Chapter 55

Walker Chapter 55

Copyright 2011 -2012 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia

 

Present – Ben – At the bunker

 

Damn, now that was a dream – elephant hunting in Africa! And Jens, I mean Ms. Donaldson was in it and she sure as hell looked good. I really thought my feelings for her were gone. Oh well – now where was I? Oh yeah I was reading Jon's manuscript before I fell asleep.

 

I hear a loud, "Beeeennnnnn! I need help!" Then there's a big bang. Shit! That's Stacy and what the hell has happened to her now…

 

I carefully set the Jeffery rifle on the table, draw my revolver and leave Jon's private man-cave. I proceed cautiously, making sure to clear the kitchen, start to clear the stables and begin to laugh like crazy! Now this is funny as hell!

 

Present – Stacy – At the bunker

 

I see Ben laughing at me and I yell, "Ben stop laughing and get me the hell down from here."

 

He holsters his gun, walks into the stables, chuckles and questions, "What happened Stacy?"

 

I reply, "Ben I don't know, I was grooming the horses like you ordered and Bo was giving me some grief. I saw something, reached down and grabbed it and the next thing I knew I'm up here."

 

He continues to laugh (which pisses me off) and says, "Didn't I warn you not to be messing around with shit?"

 

I flip him off and say, "Ben get me the hell down from here and stop laughing!"

 

He finally stops laughing, looks things over and continues, "Okay, it looks like I can lower you from over here."

 

I complain, "Just make sure you don't drop me on my head…"

 

Present – Ben – At the bunker

 

Yeah, Stacy's curiosity finally got her in trouble. Perhaps she will learn… No she's a woman and that's one lesson she won't learn. Well that's also not completely true because Ms. Donaldson sure the hell would have learned this lesson.

 

Oh I had seen the snare earlier by Bo's stable and made sure to leave it alone and now I'm glad I did because it has Stacy by the legs and she is hanging upside down at the ceiling. I walk over to release her and say, "So what the hell was the banging noise?"

 

Stacy replies, "I thought that was you making the banging noise." Then something hits the stable door and it reverberates throughout the stables.

 

I quickly pull my revolver and caution, "Stacy don't go anywhere I need to see what that is."

 

Present – Stacy – At the bunker

 

I yell, "Don't go anywhere! Ben how the hell can I move since I'm caught in this damn trap. Now get me down from here."

 

He replies, "Stacy shut the hell up and let me see…"

 

There's another big bang on the stable door which interrupts Ben. He doesn't let me down but instead heads toward the gun cabinet by the stable door and takes out a rifle as I loudly complain, "Beeeennnnnn! Let me the hell down!"

 

This time he ignores me and I know if I'm going to get down anytime soon, I'm going to have to do it myself…

 

Present – Ben – At the bunker

 

Damn! I thought it was Stacy making the banging noise, but now that I've heard it closer I know it's something really big outside the stable door. It's a much louder sound than when the banditos (and Stacy) were banging on the door so it must also be larger.

 

I grab a rifle from the gun cabinet, do a quick function check and decide I can squeak the small door open just a bit and shoot whoever or whatever it is.

 

I unlock the small door and begin to open it when all hell breaks loose!

 

Present – Stacy – At the bunker

 

Yeah, Ben's ignoring me so I'm going to show him, I will get my own self down. I draw the knife from my tactical vest, fight my way up to the rope, begin to cut it when I hear a bunch of noise and Ben yells! "Fuck!"

 

I cut the rope but my hand slips so I begin to fall and yell, "Beeeennnnnn!" Then he catches me?

 

Except the he isn't Ben but it’s George! He sets me on the ground so I sign and say, "Thank you."

 

I turn to brag to Ben, hear a heck of a noise, turn around and see that Bo is pissed off! His ears are back, his lips are pursed and I swear there is fire in his eyes as he's charging us! I yell, "We need to get the heck out of here!"

 

George snorts a couple times, sees Bo, then picks me up and runs toward the door to the kitchen. We barely make it through the door and close it when Bo kicks the heck out of the door.

 

I look at George and sign, "What's wrong with the horse?"

 

George replies, "Horse crazy like other pet."

 

I think for a short moment and realize he means Ben so I ask, "Why is my other pet crazy?"

 

He signs and I can't believe it. Oh my God! Ben is going to be so pissed off!

 

Present – Ben – At the bunker

 

This is getting too damn regular! I wake up again to the smell of bad horse breath as Bo is standing with his head over me again. Damn what the hell happened? I reach up, touch my head, feel a damn big bump and remember. I cracked the door, just got the gun barrel in position when that damn gorilla charged through like a linebacker blitzing a quarterback and the door nailed me in the head. That big ape needs to be taught a lesson!

 

I scratch Bo and say, "Thanks big guy for standing watch over me again."

 

As he snorts I remember Stacy and the trap. Shit! I need to get her down now or she's going to be really pissed.

 

I sit up (and I'm dizzy as hell) look up to the ceiling and thank God that she's gone. But where the hell is she?  I stand up, make sure the outside door is shut and locked, then head toward the kitchen door. Bo is by my side and the closer I get to the door, the more upset he gets. His ears go back and he begins pursing his lips so I scratch him and ask, "What's wrong big guy?"

 

He even fights me getting to the door. I push him out of the way and declare, "Bo stop being my mom! I'm going to be fine!"

 

I rattle the doorknob because the door is locked and hear from the other side, "Ben is that you?"

 

Present – Stacy – At the bunker

 

I locked the door because I didn't want an angry Ben coming into the rest of the bunker. When the doorknob rattles, I ask if it's Ben and I can't believe Ben's rude reply, "Hell no it's not me, Bo has learned how to open doors. Now open this damn door and let me in."

 

I answer, "Ben, Not until you promise me something."

 

He rattles the knob and replies, "I'll promise you if you don't open this door I'm going to get pissed off. Now open this door."

 

I inform him, "No way, not with the mood you're in, and not until you promise me you won't kill George."

 

Ben shouts, "Fine, have it your way. Good fucking bye, you and your damn monkey can have a great life together!"

 

What the hell! Ben is leaving? I unlock the door and…

 

Present – Ben – At the bunker

 

I knew that threatening to leave would get Stacy's damn attention. She unlocks the door, I barge through and she yells, "Ben! Dammit you tricked me!"

 

I reply, "No I just trained you." Then I start to chuckle.

 

Stacy snaps, "Well I sure as hell don't know what's so funny, because the same thing happened to you."

 

I think for a moment and decide this could be fun so I tease, "Oh no, I wasn't laughing about that. I just remembered this really hot and sexy spy from a foreign country. You should have seen her: I don't know if I've ever known a more beautiful woman - she was tall, leggy, had a great rack, and the firmest ass I ever felt. Wonderful long hair that blew in the wind when she ran. And run, man she was faster than me. Mira was a hell of a woman and an incredible operative! She had this great accent and the funniest way of saying things, in fact she used the word training for sex. That's why I was laughing. Yeah Mira was one of the most beautiful women I've ever known!"

 

Stacy gives me a strange look, throws up her hands and says, "Ha-de-fracking-ha! It's pretty bad if you have to laugh at your own jokes!" then storms off. I yell after her, "Don't forget to groom Bo."

 

Good, now that she's gone I can find that damn monkey of hers because he's not going to make a monkey's uncle out of me and get away with it…

 

Present – Stacy – At the bunker

 

I'm very pissed (and jealous) as I head into the stable! Who the frack was this mystery Mira woman Ben just told me about? I thought all I had to worry about was that flat-chested, old-floozy virgin, ex-fiancée of his. Now there's someone else and he's known her – surely he's not telling me… I can't even think about it.

 

 Bo takes one look at me and runs to the far end of the stable. I yell, "Dammit, if you give me anymore shit I'm going to hobble you! This is all your fault, if you had stood still in the first place and let me groom you, none of this would have happened."

 

As I walk toward him, he puts back his ears and I threaten, "You'd better cut that out. I've had enough shit from Ben for the whole week and I won't take any more from you."

 

Present – Ben – At the bunker

 

Now that was fun and certainly took Stacy down a notch or two. I really couldn't use the word train or any of its derivatives without thinking of Mira. They say as a man gets older, he looks back on life and it's not the accomplishments he thinks about, it's the missed opportunities.

 

And there are times I regret never 'training' Mira. Oh I know exactly why I didn't. I had that long talk with Anna, Jack's girlfriend, and understood what I was doing wrong but most of all it was because Mira was too easy. If she had been less willing, things would have been different. Damn, what's wrong with me lately? I'm spending too much time thinking about the past: First Ms. Donaldson and now Mira… What's next?

 

I reign in my thoughts and search to find that damn monkey. Now that's an issue I should think about, how in the hell do you beat the shit out of a Gorilla without getting killed?

 

Present – Stacy – At the bunker

 

Bo and I make up and I finally start to groom him. It's relaxing for both of us so I continue to talk to him, "Bo what is it about men?"

 

He snorts so I add, "I sure don't understand Ben."

 

He shakes his head like he agrees so I complain, "I can't believe what Ben did!"

 

He nickers and I continue, "He told me about one of his old girlfriends. I think he even made love to her."

 

I can't believe it, because Bo actually nods his head laughs about it. I throw down the curry comb, slap the hell out of his face, turn to leave and complain, "You damn males, you're all alike!"

 

I can't believe I've been laughed at by a horse!

 

I start to leave when Ben storms in and shouts, "Stacy I'm gonna kill that damn monkey of yours!"

 

I stop short, look at him, see he's angrier than I've ever seen and I know I have to be very careful. So I ask, "Ben, I'm sorry that George accidentally knocked you out."

 

Ben interrupts, "Stacy damn him! I'm not talking about that. He – he –he!"

 

Yes Ben's so angry he can't even complete a sentence. I very carefully ask, "Ben what did George do to get you so upset?"

 

He holds up his miraculous new gun (the one he was worshiping) and says, "Didn't you watch that damn monkey of yours? He got into my man cave, tore the hell out of the place, destroyed all the trophies and… and… and…"

 

I calmly ask, "And what Ben?"

 

Ben spits, "He broke this rifle, just look at it!"

 

I know I have to be very careful with how I answer this… I think and apologize, "Ben I am really sorry. I was distracted by you trying to get into the bunker and didn't watch George so I didn't know he did this. I will make this right. When I get my money again, I will pay to have this rifle fixed and I will also buy you as many of those rifles as you want."

 

Ben calms a little and says, "Well that sure doesn't help us now! I'm going back to my man cave and I want to be left alone. But if I see that damn gorilla, I'm going to kill him."

 

He's still really upset as he turns as he turns to leave so I begin to think: What can I do right now to make things better…

 

Present – Ben – At the bunker

 

That damn fucking gorilla tore the hell out of things in what was the perfect man cave. I think he used the Jeffry rifle to beat the shit out of the trophies until it broke, then he pulled them off the wall and pissed and shit on everything. He's dead if I see him again.

 

The worst thing is now I don't have the Jeffery to face Knacker's killer. I go to the man cave, begin to clean up the mess and think again about this problem. As I clean the answer finally comes to me: It's something I saw dad do years ago and I must have repressed the thought.

 

I finish cleaning, sit at the table and begin to work on the solution when I hear a knock on the door. I look up and Stacy walks in with a bowl of food and a bottle of bourbon.

 

She announces, "Ben I know this won't fix anything, but I thought you might be hungry."

 

When my stomach loudly growls, she smiles and continues, "Good I guess you are hungry, I will just sit this on the table and leave."

 

She turns to leave and I ask, "Aren't you joining me?"

 

She looks over her shoulder, "I wasn't sure I was invited plus I still have the stable to finish cleaning out."

 

I look at the food and determine it's some sort of chili and smells great. I relent, "Well, I sure as hell won't feel any better if I eat alone."

 

She smiles and says…

 

Present – Stacy – At the bunker

 

Grandmamma was right! The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Ben had been talking about chili so much lately I decided to whip some up for him while he was sulking in his man cave. I even thought about fighting my fear and finding a snake to put in it, but I wasn't really sure how to clean a snake, so he would have to settle for my chili.

 

I take him a bottle of bourbon and a big bowl of chili then I start to leave (of course I was hoping he would ask me to join him). Of course, he did ask me to join him, so I offer, "Thanks Ben I really didn't want to eat alone. Let me go get the rest of the chili, a bowl and some glasses."

 

Ben asks, "Stacy, could you bring in some hot sauce and water too?"

 

I smile and say, "Sure Ben, I'll be right back with them."

 

I was happy when I came back, because Ben had actually waited for me. I arrange the table (as much as I could with all the junk Ben had on it) start to pour him some bourbon and he cautions, "Stacy, I only want one finger."

 

I pour him a bit more than a finger, then I take the bottle of wine, pour myself and glass and propose a toast, "Ben, here's to you! The best man in the world who has saved my life so many times."

 

We clink our glasses and Ben downs his in a single big gulp. I take a sip and he comments, "Stacy, that toast was embarrassing."

 

I grin and ask, "Since when is the truth embarrassing?"

 

I watch as he takes a bite of chili, looks at me and changes the subject, "What meat did you use in this?"

 

I smile and explain, "I knew you wanted something exotic so that is antelope meat."

 

He smiles and adds, "That's one of my favorite meats to use in chili. Thanks, this is pretty good but not quite spicy enough. Pass the hot sauce."

 

I watch him put more hot sauce than I could believe in his bowl of chili, then he takes a mouthful and smiles, "Yeah that's perfect."

 

I pick up one of the shotgun shells on the table, notice it has a cut almost all around it and ask, "Ben what's this for?"

 

Present – Ben – At the bunker

 

Stacy did make some decent chili and it's really hitting the spot. She asks about the shotgun shell so I explain, "Stacy, I didn't want to mention this earlier, but whatever killed Knacker is really big and I was planning on using the Jeffery rifle to kill it. With the rifle being destroyed I had to come up with something else that might work. While Jon had many things in here, he lacked any slug rounds for a shotgun.  So I remembered my dad once using cut shotgun shells, which function similarly to a slug round to take down a bear."

 

She questions, "What's a cut shotgun shell."

 

I tell her, "You take a knife and cut around the shell at the location of the wads, in a slight spiral leaving about a quarter of an inch uncut." I take a shell, demonstrate and continue, "Then when you fire it, the whole upper part of the shell separates in one piece and packs a hell of a punch, almost as bad as a slug."

 

She takes a big drink of wine and says, "Do you think this will kill whatever killed Knacker?"

 

I look at her and honestly say, "I sure as hell hope it does because I'm not sure anything else we have here will, not with one shot."

 

She messes with the shell, accidentally breaks it open and says, "Sorry Ben, I will clean up this mess." Then grins and continues…

 

Present – Stacy – At the bunker

 

Ben provides such a wealth of ideas and seems to be able to improvise all the time. This cut shotgun shell is a great idea – which gives me my own great idea so I ask, "So what would happen if I shot a man with one of these."

 

He looks at me and says, "It wouldn't be pretty."

 

I nod my head and think. Yeah, first I'd shoot each of the bastards legs, then each of his arms and finally blow his balls clean off – one at a time! I think these cut shotgun shells will come in very useful…

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