Chapter 41

Walker Chapter 41

Copyright 2011 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia


Flashback – Ben – Undisclosed location


When I woke up, it was hot as hell and the inside of my GAZ smelled like ASS! We needed to find someplace to wash the stench off us - it was so bad my eyes watered. I rolled down the window and decided I would send a report to the Major. I had really hoped destroying everything on our mission list would lead to him finally pull us out of this fucking desert and send us to Russia. I hadn't counted on the bastard pulling a quick one on us when he determined a way to use the destruction to his advantage. That's the thing about officers; they're slippery as hell bastards. But it would be a cold day in hell that one could outthink me. I wrote a new message and grinned as I sent it off and waited for the FRAGOs.


Flashback – Major M – Command and Control


The Sgts. weren't totally unpredictable. I figured that after the storm they needed to take care of some things then we would hear from them. But I was antsy as hell because we really needed them to get their asses over to the new target and verify what we think we saw. This site was way more than justification for a war, this was a concrete provocation.


The report came in but I didn't bother to look at it because I already knew they destroyed the underground hanger. I skipped to the bottom and it read "10-7."


What the hell! They were 'out of service'?


I composed a new message with the new target and sent it…


Flashback – Jack – Undisclosed location


Banzai chuckled and woke me up. Wow! The inside of the jeep smelled like hell. I quickly rolled down the window, stuck my head outside to keep from puking and sucked in the hot and damn dry desert air. At least it was some better than the perfume from the jeep.


Once I was sure I could stand it, I brought my head back inside and complained, "Damn Banzai you need a bath!"


He countered, "Jack, most of that smell is you. You're sweating all the vodka out of your system from last night. This is a good thing because the way you stink, if we had to go it on foot, every nose within a klick would target you immediately."


I sniffed my clothes cautiously. Damn I hate it when Banzai was right. Then I questioned, "Well is there an oasis or watering hole somewhere close where I can wash up?"


Banzai laughed, "Yeah, there's one close but the way you smell you'll pollute the hell out of it."


I notice Banzai had the computer out and asked, "What's going on?"


He looked at me and grinned, "Negotiations."


Flashback – Major M – Command and Control


I was pissed as hell and replied back, "Well then get the hell ‘in service’! We need observation only on this target. Repeat, observation only because of possible radioactive danger."


Damn that Sgt. Blaine was giving me shit again! Just when I thought we were working well together. This was the worst possible time for them to pull this shit and all this messaging was way out of protocol.


The two word reply came in, "Too hot!"


I composed a reply and questioned, "Your vehicle? Proceed to target on foot."


Flashback – Jack – Undisclosed location


Banzai was doing a bunch of messaging. More than protocol said we should so I questioned, "Aren't you worried we will be discovered?"


He said, "Just a little. But with the underground hanger being gone, I haven't seen or heard an aircraft since I woke up. I figure if they do get lucky and triangulate on us, they will have to send something from a hell of a distance away and we will be gone by then."


I continued, "So what's going on with the Major?"


He grinned, "He has his panties in a bunch over something 'new' they discovered and they want us to just observe it because it might be a nuke."


I smiled, "Sounds to me like we have him over a barrel. So what are your plans?"


He grinned and said, "Wait. I need to reply to his last message."


Flashback – Major M – Command and Control


The reply came back and I swore out loud, "What the hell! They are too hot and need a fucking vacation someplace where it's cold!" I knew exactly what Sgt. Blaine was telling me: He was still pissed about not going to Russia. I hadn't counted on his deep attachment to a Russian assignment. I know had never been there but really wanted to go. But dammit! I needed them on this mission ASAP. Somehow he figured that out and was 'negotiating'.


I asked my techs, "Any sign that the location of the team has been compromised?"


My techs came back, "There's a ninety percent chance when you send this reply they will have a triangulation."


I composed the message with a warning and sent it.


Flashback – Jack – Undisclosed location


Banzai looked at the message, then smiled and said, "Jack we need to get the hell out of Dodge!"


I questioned, "Well, are you going to tell me what it said?"


He jumped out of the jeep and yelled, "Yeah once we're moving. Now help me get the camo net off her because we need to move it."


I jumped out, helped with the net and jumped back in. Banzai grinned at me, turned on the radio (which hadn't worked before), reached down, pressed the play button on his music player and I heard, "We're just good old boys…"


He started the jeep, floored it and we both sang along to the theme song from Dukes of Hazzard.


After we went a short distance, I reached over, turned down the volume and asked, "Well what the fuck is going on with the Major."


Banzai answered, "The Major and I have come to an agreement. If we take this mission and continue working for a short while longer, then he will pull us out and we get to go to Russia."


I was excited as hell about Russia. Actually I was excited as hell about anywhere but here because I was pretty damn sure what was coming. And I didn't want to be here when that shitstorm came down, at least not on this side of the lines. But I worried and asked, "So how long is this 'short while' going to be."


Banzai jumped another ravine, grinned at me and explained, "If what I think we're going to find, we indeed find, then our remaining desert tour is going to be really short. But first we're taking a short break to get cleaned up."


I rubbed my hands together - a bath, clean clothes and then Russia soon!


Flashback – Major M – Command and Control


I no sooner got my Sgts. working on this critical mission again when a tech comes in my office and said, "Sir! We have an issue."


I jumped up and demanded, "What the hell is going on now."


He answered, "Sir! I think we might have made a mistake."


I walk into the main C&C room look at the satellite feed and again swore! Then I ordered, "See if you can contact the Sgts. to abort the mission."


Dammit! This might be enough to push Sgt. Blaine over the edge and then he might try to pull a Mr. Smith on me. It would be a shame to have to kill him…


Flashback – Jack – Undisclosed location


I was swimming in the little bit of warm water and luxuriating in the feeling of finally getting all the crap off me. My clothes dried on the jeep (which was hidden under the camo net close to the little oasis, and Banzai was standing watch up on a sand dune above me. The bastard made me do the same while he was first into the pool, because he explained, "He didn't want 'sloppy seconds.'"


That was okay with me, because it gave me more time to relax and I planned on using every second. I was wrinkled as hell because I'd been in for so long, but I didn't fucking care. I even used some soap despite what Banzai told me (he was a little bit of an environmental nut sometimes but I chalked it up to living in the Rocky Mountains as a kid).


I saw Banzai flying down the sand dune and I jumped out of the water and started drying in a hurry. Banzai ran up and I asked, "What the hell is wrong?"


Banzai said, "There's some sort of fucking caravan headed this way and I don't think it would be wise for us to be found here."


Then he sniffed and complained, "Jack don't tell me you used soap?"


I got into my dried clothes, grinned at him and answered, "Okay I won't tell you that."


He whined, "Dammit, that's going to fuck up the water, piss off anyone else that uses it and besides now you smell like a French whorehouse."


We climbed in the jeep and I countered, "And just how many French whorehouses have you been in?"


We sped off and Banzai answered, "Well, none."


I answered, "Well having been in more than one myself, I can say that I don't smell nearly as bad as any of the ones I was ever in. I think they only took a bath once a week and just splashed on more perfume each day."


Banzai reached over, turned on his music player and the speakers belted out the theme from Peter Gunn. Since I loved that song, I reached over and cranked the volume.


We were headed toward another ravine, this one was large as hell and I was worried. Banzai downshifted, punched the hell out of the jeep and the engine sounded like a hundred angry hornets as I was pressed back in the seat. He must have topped out the revs, snapped an upshift and I swear the tires chirped. It reminded me of a movie so I quoted, "Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!"


We easily cleared the ravine, the jeep once again landed softly and Banzai (who picked up on my quote) added, "Jack we're on a mission, a mission from God."


I scolded, "Yeah we may be on a mission from God, but it doesn't do any good to tempt the old man upstairs and piss him off. So don't the fuck do that again!"


He grinned and said, "Jack don't worry, she's running better than ever from the vodka, I think it cleaned out her pipes. I only wished we had more."


I reminded him, "Well if you break her don't complain to me about it." My psychology worked because he slowed up some and answered, "Yeah you're right I would really hate to break her."


I checked the map, tried to estimate our average speed and told Banzai, we should be close to the target in about an hour at this speed…


Flashback – Mira and Ira – Undisclosed location


This desert was irksome! This mission was excruciatingly irksome!!! Watching the RG go about their menial tasks was even more irksome! Even my sister Ira had become irksome with her constant scolding about maintaining my mental capacity on the mission. Continuing observation for the harlequins certainly did not merit increased cranial activity since their techniques were uncouth and we would be alerted to their presence long before they arrived.


I longed for the exhilaration of the American spy school and the added excitement of being close to my paramour Sgt. I could still olfactorate his musky (and sexy) scent. I could envision his smiling face and recalled the way his eyes sparkled as he conversed with me. I even missed my paramours faithful sidekick, Stinky Sgt. Reynolds. Combined they were like Don Quixote and Sancho Panza – gallantly jousting the windmill of Spy School administration. However I do not miss Malodorous Major M! I cogitated on the devious ways in which I would inflict bodily harm on his person for separating me from my paramour.


Tedium overtook my thoughts and I delineated ventricular pumping units in the sand with our initials in them - BB+MS. Then I terminated them and repeated the act. Why didn't these harlequins arrive as predicted so we could leave this irksome and barren desert?


My sister Mira was dory of hunky while the mission was active, but now during the critical time of waiting, she was odiously carked. I even observed her delineating ventricular pumping units in the sand like a silly female schoolgirl. I brooded on my preferred response and decided that for now, since we were not in imminent danger (or any perceived danger at all) I would let her have her mental vacations in hope they would lessen as the time expanded that she was separated from her vile seducer.


Flashback – Major M – Command and Control


If I didn't like what I first saw on the satellite feeds and I liked what I watched happening now even less. I asked in hope, "Any word from the Sgts.?"


My techs replied and reminded me, "No Sir! And if they follow previous pattern we won't hear from them until after this mission."


Damn, this was one aspect of the mission which I couldn't control. Unfortunately we couldn't be in permanent contact with the Sgts. and now when I needed to tell them something, there was no way to contact them.


I continued to watch and hoped like hell the Sgts. lived through this, And I hoped even more Sgt. Blaine wasn't so pissed that I became his next target.


My phone rang and it was the General. Shit! How was I going to explain this to him?


Flashback – Jack – Undisclosed location


Banzai slowed (it was a relative term), slipped the jeep sideways into one of the many ravines, backed up against the bank and shut off the engine. I looked at him and asked, "What the hell's going on?"


He gave me a serious look and said, "Jack it's just not right."


I questioned, "What do you mean? According to the Major this was a newly uncovered site and there was no military around."


Banzai clarified, "No not that. I mean if it really is a Russian SS-251, then we can't just take pictures of it, It needs to be destroyed, especially if it's a fully functional launch vehicle."


1 SS-25 Sickle is a mobile intercontinental ballistic missile designed in the Soviet Union and in service with Russia's Strategic Rocket Forces.


I questioned, "Banzai, how the hell could it be a fully functional launch vehicle. You know how big those are? All we saw was a small portion of the nose."


He gave me a look that told me he'd made up his mind and stated, "And Jack, who the hell would have thought we would find and underground hanger or half the crap we've already found out here? Even if it's just an SS-25 warhead that's still enough of a weapon that we have to destroy it."


I hated it, but again Banzai was right. However, I needed an answer to the 64 million dollar question, "Well, let's say it is just a warhead, how do you plan on destroying it without exposing us to the radiation? Because I sure as hell don't know about you, but I might want to have a kid someday and if I do have a kid I don't want it born with three arms or something even worse."


He shook his head, "That's one question I don't have an answer for. Now come on, let's approach this one on foot."


Flashback – Ben – Undisclosed location


I didn't like something but I wasn't sure what so I didn't fully inform Jack. The more I thought about this possibly being a nuclear warhead (or more) the less I liked it. Nuclear weapons in the hands of crazy fuckers were never a good mix. But this crazy fucker was a cagey fox and I was sure he had this as an insurance policy: Sort of a doomsday weapon just in case. That's why it was out here in no man's land without anyone guarding it. But Jack was right, how the hell could we destroy it without frying ourselves?


I parked the GAZ a good distance away. We grabbed our weapons and newly cleaned ghillie suits and slipped toward the target. I complained, "Damn Jack did you wash that ghillie suit with soap?"


He answered…


Flashback – Jack – Undisclosed location


Banzai was ragged about something and griped again about my smell. I replied, "Hell no I didn't! I know better than that."


He said, "Well it doesn't matter because we're downwind of the site. But do you smell what I smell?"


I sniffed but all I could smell was the soap I used. There was no way I was going to admit that to Banzai so I lied, "Hell no! I think I'm still a little sick."


Banzai whispered, "I smell diesel exhaust and for a site that's not supposed to have personnel…"


I finished, "There shouldn't be any diesel smell." But after he mentioned it I could even smell it.


We carefully crawled to the top of a dune, used our periscopes to peek over without exposing ourselves and Banzai said, "Shit Jack! Inactive site my ass! This place is crawling with troops."


I asked hopefully, "So we are taking pictures for the Major and getting the hell out of here?"


Banzai answered, "Jack look closer at what's going on down there and tell me what you see."


I looked and knew Banzai was right. I cursed, "Damn! I can't believe the Major told us this was an inactive site."


Banzai answered, "Well Jack that was probably our fuckup. If we hadn't stopped at the oasis, then we might have arrived before the RG."


As we continued the observation, I commented, "I do think we need some pictures of this." I crawled higher and took a crapload of shots. I crawled back down by Banzai and said I think I have a plan on how to safely blow this fucker, but you're not going to like it.


I told him my plan, he glared at me for a few seconds and said, "You're damn right I don't like it." I was worried until he added, "I love it!"


We headed back to the jeep…


Flashback – Major M – Command and Control


I watched the satellite feed and questioned, "What the hell was that?" Give me the last three minutes on a separate screen. I couldn't fucking believe it!


Flashback – Mira – Undisclosed location


I was delivered from my boredom as something finally happened!