Chapter 005

Together Chapter 005

Copyright 2014 - 2015 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia

 

Present – Jen – at Glacier Park

 

Liz called and told me she was on her way and asked me to meet her at the landing zone. I walked out of the trees (where I had been hiding and spying on Ben and Stacy – I trusted Ben but I sure didn't trust that bitch) and Ben surprised the hell out of me when he ran over to me, gave me a huge hug and a kiss that… Well, it made me weak in the knees and disturbed a certain sensitive part of my anatomy. I couldn't believe he gave me such and incredible kiss because I still hadn't brushed my teeth!

 

Then Ben shocks me even more when he picks me up twirls me around and loudly announces, "I've missed the hell out of you!"

 

He sets me down, I stumble from the kiss and the twirling around and Ben grabs me before I fall. I smile at him and ask, "Ben, what has gotten into you?"

 

Ben smacks my rear (which I don't really care for because it hurts) and announces, "Love! Jennifer Donaldson - I L-O-V-E you!"

 

I'm not really sure how much of this is the truth and how much of this is a show for the bitch Stacy, but I'm sure as hell not going to complain if Ben is letting the bitch know that she's lost! I smack Ben's rear as hard as I can (unfortunately his rear is like steel and it hurts the hell out of my hand) and I suggest, "Ben, save it for our honeymoon."

 

Ben looks like he thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, I need to talk with Liz to make sure she packed your bag for the honeymoon."

 

My curiosity is piqued so I ask, "What exactly does she need to pack for the honeymoon?"

 

Ben laughs and answers, "I hope she brought your best cold weather gear."

 

Shoot! That was not the direction I hoped for our honeymoon. Why, Oh Why did I let Ben choose the place for the honeymoon?

 

Present – Stacy – at Glacier Park

 

When Jennifer Donaldson came out of the woods, Ben made a spectacle of himself with her to prove to me that he really loved her. Hell it was so bad I was actually embarrassed for Ben. It makes me even more sure that his marriage to the bitch isn't going to last and I can be there to – well, pick up the pieces.

 

I smile at the two of them and tell a lie that I am sure will condemn me to hell, "Wow Ben and Jennifer, I never knew how much the two of you loved each other until this moment. Jennifer I hope there are no hard feelings between us; I am Ben's friend and would love to be your friend."

 

Jennifer separates herself from Ben's overt and excessive physical display of affection, walks over, shakes my hand and says, "Stacy, I do hope that you and Ben can remain friends."

 

Yeah, that's exactly what I thought: She is snubbing me and relegating me to just be Ben's friend. That's okay; I can always use one of Bill's plans to eliminate her later if I need to.

 

I decide I need to change the subject so I ask Ben, "How is Patches?"

 

Ben blushes and answers, "Sorry Stacy, Jens interrupted me. I will take a look at her immediately."

 

Ben leaves to check Patches so I glare at Jennifer and give her an evil smile…

 

Present – Jen – at Glacier Park

 

I can tell that even with Ben's crazy display of love for me, this isn't even close to being over with Stacy. The bitch must somehow see something that I don't because when Ben leaves to check Patches, she gives me this diabolical look and smile that chills me to the bone. After that she leaves me to check on Patches (and I'm sure mostly to be with Ben). I want to rip the bitch's arms off as she touches my Ben on the shoulder…

 

I even consider checking on Patches too, just to continue to perturb Stacy. But then I hear the sound of several helicopters, look up and it appears the cavalry has arrived. I recognize Liz in the window of the first chopper, wave at her, she waves back and the chopper lands…

 

Present – Liz – at Glacier Park

 

I can tell, even from this distance that something isn't quite right with Jens. Perhaps it's the smile on her face or perhaps something else of which I'm not really aware. Hell, perhaps it's women's intuition or perhaps it's nothing at all and I'm imagining things.

 

The chopper lands, I wait for the rotors to stop, then I exit the chopper with a bunch of people. One of the first individuals out is the wedding dress designer and he certainly 'swings the other way'. He sashays up to Jennifer takes one look at her and demands, "I cannot work with her until she has taken a shower, had her hair done and been given a manicure and pedicure. I do not know how you people expect me to function in these primitive conditions."

 

I walk up to him and remind in a whisper, "You might want to tone it down some 'honey' as this is already being televised." I direct his attention to Samantha and the cameramen I sent with her. He whispers to me, "Thank you Lizzy my love, I need to correct my faux pas." He walks toward Jennifer sporting a new attitude and says, "How is my blushing bride, let's get you pampered so I can fit and tailor your dress."

 

He begins to lead Jens away - how he knows where the hell to go I have no idea. I walk up beside Jens and ask, "Okay Jens, what's wrong?"

 

Jens looks at me and responds, "It's that obvious? I hope Ben can't tell."

 

I smile at her and answer, "Don't worry; it was only obvious to me. So tell me, what's wrong?"

 

Jens looks at me, bites her lower lip (I know it's bad because this is a sure sign of a major problem) and confesses, "Liz, I sure as heck don't like that Ben invited Stacy, Miranda and some other woman named Margarita to our wedding."

 

I knew about Stacy but I didn't know about the others. I take a moment to analyze the situation then I purposefully laugh and answer, "Jens, I am shocked that you don't understand."

 

Jens demands, "Understand what? That Ben is hedging his bets with me?"

 

I want to physically slap the shit out of Jens but she is the bride so I only verbally chide, "Jens, you might not know or understand this, but Ben is showing anyone and everyone, especially those three women you mentioned, that he is off the market."

 

Jens asks, "Are you sure"

 

I laugh and answer, "Of course I am sure! Ben is a very logical man isn't he?"

 

Jens replies, "Yeah, sometimes entirely too logical."

 

I continue, "So tell me why he invited them? It sure as hell wasn't to aggravate you or to put you on the defensive. They only logical explanation is he wanted to permanently close the door on them. Hell Jens, you should feel lucky that he's doing this. I wish Bernie would do this for our wedding."

 

Jens looks at me with obvious hope in her eyes and wonders, "Liz are you sure about this?"

 

I laugh at Jens and ask, "What do you want me to do? Cross my heart or pinky swear."

 

I'm shocked when Jens answers, "How about both."

 

So I cross my heart and I pinky swear with Jens. She appears to feel better and I advise, "Jens, it's normal for the bride to be nervous on her wedding day."

 

We get to the campsite as Jens confesses…

 

Present – Jen – at Glacier Park

 

We arrive at the campsite, the obviously gay dressmaker begins to command the others that have come and I confess to Liz, "Liz, I still really can't believe this is happening - that Ben and I are finally getting married."

 

Liz reaches out her hand and pinches the heck out of my arm. I snatch it away from her and complain, "What the heck was that for!"

 

Liz laughs and says, "Jens, you need to realize this isn't a dream! If you go through with the ceremony you and Ben will be married. Is that what you really want?"

 

I can't believe Liz asked me that! I do control my temper some but explode a little (and even swear), "Liz how in the hell can you ask me that! I have been waiting to marry Ben my whole life and you know it."

 

Liz laughs loudly and answers, "Then Jens, enjoy this day because it's your and Ben's special day. And stop the hell trying to analyze everything."

 

I decide Liz is right. This is our day and I need to enjoy it.

 

The dressmaker commands, "Okay my blushing bride, the first thing for you is a good shower."

 

He rushes me over to the portable shower which someone has set up, forces me inside and says, "Don't worry about the terrible clothes you are wearing, just toss them out of the shower and we will burn them."

 

I complain, "Hey, those are some of my favorite clothes, please don't burn them."

 

He insults me by saying, "Oh well there's no accounting for taste. I guess you're more butch than most of the women I work with. But we are here to make your day special so we will save your terrible clothes."

 

I turn on the shower, jump because it's fricken cold and complain, "The shower is cold!"

 

The dressmaker says, "Yes, that's the way I wanted it. We need to keep you cold so you don't start sweating and ruin your dress."

 

I continue to complain, "Well if I look like a Smurf bride it will be your fault."

 

I begin to wash up and he demands, "I forgot to tell you, do not wash your hair just wet it down as we have a stylist here to wash, cut and set your hair for you."

 

I hate this abuse so I yell, "Liz help me! They want to cut my hair!"

 

Liz laughs and says, "Jens, I've been here listening the whole time. Enric is one of the best and has agreed to handle your look for the wedding. If he says your hair needs to be cut then it needs to be cut. Now stop being a baby about this."

 

I'm finished with my cold shower and ask, "Okay, what the heck am I supposed to wear."

 

A robe appears over the top of the shower and Enric orders, "Wear this for now."

 

I query, "What about underwear."

 

I should have known better because Enric says, "We match those to the dress so until then you can go au natural."

 

I step out of the shower and I'm immediately whisked away to the beauty therapists and the three of them start on my hair and my hands and feet.

 

I order, "I don't want my hair too short."

 

Enric countermands my order, he shows the hair dresser a picture (which I don't get to see) and orders, "This is how I want you to style her hair and her nails need to be this color."

 

Liz is watching, I call her over and complain, "Liz, I thought this is my special day."

 

Liz laughs and answers, "It is Jens; they are here to make your special day even more special."

 

Heck, if I would have known this was going to be such a pain in the rear, I would have eloped!

 

Present – Ben – at Glacier Park

 

The choppers keep coming! They’re hauling in an incredible assortment of people and equipment; hell there are times some of the choppers have to wait for the others to leave the landing area before they can land. I didn't have any idea having a wedding was such a big fucking deal! Jack walks up and teases me, "Shit Banzai, you look like you have your hands full."

 

I nod my head and answer, "That's putting it mildly. I never guessed this was going to be such a huge fucking production."

 

Jack laughs and explains what's wrong with my thinking, "Hell Banzai, you didn't realize how big of a deal this is? You marrying Jennifer is as close to a royal wedding as America will ever have. Don't you need to start getting ready for the wedding?"

 

I reply, "Yeah, I sure do but someone has to handle all the traffic."

 

Jack volunteers, "Banzai I can handle this, why don't you take off, get your hair cut, take a shower and… That reminds me, what are you wearing today?"

I smile at Jack and answer, "Where the hell can I get my hair cut and I have my Dress Blues with me."

 

Jack answers, "Jennifer has a hair dresser here and I bet they can cut your hair. You also might want to see if they can press your Dress Blues. By the way how do they fit you since you've lost weight?"

 

I think for a moment and answer, "I haven't tried them on in a while."

 

Jack scolds, "Hell Banzai, you'd better get Jennifer's gay dressmaker to fit your Dress Blues."

 

I shake Jack's hand and remind him, "You do know you're my best man. What are you wearing?"

 

He smiles at me and answers, "Masha is bringing my Dress Blues that fit me to a T - I will shower right before I change. Now get the hell out of here and get ready for your wedding."

 

I take off to prepare for my wedding…

 

Present – Jens – at Glacier Park

 

Talk about the royal fricken treatment! I am in a chaise lounge while one woman works on my hair, another woman works on my hands and a third woman works on my feet. The woman working on my hair begins to complain, "I don't know what sort of shitty shampoo you use on your hair but it's caused a lot of damage."

 

I inform her, "I normally use baby shampoo."

 

She clucks, "No wonder! I hate to tell you this but I need to give you a hot oil treatment if we have any hope of salvaging this mess you call hair."

 

I begin to complain, when the woman working on my feet does something that hurts! I pull my foot away and yell, "What the hell are you doing to my feet!"

 

She grabs my foot and replies, "Your feet have many callouses that we need to remove if they are going to be presentable for the wedding. This is going to hurt a little."

 

Hurt a little my rear! It hurts like a son of a gun - it feels like she is ripping the bottom of my foot off. Liz comes up and says, "Jennifer, look who's coming."

 

Ben walks up, takes one look at me begins to laugh and says, "Honey you look beautiful."

 

Enric walks up, sees Ben and says, "Is this the groom? No, he will never do!" Then he begins to yell, "Liz you never told me what the groom looked like."

 

Ben complains, "What the hell is wrong with me?"

 

Enric replies (and I don't think he's teasing), "Oh, almost everything."

 

He then commands, "Liz get him into the shower and then a robe and girls hurry up with the bride because as much a disaster as she is, the groom is even worse. Hurry, hurry, hurry!"

 

Liz smiles at me and takes Ben to the shower; the girls working on me are even rougher than before…

 

Present – Ben – at Glacier Park

 

What the holy fucking hell did I get us into! Liz takes me over to the shower, which I do need, however it's cold as hell. I begin to complain and Enric states, "You need a cold shower so you do not sweat in your…" He stops mid-sentence and changes direction, "Groom, what are you wearing today at your wedding?"

 

My teeth are chattering as I reply, "My Marine Dress Blues and this is not negotiable!"

 

I hear him pacing and talking to himself until he finally asks, "Are those the sexy dark blue Marine uniforms with the red strip up the pants."

 

I almost puke from the way he said it but I hold it in and reply, "That's correct. Because it's a wedding I will also wear all my medals and my sword."

 

Again he paces while talking to himself and finally answers (as I finish my shower), "I really like this and can work with this. Please let me see your uniform."

 

I first ask, "What the hell am I supposed to wear now that I am finished with my shower."

 

A robe, which is much too short, appears over the edge of the shower. I complain, "Don't you have a longer robe, and what about some underwear."

 

Enric responds, "That is the only robe we have but if you do not like it you can do without. Do not worry about underwear since it will be coordinated with your bride's underwear. Now where is your military uniform?"

 

I put on the robe (it's so short it's damn near as bad as wearing a hospital gown) and tell Liz, "Liz my Dress Blues are in a garment bag in my tent. But they might not fit me because I've lost some weight."

 

Enric says, "Do not worry if they do not fit. I will make them fit you like a glove. Come because we need to get your hair cut and a manicure and pedicure."

 

I about explode, "What the hell!!!"

 

Enric leads me to a chair beside Jens and orders, "This is the haircut I want for him."

 

I ask, "Don't I get a say in this?"

 

Jens laughs and answers, "No you don't, and welcome to my world."

 

They begin to work on me and I fucking hate it…

 

Present – Glen and Hammer – at Glacier Park International airport

 

We arrife at th' Glacier Park International airport an' it isnae stoaner tae see what's gonnae oan. Thaur ur multiple TSIFFTS C-130s haur wi' helicopters shuttlin' fowk awa' - Ah can only assume tae th' campsite. Ah notice a coople familiar faces headed uir way.

 

Thom walks up wi' his bonnie cohort Inga an' says, "General and Hammer it's good to see that you made it. Inga will arrange transportation to the campsite on one of the choppers."

 

Inga gi'es us additional information, "Yes, welcome General. You must be excited for this day to finally come."

 

Ah smile at them an' answer, "Yes mah Jennifer has wanted tae marry Ben ever since she was a lassie. Ah was canty tae hear 'at she finally caught th' dobber."

 

Thom gi'es me information which is confusin', "General from what we understand Jennifer didn't catch Ben, it was more like Ben let Jennifer catch him. By the way, we were sorry to hear that you never found Evelyn, I'm sure Jennifer would have liked it if she could have been here today."

 

Ah gie Thom a bit ay th' min' yak an' inf'rm, "If Evelyn was haur, she woods try tae ruin Jennifer's weddin'. She ne'er felt Ben was guid enaw fur 'er Jennifer."

 

Inga says, "General, that is your helicopter, have a great flight and there are shower facilities at the campsite."

 

We board th' chopper, Ah laugh, smack mah guid mukker Hammer oan th' knee an' say, "We've jist bin tauld we min'."

 

Hammer laughs an' says, "It main hae bin ye an' nae me…"

 

Present – Thom and Inga – at Glacier Park International airport

 

Inga looks at me and says, "That's a relief that the General made it. I was shocked what he told us about his wife, do you have any more details?"

 

I start to tell Inga the sad story and stop when I see the next group that exits one of the C-130s. I rudely point and plead, "Please tell me my eyes are deceiving me."

 

Inga follows my finger, her mouth drops open and she stutters, "I… I… I cannot believe what I am seeing! They don't look like they're dressed for a wedding, who are they?"

 

The wind lifts one of the black veils so I finally recognize one of them. I inform Inga, "That is Miranda and Irina Sedankina and Alexi Sedankin, I have no idea who the third woman is. Miranda had a serious crush on Ben and wanted to marry him. They now work as Liz Morgan's bodyguards but in the past were assassins called the Angels of Death. I can only assume their outfits are a form of protest."

 

Inga vociferously complains, "Anyone that would wear black funeral dresses to a wedding should be castigated! I'm going to tell them off!"

 

I restrain her by her arm and ask her to reconsider, "Unless you have a death wish, you need to leave them alone."

 

Inga demands, "Why the hell should I?"

 

I remind her, "Didn't you listen to me? They are assassins. Besides, if no one says anything about their clothes, we will win." I continue with an order, "I order you to stay here, I will handle this."

 

I walk up to the group…

 

Present – Mira, Ira, Safia and Alexi – at Glacier International airport

 

Thom walks toward us and I am disappointed that he shows no reaction toward our accoutrements.

 

He smiles and greets us, "Welcome Sedankinas and, I'm sorry I don't know who you are."

 

He refers to the child encumbered Safia.

 

Safia smiles, shakes his hand and answers, "I am Mira and Ira's adopted sister Safia."

 

Alexi shocks us by furthering the introduction with both a verbal and visual explanation, "She is carrying my child and will soon be my wife."

 

This is new news for everyone, especially since Safia reacts with much mirth! She accosts Alexi vociferously for his forward behavior. Ira watches and complains, "If you continue with that obscene public display of affection then you need to acquire a hotel domicile."

 

Thom seems impervious to the ungainly public display of affection and says, "The four of you will be on the next outgoing chopper. There are outhouse facilities at the campground but should you require more civilized facilities, I would suggest you use them in the airport terminal."

 

I look at Ira and Ira informs me, "Thank you Thom, the outhouse facilities will be sufficient."

 

Thom translocates toward a new woman who we occulate is experiencing an interesting confrontation.

 

Alexi leans over and inquires, "My sisters, who is that Russian prostitute?"

 

I glare at Alexi and pontificate, "Indubitably an addition to my Ben's dalliances - similar in nature to his temporary enthrallment with Jennifer Donaldson."

 

 

Present – Inga and Thom – at Glacier Park International airport

 

I am somewhat thankful that Thom took care of the Sedankinas since I know I would have lectured them for at least an hour. A private jet arrives and a woman carrying a small doggie cage staggers down the air-stairs and… I can't believe it… She is dressed more inappropriately than the Sedankinas! She has flaming hot pink hair, a skin tight miniskirt, black fishnet stockings and high, high, high heels! She staggers, obviously very drunk, in my direction and demands with a very obvious Russian accent, "Where is the Bennie Blaine wedding?"

 

I decide to put her in her place and answer, "I thought prostitutes were reserved for the bachelor party, not the wedding?"

 

She glares at me and states, "I'm not a prostitute, bitch! I'm Margarita and Ben invited me and Motita to his wedding." She shakes the small cage, the dog growls, then she continues, "So shut the fuck up and get me to the campsite."

 

I laugh in her face and hurl my insult, "Typical Russian woman! You are all prostitutes if you are drunk enough or if you are given enough money."

 

She laughs and retorts, "At least we don't give it away to every fucking fisherman like fucking Scandinavian bitches."

 

I drop back into a martial arts stance and prepare to kick her ass when Thom walks up…

 

Inga is certainly having issues with some of the guests. I should probably clarify that statement: Any of the guests who she feels are not dressed appropriately. I was able to keep the Sedankinas from killing her, but now I can tell from her body language she's going to get in a fight with some other woman who looks like a cheap-assed fucking hooker.

 

I walk between them, which stops the confrontation, and ask, "What's going on here?"

 

The woman staggers (she's obviously drunk) and says, "This bitch called me a prostitute."

 

Inga counters, "This Russian whore insulted me."

 

I am 'saved' when another C-130 lands - I give Inga my best smile and politely ask, "Inga, I will handle this; will you please take care of the new C-130?"

 

I misjudged the level of the problem between Inga and this woman when she further insults, "Only if you promise not to sleep with this fucking Russian whore."

 

Inga doesn't wait for an answer but turns and leaves. The woman drops the little cage with the dog in it, the dog howls, she lunges for Inga's back but I grab her and she spits, "Get your fucking hands off of me!"

 

Hells Bells, holding her is like wrestling a bag of wildcats! I 'accidentally' grab her breasts, she stops struggling and I can't believe it when she asks, "How about I bend over and you take me right here in front of your Scandinavian bitch?"

 

I push her away from me in disgust and order, "You're on the next chopper out of here – make sure you are on it."

 

She laughs and answers, "What is it with all the prudish American males I have encountered? Bennie Blaine would not take me and now you do not want me! Oh well you will never know what you missed."

 

As she walks toward the chopper I think, yeah I probably missed getting an STD…

 

Present – Stacy – preparing for the wedding

 

Well the wolf or wolves herded Wojtek back to the campsite, but he was one tired bear! His tongue was hanging out and he smelled worse than ever. I pet him, he softly yowls and I say, "Yeah, I know it should have been me, but you never know what will happen in the future."

 

I had tasked the veterinarian with cleaning up Bo and Patches but I knew it fell on me to clean up Wojtek. I guide him by his ear (it was the best way to lead him) to the pump where there are buckets handy. I fill a bucket with water, add a bunch of soap, and dump it on Wojtek. Of course he yowled and tries to escape but I still had hold of his ear.

 

I scrub the hell out of him and was shocked at the amount of crap that came out of his fur - no wonder he smells so bad. I pump another bucket, rinse him and keep washing him until the water coming off when rinsing him is clean.

 

Now, how to keep him clean while I get ready?

 

I look around, finally see someone that's not busy and offer, "I will give you a hundred dollars if you stand here and hold the bear's ear until he dries."

 

He agrees and I begin to strip off my clothes (I don't really care if anyone sees me, in fact I wish that Ben could see me so he would know what he's missing) while his eyes practically bug out of his head. I pump some water into clean buckets and wash myself.

 

I enjoy the sun on my skin drying me and finally I am dry. I walk over to the tree on which I had hung my dress, open up the bag, slip into my bra and panties and then into my beautiful dress. Yes, this dress should certainly make the statement I want it to make…

 

Present – Samantha – videoing the wedding preparations

 

I can't believe it - the time is finally here for the wedding! My cameramen are in perfect positions, Jennifer is at the back of the campground waiting with Glen in his kilt, Ben is waiting up front with the craziest group of groomsmen I have ever seen: Jack is his best man, but then there's a wolf, a horse, Wojtek the bear and a little dog.

 

Jennifer's side is a little strange too: Liz is the maid of honor but beside her is Jennifer's dog Sharik.

 

I guess you could say this wedding had gone to the dogs - or at least the animals.

 

The only thing that would make it better was if someone played the wedding march. It was almost like Ben heard my request. Jack hands him a guitar and Ben begins to play the wedding march (I didn't know Ben could play the guitar let alone play it so well). Jennifer looks at Glen and they begin to walk up the hastily formed aisles. I can't believe what happens next…

 

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