Chapter 035

Together Chapter 035

Copyright 2014 - 2015 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia

 

Present – Liz and Bernie – leaving the cabin

 

Bernie is sweetly holding my hand as we exit the tunnels, walk out of the garage and stroll toward the destroyed cabin. I smile when I see Samantha doing her job; it is a good thing I swallowed my pride and hired her back.  I pull out my mobile phone along with the business card the taxi driver gave me and call his number. He answers and says he should be here in about thirty minutes.

 

I relay the information to Bernie, "The taxi driver will be here in about thirty minutes."

 

As we begin to walk hand in hand around the destroyed cabin, Bernie smiles at me and says, "Liz, I can't believe it, we're going to be parents.

 

Then he asks a question which troubles me some, "Liz, you had some champagne at the wedding, you don't suppose it hurt our baby?"

 

I really haven't taken the time to study things like that because I assumed I would never have a baby so I reply, "Honey, I don't think so because I didn't drink that much. But that's a question we need to ask the gynecologist."

 

Bernie asks…

 

"I wonder what the hospital in Leadville is like?"

 

Liz replies, "I'm not sure, but I bet we can ask the taxi driver since he's been a wealth of information."

 

The taxi arrives, the driver jumps out, puts our suitcases in the trunk, Liz and I climb into the back seat, the driver leaves the cabin and Liz asks the driver, "Can you tell us what the hospital is like in Leadville?"

 

The driver answers with a logical question, "Is one of you hurt?"

 

I proudly answer, "Not at all, we just discovered we're going to be parents."

 

The taxi driver practically falls all over himself with congratulations, "Wow that's great news! Congratulations to the both of you! I hate to tell you, but the hospital in Leadville closed a number of years ago. We do have several doctors here in town who could handle the delivery of your baby."

 

Liz looks at me, leans closer and whispers, "Bernie, I'm not sure I want to deliver our baby in a doctor's office. Just in case there are any complications, I would prefer a hospital."

 

I reply in a whisper, "What complications are you worried about."

 

Liz goes on to tell me how she couldn't have babies until Jennifer 'fixed' her. I look at Liz and ask, "I don't understand. What did Jennifer do to you?"

 

She tries to explain but I don't really understand, besides all I really care about is that we're going to be parents.

 

So I whisper a suggestion, "Well Liz, perhaps we can use one of the doctors here for your prenatal care and do the delivery in Denver?"

 

Liz gives me a big kiss and says, "Thanks Bernie for understanding."

 

I don't have the heart to tell her I don't really understand everything, but then again it really doesn't matter.

 

The driver asks, "So are you two still looking for a place in Leadville?"

 

I look at Liz, she looks at me and Liz answers, "Well, we're not sure because they don't have a hospital here and I don't want to have my baby in a doctor's office."

 

The driver continues his line of questions, "So where would you like me to take you?"

 

After finding out Leadville didn't have a hospital, I wasn't sure what other services they offer so I ask, "Is there a national car rental agency in Leadville?"

 

The taxi driver answers, "Yes, we have an Enterprise Rent a Car. Would you like me to take you there?"

 

I reply, "That would be great."

 

We arrive at the Enterprise Rent a Car, the taxi driver takes our suitcases inside, sets them close to the counter, I pay him the ridiculously low fare and he says, "Just call me if you need anything else."

 

After some negotiation, we rent a mid-size car with the capability of dropping it off in Denver three days later. I chose three days because unlike the East Coast where it's possible to use public transportation, I realize we will need our own car and I want to spend a few days car shopping…

 

Present – Stacy – in the tunnels

 

I know better than to hover over my team as they work on hacking into Jennifer's (UGH) computer system but I'm impatient as hell. I want to get the information on the bitch hacking into the satellite and then…

 

Bill notices the look on my face and interrupts my thoughts, "Stacy, what's on your mind?"

 

I reply, "Bill, if we do discover that the bitch hacked my satellite, I'm not really sure what to do with the information."

 

Bill begins to enumerate, "Well, you could give it to the authorities but there's a problem with that because we will have technically committed a crime to obtain the information that she hacked your satellite. Besides, if you are still interested in Ben, that would, in all likelihood, alienate him from you."

 

Bill's correct. However, this isn't nearly as troublesome as it would be if it is ever discovered we had the bodies of Evelyn and Megan. I think it over and then ask, "How about if we beat the bitch at her own game? What if we were to take the information and then plant some sort of virus in her computer system?"

 

Bill asks for clarification, "You mean something like remote control software, which would let you remotely get into her system?"

 

I smile and answer, "Yeah that would be perfect. We could access her system and then cause all sorts of problems."

 

Bill laugh and answers, "Yes, you're right there. The computer system controls everything in the tunnels. Let me talk to the technicians and see what they can come up with."

 

Bill leaves, I continue to wander through the tunnels and then I stumble upon what used to be the bitches room. I decide to leave the bitch a little 'present' from me.

 

I finish then I head back to the computer room. Bill looks up when I arrive and says, "Stacy, we're finished here and need to leave before anyone discovers what we've done."

 

We exit the tunnels, and I order, "Bill, you and the team need to get out of here. I will bring Samantha back with me."

 

Bill leaves and I wander over to watch Samantha work…

 

Present – Samantha – wrapping up her report

 

Stacy comes over just as we finish the report. She looks much better than she did before and I wonder why so I walk over, smile and comment, "You sure look better than before."

 

Stacy blushes a little and says, "Yeah, sorry about that, it's just…"

 

I interrupt, "…Stacy don't worry about it, I understand perfectly. We're finished here for the day so how about we head back to the building and have a nice dinner?"

 

Stacy answers, "That would be great since I'm hungry as hell. But no wine tonight, I'm still recovering from all the champagne."

 

We load up the van and Stacy drives toward her building. Once we're in town I see a breaking news story and order, "Stacy stop here. Guys get your cameras out…"

 

Present – Samantha and Stacy – the new report

 

I can't believe what we stumbled upon in this little village. The cameras begin to roll and I begin my report, "Hello America! This is Samantha Stevens reporting from Leadville, Colorado. What you are observing is a confrontation between the local sheriff and what appear to be two women dressed in military fatigues. While I hate to speculate, I have heard rumors that many of these small towns are home to radical terrorist groups. Could we be witnessing such a confrontation?

 

Wait, it appears that… yes, a deputy is approaching the women from behind. What are his intentions?"

 

I continue, "The deputy disabled the women with a Taser. I will try to ascertain from the sheriff the reason for this treatment of these women…"

 

My camera crew and I jump back into Stacy's van and I say, "Stacy, let's follow them to the sheriff's office."

 

Stacy surprises me when she says…

 

After the run-ins I've had with the sheriff I'm not sure it's a wise idea to follow him to his office so I look at Sam and suggest, "Sam, you need to think about this because I'm not sure it's such a good idea. Look at what happened the last time you tangled with the Sheriff."

 

Samantha scrunches up her face and then admits, "Yeah Stacy, you might be right. He runs this town like it's his dictatorship and I sure don't want to end up in his jail again."

 

We practically jump out of our skins when someone knocks on my door. I turn, see a woman waving to us, roll down the window and she says, "I couldn't help but see you all and it looks like you were doing a news report."

 

Samantha leans over and says, "Yes ma'am. I'm Samantha Stevens from the Truth Network and we were doing a report on the confrontation with the two women."

 

The woman says, "Well, my name is Sally and if you're interested I can tell and show you what it was all about."

 

Samantha replies, "Ma'am that would be awesome."

 

Sally says, "Well follow me to my beauty shop where my clients and I will tell you everything."

 

Sally takes off walking so I make a U turn with the van and follow her to 'Sally's Beauty Shop - est. 1997'. We go inside and Samantha gets a hell of an interview with Sally and all her clients. Sally even shows us the video from her surveillance cameras and I recognize the women.

 

I pull Samantha to the side and ask, "Samantha, did you recognize the women?"

 

Samantha replies, "They sort of looked familiar."

 

I laugh and say, "They should because they were at Ben and the bitches wedding."

 

Samantha gasps, "Don't tell me - they are Liz's body guards!"

 

I frown and say, "More like Liz's paid assassins. I'm not sure you should really broadcast this report because it might piss them off."

 

Samantha asks, "Stacy, are you sure of this?"

 

I realize something so I ask, "Samantha, don't tell me you didn't have time yet to read the reports I gave you on them."

 

Samantha looks down and confesses, "Sorry Stacy but you're right, I've been so busy I didn't read the reports you gave me."

 

I was certain that Samantha's dyslexia kept her from reading the reports. There's an easy solution for this: I lean close and whisper so the camera crew won't hear, "Samantha, I will read the reports to you when we get back to my building but before you broadcast the report."

 

Samantha smiles and returns my whisper, "Stacy, would you do that for me?"

 

I smile and answer, "What are BFF's for."

 

We head back to my building…

 

Present – Mira and Safia – on the hunt

 

Ira transformed into a pullet and fretted about the local constabulary detaining us for my little dalliance in the commerce of beauty, so she departed from us and translocated down a transecting thoroughfare. However, Safia maintains her unassailable logic and accompanies me on our quest to eliminate the terrible teenagers. We maintain an admirable pace on the main thoroughfare considering our current fetal burdens until the constabulary's conveyance bisects the thoroughfare. The constable exits his conveyance, trains his weapon toward our corporeal selves and orders, "Halt, or I will fire."

 

I begin to raise my weapon when my auditory units detect two bursts from our posterior. I begin to pivot in response however I am not hasty enough. The Taser fired upon our posteriors by the undetected constable find the chinks in our armor of body. The electric charge courses through our corporeal selves and I threaten as I involuntarily recline to terra firma, "If you damage my fetus I will…"

 

Present – Ira – on the hunt observing Mira and Safia

 

My hormonally challenged sister and her equally hormonally challenged and ill-fated accomplice unwisely decide not to heed my warning about the local constabulary.

 

I occulate from a camouflaged position the interaction between Mira, Safia and the constable. I desire to vocalize a warning as the second constable creeps of stealth up on their posterior, however I wisely hold my vocalization to prevent my capture.

 

I do prepare my weapon to possibly eliminate the posterior constable until I notate his weapons are Tasers. I even secretly postulate that the electric shock might restore Mira and Safia's logic in a manner likened to electric shock therapy.

 

I continue to occulate as the constables place Mira and Safia in the posterior compartment of his conveyance. They then vacate the area as I stealthily slip down the thoroughfare to further occulate Mira and Safia's final abode of respite.

 

My assumptions are accurate: The constables take them to the local constabulary where both law of officers take them into the building. Even though daylight is aflame concerning finding the terrible teenagers, my first priority is Mira and then Safia.

 

A short time later the primary constable departs the constabulary in his conveyance. I stealthily advance from my camouflaged observatory to the portal of the constabulary, rise up, occulate through the window and notate as the secondary constable foolishly faces away from the primary portal. Without sound, I unlatch the primary portal and enter the constabulary. Two of the other convicts vocalize a warning which comes without sufficient haste. I pummel the secondary constable's cranial carapace, which renders incapacitance to his corporeal self."

 

Mira and Safia have relinquished their electrically induced incapacitated condition so Mira smiles at me and orders, "Ira, please assist us in vacating this penal institution."

 

I translocate adjacent to the penal institution's iron grate and question, "Mira, I refuse your request unless…"

 

Mira with fury interrupts, "…Ira, unless you assist us immediately…"

 

It is my turn to interrupt, "…Mira, your threat holds no liquid while you are ensconced in this penal institution and sealed behind bars. I will not assist you until you and Safia submit to my demand."

 

Mira's countenance displays great displeasure as she inquires, "And what is the nature of your demand?"

 

My countenance displays mirth as I answer, "Because of your hormonally challenged condition, you and Safia must appoint me as leader on this mission and henceforth abide by my decisions."

 

Mira refuses, "Ira, I cannot abide with your dictatorial decree."

 

I pivot and begin to translocate to the primary portal when Mira cries, "Ira, you must not abandon us."

 

I pivot, fixate my vision on her countenance and reassert my demand, "Then abide my decision."

 

Mira states the obvious, "Ira, you have us up a fecal tributary without a scull…"

 

Safia interrupts, "Ira, we will abide by your demands if you allow us to terminate Zarika…"

 

Mira interrupts and includes, "… And Yasmeen."

 

The elder dress-appareled transvestite (whose countenance is slightly familiar) interrupts, in a language I scarcely comprehend, "Wa ur ye tois efter Zarika an' Yasmeen?"

 

Mira's countenance displays extreme displeasure as she informs the transvestite, "Because I am carrying my Ben Blaine's progeny, and my sister Ira and accomplice Safia have convinced me he had coitus with both of them. I have taken a vow to eliminate all other females with which my Ben Blaine performed coitus."

 

The elder transvestite bellows akin to a wild animal with the same dysfunctional dialect, "Whit th' heel! Ur ye tellin' me mah new son in law, Ben Blaine got ye pregnant?"

 

I quickly notice comprehension flash across Mira's countenance as she evilly grins at the now recognized Glen Donaldson transvestite. She pats her fetally enlarged abdomen and fabricates a slight lie, "Glen Donaldson! I did not recognize you in your transvestite accoutrements. Yes, I am carrying Ben Blaine's progeny."

 

The Glen Donaldson transvestite explodes with a vile oath, "'At son ay a bitchin' whoor'. Ah will kill heem when Ah see heem again!"

 

The other transvestite interrupts with a worse dysfunctional dialect, "We ainae feckin' transvestites ye a bampot bitches. These ur kilts we ur wearin'."

 

I display mirth and counter, "Yet they appear as dresses to me."

 

The second transvestite, raises his dress, displays his training tool and attempts an educational utterance, "Ye a bampot bitches, cannae ye see ye dornt wear underwear under a kilt."

 

I vocalize my mirth, "Mira, observe his dysfunctional training tool."

 

Mira likewise vocalizes mirth and another untruth, "Yes, it is miniscule compared to my Ben Blaine's. I question how he could satisfy a woman."

 

Both the transvestites are enraged and their dialectical swearing becomes incomprehensible.

 

Mira ignores the transvestite ignoramuses, looks at me and pleads, "Ira, do not leave us here."

 

Safia likewise vocalizes, "Yes Ira, I don't like these transvestites. They smell bad and it's making me sick."

 

I further display mirth and simply question, "Who is the leader of this mission?"

 

They both finally affirm, "You are Ira."

 

I liberate the keys from the incapacitated constable, unlock the penal institution's portal and we translocate through the posterior portal of the constabulary.

 

Present – Inga, Masha, Thom, Jack and the children – flying to Denver

 

My plan of driving Thom crazy is working great! He was sure I was going to leave the team when really I had wagered with almost everyone on the flight that if I delivered Thom an ultimatum, either have a relationship with me or I will leave, that he would tell me to leave. The other crews on the flight couldn't believe that Thom and I weren't already doing the horizontal tango so it was – as they say in America – like taking candy from a baby.

 

I begin to audibly count my profits, "One-hundred, one-fifty, two-hundred…"

 

Thom interrupts with a typical (for Thom) complaint, "… Do you have to do that now and out loud?"

 

Masha is across the aisle from us, looks over, sees all the money and asks…

 

I glance over and discover Inga counting a large sum of money while Thom seems to be upset about it. I ask, "Inga, where did you acquire such a large sum of money."

 

Inga laughs and replies, "Masha, I won it on the flight out here from the other TSIFFTS team members."

 

I blink my eyes and question, "Inga, what did you wager???"

 

Thom interrupts with a complaint, "…I don't want to hear this dog and pony show again so I'm out of here."

 

He leaves, Inga laughs and tells me of her whole plan. The whole exchange impresses me so I ask the natural question, "Why are you so interested in having a relationship with Thom? I hate to say it but he is not the most handsome man I have ever seen, plus he reminds me of a дикобраз."

 

Inga laughs and replies, "Masha, if I remember my Russian, дикобраз is a porcupine. And why I want Thom is simple: He's the first man I've ever met that didn't want me."

 

I smile at Inga and pry for more information, "So if you finally win, then what are your plans?"

 

Inga thinks for a moment, grins at me and says, "Masha, I'm really not sure what my plans are after it finally happens, but I am sure that sooner or later it will happen - even if I have to tie him to the bed and attack him."

 

Inga's words make me more thankful than ever that Jack and I share a deep love and respect for one another. We may have had our problems in the past, but life for us is very good right now. I prepare to ask Inga another question when Thom comes beside me and says, "Masha, Jack's awake and is mad as hell."

 

I notice the look Thom gives Inga (which she does not see). Against my previous assertion it appears to be love, and decide that I might have misjudged the two of them. I rise from my seat and move to the back of the aircraft. Jack sees me and swears…

 

Those sons of a bitches have strapped me to the stretcher when I was unconscious and because we're on a C-130 in flight, I can only assume they are taking me to the fucking hospital.

 

I see Masha walking back toward me and swear, "Masha, what in the hell! I thought I told you I didn't want to go to the hospital."

 

Masha kneels beside the stretcher, gently touches my face, smiles at me and asks, "Jack my love, I know how much you hate hospitals and doctors, but will you please for me and our children let the doctors check your back?"

 

Shit! Masha isn't playing fair! She knows that if she asks me nicely and includes our children that it will be damn near impossible for me to refuse.

 

I complain, "Masha that's not fair."

 

Masha approximates that damn patented grin of Banzai and says, "Jack my love, how many times have you told me: 'Everything is fair in love and war'?"

 

Damn I hate it when my words came back to bite me in the ass…

 

Present – Alexi – captured

 

I cannot wait for my sisters to arrive. They will be so angry when they see what Zarika and Yasmeen have done to me that they will kill them. But first, before I allow my sisters to eliminate them, I will very forcefully have my way with both of them.

 

Yes they are in for a world of hurt…

 

Present – Yasmeen and Zarika – the plan begins

 

Finally some of the less than reputable friends that I made in Denver arrive. I pull them to the side and inform them of my plan. They rub their hands together and Boris the leader asks, "So when will they arrive?"

 

 I give Zarika Alexi's mobile phone which I confiscated and order, "It's time for Alexi to call his sisters."

 

Zarika smiles and asks, "So when can I blow Alexi's balls off?"

 

Boris looks at Zarika and questions, "Would you rather blow his balls off and watch him die, or would you rather know…"

 

Boris gives a very detailed description of what Alexi's forthcoming life will be if Zarika doesn't kill him.

 

Zarika's face lights up with a large smile and she says, "You can have the bastard."

 

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