Chapter 50

Walker Chapter 50

Copyright 2011 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia

 

Flashback – Ira and Mira – Undisclosed location

 

Mira continued traversing to and fro across the sand and shouting "Just who does that braying, bulbous, baboon, benefactor believes he is? It is obvious his carbuncled cranial carapace completely cohabitates in his alimentary orifice and produces massive retention of fecal matter!"

 

Yes Mira had thusly been motivated for hours since our new orders arrived! I was pleased it was night therefore my sister could not perceive my facial expression of mirth. I fueled her antiquated Plymouth automobile (Fury), "Mira our orders can not be that devastating! We will cease and desist action on our mission and return to Israel as you have continually desired."

 

She paced and continued, "Cease and desist our mission! I will cease and I will desist when the harlequins are terminated and not one minutia sooner. They must pay for their insolence!"

 

I could not resist, "Mira, is it prudent to directly contravene a direct order?"

 

She expressed further displeasure, "Direct order my gluteus maximus! I will not obey the orders of an incompetent, intoxicated, imbecile intent on inflicting insult to our existence!"

 

I was joy overed that the proximate death experience elicited such positive and profoundly dangerous emotions but I carefully continued, "Mirinka, you must be reasonable. We must not incur the wrath of our benevolent benefactor."

 

Perhaps I underestimated her anger as she converted her wrath toward me, "Irina Sedankina, even though it is dark I perceive from the tone of your voice your facial expression of mirth regarding my misery. Remove that facial expression immediately or my misery will have your companionship!"

 

I cogitated that, in Mira's irrational condition, retreat would be particularly prudent and informed her, "Mira, I will prepare our motorcycles posthaste." I commenced my task but I still gained massive pleasure from Mira's continued ruminations which were plainly audible.

 

My sister Ira befitted an annoying female child and instead of assuaging my arising anger, she initially increased my ire with her insipid intercourse. She still erroneously assumed my anger was precipitated by a slight brush with termination. However my anger was affected directly by my dosimeter which indicated a larger than desirable dose of radiation expelled by the harlequins manipulation of the blast which decimated the warhead.

 

The miscreants escaped the fallout while Ira and I received a dosage which was troubling for me and which now would be terminally troubling for the harlequins!

 

Flashback – Jack – Undisclosed location

 

I was pissed as hell and continued to swear, "That fucking bastard Major! I don't believe he sent us in here without an exit strategy in place."

 

Banzai continued with his scary look and commented without emotion, "Yes Jack it's the only conclusion which makes sense because the radiation poisoning lie should have had him getting us out of here ASAP."

 

I added, "Banzai, we need to fix his little red wagon so he will never do this again. You took all those death courses at the spook school, can you think of anything that would make him suffer for days and die a horrible death?"

 

He turned to me and said, "Jack I need to think again so drive me someplace while I take a short nap. Wake me up when you get there."

 

Shit! Not this again!

 

Flashback – Ben – Undisclosed location

 

I turned toward the window, stared out into the coming dawn and started to think about this logically. Shit! Someone had to come up with a plan because Jack was the out of control partner this time. In hindsight I never should have told Jack about the lack of an exit strategy - I knew better because that was one of his biggest hot buttons. But I wasn't sure and wanted his take on my thought.

 

I had some confidence the Major wasn't like most of the officers we'd met because of the long private talk we had when Mira and Ira were taken out of the country (I sort of owed him one for that because I owed Ira for saving my life). Of course Jack would never accept that because he'd been bent over too many times to ever trust another officer. I knew the Major had some sort of exit strategy in place when we came into this fucking desert, but I think we majorly fucked it up when we started taking out the targets.  I’ll bet he was working like hell to figure something out, but I realized we just might be on our own on this one.

 

I turned back to Jack and said, "Jack, another change in plans. Find someplace to hide this big fucking truck because I have work to do."

 

He looked at me, "So you aren't going to sleep for two days this time?"

 

I answered, "Jack, we don't have the luxury to waste that amount of time."

 

He found a ravine, barely made it into the ravine without tipping the truck over and asked, "What now?"

 

I said, "Help me unload this truck, then find someplace to sack out. I will wake you if I need you."

 

He grumbled, "Dammit Banzai, make up your mind. First we load everything into this truck now you want it all unloaded."

 

I flipped him off and said, "Jack stop being a royal pain in the ass!"

 

Flashback – Jack – Undisclosed location

 

I flipped off Banzai and countered, "Well you need to grow the fuck up." Then I started to unload the crapload of gear from the back of the truck. I swear we seemed to pick up more gear from each place we destroyed so I decided to make three piles: One for shit we would never need; one for shit we might need; and the final one for shit we definitely need.

 

He laughed and then stated, "I'll tell you what, I'll grow up when you learn to trust Major M. What are the three piles you've started?"

 

I stopped, looked at him and griped, "Don't tell me you trust that bastard - not after what he did to us."

 

He explained to me how he felt and when he was done it did make sense so I replied, "Well if the Major can pull a rabbit out of his hat and find some way to get us the hell out here, I still won't trust him, but I will feel better about working for him and I won't kill him."

 

I begin moving shit to the three piles again and Banzai re-asked, "Jack what's going on with the three piles?"

 

I pointed to the biggest pile and stated, "That's shit we're throwing away." I pointed to the next biggest pile and added, "And that's shit we might take with us." Then the smallest pile and said, "And this is shit we need."

 

Banzai about had a conniption, but my plan worked perfectly…

 

Flashback – Ben – Undisclosed location

 

I complained, "Jack, you're throwing away shit that I'm going to need."

 

He grinned at me and stated, "Well, I outrank you and it's my decision."

 

I flipped him off and countered, "I don't believe you pulled the old outrank me bullshit. Now get the hell out of here before I kick your ass!"

 

I noticed a grin when he left and realized the bastard had tricked me again. I thought, you just wait you cranky old bastard, my surprise is going to scare the shit out of you!

 

Flashback – Major M – Command and Control

 

I called in some huge favors I had with the Mossad (and wondered what it would cost me later) when I had them call off the dogs (or perhaps a better term would be the two Sedankina bitches) and their troops. But I pondered what my contacts had told me about the extra troops. They assured me (but you could never be totally assured of anything in this business) that it was just the Sedankina bitches after my Sgts.

 

But I couldn't dwell on this right now as I had bigger problems – how the hell was I going to exfiltrate my Sgts.? Yeah this mission really sucked! While the infiltration was easy because the SA of the country was low, with the hornet's nest the Sgts. stirred up, the feeble exfiltration plan that was in place was no longer an option.

 

Plus the Sgts. weren't stupid. I was sure by now they knew why I told them to proceed to the next target and one or both of them would probably be coming after me. Of course the easy solution would be the bonehead's solution which would be to let them die. But that wasn't an option for me, so I was scrambling trying to come up with an exfiltration plan before they died from radiation poisoning.

 

However something kept bothering me about this whole situation…

 

Flashback – Mira and Ira – Undisclosed location

 

There remained a minor malfunction in my mission to eradicate the harlequins: This mission was terminated and therefore we could no longer rely on the support of our buffonic benefactor or the Israelis. We were now solely responsible for our destiny.

 

Dawn contemplated descending, so I now questioned, "Ira now that you have again become helpful, what is your analysis of the next target for the harlequins?"

 

My sister smiled and stated, "Mira I did not wish to enrage you further, I was just joy-overed that you were finally yourself again. Shall we examine our maps to see if we can determine the likely pattern for the next target? It would help if we could contemplate their path as illogically as the harlequins."

 

Yes my sister's supposition showed virtue - the miscreants were utterly fickle. We minutely studied the maps while we both attempted to transform their behavior into illogical patterns!

 

Flashback – Major M – Command and Control

 

Damn! I had a call earlier from my Mossad contacts and they were unable to recall the Sedankina bitches! Not only that, but there had been no word from the Sgts. for a day and a half. Perhaps they had already succumbed to the radiation poisoning or maybe the bitches caught them.

 

All this faded into the background when I finally figure out a half-assed exit strategy. But even a half-assed exit strategy was better than no exit strategy. I hoped they would contact us so I could get them the hell out of there.

 

Flashback – Jack – Undisclosed location

 

Banzai had been making a hell of a noise doing something to the damn truck for the better part of a day - he only stopped to eat and shit. Whatever it was, he was being damn secretive about it because he kept it covered with the camo net and if I got close he yelled at me.

 

The banging and clanging and swearing weren't so bad, because they'd stop for a while and I could get some sleep. But he'd been fucking with the engine now for two hours. It was making a hell of a noise and I couldn't ignore it any longer. I walked toward the net and Banzai yelled, "Jack get the fuck away from here. You didn't want to help and I'm not done yet."

 

I yelled back over the fucking din from the engine, "Well just when the hell are you going to be done because I sure as hell can't get any sleep with all this noise."

 

Then like magic, the noise the engine made was silenced and Banzai said, "Next time don't wake up if you're going to be so damn crabby!"

 

I snap, "Well if you'd hold the noise down I wouldn't be so damn crabby."

 

I headed back to the rack I'd setup. At least things were quieter now and I could get some sleep. But what the fuck was Banzai doing?

 

I almost got to sleep when the engine begins to drone again - I'm sure the bastard did that on purpose.

 

Flashback – Jack – Undisclosed location – hours later

 

Banzai shook me out of a deep sleep, "Jack wake up we need to go."

 

I checked my watch and yawned, "Thanks Banzai for stopping all the noise. It was nice sleeping for the past five hours."

 

He grinned, "Yeah I needed the sleep too. So let's roll."

 

I stood up, grabbed my rack and looked at what the hell used to be the truck and complained, "Well you certainly fucked up the truck! What the hell did you do?"

 

He grinned at me, kind of like a kid at Christmas and answered, "I made it better!"

 

It looked like some sort of cross between the truck, the GAZ and a tank. He had cut the roof off the back of the truck until it was knee high, except for the very rear of the truck where it was its original height and had strapped – I couldn't believe it and questioned him, "What the hell are those for?"

 

He continued with his grin and said, "Oh, you'll see."

 

Then I saw something which really bothered me. I pointed and complained, "Don't tell me you want me to ride there."

 

He pointed and replied. "Hell yes you ride there! You know you man the gun. But don't worry, I gave you a harness this time."

 

I questioned, "Banzai, this is the truck, why the hell would I need a harness."

 

He grinned even bigger and once again said, "Oh you'll see."

 

I walked around the front of the ‘thing’ and commented, "Now putting some armor plating on the engine and radiator was a great idea."

 

Banzai bragged, "Yeah I even armored the whole cab."

 

I was amazed, looked at, it laughed and said, "Well doctor Frankenstein, you certainly have created a monster."

 

Banzai laughed, "Thanks Jack that's a great name for her, she'll be our Frankentruck. Now jump in and let's go blow something up."

 

I should have known when I took my seat and saw the seatbelts Banzai rigged up what was coming. He looked at me, grinned and said, "Buckle up tight Jack, we're going for a ride."

 

I thought to myself 'oh hell no'!!!

 

Flashback – Ira and Mira – Undisclosed location

 

Again we waited for the harlequins at the next most illogical target. However this time my wonderful sister Mira was engaged, she had no extraneous issues and was maintaining her focus. It would be a shame to eliminate the harlequins after they had performed such a vital service for us. However, eliminate them we will.

 

Mira gazed at me and questioned, "Ira, do your auditory units detect a noise?"

 

I concentrated and expounded, "Yes Mira! Perhaps it is finally the harlequins!"

 

We anxiously prepared our weapons!

 

 

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