Chapter 35

Walker Chapter 35

Copyright 2011 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia

 

Flashback – Major M – Joint meeting

 

What a hell of a fucking week I'd gone through! Nothing like getting hauled before the boneheads each day and grilled - but now they brought in the big guns for some serious ass chewing.

 

I should have known better: Sgt. Blaine got pissed off, went on a rampage and I was catching the hell for it. I had sent messages each evening telling him to fucking stop it and he just replied 'Bite me!', and kept doing what he was doing. It wasn't bad until the General started hearing about it, then I needed to do something so I came up with a hell of a plan and lied my ass off!

 

Now we're before the joint committee and they are ready to give me hell, but I'm not going to let that happen.

 

Bonehead One asks, "Major, while one of the sites your team was sent to observe being totally destroyed might be appropriate to be called accidental, would you care to explain why every site they have been directed to observe has been destroyed? Now OPFOR troops are on alert and are being sent to the area where your team is located."

 

The General (who thank God totally bought my lie) interrupted, "Excuse me, but this man is under my command and if there's any ass chewing to be done on him - I will do it. Now listen while I tell you about the brilliant plan we developed."

 

I kept my fingers crossed and hoped they would believe the lie. Because if they didn't buy into it, well my career was over…

 

It was over almost as quickly as it started: They bought it hook, line and sinker and we were, as one of them described, 'brilliant military strategists.' What really described my situation was that I was lucky as hell and a damn good liar.  

 

As we were leaving the General praised me, "That was one hell of an idea having your team start destroying the sites and then 'leaking' the information that it was a Mossad operation. The country totally bought it and sent a large contingent of their forces to find all these Mossad teams which left large gaps in their other defenses."

 

I waited and he continued, "However next time I don't want you going out on a limb like this - you need to bring me in from the very start."

 

I again lied and replied, "Aye Sir! I will certainly do that."

 

Now to get back and try to keep Sgt. Blaine from continuing to fuck things up - easier said than done. I couldn't force him to do anything, so I needed some reward which would get his attention. Then I came up with the perfect idea and I would of course have to follow through with this promise. Otherwise he might pull a Mr. Smith on me…

 

Flashback – Jack – Undisclosed location

 

I took some pictures and watched as smoke and stars rose out of the newly destroyed weapons bunker which now resembled a Fourth of July celebration. Banzai looked over at me and grinned, "Damn Jack that was the best explosion yet."

 

I replied, "Yeah that was a good one. Look at all the white phosphor rounds going off. So what's next on the list?"

 

He grinned and said, "It looks like there's some sort of underground hanger we need to destroy."

 

I smiled and mis-quoted, "I love the smell of burning jets in the morning."

 

We jumped up and headed back towards the vehicle we'd commandeered. I laughed and thought how this whole interesting week started. Banzai got majorly pissed off at that new FRAGOs the Major sent and we'd been running amok ever since, destroying all the targets in the process.  

 

You see since we were the only team left the bastards gave us targets of interest spread out across this whole fucking desert. How in the hell they expected us to recon targets that far apart and remain undiscovered was beyond idiotic. So Banzai decided to fuck the stealth part of the mission and just take out the damn targets. While initially it sounded like a good idea, now I wasn't so sure because Banzai was out of fucking control and having way too much fun.

 

We commandeered a vehicle, drove close to the site, observed the facilities, discovered its weaknesses then slipped in and blew the fuckers to hell. Yeah this was much better than all the sneaking around bullshit. But it sure attracted a hell of a lot of attention and the missions were getting dicier all the time.

 

Banzai would send in the nightly reports, including pictures of the smoking ruins just to piss off the Major and it worked perfectly. The Major was majorly pissed and kept ordering Banzai to stop, but we were having too much fucking fun and kept send him our replies to 'Bite me.'

 

I belted myself in and prayed. Banzai took off driving like a bat out of hell (he was one out of control mother in this damn Russian jeep and thought all of this goat herder country was his private rally track). I held on for dear life (again) and asked, "So just how long do you think we can keep this up?"

 

He laughed and said, "Either until we run out of targets, get caught, or the Major comes through with what I really want."

 

I grimaced when the 'Lion Of Babylon1' tanks came out of hiding and started after us because I knew what was coming next.

 

1 The Lion of Babylon or Asad Babil was an Iraqi-built version of the Soviet T-72 main battle tank, assembled in a factory established in the 1980s near Taji, north of Baghdad.

 

Banzai whooped, "Damn now it's time to have some real fun! Jack man the machine gun!"

 

I countered, "Only if you promise to keep the wheels on the ground this time, last time you almost threw me out."

 

He laughed, "Stop being a grumpy old fart and get on the gun before one of their gunners gets lucky and hits us."

 

He had a point since the tanks did have the top hatch of the turret open with gunners manning each one. I yelled, "Okay but if you don't slow down some I won't be able to hit anything."

 

He yelled, "I don't care about you hitting them, I just don't want them hitting us."

 

I climbed into the top hatch, racked the action on the machine gun and started shooting at the fucking tanks! I got lucky as hell and nailed one of the bastards that was shooting at us. The rest were like prairie dogs and dashed back into their holes. Banzai yelled, "Good shooting Tex, now it's my turn.

 

Banzai spun the wheel, circled the tanks, rolled down his window and started firing at them with his pistol - yeah his version of Cowboy and Indians. I knew what he wanted next so I prepared myself and as we drove close to the side of one tank, I pulled out a charge and chucked it into the treads. It detonated and blew the tread off the tank. It made me feel like I was on the old TV show Rat Patrol.

 

Banzai finally yelled, "Jack get your ass back down here so we can get the hell out of Dodge!"

 

That was music to my ears so I climbed back into my seat, belted in and held on for dear life. As we took off across the fucking desert we outran the tanks (again).

 

I had just settled down and thought about a snooze when we hit a big fucking bump (again), caught air (again) and Banzai hollered, "Damn that was fun, I think I will go back and do it again! Only this time even faster!"

 

He spun the wheel so hard I swear we went up on two wheels as we looped back around and this time he really punched it. The jeep caught air and I felt like I was a stunt passenger from one of the Dukes Of Hazzard jump scenes.

 

I braced for the impact, but the damn jeep came down much more softly than I imagined. I still grimaced and continued my question about the Major from earlier, "Do you think the Major really knows what we want?"

 

Banzai dodged a ravine (thank God he didn't try to jump it like some we encountered earlier) and answered, "Hell yes he knows what we want. He's just being a typical officer."

 

Yeah I liked Major M, but he was still an officer…

 

Flashback – Ben – Undisclosed location

 

I enjoyed the scout part of our missions especially when it was against a worthy adversary. The RG were good but not really good enough so I had become bored – it was much more fun taking out the targets and then sending the results to the Major. I was sure he was catching hell about it – this should teach him, fuck with us and pay the price. But he was okay for an officer – much better than working for Mr. Smith – so I didn't want to go all Mr. Smith on him, at least not yet.

 

What I really wanted was to get the hell out of here and go to Russia. It didn't help that on our first destroy mission we snagged this Russian made GAZ 29752 jeep which was loaded with RPGs. This thing was built like a tank, got great fuel mileage and was fun as hell to drive. So every time we relocated this GAZ reminded me of Russia and made me more determined to get the Major's attention. And it sure beat humping it from site to site. Shit, if we had walked it would have taken us at least a week between sites.

 

2 The GAZ-2975 "Tigr" (Tiger, Russian: ГАЗ-2975 «Тигр») is a Russian high-mobility multipurpose military vehicle, manufactured by Military Industrial Company LLC (GAZ Group division). It is the military version of the GAZ-2330 "Tigr". It is equipped with armor, a powerful diesel, turbocharged, air-cooled engine and five-speed manual transmission.

 

We did have to be sort of careful though because these goat herders did have an air force. But we had liberated a bunch of SA-18 'Igla'3 manpads4 which were effective as hell against the fighters once we disabled the FOF5 circuitry.

 

3 SA-18 Igla manpad - The 9K38 Igla (Russian: Игла́, needle) is a Russian/Soviet man-portable infrared homing surface-to-air missile (SAM). "9K38" is the Russian GRAU designation of the system. Its US DoD designation is SA-18.

 

4 Manpad - Man-portable air-defense systems (MANPADS or MPADS) are shoulder-launched surface-to-air missiles (SAMs). They are typically guided weapons and are a threat to low-flying aircraft.

 

5 FOF – Friend Or Foe

 

Plus this GAZ was fast as hell or at least fast enough to outrun the old Soviet style tanks they sent after us. I saw a ravine, steered the GAZ into it, let it slide down the bank, drove it over into some scrub brush and turned off the engine.

 

Jack asked, "What's going on?"

 

Flashback – Jack – Undisclosed location

 

I about crapped my pants as Banzai headed right towards a ravine. I knew we couldn't jump it and then at the last possible moment, he slammed on the brakes (thank God I was belted in or I would have kissed the windshield) and side slipped the jeep into the ravine. It still felt like it was going to tip over at any moment. Thank God it didn't. He pulled into some brush and shut off the engine. I asked, "What's going on?"

 

He had a faraway look on his face, was all serious and said, "Jack something doesn't feel right."

 

Shit! I'd learned when Banzai had a feeling it usually wasn't a good thing. I questioned, "Can you be more specific?"

 

He answered, "Not really. There's a cave over there, let's cover the GAZ with the camo net and wait."

 

I reminded him, "What about our tracks?"

 

He replied, "The wind is already covering them."

 

I continued, "And what about our gear."

 

He answered, "We won't need it."

 

Damn I hated it when he got all mystical like this, but I knew better than to ignore one of his feelings. We covered the jeep. Banzai climbed out of the ravine, looked and I guess liked what he saw since he then came back down and said, "Let's head to the cave. I need to send our report to the Major."

 

He setup, sent the report, got the FRAGOs and complained, "That Son Of A Bitch."

 

I questioned, "Bad news?"

 

Banzai answered, "Yeah instead of being upset the Major told us what a good job we're doing, keep up the good work and sent a crapload more targets of interest."

 

This sounded fucked up so I questioned, "Well what do you want to do?"

 

Banzai grinned at me and said, "I want to eat some chow and then we wait."

 

Flashback – Major M – Command and Control

 

Dammit! It had been two fucking days since I heard anything from my Sgts. and satellite imaging had shown their last known area and next three targets crawled with RG troops. Of course the boneheads wanted to know why we hadn't destroyed any more targets. I lied my ass off again (it seemed like every time I dealt with the Sgts. I was forced to do that) and told them they had lost their vehicle and were in the process of acquiring another one.

 

With all the activity going on in the area, I was pretty sure they hadn't been captured. But why the hell did they stop? My phone rang, I picked it up and it's the General and now he wanted a meeting – Shit!

 

Flashback – Jack – Undisclosed location

 

Well Banzai ate more food than I thought one person could eat, then crawled over in the corner and fell asleep then he only woke up to drink water and piss. He didn't wake up when the jets flew over. He didn't wake up when the choppers came over and he didn't even wake up when the tanks and patrols tore the hell out of the area.

 

He had done this once before - I hated it then and I hated it even more now. I was a fucking nervous wreck because I figured any minute we would be captured but he just slept through it all. On the second day, things quieted down so I finally caught some much needed shut eye. I woke up and took a piss in the piss corner and noticed Banzai was gone. I wasn't worried (besides, there was nothing I could do about it) so I fell back to sleep.

 

I'd just gotten to sleep, had a hell of a dream about Mira when Banzai rousted me, "Jack, it's time to go."

 

I glared at him through one open eye and said, "Thanks for nothing! I was having a great dream."

 

He was insistent, "Jack we need to leave NOW!"

 

I looked at my watch and said, "You do know it's fucking night time."

 

He said, "Yeah that's why it's the perfect time to leave."

 

I grumbled to myself, got up, headed out to the jeep and Banzai took off like it was my grandmother driving. We had been driving for about thirty minutes when the whole sky lit up behind us, I questioned, "What the hell was that?"

 

Banzai laughed, "That was a new message for the Major."

 

Flashback – Major M – Command and Control

 

The General was easy enough to handle, he was just concerned we'd lost the team and I assured him we hadn't. However I wasn't sure how I was going to explain this new development to him and even worse to the boneheads.

 

My tech asked, "Sir, would you like to see the real time satellite video again." Then the bastard chuckled.

 

I shook my head in frustration, "Yeah let's see it one more time."

 

I watched in disbelief as the desert – to be more precise a RG division was destroyed in the middle of the night. Oh the General and the boneheads would be thrilled with the loss of the troops, but how the hell could I explain that the explosions and subsequent fires spelled FUCK U!

 

Dammit all anyway. I prepared the simple FRAGO that I knew would get the Sgts' attention and ordered, "Make sure the FRAGO gets sent when they check in."

 

Flashback – Mira and Ira

 

We traversed the snowy forests extraneous to Moscow in a troika. I hugged my Sgt. Blaine's arm with great gusto. Yes my L.Cpl. had become a Sgt. then he came and rescued me from the evil clutches of the Beast! And now we were being conveyed to our nest of love. I promised to reward his bravery with my body when we arrived!

 

The sun glimmered through the trees and I was radiant in my white Siberian fox coat and ushanka. My Sgt. said in our special language, "Mira awaken your corporeal self!"

 

I opened my ocular units and blinked at the harsh sunlight. Unfortunately I had been immersed in a dream and the harsh reality of the voice was that of my sister Ira. I questioned, "Ira what has happened?"

 

Ira responded, "Mira we have been duped and made to look inconsequential. These harlequins attacked the 'presidential' palace and not the anticipated underground aircraft storage facility. However they might have performed a miscalculation because they are currently being vociferously pursued by numerous militancies. The 'president' happened to occupy a nearby area and demanded additional protection for his corporeal self."

 

It seemed some group of miscreants had infiltrated this country, masqueraded as the Mossad and perpetrated massive damage. Now this country was katana rattling toward Israel. Our benefactor in Israel requested we might be of assistance to remedy this problem before war was declared.

 

He had performed a great service to us, by letting us stay with him without any of the training requirements of the Beast so we were joy overed to perform this trivial task. However the task occasioned to be not as trivial as we first surmised because the buffoons changed tactics and did not attack the next logical target.

 

I jumped up and stated, "The presidential palace is not far from our location…"

 

Ira continued, "yes if we aggressively motor we might watch their demise..."

 

I finished, "or if the RG fails we would be in position to strike and alleviate the situation."

 

We crept down the reverse side of the dune, regained our motorcycles and traversed the desert posthaste towards the harlequins…

 

Flashback – Major M – Command and Control

 

I tapped my fingers on the table and looked at the newest intel. Shit! If my Sgts. had waited a few more hours, then what was coming might not be necessary because the President (I used the term loosely) would have been in the palace they just destroyed. And what the fuck were they doing since the palace wasn't even on the list of targets.

 

That might all be a moot point because after watching the video feed, I wasn't sure they survived this mission. They were being chased by three GAZ trucks just like theirs. Then there was a huge fucking explosion (so large it temporarily blinded the satellites) and when the video feed came back online all we could see were truck parts everywhere…

 

Flashback – Mira and Ira

 

We easily reached the 'presidential' palace in time to view an extremely interesting pursuit. I remarked, "Ira, the operator of the harlequin's vehicle possesses excellent operational skills."

 

She replied, "Yes however the vehicle has an overabundance of equipment which hinders their escape."

 

I questioned, "What is that buffoon in the harlequin's vehicle perpetrating?"

 

Ira began to answer then there was an extreme explosion which temporarily disabled my ocular units. Ira asked, "Mira do your ocular units function?"

 

I replied, "No my sister I am as blind as a baseball."

 

Ira chided me, "Then we must use our other senses to make sure no one approaches until our ocular units recover. Mira, use your olfactory senses and I will use my auditory senses."

 

The several minutes it took for our ocular units to again function seemed like an eternity. But when they did we were both excited. I remarked, "Ira, it looks as if the harlequins might have destroyed themselves."

 

Ira answered, "Mira that is a possibility. However we will need to wait until after the rest of the RG troops leave to examine the wreckage and make a positive determination."

 

Flashback – Jack – Undisclosed location

 

I yelled at Banzai over the noise of the engine, "Can't this damn jeep go any faster?"

 

He yelled back, "I've got it floored but with all the gear in here we're too heavy."

 

Yeah we blew the hell out of a Presidential palace and it stirred up shit like kicking a hundred hornet nests! Oh we outran the tanks as always, but they had some of the exact same jeeps we had and try as we might, we couldn't outrun them.

 

I answered, "Just keep ahead of them and try not to throw me out. I have an idea."

 

I unbelted, (which wasn't the wisest thing to do with Banzai's banzai driving style), crawled into the back and grabbed a manpad. Then I popped the top hatch, stood up with the manpad on my shoulder and took aim at the closest jeep pursuing us (which was damn close). I activated the manpad but since they were so close I never did get a lock. I pulled the trigger anyway and the jeep chasing us erupted in a huge fucking fireball! It was so large it raised the ass end of our jeep off the ground (somehow Banzai was able to keep control), singed the hell out of my face, temporarily blinded me and knocked my ass back into our jeep."

 

I was dazed and confused but I still heard it when Banzai yelled, "Damn Jack you blew all the fuckers to hell. Hang on because I'm dropping into a ravine." I held on for dear life and for once it wasn't so bad.

 

My vision slowly cleared, I looked out the bullet-proof back window, which was pockmarked from hits and he was right because no one was left following us. Then I noticed a problem, "Hey Banzai, I hate to tell you this, but we're on fire."

 

Banzai answered, "Yeah Jack, they hit the jerry cans on the back of my GAZ with some rounds and when you blew the fuckers to hell it set them on fire."

 

I questioned, "Don't you think we need to stop and put it out?"

 

Banzai replied, "No, it's diesel so it's not like it's going to blow up."

 

He had a point. I crawled back up front, Banzai looked over at me and laughed, "Damn Jack, what the hell happened to you?"

 

I questioned, "What do you mean?"

 

He continued to laugh, "Look in the damn mirror."

 

I yanked the mirror over, looked in it and swore, "Dammit, my face looks like a lobster."

 

Banzai added to the insult, "Yeah not only that, you don't have any eyebrows."

 

I took a closer look and he was right. I replied, "Shit! I look like some sort of clown."

 

I finally noticed we weren't going like a bat out of hell so I asked, "Is something wrong with our jeep?"

 

Banzai answered, "No nothing's mechanically wrong. With the jerry cans gone I'm just conserving fuel."

 

I questioned, "So where the hell are we going to get more fuel?"

 

Banzai looked at me and grinned, "Well this is a diesel so JP-eight5 should burn great."

 

5 JP-8 Jet fuel

 

I nodded my head and worried: Not only should it burn great, it should make this jeep even faster -probably NOT a good idea.

 

Comments