Chapter 26

Walker Chapter 26

Copyright 2011 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia

 

Flashback – Ben – Late night day nine – Hospital

 

Ohhhhh Damnnnn! I feel like shit! Where the hell am I? Shit, I'm hot as hell. Am I still in the hotbox? No, I'm lying in some sort of bed with something hot and heavy as hell lying on top of me. I heard a voice in the hallway, "Paging Doctor Douglas Pepper, Doctor Pepper please come to the third floor nurse station." I somehow found that funny as hell. I began to laugh and then I realized the nature of the heavy thing on top of me.

 

I heard a little sigh and knew the heavy thing was Mira, but when the hell did she get so damn heavy? I know I must be weak from the fucking torture. That reminded me there are some bastards that I needed to find who have an appointment with the grim reaper. But first I have to get out from under Mira.

 

I decided to have a little fun. I struggled, pulled my hands free, reached around and pinched the hell out of her ass! Then all hell broke loose!

 

Flashback – Major M – Hospital hallway outside of Banzai's room.

 

I considered and analyzed what I saw earlier tonight and wished like hell I could have seen the whole thing.

 

It all started the minute the L.Cpls.' two 'friends' told us where he was. Dammit all to hell! The spooks had taken the L.Cpl. to their facility located furthest from us - it was going to take hours to get to him! Ms. Sedankina made a phone call and spoke in a language I sure as hell couldn't understand; to someone I didn't the hell know.

 

Then she became a whirlwind of activity and the next thing I knew we were headed to the building where the L.Cpl. was being tortured. Sgt. Reynolds was driving my car. The L.Cpl.'s two friends were behind us in their car while Ms. Sedankina berated the hell out of Sgt. Reynolds.

 

"Sgt. Reynolds, if you do not apply maximum force to the acceleration pedal I will remove your corporeal self from the driver's location and I will apply greater locomotion to it myself."

 

For some reason that did motivate the Sgt. and he floored the car. But that didn't last long because we ran into one of the ever present DC traffic jams.

 

If I thought Ms. Sedankina was agitated before, now she was like a pressure cooker with a broken relief valve. I could sense the impending explosion and it wasn't going to be pretty… She almost jumped out of her seat when her phone rang. She answered again in the unknown language and then it was like a switch was flipped. All her anxiety disappeared and she calmly ordered, "Sgt. Reynolds, please redirect this vehicle to the George Washington Hospital posthaste."

 

I queried, "Ms. Sedankina, what about L.Cpl. Blaine?"

 

She calmly replied, "Major M, that is the current location of my L.Cpl. and I must attend to his injuries."

 

I asked, "Someone rescued the L.Cpl. from that building and took him to the hospital? How in the hell did they do that and who the hell did it?"

 

Ms. Sedankina giggled, "Malodorous Major M, how it transpired is not my tactical concern so it is certainly not on an enumeration of your concerns. Making sure my boyfriend receives the proper medical care is now my utmost priority. Now Sgt. Reynolds, redirect the course of this vehicle to the George Washington Hospital immediately."

 

Sgt. Reynolds asked for confirmation, "Sir what should I do?"

 

Well if the L.Cpl. was in a hospital he would probably be okay, but finding out how the L.Cpl. was freed was a major concern of mine because shit like that just doesn't happen - at least not for that building and not very easily.

 

We were moving again, so I ordered, "Sgt. Reynolds, pull over to the side of the road." The car stopped, I looked at Sgt. Reynolds and Ms. Sedankina and suggested, "I'm taking my car to the spook building. You two get in the car with the L.Cpls. friends, head to the hospital and make sure he's safe. Sgt., have those two stand guard over him until I get there."

 

Sgt. Reynolds said, "Yes Sir."

 

Ms. Sedankina added, "Do not worry Major M, I will not let anyone hurt my boyfriend again."

 

I waited as they headed back to the other car, entered the vehicle, watched as it turned off onto a side street and headed to the hospital. Once they were gone I continued toward the building and made a call: Yes the L. Cpl. was in the hospital, some young woman and man carried him in. The woman wouldn't leave his side and was giving them all hell about taking care of him. He was unconscious and extremely hypothermic to the possible point of brain damage. They were warming him slowly but thought he would be fine.

 

The traffic cleared and I made it to the spook building in record time. As I drove up I immediately saw that all hell had broken loose! The parking lot was awash with emergency vehicles, police patrol cars and the ever present black FBI vehicles. This place looked like a fucking war zone! What the hell had happened?

 

I parked as close as I could, exited my car and headed toward the center of activity. I was stopped by a patrolman who challenged me, "Sir only authorized personnel are permitted." I flashed him my ID, watched as he turned a little pale and proceeded into the confusion.

 

They were still hauling agents, in various states of injury, out on gurneys into waiting ambulances and taking them to the hospital. I walked up to a junior FBI officer and asked, "Where's the agent in charge?"

 

He also challenged, "You shouldn't be here."

 

I flashed him my badge and stated, "Answer me now."

 

He pointed towards the doorway, gulped and replied, "He's by what used to be the main doorway. Ask for SSA Hotchner." I almost laughed as he took off like his ass was on fire.

 

I understood what the junior agent meant when I approached the front of the building. I had been here before but…The place where the front door used to be was now a big gaping hole. Someone had expertly destroyed the entry into this building.

 

I overheard, "I want whoever the hell did this terrorist act caught. I will personally see that they are executed for this." That had to be SSA Hotchner.

 

As I walked up, he gave me a dirty look until I flashed him my badge and asked, "Are you SSA Hotchner?"

 

He glared at me and said, "Yes Sir, but as you can see we're sort of busy. If you don't mind me asking, what is your concern in this matter?"

 

I smiled like a mongoose getting ready to kill a cobra and explained, "SSA Hotchner, this is my concern because I have decided to make it my concern. So how many fatalities are there?"

 

He shook his head in wonder, "Well that's what I don't understand. There are zero fatalities but that's just because whoever did this decided ahead of time not to kill anyone. Otherwise they'd all be dead."

 

I question, "Don't you mean whomever?"

 

He shook his head, "No Sir, while we don't have video surveillance because all power was lost to the building, the agents who can still talk spoke about a single small black figure. Several of them even shot the figure but they must have been wearing body armor because it didn't even slow it down. "

 

I was shocked and said, "Agent Hotchner, I want all the reports you have taken. They are now classified."

 

He started to complain when… What the hell! There's a hell of a noise coming from the L.Cpls. room that snaps me out of my analysis.

 

Dammit, what's going on now! I ran towards the door…

 

 

Flashback – Ira – Flight back to… Many hours earlier…

 

Our flight to exfiltrate America had been interminably delayed by the inept customs agents. In their childish minds they were convinced we had military contraband aboard our aircraft (which we did). Oh I could have invoked diplomatic immunity, but I felt this would offer a good exercise to see if our subterfuge techniques were still adequate. And after hours of searching they found…absolutely nothing. We boarded the aircraft and once in flight Kai questioned, "Ira san, why did you let them search our aircraft?"

 

I smiled and replied as a mentor to a student, "Kai san, I needed to ascertain if our concealment techniques had been compromised. In addition, I perceived in a flash of intuition that we needed to delay our departure. However it seems that feeling might be proved errant."

 

I then cogitated on the mistakes I mentioned earlier which concerned Mira and the L.Cpl. I had almost devised a delicate demise for the deleterious debacle when my phone interrupted my thoughts.

 

It was my sister Mira - perhaps she had again come into possession of her senses. I answered in our own special language, "Mira have you finally acquired reason and are attempting to apologize?"

 

Mira frantically replied (and I immediately surmised something was terribly wrong), "Irinka (she only used that name when the very worst had happened) the American spies have taken my L.Cpl. and I fear they will torture him to his demise."

 

This was a quagmire comparable to quicksand: On one hand if the inept American spies terminated the L.Cpl., I would again be sole owner of my sister's affections; while on the other side of the coin if I did not perform with my utmost ability and Mirinka cogitated my decreased enthusiasm, it would totally decimate our relationship. I made a morally imperative immediate decision.

 

"Mirika, we were delayed by the customs agents so we are still within Washington DC airspace. Notify me of your L.Cpls. location and I will endeavor to assist you to my utmost ability."

 

She informed me of the specific location. I observed the beaten and bruised Kai san and knew he would be of no use on this mission. I transversed to the flight deck and informed the pilot of our change in plans. He complained in a cowardly manner, "Ms. Sedankina that is restricted airspace. We could be shot down for even entering it."

 

I demanded, "I need fifteen minutes to prepare myself, then you will fabricate an emergency, inform them we are a diplomatic aircraft, enter the restricted airspace and slow to an acceptable speed at which I may parachute safely from this aircraft. You have your orders now perform them to my satisfaction or face prejudicial termination!"

 

I did not really have the intention to terminate his life, but extreme missions call for extreme measures. I ran to the posterior of the plane and began to extricate my gear from hiding. Kai approached and questioned, "Ira san, do we have a mission?"

 

I continued acquiring material and answered, "Incorrect Kai san, you are too damaged from Mira's ministrations. So I am performing this mission individually. The American spies have absconded with the L.Cpl. and are in process of terminating his life using methods of torture. I must stop this debacle."

 

Then Kai made an astounding statement, "Ira san, not to be disrespectful, but you are choosing incorrect weapons. If you terminate even one of the American agents it will cause an international incident."

 

I observed him with renewed respect and agreed, "Kai san, thank you for your expert and accurate analysis. If you did not work for me I would kiss you."

 

He shook his head vigorously and replied, "Ira san, I have noted what happens to the men you kiss and would prefer to continue enjoying my miserable existence."

 

I ignored his comment for now, changed my choice of weapons and also loaded up a very large supplemental bag with additional equipment.

 

The pilot continued a caterwaul, "Ms. Sedankina, we now have a fighter escort and they want me to leave the area. They are threatening to shoot us down."

 

I looked at Kai and ordered, "This pilot is a female training orifice (pussy) and I can no longer trust him to follow my orders. Co-locate your corporeal self on the flight deck and apply whatever force you deem necessary to aid in this mission."

 

Kai nodded his head and clarified, "Ira san, you will use the same technique as we used in Mozambique?"

 

I replied, "Yes Kai san you have deduced correctly."

 

As he turned and left, I descended, gear laden, into the bowels of the aircraft and awaited the signal. The green indicator flashed and I steeled myself…

 

The landing gear door opened in front of me, the red indicator flashed, I dove into the night sky and was temporarily blinded by countermeasure flares Kai had released. There was a flash directly in front of me! I maneuvered with my arms and swerved, just missing one of the fighter aircraft pursuing our airplane. Then I opened my parachute and drifted toward the ground surrounded by the other countermeasures, the aluminum foil chaff.

 

Yes the countermeasure flares blinded the pilots of the fighter aircraft and the aluminum foil chaff would render radar tracking of my corporeal self useless until I was below the event horizon of the radar.

 

I cut the supplemental carrier loose and smiled as it hit the end of its tether with a comforting yank. I fought back a giggle because it reminded me of one of my first weapons instructors Lyudmila. Her nickname was Lyudmila the man killa and she instructed Mira and I, "Squeeze the trigger don't yank it. It's not a male tool." It wasn't much later when I discovered how truly easily a man could be subdued by even the slightest injury to his tool. One good hard yank on their tools or a firm application of pressure to their lemon made them cry like babies. God truly did create a superior being when he created woman, our reproductive parts were not foolishly flapping in the firmament, but were conveniently contained within our corporeal selves…

 

I guided my descent toward my target and pushed all other thoughts from my mind. This mission would not be my most difficult because the inept American spies would never suspect the attack I had planned. They incorrectly assumed their building was an impenetrable fortress. The problem with impenetrable fortresses was that if someone breeched the fortress, it quickly morphed from a fortress into a torture chamber for the original occupants.

 

The supplemental carrier touched the terra firma, I flared my parachute and lightly landed beside the carrier in the exactly perfect location. I dropped my parachute, opened the supplemental carrier and pulled out four 40mm sticky grenades. I set the timer on all of them for 10 minutes. Then I acquired the 40mm grenade launcher and quickly fired the rounds to their designated locations. The first one stuck on the transformers providing power to the building; the next on the power pole holding up the transformers and the last two at critical locations on the external backup generators for the building.

 

I unloaded the rest of the gear and stored it on the many locations of my tactical vest until it was full, even storing some in spent ammo bags located on the belt. I slung my many weapons over my shoulders, acquired three U locks designed for bicycles, picked up the breeching charges, planted a time delayed WP grenade in the supplemental carrier and stealthily slipped toward the building. If my calculations were correct, and they were almost always correct, I should have half again as many weapons as this mission required. However, this feminine operative just desired to capture enjoyment, so what is a few more violent explosions to supplement the humor.

 

This is a mission Mira and I had practiced many times and I was finally going to perform it. My sister would be incredibly upset to miss this experience. I observed the surveillance camera and when it was facing away I scurried to the building's perimeter and slipped along the wall to the first side door. I reached the door, took one of the U locks, placed it through the external handles and locked it tight. One door down two more to go…

 

The other exits were disabled with equal ease, now I needed to place the breeching charges on the front door. This was where the whole plan could be unhappily terminated if I was discovered while I placed the charges. My heart raced as I manipulated the charges but the American spies were unforgivingly inept and not one of them discovered my presence.

 

I adjusted my helmet with its facemask and waited… The sticky grenades detonated, the area descended into darkness, I detonated the breeching charges and was shocked when the whole front entrance was obliterated. Perhaps I should have used fewer charges in my pursuit of enjoyment?

 

I swarmed into the building through the cloud of temporarily incapacitating nerve gas the breeching charge released and was shocked to see the numerous incapacitated agents on the floor. Some of them had blood oozing out of their ears and I knew I was overly zealous with the breeching charges…

 

I heard shouts from up the hallway, pulled a gas grenade and a flash bang and hurled them toward the voices. I readied my shotgun and followed the grenades as four more agents fell. A side door opened and an agent foolishly stepped into the hallway as I fired my shotgun. The non-lethal round impacted his sternal area and rendered him unconscious.

 

Time for more gas grenades and flash bangs… And then on to find Mira's L.Cpl. - the tasks I accomplish for the love of my sister…

 

The American spies were slightly more sneaky than expected: They did not detain Mira's L.Cpl. in the most likely place so it took me longer to locate him. I was concerned reinforcements would arrive soon, so time was of the essence. When I finally uncovered the detention room Mira's L.Cpl. was in, I was extremely happy Mirika was not here to see her L.Cpl! If she had been here she would have systematically terminated every agent in the building.

 

He had been brutally beaten and they had left him overly long in an ice water tank. He was alive but just barely. I dropped the rest of my equipment and dropped another WP timed charge on the assembled items. Then I strained as I picked up the L.Cpl. and ran towards the door. There was one big problem with this plan: Now that I had Mira's L.Cpl., I had no way to transfer him to the hospital for the medical care he desperately required and my driving skills would put both of us at risk of death…

 

I ran out the front door and immediately spotted Kai adjacent to a vehicle. He ran toward me and helped me with Mira's L.Cpl. as I queried, "Kai san how did you arrive here?"

 

He began to apprise me of the question, but we soon heard sirens and he said, "Ira san, we must leave."

 

I ordered, "Yes Kai san you are correct. We need to take Mira's L.Cpl. to the closest hospital…"

 

Flashback – Jack – Hospital hallway outside of Banzai's room.

 

I was sure glad when Mira finally simmered down and we headed to the hospital. She scared the crap out of me when she wanted to drive.

 

As one of Banzai's friends drove to the hospital, I asked, "Mira, is Banzai in the hospital?"

 

She stated, "Yes Stinky Sgt. Reynolds that is why we are traveling to the hospital. Your idle chatter is annoying so please cease and desist."

 

Banzai's friend in the passenger seat made the mistake of laughing. Mira grabbed his ear, yanked the hell out of it and yelled, "I do not know you, however I do hold you and your compatriot partially responsible for any injuries to my boyfriend. If you do not wish to have me rend your auricle extremity from your cranial unit, you will also cease any noisemaking."

 

I laughed internally since I was glad that for once Mira had someone else to hurt and not me. The rest of the ride to the hospital was relatively peaceful. Mira did occasionally prod the driver to go faster…

 

We arrived at the hospital, Mira flew out of the car before it was totally stopped and I declared, "Guys, Major M wants you two to stand watch over Banzai."

 

The one that almost lost his ear said, "Yeah, like Banzai needs us to protect him with that fired up bitch around."

 

I shushed him, "Dammit, if Mira hears you call her that, she'll kick your ass."

 

A fool must be born every minute because he answered, "Yeah like that little girl could do that."

 

I smiled and thought, yes keep talking like that you'll find out…

 

When we got into the hospital, the security guards stopped Frick and Frack (the name I gave Banzai's new friends) because of the weapons they were carrying. I walked into the ER room and I had to think about the grossest thing I could think of (sex with Rosanna Barr) just to keep myself under control. Mira and her equally hot sister Ira were giving the nurses hell about Banzai! I'd always dreamed of twins, and since I'd already nailed Mira….

 

My thoughts were interrupted when Mira requested, "Sgt. Reynolds, please come here and inform these nurses that if they do not immediately acquire a doctor for my boyfriend I will forcibly place my pedal extremity up their posterior orifice."

 

I walk over and in a friendly gesture put my hand on Ira's shoulder. She twisted my arm around and barked, "Sgt. Reynolds do not touch my corporeal self ever again."

 

The nurse's eyes grew large, I gritted my teeth and asked, "Listen ladies, it might be a really good idea to get a doctor in here before someone gets hurt."

 

The doctor came in, put Banzai under a warming blanket, moved him to a private room and now I'm outside the room sitting in the hallway while Banzai is in the room with not only Mira, but also Ira - the lucky bastard.

 

What the hell!!! It sounded like a fight in Banzai's room. I jumped up, ran into Major M and he commanded, "Get the hell out of my way."

 

We all charged into Banzai's room and just stared at the poor bastard. He was in the middle of a cat fight between Mira and Ira. Apparently he did something to Ira (perhaps he did her by mistake – no even Banzai isn't that lucky). But Mira and Ira were going after each other and they sure as hell weren't pulling their punches!

 

Then Banzai did something even more stupid than normal…

 

Flashback – Ben – Late night day nine – Hospital

 

I finally figured out what the hell is wrong with Mira and Ira – the ass I pinched the hell out of was Ira's and not Mira's. And Ira was not amused!

 

Ira yelled something – well if I'm not imagining things – about 'squeezing my lemon?' And there I am in the fucking middle of a huge fight. Someone is going to get hurt so I sit up, try to grab their arms and - Fuck me! I sure as hell didn't see that punch coming… Shit not again… I descend once again into blackness…

 

Flashback – Ben – Memory - night of his senior prom…

 

If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. Stern Verne our principal (he sure wasn't my pal) had me cleaning up the damn school again. He didn't even have a good reason this time, but I'd realized I'm just his whipping boy. But, not soon enough for me I was going to graduate and get the hell out of this shithole.

 

I was sweeping the gym floor with one of those stupid dust mops and listening to the "band" practice for tonight's prom dance. I say "band" because – they weren't very good. Well that's not totally true: They were good but the guitar player sucked and as my dad told me a "chain is only as strong as its weakest link." He's so weak I bet his girlfriend had to jack him off to get his jollies. Oh he'd make a great rhythm guitar player but he doesn't know jack about playing lead.

 

As the "band" takes a break, I turn away, shake my head and laugh. The lead singer (this short black guy with a close afro, a ton of attitude and dressed - hard to describe - really strangely) yelled into his mike, "Hey sweeper boy, what the fuck is wrong?"

 

I turned back around and answered, "Your guitar player can't play worth shit!"

 

The black singer countered, "Well honky I'd like to see you do better."

 

I answered, "Shit! I can play better than him with one hand tied behind my back."

 

The guitar player shouted, "I'd like to fucking see that!"

 

I threw down the dust mop walked up to the stage and offered, "Then move the hell over and let me borrow your guitar."

 

He gave me his guitar, I looked at the cocky lead singer and said, "Okay which song do you want me to play?"

 

He said, "How about Stairway to Heaven."

 

I laughed, "Come on, everyone can play that song. How about we do Rock and Roll?"

 

I didn't wait for and answer and began the familiar Led Zeppelin song, the drummer fell in just right and the short black lead singer smiled and began to sing:

 

"It's been a long time since I've rock and rolled.

It's been a long time since I did the stroll.. "

 

I take a really long and totally improvised lead solo in the middle of the song, then we come back and end with.

 

"It's been a long time, been a long time
Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time"

 

And the drummer even nails the ending. I took off the guitar, handed it back to their guitar player and said, "Thanks that was fun."

 

The short black lead singer stopped me and said, "Wait a minute, which band do you play for?"

 

I looked at him and laughed, "I don't play for any band, I usually play for my own amazement."

 

The lead singer said, "Well this is my band and I can give you fifty bucks if you play with us tonight."

 

I'd had my eye set on a new pair of boots and my cheapskate dad sure as hell wasn't going to buy them for me; this fifty would more than cover them. I answered, "Well, I'd need to go get my guitar."

 

The lead singer said, "You can use his because he has a spare."

 

The other guitar player started to complain but the black lead singer said, "Look, you can play rhythm guitar tonight or you can walk the hell back to Denver right now."

 

That shut him up so I picked up the guitar, looked at it and stated, "Well I only have two problems: One, I need to fix the action (how the guitar plays - a function of all the adjustments, especially how high the strings are above the fret board) on this guitar because it sucks; and two I'm not sure I can play in front of people."

 

The lead singer laughed and answered, "That's the band's guitar so do anything you want to it other than destroy it. And what the fuck do you mean you can't play in front of people?"

 

I lowered my head, blushed and explained, "Well, I've never played in front of people let alone my whole school."

 

The lead singer said, "Call me Roscoe and don't worry about that. I have a solution for that problem. By the way please tell me you cover other songs besides Led Zeppelin?"

 

I smiled and replied, "Thanks Roscoe, if I've head the song I can play the song."

 

Roscoe answered, "Well, fix that damn guitar the way you like it. I prefer to improvise, so we will open with Rock and Roll and see where the music takes us…"

 

I fixed the guitar and we played a few other songs together. It was almost time to play and I was in the bathroom puking my guts up. Roscoe came in, saw me in front of the porcelain throne and said in his annoying sing-song voice, "Hey, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

 

I answered, "I told you. I've never played in front of people before and these are the kids I see each day. I'm not sure I can do this."

 

He rubbed his chin in this peculiar way and answered, "Okay, here's what we will do. For a few songs you will stay off stage until you feel comfortable. And here, take a slug of this it will help."

 

He held out a bottle, I took it, had a two big swigs and he said, "Hey, slow down I don't want you so drunk you can't play."

 

Whatever the booze was, it lit a fire in my stomach and I boldly said, "Let's rock this fucking joint!"

 

We were on fire as we did the first song, Rock and Roll. I was on the side of the stage behind the curtain and no one could see me. I didn't even wait for Roscoe to figure out the next song as I went right into A Whole Lot Of Love… The school was almost in a frenzy when we finished the second song, clapping whistling and shouting. Roscoe waved his arms like he was having a seizure. I figured he wanted me to stop then he announced, "Thank you all for the warm welcome tonight in Leadville. I'd like to introduce to you our mystery guitar player tonight. He's someone you might even know. Get your ass out here Ben-jammin Blaine!"

 

I was nervous as hell when I walked out on the stage, until everyone, even my nemesis Beverly, cheered for me. Roscoe winked at me and said, "We're slowing things down some so you all can dance."

 

He looked at me, I grinned and started to play… The band fell right in and Roscoe began to sing:

 

"I should have quit you a long time ago
Ooh-whoa, yeah, yeah, long time ago
I wouldn't be here, my children
down on this killin' floor

I should have listened, baby, a-to my second mind
Oh, I should have listened, baby, to my second ma-ah-hah-ah-ind
Everytime I go away and leave ya, darlin'
a-send me the blues, rain down the line, no

Hey, yeah-yeah-yeah, keep up, yeah, oh, yeah

Babe-yeahh, yeah, treat me right, baby
Ooh-whoa, whoa-whoa, my, my, my, my-hah
Now take it down a little bit
People tell me baby can't be satisfied-a
Try to worry me, b-ba-baby
but Inever did end up guit-chewin' myself
People worry, baby,can't keep you satisfied
Huh, let me tall ya, babe
Ah, you ain't nothin' but a nn-two-bit, no-good jive

I went to sleep last night, I work as hard as I can-a
I bring home my money, you take my money, give it to another man
I should have quite you, baby-a, oh, such a long time ago-ho
I wouldn't be hear withall my troubles
nn-down on this killin' floor

Squeeze me, babe, 'till the juice runs down my leg
Do, squeeze, squeeze me, baby, until the juice runs down my leg
The wayyou squeeze my lemon-a
I'm gonna fall right outta bed, 'ed, 'ed, bed, yeah"

Then Roscoe did something else – it was as close as I had ever seen to having sex with yourself right on the stage. He writhed around and kept singing.

 

"Squeeze me, babe, 'till the juice runs down my leg
Do, squeeze, squeeze me, baby, until the juice runs down my leg
The wayyou squeeze my lemon-a
I'm gonna fall right outta bed, 'ed, 'ed, bed, yeah."

 

I didn't know what the hell to do so I just kept improvising on that part as Roscoe pretended to do the nasty right on the stage…

 

Suddenly I realized the whole auditorium was silent, I looked up there was Stern Verne right at the edge of the stage. He was so angry, his face was beet red. He flew up on stage, knocked the guitar out of my hands and started screaming, "What sort of perverted sex show is this?"

 

Roscoe had jumped up, ran over and gave Stern Verne a big kiss right on the lips. I think I even saw some tongue as Roscoe started to hump him.

 

As the auditorium erupted in cat calls, I knew it was time to get the hell out of Dodge! I jumped off the stage, headed towards the back of the auditorium and heard, "Honey????"

 

Comments