Chapter 07

Walker Chapter 07

Copyright 2011 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia


Present – Jack – Truth Network – Washington D.C.


I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out where the hell Banzai could be, because Megan's threat shook the hell out of me. I love Masha and would never cheat on her, not even if I had a chance to nail Mira. And I think Masha knows this, but she is still a woman and women can be unpredictable. I remember Mira at the spook school and add – dangerous!


The phone rings and interrupts my thoughts. I answer it and say, "Hello, this is Jack."


Liz replies, "Jack, this is important as hell."


I almost laugh because everything with Liz is 'important as hell' and quip, "What happened, did you break a nail?"


She yells at me, "Jack, now is not the time to be a pain in the ass. We need to change our plans about the twins because…" There's a long pause, I hear Liz start to cry as she comes back on and says, "Mira's sister Ira is dead!"


I sit bolt upright in my chair and yell, "What the hell happened!"


Liz explains everything that happened and then orders, "Look, whatever plans you guys have about an intervention for the twins needs to be scrapped. Mira's going to need a hell of a lot of love and support or she won't survive."


I start thinking about the time I spent at the spook school with Mira, realize Liz is more than correct, start coming up with a plan to help Mira and respond, "Don't worry Liz, I'm the only one here right now but I’ll call a meeting and get everyone else on board."


Liz asks, "That reminds me, where the hell is Jens? I've been trying to call her."


I delight in describing Jens' wild night and her day in court, hoping it will cheer Liz and then finish by saying, "She and Megan are out celebrating their victory."


It's shocking when the information further agitates Liz and she yells at me, "I've had my fill of Jens' teenage angst bullshit. She needs to get her head out of her ass because she has bigger problems coming her way."


This time I know better than to laugh at Liz as I question, "Bigger problems than Ira dying?"


She answers, "Jack, Mira and Ira's death will be my and Megan's problem to deal with. Make sure you let everyone know and they should just be non-confrontational and supportive with Mira. However Jens needs to be prepared for these two teenage 'sisters' of Ben's. They are manipulative little bitches and are going to be a huge pain in the ass."


Damn! When it rains it pours and in this case it's pouring problems. I respond, "Okay Liz, I think I know where Megan and Jens are so I will call the place and get them back here ASAP. We were up half the night with Jens' fiasco so I think the rest of the team in crashed at the extended stay hotel. I'll give them a call and get then here too. What's your estimated arrival time?"


Liz replies, "We should arrive in three hours. When you get in contact with Megan, please have her call me so we can get started on working on a treatment plan for Mira. By the way, we found that Mira has a newly found brother, Alexi, who should also be treated. Make sure you send two cars for us because I sure as hell don't want any of us around Ben's two 'sisters' right now."


That last statement seems strange so I ask, "Liz are those two girls really that bad?"


She snaps at me, "No, they are even worse. They knocked my ass out and gave me a hell of a concussion."


I'm glad as hell when she hangs up the phone because she's one pissed off bitch and I'm thankful that my loving wife Masha is never that way. I organize my thoughts, pick up the phone and place a call.


I try calling Jens' and Megan's phones but I don't get an answer from either one. However I have a good idea where they went so I place another call…


Gunny answers the phone and it sounds like things are going full bore at the bar already. I say, "Gunny you sorry old bastard, how are you doing?"


He replies, "Damn Jack who you calling and old bastard! I'd love to chat but I'm busy as hell here cleaning things up."


I get right to my job and ask, "Hey have you seen Jennifer Donaldson lately?"


Gunny swears up a storm before answering, "God damn yes I saw her! I just threw her, her even crazier girlfriend and a couple friends of theirs out of here on their asses. You wouldn't believe what those two crazy broads did!!!"


Present – Megan – Trip to Gunny's Bar – Washington D.C.


Jens wants to 'blow off some steam' after her ordeal and I can think of no better way to get her to relax so I can talk to her about this whole teenage bullshit of hers. So I agree to go along with her.


Jen says she knows just the place, so we grab a cab and the driver asks, "Where to ladies?"


Jens replies, "Take me someplace where I can get a taser and then Gunny's bar!"


The cab driver questions our judgment and comments, "The taser is no problem, but are you sure you two ladies want to go Gunny's? It's a Marine bar."


Jens laughs and says, "Hell yes! I'm a Marine, so I'll be right at home."


I begin to wonder if this was such a good idea after all…


We pull up in front of a police supply store. Jens asks as she opens the door, "Please wait here for us - we will only be a few minutes. Megs, why don't you come in and we'll get you a taser too?" It seems like a good idea - a nice non-lethal option instead of just shooting someone - so I let her drag me along…


 We fly up to the counter and Jens rudely demands, "Do you have any tasers?"


The shopkeeper is checking Jens out, ignores her rude behavior and says, "Yes we have many choices, is this for your own personal protection?"


She giggles and answers, "Heck no! If anyone bothers me I just kick their butts.  It's a welcome home gift for my fiancé."


He gives us a funny look and I try to explain Jens’ comment, "Don't mind my friend; yes, it's for our personal protection."


He shows us a selection of tasers and Jens asks, "Is there any way to get one with more power or to increase the power on one of these. You know like Tim the 'Toolman' Taylor would say, Ur, ur, ur, moooore power!"


The shop keeper laughs at Jens impression and answers, "We are limited by law as to how powerful these are." He motions us closer and whispers, "But I've heard there are places on the Internet with instructions to increase the power. Just remember these pack a pretty good punch and if you crank them up too high it can cause cardiac arrest."


Jens laughs, "You're fricken kidding me! I was tased three times in the last twenty-four hours and I thought it was sort of fun. Anyway give me two tasers, one for me and one for my best friend."


The shopkeeper asks, "Would you like some extra cartridges and batteries for it?"


Jens thinks and says, "Yeah please give me ten cartridges for each one. And what sort of batteries does it use?"


He shakes his head and I'm sure he's wondering just what the hell we're going to do with all these taser cartridges (I have the same concern). But he knows better than to complain and lose a sale so he says, "It uses eight AA batteries."


Jens questions, "Now if I pull the trigger again, it shocks my fian… I mean the person again, is that right?"


He smiles at her and responds, "That's right, initially the M-twenty-six-c taser fires a five second charge, but should your assailant not go down, you pull the trigger and continue to hold it. It will continue to shock them until the batteries are depleted."


Jens giggles and says, "Good, give me oh … forty batteries."


I can almost see the cash register going off in this guy's head as he takes out one of the tasers; shows us how to load the batteries and the cartridge; how the red light on the back tells us if the batteries are charged; and adds, "Now the effective range of this is only fifteen feet, so make sure you hold the taser level, not sideways like the stupid gang bangers hold their guns, because the top probe impacts at point of aim and the bottom probe is lower by about one foot for every seven feet of distance."


Jens looks at the taser and practices pointing it around the store then asks, "So what's the purpose of the RJ-forty-five data port on the back on the taser? Can I program it for more power?"


He laughs and explains, "No that's so you can download a record of when it was fired."


She looks disappointed, loads up my taser with a battery and cartridge, hands it to me and says, "Here Megs, put this in your purse."


I comply as Jens pays the shopkeeper. We head out to the cab, jump in the back seat and Jens orders, "To Gunny's Jeeves!" We both giggle, but the cab driver doesn't understand the joke.


Present – Jens – Trip to Gunny's Bar – Washington D.C.


It is s-o-o-o-o much fun buying the tasers: Megs' and the shopkeeper's eyes bulged out of their head about half the time. Oh I know Megs has concerns that I'm going a little crazy about Ben (I'm sure as heck glad she hasn't seen my room otherwise she'd be certain I'm crazy) but the tasers might serve a purpose. They might keep me from having to really shoot and wound my runaway fiancé once I find him. It would really suck if I had to shoot him because nothing ruins a honeymoon more than a gunshot wound!


I haven't been to Gunny's – well, since the last time Liz and I got in the huge fight with Ben's old skanky girlfriend bitch Susan. I whipped her ass and got chased out of the place by the cops and Gunny. Hey, it wasn't my fault! She tried to take my man and got her ass kicked for her effort. I was going to call Maria and make this a girl's afternoon out, but she and Linus left together, and while it was temping as hell to bother them, I figure that Linus and Maria can use the entertainment. So it's just Megs and me…


The cab driver drops us off. I pay and give him a great tip. He hands me his card and says, "You just give me a call if you ever need a ride."


Megs looks at the bar, gives me the evil eye and asks with uncertainty, "So, are we going to be safe in here?"


I laugh and explain, "Megs there's probably not a safer bar in the city for two unaccompanied girls. Oh the men will probably try to flirt us up some, that is until they find out who I am - then they will focus on you. But nothing will happen here unless you want it to happen."


We walk in the door and there's Gunny standing at the bar. He looks exactly the same as the last time I saw him. He sees me and yells, "SEMPER FI!"


Megs almost jumps out of her stockings as I yell back, "ORRAAAHHH!"


Gunny limps over. What is left of his face looks like leather that has cracked from being in the sun too long. One eye is missing but the other gleams. He says in his lisp, "Son-of-a-bitch, if you aren't a sight for a sore old eye. How the hell are you Sergeant Donaldson? Are you still looking for that son-of-a-bitch fiancé of yours?"


I smile at him, kiss him on the cheek and answer, "Hell yes I'm still looking for him Gunny. He's one hard bastard to find! But when I find him, I'm going to teach him a lesson or two for running away from me!" I pull my taser out and wave it in the air.


Gunny cackles and says, "Well for leaving you in the lurch he sure needs his ass kicked!"


The bell rings, interrupting everything, the Marines start barking like dogs and down their shots. I laugh and say, "Shoot Gunny we missed that one."


He sees Megs and asks, "Now just who is this SYT you have with you?"


I respond, "Gunny this is my oldest and dearest friend Megan. It's her first time here and she's a little scared."


He laughs, gives Megs the one eye once over and says, "Shit little lady, nothing much to be afraid of in here. We old devil-dogs don't bite too hard."


I am concerned Megs is going to bolt, but she steps right up to Gunny kisses him on the cheek, whispers something in his ear and for the first time ever, I see Gunny blush! I'm not sure what Megs said to him, but I know I need to rescue Gunny so I toss him some money and say, "Gunny the next round is on Megan."


He stands up and announces, "The next round is on this SYT who's here with Sergeant Donaldson. Now she's a civi and this is her first time here; if you don't treat her with respect, I'll kick your ass and throw you out of my bar!"


The Marines began to clap and cheer. A couple of them, including Gunny, even give Megs a few wolf-whistles. I grab her hand as we head towards a table and ask, "Just what did you say to Gunny to make him blush?"


Present – Megan – Gunny's Bar – Washington D.C.


At first I have concerns about this place, but after Jens' and Gunny's assurances, I know I could pass out drunk here and not be molested (unlike most bars in D.C.) so I relax, enjoy myself and answer Jens' question, "I told Gunny while he might not bite, I love to nibble!"


The waitress brings us some sort of shots, sits them in front of us. Jens giggles at my answer, gets ready to say something but the bell rings and everyone including myself begin to bark and we down our shots! Whatever it is, it sure as hell isn't the wine I like to drink! It burns all the way to my stomach and then feels like fireworks going off in my belly. My eyes are watering as I complain, "What the hell did I just drink?"


Jens laughs, "I'll have to remember that line and try it sometime. Oh that, it was the cheapest bourbon money can buy."


Jens says, "Hang on a second and I'll be right back."


She runs up to the bar and is talking like crazy to Gunny. As the bell rings again, I look down and somehow another shot magically appeared so I just as magically make it disappear. Yeah the second shot goes down a lot better than the first!


I have some concerns about the men – Oh, did I mention the MEN in this bar? Almost every one of them, even most of the old ones are some of the finest pieces of man meat I have seen in a long time. I wonder why we're some of the few women in the bar because this is a prime hunting ground! Oh yeah, sorry about getting distracted! Jens leaves me and I worry that some of the MEN will try to pick me up – wait it's that damn bell again and I have to down another shot! Yeah the third shot goes down better than the second… Oh yeah, my concerns, I worry – shoot now I HOPE some of these Marines will come and sit at my table and keep me company!


Jens runs back to the table, tosses me a t-shirt and says, "Let's go to the ladies room and change into these."


I look at the t-shirt: It says, 'Pavlov's Devil-Dogs' and begin to giggle. We run into the bathroom, getting several wolf-whistles along the way…


Present – Jens – Gunny's Bar – Washington D.C.


Oh boy! This is even more fun than I imagined it would be. Megs has been pretty uptight – not at all like she used to be years ago but now she's really letting her hair down again. I guess I can't blame her since her husband was shot and killed in an alleyway known to be a meeting place for hookers and their Johns. His ID was gone and his pants were down around his ankles.


The stupid cops of course thought she was the primary suspect, but they never did find any evidence or the real killer. I personally wondered if it was Megs, since I'd heard rumors about him beating her. And if Ben ever went to a hooker I'd sure as hell kill his cheating ass!


We help each other take of our stuffy suit tops and blouses. I even yank the paper out of the bottom of Maria's bra as Megs giggles and confesses, "I wondered how you'd gotten so big!"


I laugh and explain, "Yeah it was Maria's idea to distract everyone in the courtroom."


Megs confirms the approach, "Well it sure as hell worked with our shyster lawyer, I thought he was going to get whiplash the way he kept checking out your falsies."


I giggle, slip on the t-shirt, decide Maria's bra is way t-o-o-o big without the added paper, reach up under the shirt, remove the bra and say, "There, that's much better." Then I tie the t-shirt around my waist. I'm really happy Maria and especially Linus are hopefully enjoying each other’s company. I look over at Megs and decide she needs some serious help if I'm going to find her a man. I walk over and say, "What happened to the daring Megs I used to know?"


She whines, "Jens, I don't know what you're talking about?"


I giggle and assert, "Megs, there's a bar full of Marines out there and you're wearing this t-shirt like you're a grandma. In fact I think I'm going to start calling you grandma!"


That fires Megs up so she challenges me, "Oh yeah just watch this." She slits the t-shirt down the front and ties it around her chest just below her 'girls.' I giggle and say, "Okay you are pretty H O T - grandma!"


She challenges me, "Well, what about you?"


I laugh, "Megs, I could walk out there nude, lay on the bar and all the Marines would leave me alone. They know I'm Ben's girl and they respect that. And don't bother asking because I'm not going to do it since someone will take pictures and sell them to one of those sleazy damn tabloids!"


We walk back out to a huge chorus of wolf-whistles. We head towards our table and I spot a couple of friends I haven't seen for-e-ver and head toward them!


Present – Megs – Gunny's Bar – Washington D.C.


This is the first time in years I've felt like a real woman and a bit like the old Megan - the way I used to be before my bastard ex-husband robbed me of my joy! Jen and the shots (or is it the shots and Jens) plus the safety of this environment have really let me relax.


I thought we were headed back to our table to have more fun, but Jens sees someone and excitedly says, "Come on Megs! I want to introduce you to some friends of mine."


We run (well as much as we can run in heels) up to their table, both the guys jump up and Jens gives them huge hugs and says, "Matt and Jim, I haven't seen you two in forever! Where the hell have you been?"


One of them answers, "Jens, we've been busting our humps trying to find some work. We haven't had a decent job since our raid together on 'the shop.'  What are you and your beautiful friend doing here?"


Jens laughs then answers, "When I told you guys to go underground, I didn't mean for you two to totally disappear." I nudge Jens' arm and she introduces me, "Matt and Jim, this is my best friend Megan. I just got out of jail and we thought we would unwind a little."


Matt shakes my hand, Jim shakes my hand, holding on a bit longer than normal, shoots me a big smile and says, "Pleased to meet you Megan!"


Matt interrupts, "Jens what were you in jail for this time. Don't tell me you're still chasing Ben?

Jens tells them the whole story, but Jim's not paying attention as he's flirting the hell out of me. Jens catches him and scolds, "Jim, I'm going to tell your wife if you keep flirting with Megan."


Rats he's married! Jim just looks sad and replies, "Well I don't give a rat's ass if you tell her because she's now my ex-wife."


Jens and I notice as Matt makes some hand movements and figure out it's better not to talk about it. Jens looks around and says, "Megs our food has arrived, let's go eat. Matt and Jim you care to join us, I'll buy the food."


I thought it was going to be a stampede to our table, but Jim is a gentleman and gets my chair for me. Matt tries to get Jens chair and she scolds him, "Matt, my arm isn't broken and I can get my own fricken chair."


The bell rings again, we all bark and down our shots - you know the fourth shot is pretty damn tasty! Jens calls the waitress over for Matt and Jim to order what seems to be half the menu. Jens laughs and teases, "Megs, these guys can eat more food than any two men I've ever seen."


Jens is a total hog and won't give Matt any of her hamburger, but I'm nice to Jim and share half my hamburger with him - after I make him promise to pay me back when his food comes. He does end up eating way more of my fries than I like so I scold him, "Hey! Stop being such a fry hog or I won't let you have anymore!"


Matt and Jens laugh and Matt says, "Damn Jim, it's taken Megan – what – ten minutes to figure you out!"


Pandemonium breaks out because the bell rings right as the waitress brings the food for Matt and Jim. They start trying to eat it as she's trying to set it down and we don't know what the hell to do! Damn! We missed this bell!


Present – Matt – Gunny's Bar – Washington D.C.


We'd lost touch with Jens because I'd been busy taking care of Jim during and after his divorce, the poor bastard! This afternoon I brought Jim to Gunny's to try to cheer him up without much luck.


Sally his bitchy East coast ex-wife bent him over when they got divorced. She didn't just get the gold mine she even took the shaft and then shafted Jim with it so hard I was amazed he could still sit. I tried to tell Jim not to be a nice guy, but he wouldn't listen and she had this female lawyer - a real pitbull with lipstick. The only things Jim came out of the divorce with were a huge debt, a broke down old truck and his clothes. The bitch even took his guns! What kind of cold hearted evil bitch would take a man's guns – there has to be a special place in hell for her?


Shit he was so poor he was even sleeping on my couch. Molly my wife felt so bad for him she didn't even complain. In fact she told me she went over one day and kicked Sally's ass – yeah you don't mess with Texas or Texan women!


Meeting Jens and her cute as hell best friend is the first time I've seen Jim smile since the divorce and he's sure as hell gotten his appetite back. He'd been a real flirt in the past and it is good to see him back in the saddle again.


The bell rang, Jens and Megan barked and had their shots but Jim and I were too busy eating. Megan scolds us, "Now you boys missed your shots so you need to drink two!!!"


Jens and her friend Megan were wild women. They kept escalating their craziness until Gunny had enough and threw all four of us out of the bar!!!


Present – Jack – Truth Network – Washington D.C.


When Gunny says, "God damn yes I saw her! I just threw her, her even crazier girlfriend and a couple friends of theirs out of here on their asses. You wouldn't believe what those two crazy broads did!!!"


I knew it had to be bad, because Gunny's a Marine and will put up with a whole bunch of bullshit before he throws someone out of his bar. I hold my head in my other hand and fearfully ask, "So lay it on me, what did they do?"


He's still pissed as he describes what happened, "Donaldson went off half-cocked and challenged all the Marines in the bar to a taser contest which she won. They fired a taser into the dart board then they took turns holding the damn probes and shocking the hell out of each other. It made a fucking mess out of the bar because so many of them, including her puked. If I ever see her in here again, I don't care if she is a woman and Banzai Ben's woman, I'm going to kick her ass!"


I was glad Jens didn't get arrested this time, because I was tired of bailing her ass out of jail. I wondered where the hell and why the hell she got a taser and felt even sorrier for Banzai. I still needed to find them so I ask, "Look, I need to get in touch with her and she's not answering her phone. Do you have any idea where they were headed?"


Gunny replies, "Hell no, I don't! All four of them took off in a cab as she yelled 'Drive Jeeves.' Wait, it was a Yellow cab I think number 423."


I reply, "Sorry about this Gunny. Jens has been under too much stress lately and I'm sure she will be sorry for what she did later."


He answers, "Just tell her the next time she comes through the doors to my bar she'd better be crawling on her hands and knees and begging my forgiveness. Now you reprobate old fart when are you coming in here again, it's been forever since I've seen you."


I smile and say, "Well Gunny, my wife and son are here now so I'm sort of tied up."


He cackles, "So the old ball and chain has you on a short leash. Shit bring her in too, I'd love to meet her."


I shake my head, "No thanks Gunny, she's not much for bars. Thanks for the information, I'd love to shoot the shit more, but I need to find Jens and her friend."


I can't believe it! Jens and Megan have become partners in crime and are running amok in D.C.! I've wasted over half an hour looking for them and decide it's time to call in some reinforcements to help me find them…


Present – Linus – Extended stay hotel – Washington D.C.


I'm right in the middle of … Maria, when my normal mobile phone begins to ring. I reach to pick it up off the nightstand and she threatens, "If you answer that phone right now, I'm going to kick your ass!"


So I ignore it as Maria flips me over on my back and takes command! This woman is insatiable -we've been going at it all day and she still hasn't had enough. I'm thankful it's been years since my last time because otherwise I would have been dead by now!


Maria's mobile phone begins to ring but she glances at it and says, "It's the network and might be my Princess Boss. I should answer it."


I grab her around the waist and interrupt, "Oh no you don't! If I can't answer my phone you can't answer yours!" and she continues her task!


My emergency mobile phone rings, Maria complains and yells, "Leave us the fuck alone!"


I say, "Maria this phone I have to answer." She beats my chest as she rolls off me and replies, "This had better be a fucking emergency or I'm kicking some ass!"


I answer the phone and it certainly is a fucking emergency!


Present – Jack – Truth Network – Washington D.C.


Son of a bitch! I can't get in touch with Jens, Megan, Maria or Linus - where the hell is everyone? Liz is going to be here in a couple hours and I'm the only support. I think for a few minutes and finally decide on a plan. I know Ben's 'sisters' only speak Russian and some other 'Stan' language. It sounds like Mira's going to be too upset to deal with them right now and the only other person I know that speaks Russian is my lovely wife Masha. I call her and thank God she answers. I fill her in on all the details, making sure to leave out the part about the girls knocking out Liz. Masha promises to be here in half an hour. Then I call a limo company and arrange for them to pick everyone up at the private airport.


After I hang up, I call Yellow cab to see if I can figure out where Jens and Megan are headed. They promise they will call me back when they contact the driver and have more information.


I feel like I've only completed half of what I needed to and I still don't have a clue where Banzai is. I sit back, think, flip on the news feed, and I'm shocked at what I see! I carefully look at the video and realize something very important! It's about fucking time that I got a break today…