Chapter 020

Home 2 Chapter 020

Copyright 2013 Banzai Ben and Amazing Anastasia


Flashback – Ben – At the hospital


I was glad that Tatiana chose to be my girlfriend and not my personal nurse so my first request (I say request because you sure as hell don't order a woman to do anything) was, "Okay girlfriend, how about you finding me a new personal nurse to take your place?"


She countered, "Ben, I really wouldn't mind cleaning you up."


I knew she was going to say that so I asked for confirmation, "So then, you're really my nurse and not my girlfriend?"


I almost laughed as she said…


Flashback – Tatiana – At the hospital


Ben was being extremely stubborn, even more stubborn than usual. I offered to clean him up but he implied if I did I wasn't his girlfriend. I questioned, "So does this mean a girlfriend can't clean up her boyfriend?"


Ben shocked me (because the news crews were still here and recording everything) when he replied, "Not unless we're taking a shower together. Then we can really 'clean' each other up."


I blushed while the sassy little reporter (who I instantly hated) stated, "My offer to help is still valid if you require assistance."


I glared at her and answered, "Ben needs a real nurse, not someone who pretends to be a nurse."


However she countered, "Oh, I am also a real nurse, not just a reporter. So Ben Blaine, would you accept me for your new personal nurse?"


Flashback – Jack – At the hospital


Was Banzai fucking crazy or perhaps he had a brain injury from the most recent accident. The cute little reporter offered to be his nurse while Tatiana's mouth gaped open as Ben replied, "That sounds like it would be a great idea, especially since Tatiana has not found me a replacement yet."


Tatiana whined, "Don't I get a say in this? After all, I am your girlfriend."


Banzai replied, "Well honey, you had a chance to find a new personal nurse for me but you didn't. She's here, she made the offer and I sort of like her."


Masha wisely grabbed Tatiana by the arm and escorted her outside. Banzai's new private nurse ordered, "We need everyone to leave the room before I start to bathe my new patient."


The other news crews grumbled and left while I stayed but she glared at me and demanded, "That includes you, Sir."


I complained, "I work for a damn living and I am not a Sir! However, I am the highest ranking American in this room right now."


She cutely waved her hand at me and said, "I would not care if you were President Putin, now shoo."


Banzai fought back a laugh at me for being 'shooed' out of the room. I stepped out of the room and right into…


Flashback – Masha – In the hallway outside Ben's room at the hospital


I exercised my authority and wisdom while escorting Tatiana into the hallway before she killed the little news girl (who I guess is Ben's new personal nurse). Tatiana complained, "I should go back in and kill both of them."


I attempted to calm her, "Tatiana, I'm sure that Ben is doing this for a reason."


Tatiana continued to complain (and I don't really blame her - if Jack had a nurse who looked like her I would be upset), then Jack walked into the hallway. Tatiana looked at him and questioned, "Why aren't you staying in there while she bathes Ben."


Jack stated, "She wouldn't let me - she shooed me out of the room."


I couldn't prevent Tatiana from taking her next action…


Flashback – Tatiana – At the hospital


I stormed back into the room expecting to see something revolting and I was surprised when I saw the little bitch had changed into scrubs and was actually giving Ben a very demure sponge bath (Ben was under the sheets), while she interviewed him. She questioned, "So tell me more about your feelings for your girlfriend Tatiana. Does she know how much you love her?"


Ben laughed, "She's here now so you can ask her yourself."


She turned, smiled at me and questioned, "Hello Tatiana, do you know how much Ben loves you?"


I stammered, "He… He… He does?"


She smiled and answered, "Of course he does! I could tell the minute I first saw you two together."


I continued, "But… But… But I thought you wanted to???"


She giggled and interrupted, "No Tatiana. Ben is not my type, if you understand what I mean."


Ben said, "Yeah, I could tell immediately, that's why I chose her to be my new personal nurse. I didn't want to make you jealous."


I stammered, "You… You… You knew and didn't want me to be jealous?"


Ben laughed and declared, "Hell yes, that's what I did and you keep confusing me with Russian men! I will never do anything to make you jealous."


Ben's new personal nurse said, "Now shoo and let me finish giving him his sponge bath. Your presence here is creating a problem."


I unwisely questioned, "What problem is that?"


She stepped aside, pointed at the tented bed and explained, "That problem. He didn't do that when it was only me in the room."


I was stunned as I retreated into the hallway…


Flashback – Masha – In the hallway outside Ben's room at the hospital


I tried to follow Tatiana into the room but Jack restrained me and ordered, "Masha, we need to let those two work out their own problems."


I complained, "But Jack, she could really hurt that other woman."


Jack replied, "Ben would never let that happen."


I was sure that Jack was incorrect since he probably had an incomplete assessment of Tatiana's skills. While we argued about this, a very strange looking Tatiana entered the hallway. I questioned, "Tatiana what is wrong?"


She smiled at me and replied, "Nothing. Ben's new nurse is a lesbian and has no interest in Ben other than obtaining a method to exclusively interview him."


Jack stated, "Yeah, I sort of figured she was. But I need to get in there and have a talk with Banzai."


Jack went into the room and I began to question Tatiana…


Flashback – Ben – At the hospital


Jack walked into the room. Elena (that was my new nurse's name) turned and complained, "I thought I shooed you out of the room."


Jack explained, "I need to have a word with Banzai in private so you will need to leave the room. And that's an order!"


Elena left the room, Jack walked over to the bed and ordered, "Banzai, you need to be careful what you tell your new personal nurse. Remember she is a reporter."


I complained, "Jack you old fart, you must be confusing me with you."


He demanded, "What the hell do you mean?"


I laughed, "Hell, you're so twitter-pated and partly senile you'd tell Masha anything she asked. I knew what I was doing when I chose Elena for my personal nurse. It's the best way to control exactly what is said to the press over here."


Jack countered, "Like hell I would! You take that back!"


I laughed some more and argued, "Like hell I will! You need to have a serious talk with yourself and you'll see I'm right. Now get the hell out of my room and send Elena back in before my bathwater gets too cold."


When I walked back into the hallway, Elena was talking to Masha and Tatiana and they were laughing. I walked up and said, "Banzai said his bath water is getting cold."


Elena turned, saluted and sarcastically said, "Yes Sir!" And then gaily skipped into his room.


I looked at Masha and Tatiana and questioned, "Is everything okay?"


They both stated, "Of course, why would there be a problem?"


I thought, women, who can understand them!


My stomach growled and Masha surmised, "Jack you must be hungry. We need to find you something edible. Tatiana, why don't you accompany us and bring something back for Ben?"


Flashback – Jens – At home


I'd set my clothes on fire and Daddy left to talk to the firemen. I'd won sort of a victory with mother (by playing the prima ballerina card) so mother had me take off all my clothes which was embarrassing as all heck and then IT HAPPENED. A fireman burst into the room, I screamed and tried to cover myself with the closest clothes (unfortunately it was one of the dresses that I'd set on fire) then I screamed for real, "Help me, it's burning me!"


The fireman ran up, quickly pulled the hot clothes off me and covered me in his big fireman’s coat. More firemen and Daddy entered the room, Daddy demanded, "What's wrong!"


I continued to cry while the fireman explained, "Your daughter was frightened when I entered the room and unwisely tried to cover herself with the hot clothes on the floor."


Mother added, "Yes, she is much too prudish to be a prima ballerina. They must grow accustomed to men fantasizing about their bodies. I vividly remember when all men fantasized about mine."


Father said, "Jennifer, we need to get you to the hospital immediately."


The fireman agreed, "Yes Sir, that's correct. We need a burn specialist to assess and treat her burns and the sooner this happens the better."


Daddy ordered, "Evelyn, please pack a bag for Jennifer and bring it to the hospital later."


I looked at mother and realized (and was surprised Daddy didn't – perhaps love really is blind?) that wasn't going to happen since she was too drunk again to drive! I bravely declared, "I am fine and don't need to go to the hospital!"


Daddy disagreed, "Princess, you are going to the hospital whether you like it or not."


We began to leave as a Russian report came on about my Ben. I sure didn't like the new little reporter they used…


Flashback – Glen – At home


Son of a bitch! We started to leave the house and a report begins on Jennifer's computer about Sergeant Blaine in Russia. I'd sure like to stop and listen to it but instead I will wait for the transcripts. I've got to say, the reporter is as cute as a bug…


Flashback – Todd – On the island


I grabbed the little oriental woman when she came close enough and the next think I knew was…


Flashback – Alexi – At home


I continued to work on the cryptex without success. I looked at the clock and realized I should have been in bed an hour ago. My 'parents' would chastise me tomorrow for staying up too late. I looked at the crossed off list and realized at the rate I was trying five letter words I might not ever open the cryptex.


I sadly took it to bed with me in hopes if I slept on the matter, my dreams might produce the solution…


Flashback – Ira, Mira and Naomi – in Israel


Naomi and Irina left to acquire a liter of vodka for the behemoth man's alimentary alcohol lavage and I could not believe what he requested. He entreated, "Since you work for me, I was wondering if you would give me a massage with the oils like Naomi performs?"


I stated unequivocally, "That will never happen."


He brayed a whine, "But I thought you worked for me."


I informed him of his error, "Sir, we are not in your employment. We are using your domicile as a temporary respite."


He offered, "I would pay you substantially if you would do this for me."


I informed him, "All the gold in the Knox Fort and all the Camellia sinensis in China could not persuade me to perform such an act."


He laughed (it was gross because his behemoth mass shook like a bowl full of jelly) and stated, "Do not you know there is very little gold in Fort Knox anymore?"


Thank heavens Naomi and Irina then returned. Irina occulated my facial disgust and questioned, "Miranda what is the problem?"


I replied, "The behemoth man would like a massage with oils and assumed we were employed by him and I would perform this action."


Naomi offered, "I would love to give my master an oil massage."


I countered, "Naomi, thank you for the offer, however it is imperative we perform the alimentary alcohol lavage haste of post to prevent any greater infection and possibly the need for alimentary surgery."


The behemoth man brayed, "Surgery, I don't want any surgery down there. Yes please give me the alcohol enema immediately."


Ira occulated the behemoth man's overly relaxed (and behemoth) rectum and questioned, "How will we prevent his alimentary canal from violently expelling the alcohol?"


The thought of that circumstance sickened me then Naomi stated, "I have a device which should work."


She left the room and the behemoth man continued his obnoxious braying, "You know, I have never had sex with twins…"


Ira slapped his behemoth derriere (which once again shook like a bowl full of jelly) and threatened, "One more statement like that and I will remove your training implement."


He brayed, "Ouch that hurt! Please do that again."


Naomi returned and handed us a device. I questioned its utility, "Of what use is this?"


She stated (and simultaneously blushed), "It is an alimentary canal plug."


My greatest desire was to end this ordeal so I quickly readied the lavage device, inserted the tube into his rectum and let the vodka freely flow. The procedure occurred without incident until Ira reminded me, "Mira, you do realize he will absorb alcohol into his blood stream."


I gasped, "That means he will become inebriated."


Ira refined my description, "Extremely inebriated from the quantity of vodka up his alimentary canal."


Naomi fearfully questioned, "Don't tell me he will become drunk?"


I confirmed, "Yes, unfortunately that is true."


Naomi cried, "I do not like my master when he becomes drunk. That is why I limit his wine and champagne."


We soon discovered why Naomi disliked it when her behemoth boss became inebriated…


Flashback – Jack – At the restaurant


I was finishing my great meal at the restaurant while I enjoyed watching my woman and Tatiana chatting up a storm (in Russian). I decided I was one lucky son of a bitch, to have a woman like Masha love me. There was a low rumble and the ground shook like an earthquake which snapped me out of my contemplation.


 I remembered something and swore, "Son of a bitch!"


The women both looked at me and I said, "We left Banzai alone again in the hospital without guards."


I jumped up from the table followed by the two women, dropped a wad of dollars on the table and we hightailed it toward the hospital.


When we got there, the Spetsnaz were there and all hell was breaking loose.


I saw Yuri, walked up to him, followed by my female entourage and questioned, "What the hell happened?"


He replied, "Just look down the street and you tell me."


I looked and there was a massive crater in the street! The buildings that surrounded the crater were decimated. It was obviously the result of another car bomb but at least this one didn't reach the hospital.


Yuri added, "The car bomb exploded before reaching the hospital. However we have a larger problem. Sergeant Blaine is missing."


I yelled, "What the fuck! How could he be missing?"


I recognized when Tatiana swore in Russian (and reminded myself to ask Masha what it meant), "Tвойу мат! Where in hades is he?"


Yuri answered, "We are currently sweeping the hospital but it appears he's no longer there…"


Flashback – Todd – On the island


I woke up with a hell of a headache after that waif of a Japanese woman knocked me out. Hell I wasn't even sure what she used or how she did it because it was so damn fast. I sat up and noticed this time my hands were also restrained and the IV coconut and bag were gone. I touched my throat and something felt different this time. When I tried to talk, an unintelligible noise came out and while it hurt, it wasn't as acute as before.


I noticed some movement in the cave and couldn't believe what I saw! I needed to get the hell out of here but with my restraints there would be no hope of doing that…