Chapter 25

Walker Chapter 25

Copyright 2011 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia

 

Present – Ben – Early in the morning

 

Uhh… Damn, it's dark as… Dark and as quiet as if I was in a coffin - dead and buried. Shit I even smell like… Well fuck me! Now I remember what happened last night: I'm not dead… but my goose was almost cooked. For some reason I find last night funny as hell and begin to laugh…

 

Present – Stacy – The bunker early in the morning

 

Ohh my head! What the hell is that noise and where the hell am I? Oh nooooo! It's Ben laughing and I remember everything… But I wish there was a delete or escape key for the mind like there is on a computer…

 

I…I…I am so embarrassed! Ben and I were getting all hot and bothered last night during the tornado blackout. I rolled over on top of Ben and was well on my way to… and then I got so sick and…and…and threw up all over both of us. I jumped up and… and… and… ran into something and… and… and… what's all this icky, sticky stuff on my head? I am mortified and I begin to cry…

 

Present – Ben – The bunker early in the morning

 

Yeah it's funny as hell, oh not smelling like puke, but once again I was saved by my own dumb luck! And dumb luck is a good word for it! It was stupid as hell last night for both of us to drink so much and even sitting just outside of the man cave. If a group of banditos came along… I'm sure as hell not going to let that happen again, because it was a dangerous as hell mix. No not alcohol and banditos, alcohol and women - especially Stacy. She just about… I can't even think about it!

 

Wait. Talking about Stacy, I think I hear her crying again. I'm sure as hell not going to kiss her to shut her the hell up this time. Now where is my damn tactical flashlight and where is the panel I saw for the generator. Wait! What the hell is that new fucking noise!!!

 

Present – Stacy – The bunker early in the morning

 

Well the laughter stopped but it's replaced by the sound of someone beating on something and it pounds worse than my poor head. Ben must have a flashlight and when he shines it at me and I hide my face in my hands. Ben calls out, "Stacy are you okay?"

 

I reply, "Heck no I'm not OK!" Then I continue to cry. Perhaps Ben will kiss me like he did yesterday…

 

He answers, "Don't move. I think you're hurt and bleeding. I remember seeing a generator panel somewhere. So stay put while I go turn it on."

 

I just wish I could crawl into a coffin and die! The last thing I want is light so I can see how truly bad things are. I touch my head and… Ouch! I think Ben's right as it feels like I have a cut on my head. Oh why did we drink so much last night – it was that last beer that did it! I hoped if Ben and I got drunk, it would lower his inhibitions (which it did) and he might make love to me (he almost did until)…

 

I watch the light move around and leave the room. I sure wish I could leave the room too. After what seems like forever the light comes back and Ben says, "Well I tried the generator and nothing happened." The light comes towards me and I hide even more.

 

Ben's right beside me as he shines the light on me and remarks, "Damn you have a hell of a cut on your head. I don't know what the hell you ran into but we need to get some better light on this because you might need stitches."

 

Stitches! Oh no! I begin to cry even more and hope… but it doesn't work this time!

 

Present – Ben – The bunker early in the morning

 

Stacy is a way too much of a drama queen. At first her crying made me feel protective, but now it's not only an annoyance which is also dangerous. I need to nip this bullshit in the bud so I command, "Stacy, as a soldier you're doing a piss poor job of controlling your emotions and that could get us killed. So cut out this crying crap, get up and help me figure out what the hell all this noise is."

 

I hold out my hand, she grabs it and I pull her to her feet. She starts to fall and I reach out, steady her and order, "Come on, the noise is at the back of the bunker."

 

I shine the light towards the back of the room and head toward the stable with Stacy sniveling behind me. We reach the stable and some dumb fuck is pounding on the stable doors but I'm not worried because they are thick as hell and they'd need a serious explosion (almost nuclear) to breech the doors. But the dumb fucks banging the door and no lights have the horses all upset.

 

Now where in the hell were the emergency flashlights I saw? Shit they were in the survival cabinets in the main room. I order Stacy, who's still sniveling, "Whoever's beating on the door has the horses all upset. Stay here with them while I go and get some bigger flashlights."

 

Stacy gripes, "You aren't going to leave me here in the dark are you?"

 

I answer, "Not if you find your tactical flashlight I won't. It's in the outside top right pocket on your tactical vest. You turn it on by pressing the base. Make sure you don't shine it into my eyes, your eyes or the horse's eyes unless you don't want to see anything for a few minutes. I'll be back as fast as I can."

 

And I hightail it before she can start whining again…

 

Present – Stacy – The bunker early in the morning

 

Ben leaves me in the dark and he's right the horses are terrified, even by the stench of me (but most of the puke got on Ben - LOL). I can smell their nervous sweat. I fumble around on my tactical vest, find my flashlight, pull it out and FRACK, FRACK, FRACK! I drop it! I kneel down, move my hands around trying to find it. And FRACK, FRACK, FRACK, I dropped it right into fresh horse poop and the fracking idiots are still banging on the door. I dig the flashlight (literally) out of the horse poop, mess around with it, turn it on and… FRACK, FRACK, FRACK I had it pointed right at my face. Ben is right I can't see a fracking thing and the idiots are still banging on the door. I blindly stumble to the fracking door and when the idiots bang on the door and I fracking bang back at them. They bang three times, I bang three times, they bang twice, I bang twice, they bang once and…

 

Frack it all Ben interrupts and yells, "Stacy what the fuck are you doing?"

 

I can sort of see now so I turn, look at Ben and grin, "I was giving them a taste of their own medicine?" Well it seemed smart at the time.

 

Ben exploded, "No what the hell you did was let them know that someone was in this fucking bunker thanks a hell of a lot."

 

I didn't know what the frack to do, so I did what came naturally and cried – boy was that a mistake that I'll never make again…

 

Present – Ben – The bunker early in the morning

 

I can't fucking believe it! Stacy, banged on the door! Stacy banged on the fucking door and now whoever's out there knows there's someone in here - she just gave away a huge tactical advantage. Then she tries to get out of the trouble she created by crying about it! If she's going to act like a fucking child then she needs to be treated like a fucking child.

 

I flip on the battery powered lantern that I found, set it on the ground, run to where she's crying, sit down, pull her over my knee and begin to spank the hell out of her and yell at her about banging on the door…

 

I'm well into giving her the thrashing she deserves while she fights like hell against it and screaming like I'm killing her. Then I suddenly stop as I realize I've become – No! I can't even think about it… As much as I've fought it, I've become my damn dad!

 

I jump up letting her fall on the floor and run into the other room…

 

Present – Stacy – The bunker early in the morning

 

Ben spanked the heck out of me while yelling about being an idiot for banging on the door. At first it sort of hurt, then I sort of got into it and even liked it. I must be one weird chick to like something like this. I think it was just the idea that Ben was finally touching my ass…  I was getting pretty excited, then Ben stopped (I wanted to pout), jumped up, dumped me on the floor (again) and ran into the other room like his cute ass was on fire…

 

I look at the horses and ask, "What the hell just happened?"

 

Patches whinnies and Bo nods his head and knickers. So I decide the horses are as confused as I am… Then the fracking banging starts again!!!

 

Present – Ben – The bunker early in the morning

 

I have decided! Today is a good day to die! After almost becoming my dreaded dad, I don't want that to ever happen again or to even live with the possibility of it happening again. I begin to strip off my clothes (which are filled with Stacy's vomit) down to just my shorts. I need to be purified for my final mission…

 

I go into the bathroom and turn the faucet. Since the water still works, there must be a cistern or a pressure tank around somewhere. I wet a washcloth and begin to scrub my body: I'm not only removing every vestige of Stacy's vomit, I'm trying to scrub the feeling of turning into my dad off me. I scrub like hell until my skin hurts…

 

Stacy stomps in and demands, "Ben what the heck are you doing?"

 

I look at her, open my mouth, but I can't say a thing. I just keep scrubbing away at my dad.

 

I finally order, "Stacy once I get cleaned up and changed I'm going to leave my keys here and take care of whoever is beating on the door and then start the generator. You need to stay here and wait for the lights to come on then let me in the door.

 

Stacy whines likes a little bitch, which annoys the hell out of me, "But what if the lights don't come on, how will I know it's you?"

 

I think for a moment and reply, "Because I will knock like this." And then demonstrate the knock to her.

 

I finally decide no amount of scrubbing will purify me of the filth… so I push past Stacy into the main room as she bitches, "Well excuse the heck out of you!"

 

I acknowledge her with my finger. Which pisses Stacy off so she replies, "Fuck me? The day you fuck me will be when it's a cold fucking day in hell!" Then she storms out of the room. I yell after her, "Don't forget to take your fucking broom!"

 

Now that Miss fucking annoying pain in the ass is gone, I can get busy with my last mission and I plan to go out in style. Now where's that gear that I saw…

 

Present – Stacy – The bunker early in the morning

 

Ben is… well he's all mean and fucked up about something and I think… no I know he's going to do something stupid. I remember Grandmamma told me that when men act like totally childish idiots they are going to do something incredibly stupid. Yeah I'm upset that he flipped me off, but I'm more worried he's going to do some idiotic stunt…

 

I contemplate: Since it all happened after he spanked me, something about that must have triggered something in Ben… Oh well, now is not the time to psychoanalyze him, now is the time to save him from whatever stupid stunt he's dreamed up. The horses are fine with the light on, so I head back into the main room but FRACK Ben is already gone…

 

I head to the gun cabinet beside the door, pull out my M4 and lock and load. Since there isn't electricity I don't know what's outside and there could be banditos. But I figure Ben's outside already and if there are banditos they are now has been banditos.

 

I open the door slowly so the light doesn't blind my eyes. As I first peer out, I can't believe it…

 

Every… every… everything's gone, the trees, the house the truck - all gone! It… it… it looks like the tornado that carried Dorothy over the rainbow blew through here. I make sure I have my keys and slowly close the door. Now to save Ben from his idiotic self…

 

After my eyes adjust I slowly peek around the corner and of course I don't see Ben because when Ben doesn't want to be seen no fracking one sees him. However what I do see is… now that's most interesting! It's a dead bandito. And… yes… sticking out of his chest is an arrow? What the frack?

 

Darn it all, the fracking tornado tore everything up and there's hardly any cover to conceal me. How the frack did Ben ever get to cover? I'm trying to figure things out when I hear a zing noise and I jump back and sideways and about a hundred fracking feet into the air. Ben fired an arrow right between my feet, and it scared the pee out of me. I can just imagine him laughing, the mean fracking bastard. I'm going to kick his fracking ass for that one…

 

I hear two more zings and some noise up the hill beside the bunker and I figure Ben's doing his thing Indian style this time. I start to move and frack it all! Another arrow hits between my feet. I guess he's trying to tell me to stay where I am. But he's fired so many arrows I've been able to figure out his general position so this time I flip him the bird!

 

Present – Ben – The bunker early in the morning

 

There's one big problem for weapons that use any type of ammo – once you run out of ammo, the weapon is worthless. And thanks to little Miss Stacy bitch making me waste two arrows, I am now out of ammo and there are still banditos left.

 

I was so pissed off about spanking Stacy that I made a rash decision and well, I only brought the bow, some arrows and my Ka-Bar. If I had a rifle or even a pistol right now, this would all be over…

 

Well, I guess there's only one thing to do: Today is a good day to die

 

Present – Stacy – The bunker early in the morning

 

What the frack is he doing? I finally see Ben and he's crawling down the hill towards… I move to where I can see around the corner and FRACK! He's crawling towards the banditos who are still alive. Has he gone totally insane? They have rifles and he has? Well I sure the frack don't know what the frack he has but I sure the frack know what I have and what I have to do. I raise my rifle and take aim…

 

Right before I fire, Ben jumps up lets out some sort of whoop and charges the banditos. He scares me so I yank the trigger and frack it all I miss! But the banditos don't know what's going on. As Ben charges into the middle of them his arms are a blur of motion and the next thing I know all the banditos are… dead? Ben is standing there, breathing hard and I see a single knife in his hands: He just killed four banditos with a knife? Who the frack could ever do that?

 

Then Ben totally shocks me…

 

He falls to his knees and starts singing some sort of incomprehensible song. I run up to him, see him raise the knife into the air with the blade pointed towards him. He starts to bring it down towards his stomach so I smack him on the head with the butt of my rifle…

 

Why don't things work out in real life like they do in the movies? In the movies you hit someone on the head with a rifle butt and you knock them out. All that hitting Ben on the head did was make him really upset – at me! Well my grandmamma sure didn't raise me to be a fool! I know when it's time to run and now is that time. I take off running as fast as I can…

 

Present – Ben – The bunker early in the morning

 

What the hell, Stacy just hit me on the head with the butt of her rifle! Has she gone totally crazy? I look down and see my Ka-Bar in my hand and shudder. I finally realize what I was going to do: I sang my death song and was going to die and she stopped me! But she should know better than to hit someone on the head with a rifle butt. After all, this is real life not the movies. She takes off like her ass is on fire and I need to catch her and stop her before she does something really blonde and stupid – something that resembles normal for her.

 

I jump up, chase her and call, "Stacy stop running!"

 

She yells back, "Like frack I am. You're not going to spank me again."

 

I catch her, tackle her and we begin to roll around on the ground…

 

Present – Stacy – The bunker early in the morning

 

Ben catches me, tackles me, it hurts like frack and we begin rolling around on the ground and fighting. He finally gets on top of me, pins my arms to the ground so I yell, "Get off me you fracking jerk." But, I'm really liking where Ben is right now; if only my hands were free…

 

Ben laughs and says, "Just what the hell were you doing hitting me on the head with your rifle, you could have damaged your rifle."

 

I sass back, "Well, that's only because you've got a head like a Billy goat. And by the way you still smell like one too."

 

Ben teases me, "Well that's your fault for throwing up all over me last night. Now Stacy, seeing as you've lost most of your clothes, please tell me you have your keys for the bunker?"

 

I blush because I'm only in my jog bra and it was almost off when I woke up this morning and respond, "Yes they are in my pants." But I don't add: Almost like you were last night.

 

Ben jumps off me, stands up and gets bossy, "Okay first I need to look at your head. Then I need a rifle and we need to do a bounding overwatch perimeter sweep and try to find the generator."

 

He helps me up and I question, "But what about the IED's."

 

Ben replies, "Well, seeing as the power lines and even the power poles are gone. And we've been running all over hell this morning, we don't have to worry about the shotgun shell IEDs. That doesn't mean there aren't more IEDs which don't require power. Now come over here and kneel in front of me so I can continue to cover our sixes and look at your head."

 

I walk over kneel in front of him and my face is so close to his… I'm snapped out of my daydream when Ben yells at me, "Stacy, not facing me, you can't cover our six, spin around."

 

I sniffle because Ben is being so mean to me, but I spin around and begin to SLLS. When Ben touches my head, I jump and gripe, "Ouch that hurts like a son of a gun!"

 

Ben laughs, "Yeah I bet it does. You have a hell of a cut on the top of your head but it's too late for stitches."

 

I cry a little and ask, "Is it going to leave a scar."

 

Ben laughs again, "Oh yeah it's going to be a hell of a scar but don't worry your hair should cover it when it grows back."

 

I cry a little, "What do you mean, when it grows back."

 

Ben replies (he wisely doesn't laugh this time), "Well, whatever you ran into ripped out a chunk of your hair too."

 

This is too much so I slump to the ground and begin to cry - then Ben is really mean to me…

 

Present – Ben – The bunker early in the morning

 

Okay this bullshit has gone on too long! Stacy needs… yeah she needs her butt kicked so I firmly kick her rear and command, "Stacy, cut out the drama queen crying bullshit or it might get us killed."

 

In hindsight, perhaps it wasn't the wisest thing to do. She jumps up, slaps the hell out of me and says, "If you ever kick my ass again, I will kick you in the nads so hard you'll talk like a girl for a week. Now you owe me an apology."

 

I see someone, grab her and dive to the ground.

 

Present – Stacy – The bunker early in the morning

 

What the frack, Ben jumps on top of me. Now last night I wouldn't have minded, but after he kicked me in the ass, he's going to have to kiss my ass before he gets any of this ass! I start to fight and complain when Ben says, "Stacy, put a sock in it. Someone's coming."

 

Ben's right! Now is not the time to be playing my drama queen card. Not if there are banditos around. I say, "Ben get off me so I can help cover your ass."

 

As he rolls off me, I pull up my rifle and ask, "Where the hell are the banditos?"

 

Ben whispers, "Stacy keep your voice down and while it is someone, they might not be a bandito so don't go off halfcocked."

 

I want to tell Ben he can fully cock me anytime, well after he kisses my ass. But I'm still looking for whoever it is. Finally I see some movement on the trail across the road and say, "He's on the trail isn't he."

 

Ben says, "Affirmative, now you cover my six while I go and recon this guy. Give me your pistol but don't fire unless I fire and make sure you don't blue on blue me."

 

He starts to leave and I ask, "What's the challenge response?"

 

Ben chuckles and replies, "Mine is pain; yours is ass." Then leaves before I can tell him how much a pain in my ass he's been all morning. I watch him as he crawls up the hill like a lizard on caffeine but not towards the OPFOR? He gets into a little depression jumps up and I think I should really shoot him in the ass, nah it's too cute and that would ruin it! But I could kiss it and make it better. Shoot, I realize Ben's still limping and I've been a bad girlfriend since I haven't checked his leg. Besides, if I could get him to drop his pants I just might… The guy moved again and I force myself to cover the heck out of Ben's ass.

 

Present – Ben – Recon OPFOR

 

I don't know who the fuck this guy is, because he's not moving like the banditos I've run into. He's trained too well to be an amateur, but he’s not perfect and has made a couple of mistakes. But then I made a few mistakes this morning too: Damn, Stacy's been distracting as hell. The fucking tornado destroyed whatever cover there was, so I have to flank this guy and try not to expose myself doing it. All this before I've even had a cup of coffee. I crawl up the hill towards a little depression, reach it, jump up and take off up the hill. At least the tornados didn't take all the bushes and they will give me some cover. I reach the bushes and it's thicker than hell so I pull my shemagh1 tight around my neck to keep the branches from going down my shirt. Nothing is worse than a bunch of itchy shit in your shirt when you're trying to be sneaky.

 

1 Shemagh – Arab head scarf, we wore them around our necks and used them for many things.

 

I sure the hell hope Stacy is doing her fucking job. If this OPFOR saw us and decides to flank us, then it could get dicey and I'm not sure she can handle dicey yet. Shit I know she can't…

 

Present – Stacy – Recon OPFOR

 

I SLLS like crazy for what seems like forever because I've lost sight of the bandito. I am worried because I haven't seen the bandito in what seems like forever and I haven't seen Ben for even longer – not since he went into the bushes. That makes me giggle – Ben's in the bushes – I wish it was my bush. Shoot, I've got to pay attention and stop my daydreaming about Ben!

 

What the frack is that noise coming from my right? I turn quickly see a movement raise my rifle then I finally hear, "Pain."

 

I respond, "Yes you are a pain the ass."

 

Again I hear, "Pain"

 

I figure I'd better respond correctly and say, "Ass." But think asshole!

 

Ben walks out of the bushes towards me by himself. I ask, "Where's the OPFOR?"

 

Ben gives me a disgusted look and answers, "He saw you moving around and took off before I could get to him. The only thing I know is he wasn't a bandito."

 

I complain, "Hey don't go trying to blame your incompetence on me."

 

Ben shakes his head and says, "Let's go find that generator because I need a cup of fucking coffee."

 

I wanted to add and another cup of shut the frack up! But this time I decide to keep my mouth shut. But I sure wonder who the mystery guy was. Whoever he was, he had to be pretty good to get away from Ben…

 

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