Chapter 40

Walker Chapter 40

Copyright 2011 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia

 

Present – Ben – Travel back to the bunker

 

I double check to make sure the damn rhino is really gone this time, drop to the ground, head right to Stacy's tree, climb up into the lower branches and shout, "Hey Stacy can you hear me?"

 

But she doesn't answer! Damn! Now I'm going to have to climb up and somehow bring her down out of the tree without hurting her more. I slowly climb and begin to question where the hell the lions and rhino came from. I'm part way up the tree (damn she really could climb like a fucking monkey) and try to wrap my head around what's happened in the last 24 hours.

 

I didn't kill a bastard that I knew needed to be killed. He took advantage of Stacy's innocence and escaped with her weapons (damn I'm going to miss that M4) and her keys for the bunker (now we can't be sure we're safe there). But the craziest things to happen are the lions and the rhino. Then it hits me - we're in fucking Texas! There are private game reserves in Texas for hunting African animals without going to Africa, so they must have escaped from one of those. I wonder what the hell kind of animals we will next need to watch out for! OH SHIT! I just remember one of the major problems in Texas and realize how fucking lucky we were last night by sleeping out in the open…

 

Present – Stacy – Travel back to the bunker

 

Mean Miss Gulch (she looks remarkably like Ben's bitchy ex-fiancée) takes Patches my dog away in her basket and I'm heartbroken because Grandmamma doesn't stop her. So I run away from home, catch mean Miss Gulch, kick her ass and rescue Patches. I take Patches with me when I notice a big tornado coming.

 

Patches and I run back to our farmhouse where I look all over for my Grandmamma. I can't find her so I hide in the house as the tornado picks up the house. I become really sick from the way it spins as it is picked up by the winds. When it crashes to the ground really hard, I look outside and exclaim, "Patches, I don't think we're in Texas anymore."

 

I step out of the house, hear a bunch of giggling, look down at my ugly and old as hell dress then it hits me and I yell, "I'm not fracking Dorothy Gale and this certainly isn't OZ."

 

Glinda the Good Witch floats down and explains, "Don't be silly! You're Stacy and this is the Land of ODD."

 

I'm speechless as she waves her wand. There's a poof and the next thing I know I'm wearing ruby (what the frack?) running shoes.

 

I can't fracking believe it and question, "If this is ODD and not OZ, what's so fracking odd about this place anyway?"

 

Before Glinda can answer I see HER! And this time I'm sure it's Ben's bitchy ex-fiancée because she flies in on a broom. I recognize her immediately as the Wicked Witch of the West. She fittingly cackles, "I'll get you my pretty and I'll take your little dog too!"

 

I flip her off and challenge, "Oh yeah bitch, there's no way in hell you're going to catch me!" And I begin running down the purple brick (what the frack?) road.

 

I don't know what the hell it is about these shoes, but I can run like the wind. Which is a good thing, since I hear a noise behind me, glance over my shoulder and see a ferocious lion (what the frack?) chasing me…

 

I run through a forest of friendly living apple trees who see the lion chasing me and begin throwing their apples at it. One hits the lion square in the face and it falls to the ground. I slow down and finally realize what's odd about this place - it's all backwards and confused.

 

As I am catching my breath, I look down at Patches and say, "This is one messed up place." She whinnies. Since when do dogs whinny? I try to remember the movie from my childhood to the best of my ability so I can be prepared for what's coming next. But I can't believe it when a tin rhinoceros charges out the woods. It takes one look at me and Patches, paws the ground and starts to chase us!

 

We are running like crazy again but the tin rhino is really fast and is gaining on us. Just before it gets close enough to kill us, it begins to rain. The rhino begins to slow as it rusts and finally it's frozen in place. I turn around, run back and kick it over. Then I giggle because this might be the first time anyone has done rhino tipping instead of cow tipping.

 

We continue walking down the purple brick road, I look at Patches and review, "Okay. Let's see, we've had a ferocious lion, a tin rhino, I wonder what's next?" I should have known better to ask, because as we pass a corn field, the scarecrow jumps out and chants, "Lions and Rhinos and ME, Oh my!" Fracking son-of-a-bitch! The scarecrow is the bastard Guy!

 

I'm pissed as hell and threaten, "Oh yeah! How about a little fire scarecrow?" I pull a Bic lighter out of my pocket and 'Flick my Bic' on the Guy scarecrow! As he burns and screams in anguish, I yell, "That's right bastard, this is just a little taste of what hell's going to be like for you."

 

I become really scared when I see the flying monkeys (I can remember how frightened I was of them when I was a little girl) but I'm too frightened to run. They land and warn me, "Quick Stacy, the Wicked Witch of the West is coming." I realize that they're good this time not bad and get ready to run when the Wicked Witch of the West flies in and says, "But you forgot about me, my pretty!"

 

I think for a moment and decide that if water killed her in the movie, and if this Land of ODD is all backwards, then, YES! I grab a piece of the flaming Guy scarecrow, throw it at her and surprisingly enough it works. She starts to burn and cackles, "You cursed brat! Look what you've done! I'm burning! burning! Oh, what a world! What a world! Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness? Oooooh, look out! I'm going! Oooooh! Ooooooh!"

 

I look at the flying monkeys and ask, "How do I get out of here?"

 

They tell me, "You need to go to the Quartzite city and see the all-powerful Wizard of ODD."

 

I curtsy and ask, "Well since you can fly and since I know you can carry me, would you fly me and Patches to the Quartzite city?" The agree and we're at the city gate in no time flat. I knock on the door, a little window opens and Ben grumbles, "What do you want?"

 

I ask politely, "I want to see the Wonderful Wizard of ODD."

 

He gives me a dirty look and complains, "Go away, you look like a whore."

 

I reply, "Oh yeah! Well I've just defeated a ferocious lion, a tin rhino, a Guy scarecrow and your ex-fiancée the Wicked Witch of the West. So now I'm going to kick your ass for that last comment."

 

I click the heels together on the ruby running shoes and they blow down the fracking door. I get ready to kick his ass when I hear, "Stacy are you okay?"

 

I yell, "If you ever call me a whore again I'm going to kick your ass!" I look around, realize I'm not in the Land of ODD but still in the tree and I hug the hell out of Ben…

 

Present – Ben – Travel back to the bunker

 

SHIT! She's still pissed about that remark and I feel bad as hell about it. That statement and not killing Guy probably triggered this whole incident. She hugs me. I return the hug and apologize, "Stacy I'm sorry about that comment and I'm even sorrier I didn't kill Guy when I first saw him."

 

She cries on my shoulder and says, "And Ben I'm sorry because I thought I could use Guy to make you jealous. I should have never trusted him or set him free."

 

This hug has gone on more than I'm comfortable with so I break it off and question, "Well can you climb down out of the tree?"

 

She moves slowly and answers, "Well, I'm really sore but I think getting out of this tree will help."

 

I say, "Well let me reload the rifle first." I remove my pack and hang it on a branch, grab the Winchester, find the ammo in my go pack and slip the cartridges into the load ramp. I hand the rifle back to Stacy, put the pack back on, take the rifle and we begin to climb down the tree.

 

As we near the ground Stacy says, "Ben look!"

 

I turn to look and can't believe it. Now these could be big problems!

 

Present – Stacy – Travel back to the bunker

 

I freak out when I look down because at first I thought it was a group of flying monkeys, then I realize they are gorillas. I point them out to Ben and question, "Ben where did all these circus animals come from?"

 

Ben whispers, "Stacy, for right now we need to stay still and not make any sudden moves. I thought there was a game preserve which might have the lions and rhino, but with the gorillas now I'm not sure. The only possible answer that would make sense is they escaped from a circus or zoo."

 

We watch as they find the dead lion that was chasing me. They get very excited, begin to make a bunch of noise and throw things at it. Finally the largest one goes over and starts beating the lion with a big stick and begins howling. Then the rest of the troop join in. They stop howling and take off running when the rhino charges out of the woods (it still has some of Ben's camouflage suit on its head) and chases them.

 

Ben says, "Well, we were sure lucky we weren't on the ground right now. This place is the fucking circus from hell and the sooner we get the hell out of here the better."

 

He begins to whistle and I question, "Aren't you worried we will attract the rhino again?"

 

He answers, "I think the gorillas will keep him busy for a while, so it's a calculated risk we need to take to get the hell out of here and return to the bunker." He then continues to whistle.

 

Present – Ben – Travel back to the bunker

 

Yeah my first assumption, which would have been better for us, is wrong - the gorillas proved that. They are either circus or zoo animals. I'm hoping circus because there are fewer deadly animals in a circus than in a zoo. But we need to be alert because we could run into any number of big cats. Shit, the gorillas are real problems themselves because they can easily rip the hell out of a man.

 

I begin to whistle for Bo, but after the way he ran off I'm not sure I will ever see him again. Still the sooner we get out of here the better.

 

I try to recall but can't remember any accounts of people shooting gorillas or what caliber of weapon they used. I'm not at all sure one shot (even a well-placed shot) from the Winchester would take one down. This hasn't happened often, but I'm now woefully under-armed. I look at the busted 300 Win mag on the ground and decide I need to see if I can make it serviceable again. And I need to recover the revolver Stacy dropped.

 

I look at Stacy, hand her the rifle and say, "Stacy, stay in the tree and cover me. I'm going to go pick up your revolver and my broken rifle."

 

She questions, "Ben do you think this is wise?"

 

I grimace and answer, "It's necessary because we need more and a better weapons, besides it's the lesser of two evils."

 

I double check to make sure my revolver is ready, drop to the ground as she needlessly reminds me, "Well don't forget that still makes this an evil."

 

I want to tease her that being a woman she should know about evil, but decide since we're once again on relatively friendly terms I would be better off to avoid being a wiseass. But I do fondly remember the one woman that was never evil to me.

 

I SLLS to make sure the menagerie of animals are gone, run over to the broken rifle and grab both pieces of it. I return to the tree and tell Stacy, "Stand watch, I'm going to stay on the ground while I try to fix this rifle."

 

I examine the once beautiful rifle and shake my head - I really fucked it up. The stock is broken in two at the wrist. I put the butt piece back on and see it fits pretty well but I wish I had some sort of glue. I smile when I notice the pine tree. I pull my knife (this time I remember where it is on this quick draw rig) and cut the hell out of the bark.

 

Stacy asks, "Ben what the hell are you doing?"

 

I answer…

 

Present – Stacy – Travel back to the bunker

 

Ben's acting a little strange. He take his knife and cuts a bunch of bark off the tree I'm on so I ask him about it and he answers, "Stacy, I'm going to use the pine pitch as a glue to help hold things together."

 

Then I watch as he takes this little cloth bundle from his pack, unrolls it and it reveals a cute little toolset. I ask him, "What are those?"

 

Ben glances at me and reminds me, "Stacy make sure to keep SLLSing. These are my Borka1 tools - they are indispensable for working on firearms since I have a socket for all the sizes I require, screwdriver bits for everything I need, plus it's an accurate as hell torque wrench."

 

1 Borka tools - http://www.borkatools.com/pages/atd12/mtsd.html

 

That arouses my curiosity so I ask, "What do you need a torque wrench for on a gun?"

 

He uses his tool to take the metal part of the rifle out of the wood part and says, "Make sure you keep up your SA and it's a weapon not a gun. Just like when you work on an engine, there's a torque setting for all the fasteners on a weapon."

 

With what I know about cars and engines, this makes perfect sense to me. Ben continues working on the wood part of the rifle and expounds, "Most people incorrectly assume you need to crank the hell out of all the fasteners on a weapon and they end up causing other problems."

 

I ask for clarification, "What sort of problems?"

 

Ben takes some of the sap from the tree, puts it on the wood parts of the weapon and presses them together. He smears more of it on the top of the wood, then takes some tiny rope and begins to wrap it very tightly around the wood part over the sap. He answers, "Well of course you can break or strip the fasteners but the biggest problem is reduced accuracy especially if you take parts off the rifle and replace them."

 

He finishes wrapping the rope around the wood part of the rifle, then takes a bunch of duct tape and begins to wrap over the rope. It looks really bad so I have to say, "Ben that looks really ugly and dangerous."

 

Ben looks at me and scolds…

 

Present – Ben – Travel back to the bunker

 

I'm pretty damn happy with my field repair on the stock. But Stacy has been a RPITA with all her questions and I know she's not SLLSing worth a damn, so I'm forced once again to pick up the slack.

 

I finally get tired of it, besides with the stock repaired (oh I will still need to test fire it using something besides my shoulder to back the stock) I need to put the action back in the stock and turn my attention to the scope because it looks FUBARed.

 

I remind Stacy, "You really need to concentrate on SLLSing not what I'm doing."

 

I'm happy when she stops bothering the hell out of me. I get the action back in the stock and torque it to a standard setting which on action screws is always a problem because every manufacturer has their own settings they want to use which range between 10 in/lbs. to 65 in/lbs. But I'm more concerned with having the same torque on both screws so I choose 30 in/lbs. and use that.

 

I begin to look at the scope and I hear Stacy stutter…

 

Present – Stacy – Travel back to the bunker

 

Ben is right I do need to SLLS better! I start doing my job when I see this snake coming up to the tree and I'm frozen with fear! I really hate snakes and about died when Ben shot the rattlesnake and then wanted to eat it. But it was dead and this one's alive which is much scarier!

 

 I finally managed to get out, "Sn – sn – SNAKE!"

 

Ben's up like a flash and yells, "Where?"

 

I point to the ground behind the tree. He looks around the side of the tree and says, "Shit!"

 

If Ben doesn't like the snake then it must be really bad! Now I'm really scared!

 

Present – Ben – Travel back to the bunker

 

Stacy doesn't realize it, but she probably just saved my life! The minute I saw the snake I recognized it as highly aggressive and the second most dangerous snake in the world - the Eastern Brown Snake from Australia.

 

It notices me peek around the tree, raises its neck in the typical S fashion and moves toward me!

 

I draw my revolver and blow it to hell - right before Stacy falls out of the tree and lands in front of it! Shit! What's wrong with her now?

 

I run over to her and try to wake her. She finally wakes up, hugs me and yells, "SNAKE!"

 

I tell her, "Don't worry, it's dead and lying right beside you."

 

She turns her head, sees the snake and passes out again.

 

I pick her up to move her away from the snake when something crashes through the bushes behind me!

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