and Sgt. Blaine (who looked like he'd passed out). I was sure the women were going to get the hell beat out of them when…

 

Flashback – Jens

 

I was soooooo angry! That ugly Russian spy female dog that loved MY BEN and some other Russian woman acted like they were going to protect MY BEN from the Russian soldiers! Ha! Even with MY BEN being injured he could still have kicked everyone's rear in the room. Then MY BEN'S spotter did the most amazing thing, but I also noticed something about Ben which troubled me terribly.

 

Flashback – Glen

 

Sgt. Reynolds stepped in front of the women, held out his arms and walked toward the Spetsnaz team. I thought the old fart was going to get his ass kicked but instead the Spetsnaz hugged the hell out of him and then the bottles of vodka magically appeared.

 

Flashback – Colonel Maggie – At the hospital

 

Well that plan worked perfectly! The Major got his ass handed to him by the Sgts.' Spetsnaz team then Sgt. Reynolds stepped in and calmed everyone down. But what interested me the most was what Sgt. Blaine's nurse and Masha did: It looked like they were going to try to keep the Spetsnaz from getting to Ben who appeared to be passed out on his bed (now how did that happen?).

 

The bottles of vodka came out; Jack motioned me over and we had some drinks with the boys…

 

Flashback – Major M – At the hospital

 

That bony bitch set me up! She told me to stop the Spetsnaz from getting to Sgt. Blaine and I promptly got my ass kicked - all on international television! Sgt. Reynolds 'fixed' the situation and I do have to say one thing: The Spetsnaz don't hold and grudges so they helped me up and then we started to drink vodka.

 

One of them said something so we all went to Sgt. Blaine's bed but he was unconscious. Hell, you would have thought he was dead by the way they all acted then the bony bitch came up and ordered, "Major you're a disgrace to that uniform! Just look at you! Get your ass back to the hotel and wait there until I arrive."

 

The Spetsnaz started to laugh their asses off, I stormed out of the room and decided I was going to fix that bony bitch if it was the last thing I did.

 

I started to head back to the hotel when a sweet young thing stopped me on the street. Even though I didn't speak Russian I could tell what the hell she wanted. She called a taxi and we both jumped in - it looked like I was going to get lucky after all…

 

Flashback – Ben – In the Colorado woods

 

It had been I guess close to five days since dad ran me off. I'd been living with the fox the whole time in her den. We'd go out hunting each day, sometimes she would catch rabbits but other times squirrels. It didn't matter because I'd cook them over a fire for both of us. Yeah, she preferred her food cooked which surprised me…

 

Things were great until I woke up one morning and she was gone. I came out of the den saw someone, they started with, "We've been lookin'…

 

Then I felt liquid fire in my mouth which then sped directly to my stomach…

 

Flashback – Mira, Safia and Ira – in Israel

 

We departed haste of post from the broken cart of ass and ran toward the address the Stay Puft ass gave us.

 

Irinka whined, "Mira, my ass formicates! I am sure some vile creature from your ass has taken refuge within assual proximity."

 

Safia giggled so I questioned, "Safia what is so mirthful?"

 

Safia replied, "I was not aware that someone had sexual relations with your sister's ass."

 

The conversation of training our asses was a sore subject so I was surprised when Irinka reacted so mildly, "Little one, I said formicate not fornicate."

 

Safia questioned, "What is the difference?"

 

I expound, "Formicate is the feeling of vile creatures crawling on your skin and you obviously already know the definition of fornicate."

 

Safia remarked with sudden awareness, "Oh, so Ira has ants in her pants?"

 

Ira informed Safia, "I only desired they were creatures of the Formicidae species since those I could tolerate better than these. I am certain the offenders are from the vile species Siphonaptera."

 

Safia questions, "What are you talking about?"

 

I recognize that I need to remove Irinka's thoughts from this topic so I deftly commence on a tangential question, "Safia, you promised to relate more ass references for our edification."

 

Safia thinks for a moment and replies, "Well, you know many of them already, but I don't think that you two know that you really kick ass!"

 

Ira replies fact of matterly, "Well that is logical because we can kick most people's derriere."

 

Safia giggles and corrects, "No, in this case it means that you two are really cool and the best!"

 

Ira answers, "I do like this ass term: Yes Mira, we kick ass!"

 

Safia adds, "You can bet your ass on that."

 

And we again begin to delve further into the ass question…

 

Flashback – Jens

 

Daddy still complained, "That damn Major is fucking everything up!"

 

I suggested, "Perhaps you could send him to the resort in Greenland?"

 

Daddy laughed, "Jennifer, like I told you before it's not a resort but that's a hell of an idea. Yeah I think Major Mike needs to spend a few months in Thule to cool his ass down."

 

I bravely suggested, "What about the Colonel?"

 

Daddy shot down that idea, "Hell no, she's done a hell of a job."

 

Rats! My Ben will still have some problems in Russia but the female dog spy is by far the worst. I announced, "Daddy, I'm going up to my room for the night."

 

He complimented me on my help, "Jennifer, I really want to thank you for your translations tonight, they really helped."

 

I smiled at Daddy and said, "Thank you. I will work harder on learning Russian." And then I ran upstairs to implement my new plan against the female dog Russian spy…

 

Flashback – Ben – At the hospital

 

A fire burned down my throat and into my stomach! I woke from my Colorado dream and swore, "What the hell!"

 

Yuri smiled and said, "Ben, we gave you a little vodka to wake you up."

 

I ordered, "Well give me a damn bottle so I can help myself."

 

I found a bottle in my hand, took a long as hell swig from it and then I saw a very pissed off Tatiana. Naturally I asked, "What is your problem?"

 

She glared at me but the doctor answered, "Sgt. Blaine, you are going into serious back surgery and should not be drinking alcohol."

 

I took another long swig, handed the doctor the bottle, glared back at Tatiana and said, "I'm ready - do your fucking best."

 

Flashback – Tatiana – At the hospital

 

I was so angry at Ben that if I didn't love him so much I would have left. The durok (fool and rhythms with Barack) drank too much vodka before his scheduled surgery and I was sure it would cause problems with the anesthesiologist.

 

Masha walked beside me and suggested, "Tatiana, I know you are angry with Ben, but he needed to give his Spetsnaz team some hope. So the drinks he took were for that reason. Now go and help the doctor and be his loving girlfriend because he needs you."

 

Masha was never wrong, so I swallowed my pride and inquired, "Dr., might I assist with the surgery?"

 

Flashback – Dr. Voskoboynikov – At the hospital

 

I was angry as the Halls of Hades and demanded, "What the hell are you doing! This man needs surgery and you are giving him vodka! Shame on all of you!!! (You see, the general belief in Russia is that a little vodka (or a lot) is always a good thing)".

 

His nurse asked to assist and I accepted, "Yes, and make sure to inform the anesthesiologist of his alcohol consumption."

 

I ordered, "Take Sgt. Blaine to surgery immediately!"

 

The nurse complied, I looked at the Spetsnaz and continued, "You should be ashamed of yourselves."

 

Then I followed Sgt. Blaine out of the room…

 

Flashback – Jack – At the hospital

 

Yuri asked me, "What the fuck is the doctor's problem?"

 

I took another drink of vodka and stated, "How the hell do I know! Perhaps his panties are in a bunch."

 

The Spetsnaz liked the hell out of this comment until Masha walked up and warned, "Jack, you and the Spetsnaz are being duroks!!! Ben is going in for serious surgery and might not ever walk again while you make jokes!!!! I am going to the chapel to pray for Ben and his doctor. If you and the Spetsnaz really love him, you will join me."

 

If there was ever a party killer that was it! I looked at my Spetsnaz team and we all headed to the chapel. Hell, we might kill people during the day, but that sure as hell didn't mean we didn't pray at night for our team members…

 

Flashback – Colonel Maggie – At the hospital

 

Well that was something you didn't see every day! Jack Reynolds being told off by a woman and then following her to the chapel to pray. I decided I needed to see this for myself so I followed them.

 

Masha stopped at the chapel door, pulled a headscarf out of her purse, put it on and held Jack's hand as they walked into the chapel. She pointed to the right side of the chapel and Jack and the Spetsnaz team moved over there while she went to the left side.

 

Then they all began to pray the same words: I recognized it as the Orthodox Jesus Prayer. I entered and decided it wouldn't hurt anything so I joined them…

 

Flashback – Major M – Headed to the hotel

 

Shit we're going at it hot and heavy in the back of the taxi and then it gets dark. At first I thought we drove through a tunnel but then the taxi stopped. The girl pulled away from me and I could see we were inside a dilapidated building. The cab driver turned, pointed a gun at me and I realized I had made a hell of a mistake…

 

Flashback – Glen

 

I just got to sleep when the damn phone rang. I answered it and heard, "This is the American Embassy in Russia. We've just been informed that your Major has been kidnapped."

 

I jumped out of bed and yelled, "What the hell! I thought the Colonel was taking care of this!"

 

It was time to kick some ass! I dialed up the Colonel's mobile phone, she answered and I yelled, "What the fuck are you doing over there? I send you over there to take care of the Major and then you let him get kidnapped! If you ever want to come back from Russia you'd better get your ass in gear and get the Major released!"

 

I hung up the phone and wondered if Jennifer was right. Perhaps I should send both of them to Thule - and assign them to the same room…

 

Flashback – Colonel Maggie – At the hospital

 

Glen was on the warpath and didn't let me get a word in edgewise. And what was worse is he yelled loud enough so everyone in the chapel heard what he said. Jack walked up to me and asked, "What the hell was that about the Major being kidnapped?"

 

I replied, "I sure as hell don't know, I sent him back to the hotel."

 

Masha came up and asked, "Am I to understand the Major has been taken hostage?"

 

I needed some time to investigate Glen's claim so I said, "I'm going to step out into the hallway and make some calls."

 

One of the Spetsnaz stated, "No one is going anywhere alone and we need to prepare for action." Everyone came out into the hallway as I called the American Embassy and several of the Spetsnaz left…

 

Flashback – Masha – At the hospital

 

If the Major had been taken, it was not a good thing and I needed to contact my people immediately. However I was also needed here to support my Jack during Ben's surgery. I slightly lied, "I need to use the sanitary facilities."

 

Jack ordered, "Then you're taking a Spetsnaz for an escort."

 

I complained, "Only as far as the doorway."

 

The Spetsnaz added, "Only if I can check the bathroom to make sure it is clear first."

 

I agreed, "That is acceptable." And we headed toward the toilet…

 

Flashback – Jack – At the hospital

 

I might not care for the Major, but if he'd been taken hostage it was a major incident. The rest of the team came back with the weapons. I grabbed a piece of shit AK and Maggie said, "It's confirmed, the Major is being held hostage."

 

From the look in her eyes I could tell there was a hell of a lot more she didn't say. I motioned her to the side and when we were out of earshot of the Spetsnaz I demanded, "Okay Maggie, there's a hell of a lot more that you're not telling me."

 

She said, "The fucking Chechens have taken him hostage. They are demanding we turn Sgt. Blaine over to them in twenty four hours or they will execute the Major."

 

I said, "Fuck that shit! Banzai's worth a hundred damn Major M's."

 

I walked over to the Spetsnaz and informed them, "Look it's the fucking Chechens who took the Major. They want us to hand Banzai over to them in twenty four hours or they will kill the Major."

 

They almost unanimously announced, "We will never give up one of our own!"

 

Yuri ordered, "We have an officer coming to take command. Until then I want two men at the operating room where our Sgt. Blaine is having surgery, two men in his empty hospital room to make sure no one sneaks in and plants an explosive device, two men will stay with the Colonel at all times and two men will stay with Jack at all times. Two men will cover the roof while the rest are patrolling the perimeter. Now move it!"

 

It was a damn beautiful site as our team deployed…

 

Flashback – Tatiana – In surgery

 

It was truly an honor to watch such a skilled surgeon. His hands never wavered a bit, his cuts were precise and only as long as necessary. I anticipated the instruments he required and quickly handed them to him almost before he asked.

 

When he finally exposed Ben's broken vertebra he looked at me and said, "This man was very lucky."

 

He began to fix the problem when there was a commotion in the hallway. I looked through the windows in the door and noticed two Spetsnaz standing guard and wondered what had transpired. Then I understood: Ben had become a target and I had foolishly left all my weapons in the locker with my clothes.

 

The doctor questioned, "Nurse what is going on? I need all your concentration focused here."

 

I apologized, "Sorry doctor, I was distracted by the two Spetsnaz now guarding the door."

 

He surprised me when he swore, "I wondered when those Chechen bastards would show up and try to finish the job they started. When this man became a Hero of Russia it was like painting a target on his chest. However do not worry nurse, I have a Makarov2 in an ankle holster. Now shall we fix this man's back and piss off the Chechens even more?"

 

2 Makarov Pistol – A semiautomatic pistol that was the standard sidearm for Soviet forces from 1951 till 1991. It fired the rather anemic 9x18 mm round.

 

I felt better knowing the doctor was armed and having the Spetsnaz standing guard…

 

Flashback – Masha – At the hospital

 

After the Spetsnaz had chased two other women out of the toilet, I called my office and wasn't surprised by the news I received. The Chechens bastards killed the two FSB agents assigned to the Major and then used a young female to abduct the Major. They had issued their demands: Turn Ben over to them and they would release the Major. However, everyone knew that it was a lie - the Chechens would stop at nothing and planned to kill them both.

 

All of Russia was on high alert because of probable bomb attacks. My team had trained for a situation like this, so I gave the orders. Then I checked my weapons and headed back to my Jack. This was a very grave situation and I needed to protect him…

 

Flashback – Mira, Safia and Ira – in Israel

 

Safia enlightened us on the many varied uses of the word ass and we were shocked. We particularly liked the term kick ass because she said 'we kicked ass'.

 

Then she said, "You can bet your ass on that."

 

And Ira questioned, "Does this mean you are willing to have your derriere trained if you lose the bet?"

 

Safia questioned, "Trained? I do not understand 'trained'."

 

I explained, "Our definition for "Trained" is when a man has a carnal relationship with someone."

 

Safia made a disgusting face and said, "Eeew No! That is not what it means – 'bet your ass' is just a saying."

 

Ira complained, "Well, it is a ignorant saying and I do not like 'bet your ass'."

 

Safia argued, "Well don't chew my ass off over it! You two are the ones that wanted to know these ass sayings."

 

I added my thought provoking question, "Would it not hurt if I was to attempt to chew your ass off?"

 

Safia complained, "It surely would not hurt as much as the headache you two have given me. Look, here comes a car. Perhaps we could take it and drive to rescue my sister."

 

Ira grumbled, "Any mode of transportation is superior to your cart of ass."

 

We raised our rifles, the car stopped and the driver began running from us. I looked at Ira and question, "Does it not seem peculiar that the man left with such haste?"

 

Ira demanded, "I do not care! I want to drive the vehicle…"

 

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